Calling Maggie May (20 page)

Wed, June 3

Why is it always raining in this damn city? I really don't want to sleep in a stinky old Dumpster, but I am so sick of being soaked all the time. At this point I'd be willing to blow someone just for a sandwich and a couple of hours in a bed. I bet Miss Irma would laugh at that, after the money I used to make with her, but it's hard to attract much attention from johns when you
look like a drowned rat. And I don't even want to think about what I smell like.

In a few hours I can go visit Ada in the hospital. At least it's dry there, and I might be able to snag some food off her tray. Stealing food from AIDS patients! That's definitely a new low in my life.

Tues, June 9

I got caught sleeping in Ada's bed with her. It's not the first time I've been caught, but the nurses and orderlies always looked the other way before. They even let me stay past visiting hours a couple times. I think they probably had figured out that I didn't have anyplace else to go. Sometimes an hour or so snuggled up with Ada is the only real sleep I get all day.

But this time a nurse woke me up and made me leave the room. He stood out in the hall with me and explained about how sick Ada is. Yes, she is looking much better now, but she still has a severely compromised immune system, and any random bug I have could easily get passed to her. He was being really nice and gentle about it, but I got the message. All you have to do is look at me these days to see that I am probably crudded up with all kinds of diseases. Starving and sleeping in the rain and fucking random people for pocket change (even if I do always use a condom) is not exactly a healthy lifestyle.

I tried to just nod and show I understood, and I know he wasn't trying to be hurtful, but I couldn't help tearing up. I just felt so awful and guilty, thinking I could be the reason Ada gets sick again. I'm supposed to be visiting to make her feel better, but I've been so selfish lately, using my time in the hospital with her as a little vacation from my own wretched life.

So after that conversation, I basically just wanted to find a Dumpster to crawl into and die and not be a bother to anyone anymore, but the nurse wouldn't let me go. Instead, he took me to an office and had me sit down, and he brought me some food. After a while a woman came to talk to me. She said she was a social worker, and immediately I panicked that she was going to turn me over to my parents or the cops or get me put into foster care or something. I've heard enough stories not to want that.

But she calmed me down and said she wasn't going to make me do anything. She just wanted to talk and maybe see if she could help me. And she said I could leave if I wanted to, but she hoped I would stay and talk awhile. I almost walked out right then, because I didn't think anything good could come of this, but I could see out the window that it was still raining, and I just couldn't face going back out into that yet. Another hour in a warm, dry place didn't sound so bad.

So she asked me about my parents, and I told her I couldn't go back there. And I could see that she was thinking they beat
me or raped me or whatever, like so many of the other kids I've run into, and I felt bad letting her think that, so I wound up explaining the whole situation. About how they would send me away and then I would never see Ada again, and there isn't anyone else to take care of her (even if I'm not doing a very good job of taking care of her right now). She listened to my whole story and she didn't say I was wrong or stupid or anything.

After I was done, she sat and thought for a while, and then she asked me if she could call my parents. And I said absolutely not. The less they know about where I am or how I'm doing, the better. Then she said, “What if I can get them to agree not to send you away? What if I explain to them that you'll go back home with them, but only on the condition that you get to stay in Seattle and you can visit Ada here in the hospital every day?”

I didn't say yes right away. I was still really sure that my parents would freak out and take me away from her, no matter what this lady thought. But I stuck around and we talked about it for a while. It was almost like a negotiation, where she was trying to get me to agree to certain conditions in exchange for certain promises. I wound up agreeing that if my parents would let me see Ada every day, I would go home and start going back to school and do whatever I had
to do to catch up in my classes. And I would promise never to run away again and not do any drugs or alcohol (which had never been a temptation for me anyway, but she wanted me to promise), and not contact anyone else who had anything to do with my life as a prostitute—Miss Irma or Shawn or any of the other talent or clients.

Honestly, that all sounded fine to me. I don't want anything to do with that world anymore. I won't mind going back to regular life and living with my parents and everything, as long as I can stay in touch with Ada and be there for her through her recovery. In all of this, Ada was all I really cared about.

So I wound up agreeing to everything the social worker was saying. And then she asked if she could call my parents right then and put me on the phone with them, but I wasn't ready to do that yet. I was scared that if I spoke to them, they would start telling me what to do and how it was going to be and I wouldn't know how to say no or stand up for myself. Or they would make promises but they might not keep them.

She said she understood, so we agreed that she's going to call them tomorrow and try to talk to them, but she won't give them any information about where I am or how to find me. She'll just tell them that I'm okay. I guess I would at least like them to know that.

And then, if they want me to come home, she'll explain about our agreement and we'll take it from there.

Wed, June 10

I spoke to the social worker (Jane) again today after visiting with Ada. She said she left a message with my parents, and they called back! And they were really, really happy to hear I was okay. That's nice to know, I guess. I think I was a bit worried that they would just be angry and disappointed and maybe not even want me back. But Jane said they had been really worried and they just want to talk to me.

She said she told them a bit about our agreement, and they're going to come meet with her later today to talk about it in person. She asked me if I wanted to be there, but I think it's better if I'm not. I just think that we would all get really emotional, and I'm not sure I'd make the best decisions with them right there in the room with me. I'd rather they agree to the terms we set out before I see them.

Thurs, June 11

Jane met with my parents yesterday and she says they agreed to our terms! She didn't want to go forward with anything without talking to me first, but she says if I'm okay with it, she'll arrange a meeting and I can go home with them. I think I'm going to do it!

I talked to Ada about it today too. I hadn't told her anything about Jane or my parents before, because I didn't want her to worry that I was thinking about leaving her. And I know how she is. She would always try to talk me into whatever she thought was best for me and not give a thought to herself. So I wanted to make this decision on my own, without letting her or anyone else influence me too much.

But I told her today that I was thinking about it, and she said she was really happy for me and that I should do it. And I explained about how I would still come see her every day, so she wouldn't even notice a difference really. And then she made a joke about how she hoped I would at least smell better. But her eyes were wet when she said it, and I started bawling, of course, and then the nurse made me leave again because he said I was getting Ada overexcited. But he let me back in after a few minutes.

I'm going now to tell Jane that I want to do it. I have to admit, I'll be glad to see my mom again. And to sleep in my own bed!

Wed, June 24

I haven't written in a while. At first I was just going through too much stuff to even think about this journal, and then, well, to be honest, things were going so well, I was afraid that
putting it into words might jinx it all. Silly, I know.

But things are going well. Better than I had any right to expect, really. Ada's still in the hospital, but she is
so
much better, and starting to really get her strength back. The doctors say they'll probably release her at the end of the week. After that, it looks like she's going to move back in with her mom. I was nervous about this, but her mom's finally gotten on medication, so that should change things. She's even been to visit Ada a few times, and Ada says she is so much better. Plus, Ada's aunt helped her mom get signed up for Social Security disability insurance, which should help them out a lot. With that money coming in, they won't be dependent on Ada to support them.

As for me, I've been adjusting. My parents have been pretty great, all things considered. They were really happy to have me back, and they've been okay with me going to visit Ada regularly, even though I know they don't approve of her. My brother, Mark, came back from college for a while too, and that helped smooth things over. He told my parents that he is dropping his engineering major and switching to theater arts! That was a huge surprise to all of us and not a particularly happy one for my parents.

Mark took me out for milk shakes the other day and we talked about it. It seemed really out of the blue, but he said he'd
actually switched over to mostly theater courses some time ago; he just hadn't felt brave enough to let our parents know. But when he found out everything that was going on with me, he decided to come home for a little while and tell them. He didn't say it in so many words, but I think he was trying to distract them. Maybe take a little of the heat off me. That was pretty cool of him.

I'm not sure if it worked, but we have all been getting along better lately, and I think Mom is coming around to the idea that she has to let us choose our own paths. In any case, there haven't been any more threats about getting sent to Taiwan, so at least they are holding up that end of the bargain.

I haven't gone back to school yet. The school year is practically over, and if I went back now I'd only flunk all my finals. Believe it or not, my parents actually suggested I take the rest of the semester off to just recover and get readjusted to living at home. Over the summer they're going to get me a tutor to help me catch up with everything I missed this spring.

It's weird. I always used to think of studying as a chore, but the truth is I'm kind of looking forward to learning stuff again. In any case, I don't find myself fantasizing about moving out on my own like I used to. I think living on the streets for a while cured me of my yearning for independence, at least for now.

I am nervous about going back to school in the fall, though. I have no idea what people have heard about why I disappeared for a while, or if anyone even noticed. I don't know what Tyler told people about me.

I wish Ada could come back to school with me, but everyone agreed that with her current health situation, she needs to be extra careful: Any random cold virus sweeping through the school could set her back. Once she's doing better, Jane found her a special program at one of the city schools, where they have more resources to deal with cases like hers. Which is great! But it leaves me on my own.

It's okay, though. It'll be weird for a few days, but I just need to be brave and work through it. I'm sure everything will get back to normal after that.

Editor's Note

This journal was found in the author's room shortly after her disappearance.

According to her parents, the author returned to classes in the fall. A few weeks into the semester, she went to school in the morning and never came home. A thorough investigation did not turn up any evidence at first. Police located her body two weeks later under a bush in the Beacon Hill area of Seattle between Interstate 5 and Interstate 90, referred to in this journal as the Jungle. Her body was mostly nude, covered in bruises, and forensic reports indicate the cause of death to be asphyxiation due to strangulation.

Witnesses recalled seeing her the previous week with a variety of different men, none of whom could be positively identified.

Other Anonymous Diaries

Lucy in the Sky

Letting Ana Go

The Book of David

Thank you for reading this eBook.

Find out about free book giveaways, exclusive content, and amazing sweepstakes! Plus get updates on your favorite books, authors, and more when you join the Simon & Schuster Teen mailing list.

C
LICK
H
ERE TO
L
EARN
M
ORE

or visit us online to sign up at
eBookNews.SimonandSchuster.com/teen

This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author's imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

SIMON PULSE

An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing Division

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

This Simon Pulse edition June 2015

Text copyright © 2015 by Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Cover photograph copyright © 2015 by Getty Images/Take A Pix Media

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

SIMON PULSE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or
[email protected]
.

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at
www.simonspeakers.com
.

Designed by Karina Granda

The text of this book was set in Adobe Caslon Pro.

Library of Congress Control Number 2015936199

ISBN 978-1-4814-3902-2 (hc)

ISBN 978-1-4814-3901-5 (pbk)

ISBN 978-1-4814-3903-9 (eBook)