Camp Alien (22 page)

A
BOUT AN HOUR OR SO
later we were finally fully satiated, I'd landed any and every job I wanted, and we were ready to head back upstairs to get a little more sleep before the kids woke up.

Having had sex in more than one place in the White House somehow made it feel more welcoming—less like a gigantic, imposing structure and more like someplace with a ton of cool possibilities for illicit sex with my alien sex-god husband.

Jeff chuckled as we pulled our nightclothes back on, slippers and robes included. “Glad you feel at home here now, baby.”

“Oh, give yourself all the credit for that, Jeff, trust me.” Would have said more but I saw something out of the corner of my eye and stopped talking to focus on it.

The Oval Office had several windows and a door leading outside that also had windows in it. We hadn't bothered to pull the drapes because it was dark, it was the middle of the night, we hadn't turned a light on in here, there was foliage around, and supposedly the grounds were secure.

But now I was wondering if that had been wise, because I was sure I'd seen something outside.

Jeff picked up that I'd gone from relaxed and sexually fulfilled on a global level to tense and wary on a very personal level. He took my hand. “What is it?” he asked softly.

“Not sure,” I replied in kind. “I'd swear I saw something outside the window.”

“Something or someone?”

“Not sure. Movement, I guess. Like the bushes were moving. But there's no wind.”

We both looked at the various windows. “I don't see anything.”

“Yeah, I don't either. Now. I think we might have to break down and get closer to the glass.”

“Me not you.”

“Hells to the no. Us together, Mister President, or you not at all and I call the Secret Service and make them happy that we're behaving.” So to speak. And not really, since I had my pajamas, slippers, and baby monitor on me, and that was it. Now I kicked myself for leaving my phone and purse in our bedroom.

Jeff's mouth opened, presumably to tell me that he wasn't going to let me risk myself, either, when he slammed his mouth shut and turned toward the door that led outside. Looked where he was. The door handle was turning, slowly.

Prepped myself to run and could feel that Jeff was ready, too. Tugged him down, so that we were crouched behind the couch, and turned down the volume on the baby monitor, just in case. Better some protection than none because even the fastest A-C could still be hit with a bullet, and while Jeff was fast, he wasn't Christopher when it came to speed.

Had to figure that whoever was coming in was a human. An A-C would have already been inside by now with the door shut and locked behind him or her.

The door opened wide enough to allow someone of normal size to enter, then it closed quietly. But no one was there.

Some people might have made the leap that the White House was haunted. Those people wouldn't have just been on the Murder Train with a bunch of Invisible Commandos a week ago. I figured we had three guesses for what was in here with us, and the first two weren't going to count. The real bummer was that I knew that I had the goggles in my purse that would allow me to see who this was. However, hyperspeeding to get them wasn't in the cards, because there was no way I was leaving Jeff alone in here and I knew without asking he felt the same way about me.

Did the double-finger point to my eyes and the door, then indicated we needed to split up. Jeff had just fought invisible dudes, too, and he'd spent most of that fight unable
to see them, whereas I'd had said goggles on, so he didn't argue.

We stayed crouched down. The robes were a deep, dark blue, meaning that they weren't going to give us away like the white t-shirts we both had on under the robes. We were, all things considered, fairly stealth, even though we had no idea if whoever our Invisible Friend was happened to be looking at us or not.

Jeff went to the left and around the couch, so he was nearer to the outside door. I went straight, toward the desk, both of us breathing shallowly and moving as quietly as possible.

A desk drawer opened and I leaped for it. Slammed into what really felt like legs. Whoever I hit yelped. Sounded female, though I couldn't be positive.

However, I didn't have a great hold and, whoever it was, they managed to kick me away. Jeff was up and now on the other side of the desk, and while he was swinging like a champ, it's hella hard to hit what you can't see.

The outer door opened, wide this time, and it didn't close. “She's outside!” Got up and ran after the presumed her. Could see some of the foliage moving, so went that way, Jeff right behind me.

He caught up to me and grabbed my hand. “Where are we going?”

“After our intruder.”

He pulled me to a stop. “I can't see anything that tells me where that person is. I can't feel them, either, meaning they're wearing an emotional blocker. And if they have a gun or a projectile of some kind, we're far too exposed.”

Couldn't argue because it was clear that we'd lost the trail. “Fine, let's go back inside.”

We turned to go back when a light shone in our eyes. “Halt,” a man said, “who goes there?”

“Oh my God, seriously? Who gave you that line? And who the hell do you think's going here?” Put my hand up to shield my eyes.

“Don't move or I'll shoot,” said whoever this was who'd never seen either me or Jeff before.

Of course, that meant that this guy had threatened Jeff's wife, and Jeff wasn't a man who was ever cool with that. He let go of me and tackled the guy at hyperspeed. Jeff was
also stronger than the average A-C, and they were all stronger than humans. Our clueless guardian went down.

He lost the flashlight and it rolled away. Went and got it and played the light around.

Jeff had someone who was dressed like a Secret Service agent down and under control. So I looked to see if I could spot any tracks. Could and followed them a little way, but lost the trail again and decided my husband would probably appreciate the support, so I went back.

Jeff had the guy up, arms twisted behind him. “Just who the hell are you?” Jeff growled as I put the flashlight onto this guy's face.

“I've never seen him before, but that means nothing. I can't recognize half of the Field agents, including guys I've technically known for years.”

“I'm with the Secret Service and you're under arrest.”

“Have to hand it to him, he's dedicated. An idiot, but dedicated. So that has to count for something.”

“Can you see if he has a walkie or a phone, baby? Before I break his neck just because I don't necessarily think we want murderous idiots on our security team.”

“Oh, he didn't shoot,” I said as I patted the guy down.

“He was about to,” Jeff's growl was on Rabid Dog. This didn't bode well for the dude he was holding.

Found a walkie and hit the talkie part. “Yo, um, who's on the other end of this thing?”

“Identify,” a man's voice replied.

“Sorry, you first, dude. We're a tad untrusting right now.” Sure, the guy Jeff had might be Secret Service. Then again, he might be working with the invisible cat burglar. And that would mean his pal on the other end wasn't a friendly.

Heard voices in the background as a different voice came on. “Is this Cyclone?” Different male.

“Depends. Who are you?”

“This is Rob. From Cosmos' security detail.” Meaning the second in command of Jeff's security detail. Which begged a question, and that question was, where was Joseph, the head of Jeff's detail?

“Rob! Great to talk to you, buddy. You totally don't sound the same in person as you do on this walkie.”

“Noted. Confirm it's you, please.”

“Blah, blah, blah. Yes, this is Cyclone. Cosmos has hold of the absolute beginner who, per Cosmos, was ready to shoot me. I may be spitballing here, but I think you guys might want to come out and verify that our captive is actually on our team, seeing as someone just broke into the Oval Office.”

“Where are you?” Rob asked, sounding freaked.

“Um . . . not on the South Lawn, I don't think. Not in the Rose Garden, either. We're kind of in some trees.”

“Found them,” Joseph said from behind me. “Turn on the lights outside the West Wing, Rose Garden area.” Suddenly it was quite bright out, even though we were still under some trees and in some bushes.

“Took you long enough,” Jeff said.

“That's not fair to anyone on our details,” I said before Joseph could reply.

“Thanks. I'd ask what you two are doing out here,” he said to us, “but I've known you both long enough to know that I don't actually want the answer.”

“You kind of do because someone invisible just broke into the Oval Office and I think it was a chick.”

Joseph nodded. “I heard.” He looked at the guy Jeff had and sighed. “He's one of us.”

Jeff let him go, not all that nicely, since he shoved the guy away from himself and me both. “And he's fired. Move him to the counterfeiting side, because he's off White House duty as of this minute. And, before anyone argues, I'm the strongest empath on this planet, I can feel what he was feeling, and he was going to shoot Kitty first and ask questions later. He's gone. Now.”

“Agreed.” Joseph barked some orders into his walkie and more Secret Service agents arrived and carted our trigger-happy night watchman off.

“This is just like at the airport at the start of Operation Drug Addict.”

Jeff grunted. “Don't remind me.”

“Actually, I think I should, as in, we have people all around willing to do bad things against us and many times they're pawns, not power pieces on the chessboard. Joseph, don't just reassign whoever that was. I really want to be sure that he wasn't turned against us. Check him for Club
Fifty-One affiliations, affiliations with anyone on our Enemies List, whatever. Run him anywhere and everywhere and don't let him out of sight of anyone we can actually trust.”

Joseph nodded and barked more instructions, to Rob as far as I could tell.

“Why?” Jeff asked me quietly. “Your feminine intuition?”

Jeff called it that, Mom called it my gut, and I did, too, sometimes. But really, it was just what I was good at. “I guess. My Megalomaniac Girl sense is tingling.”

“Let's get you two back inside,” Joseph said. He cocked his head and I knew he was listening to someone via his earpiece this time. “Thanks. Cosmos and Cyclone are contained. Will relay that Cutie-Pie, Challenger, and Comet along with the menagerie and the nanny are okay.”

“Nice to know that Lizzie's got her own call name.” Hoped she didn't mind being both on the Secret Service Nickname Roster and on Santa's Reindeer Team at the same time.

Joseph shrugged. “Mister Beaumont made it clear that she's part of your family now.”

The rest of Jeff's Secret Service detail, minus Rob, and all of mine arrived now and began escorting us back into the White House. “Don't you guys ever get to sleep?”

“Tonight we chose to stay in the complex to ensure that nothing went wrong,” Evalyne said, sarcasm knob definitely turned way past eleven. “You see how well we managed that.”

“Do you think we should just all resign tomorrow?” Phoebe, the second in command of my detail, asked. Had a feeling she was only half-kidding.

“Oh, stop being such Drama Llamas. Everyone's fine, right? At least per what I heard Joseph confirm.”

“Yes, through no fault of yours or ours,” Joseph said.

“Look, I'm not going to be all apologetic because, as I see I have to mention again, we had an invisible intruder in the Oval Office and she was trying for something in the
Resolute
desk. Since I doubt that this is the start of
National Treasure Three
, and since we have the man who does the invisible irradiation in our custody
and
our people confirmed that all was well and extremely secure at his factory,
I think we need to ask ourselves just who was willing to irradiate themselves to become the new Super Stealth Supervillain Henchperson and who they're actually working for. And I think we need to figure this out sooner as opposed to later.”

“Agreed.” Only the man who said this wasn't anyone escorting us. And he sounded pissed.

C
HUCKIE HEAVED A SIGH.
“One night. Couldn't you two have waited one night before breaking every rule? Just one?”

“Playboy is on the scene,” Joseph said into his walkie, presumably to Rob again, who was also presumably the one who'd called Chuckie over in the first place.

“Oh, Secret Agent Man, you've joined Team Drama Llama, too?”

Jeff grunted. “Long story, Chuck.”

“I doubt it.” Chuckie rubbed the back of his neck. Realized he was essentially in his nightclothes, too, meaning he'd been advised and taken a gate without bothering to dress. Felt bad. And like we were having a sleepover. “I'm fully capable of guessing what the short story is, but I'm trying not to embarrass everyone else.”

“Whatevs. Let's go to the Oval Office, get some cocoa, and we'll tell you what happened. The exciting-to-everyone parts.”

“I heard it,” he said as we went inside. “Was anything taken?”

“How, literally, would I know?” Jeff asked. “I haven't opened the desk or put anything in it. The move was done by the Operations Team and unless we want them awake and over here to do a search, I have no idea.”

Went to the desk and looked at the open drawer. “There's nothing in here. Meaning this probably has a false bottom or something that I'll let Chuckie find.”

Chuckie came over and looked the drawer over.
“Actually, no. There's no false bottom in this particular drawer. It's just a drawer, and an empty one.”

“I think I got her before she had a chance to grab anything, honestly.”

“Meaning she didn't know where whatever it was she was looking for actually is. Jeff, we'll search the desk in a minute.” Chuckie turned to Joseph and Evalyne. “No one got hurt that we know of, and that means no one gets fired or gets to quit tonight. However, I want to know why the shield isn't up on the complex.”

“We have too many going in and out at all hours,” Evalyne said. “We've had several talks today with White House, Embassy, and Dulce Security. While we
can
put up shields on the complex, we can only do so when we're in a State of Emergency, because otherwise the business of keeping the White House running would come to a complete halt.”

Chuckie heaved a sigh. “That makes sense. I don't like it, but it is what it is.” He pulled out his phone and made a call. “Serene, hi and sorry to wake you. Oh? Well, good I guess. Look, we need to equip the entire Secret Service staff at the White House and those assigned to the Martini family with goggles. Yes. Per Kitty, someone invisible broke in. Huh. Not as far as I know, but it's interesting that you ask because Kitty said she thinks it was a woman. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, please clear it with them but tell them both that if they want to say no they should think again.” Chuckie laughed. “Thanks, you're my favorite, too.”

He hung up and turned back to me and Jeff. “Serene was up early to work with the androids and check on the Kitty-Bot. She'll get Dulce on the goggles situation. Until further notice, those are going to need to be standard-issue and I'll want all the agents wearing them—Field and Secret Service both—until we have our invisibility problem solved.”

“Who shouldn't say no?” Hey, I had to ask.

“Reader and Tom Curran, the Director of the FBI. Serene's advising both of them of what's going on. Technically because it's domestic this would fall to Tom's agency, but I'm here and I'm not ceding authority for all the reasons you can think of.”

“Works for me,” Jeff said.

“Don't forget Homeland Security,” Joseph said.

“I'm not, believe me. Look, we apologize, again, for being in the Oval Office at night. However, as I understand it, I can go anywhere in the complex that I want, whenever I want, without a babysitter. Supposedly we're safe in this place. That I was in here, with my wife, when someone broke in says a lot more about our lack of security measures, or our enemies' willingness to take risks, than it does about either Kitty or me being ‘naughty.'”

“We care more that you both were outside of the building, chasing after the intruder, than that you weren't in your bedroom,” Evalyne said.

“We're both basically ex-military and, frankly, we're also both trained. I realize that we're important, but so is stopping whoever was in here to try to plant or steal whatever.”

Chuckie jerked. “Plant. There were bugs in the desk. Maybe whoever broke in was either coming to retrieve what they'd planted or they were trying to plant another, since we cleaned this place out, again, earlier.”

“Makes sense.” Jeff looked around. “We're heading back to the residence section. Feel free to actually get some sleep. But ensure that the agent who was ready to shoot Kitty is held in solitary while his background is being dug into, because I can guarantee we're going to want to question him later.”

Our details escorted us to the second floor of the residence anyway. We didn't really talk while we walked along. Jeff and Chuckie were both mad, though not at each other or me as far as I could tell. The Secret Service were mad with us, but it was clear they were more upset with themselves. Hated that we made these people feel so inadequate so often, when they were really awesome. They just weren't A-Cs. And we just weren't plain folks anymore.

Once we were upstairs the Secret Service left us, after asking us to do them a solid and try not to get into trouble. There were other agents standing outside of each bedroom door. They hadn't been here earlier, but had a feeling they were going to be a standard feature from now on.

It was close to dawn, but now I was tired, and I could tell both men were tired, too. We had a brand-new nanny and, as far as I was concerned, Nadine was going to get to really show off the skills.

Verified with the two agents outside of Lizzie's room that she and Nadine were still asleep, asked them to give Nadine the “you get to take care of the kids until we can drag up” message, then went into the Lincoln Bedroom. Into its closet.

Found the hamper. “Could you make up the room for Chuckie, please and thank you? I'm sure he'll need clothes and such and whatever else to make him feel comfortable sleeping here for a few hours and all that jazz.”

Turned around to see a suit and all the trimmings hanging up. “You're the best.”

Left the closet and tugged Chuckie into the room. “Get some sleep. The Operations Team has it set up for you. The adrenaline's wearing off and we all look like sleepwalkers.”

Chuckie looked uncertain.

“Do it,” Jeff said. “Please. Let's be in a situation where we can at least pretend we're fresh when we go over this.”

Chuckie nodded. “You win because I'm exhausted.”

“Meet us in the Family Dining Room. It's on this floor. I'm sure one of the really angry Secret Service Agents will be happy to escort you there.”

He barked a laugh. “I'm sure I can find it without trouble. What time?”

“Whenever we wake up,” Jeff said. “Or are woken up. My money's on the latter.”

“Mine, too. Goodnight Jeff, Kitty. Please have sex in your room, only, for the remainder of what we're going to laughingly call the rest of the night.”

“You don't know us.”

Chuckie managed a grin. “Sometimes I feel like I know the two of you better than anyone else. Sometimes you're both enigmas. Keeps life interesting.” He closed the door and we headed down the hall.

“When am I ever an enigma?” Especially to Chuckie.

“Never, really,” Jeff said. “And I doubt I am, either.” He sighed. “I wish there was someone, anyone, we could fix him up with.”

“Romance? Right now?”

“Definitely right now. He's over you romantically, but it wouldn't take much to push him back. And I enjoy having him as my friend now, so I'd really like to avoid that.”

“Chuckie would never, Jeff, you know that.”

“I do, but I also know that he's crushingly, heartbreakingly lonely. And that loneliness only abates a little when he's with us, and by us I mean our extended family and those in the Embassy.” Jeff shook his head. “He wasn't like this before he fell in love with Naomi, and certainly not while they were together. But since she died . . .” He sighed again. “It's been worse since we went to Beta Eight. He's still not recovered from that.”

“He's doing better.”

“The past week or so? Yeah. But he's also just hanging on in some ways. And I have no idea what either one of us can do for him.”

“Me either.”

This was the thing that pushed me over the edge of tired to exhausted, though. Jeff picked it up, of course, and he picked me up. We were at our door, so that was convenient. He carried me inside, and I was too tired to make a wedding night joke. Kicked my slippers off before he laid me onto the bed, robe still on.

He lay down next to me, his robe still on, too. He wrapped his arm around me, and I snuggled up against him and let his double heartbeats lull me right to sleep.

We actually got a few hours of good sleep before Raj drew the short straw and had to come in and wake us up.

We dragged out of bed and into the shower. Despite our desires we decided to wait to test the shower out until we were confident half of the White House Staff wasn't standing outside in the hall.

Happily, the Elves had hung a rather lovely velour tracksuit up on my side of the closet. It was iced blue, because apparently now at least seventy-five percent of what I had to wear had to be in “my color.” But it wasn't a business suit, and I put it on with great joy. Plus I could wear my blue Lifehouse t-shirt and Converse with this, so win all the way around.

Jeff, naturally, was in the Armani Fatigues—black Armani suit and tie, crisp white shirt. There were jeans hanging on his side of the closet, but he ignored them as if they were an affront to humanity instead of something made for comfort that also really showed his amazing butt off well. But, I was too tired to argue, so saved that fight for another day.

Nadine had the kids fed, dressed, and entertained, so that was definitely one for the win column. Chuckie joined us along with Raj, Vance, and Reader, who looked as tired as the rest of us, in the Family Dining Room. Frankly, only the kids looked well rested, but it was more important for them to get a good night's sleep, so I consoled myself with that.

Breakfast for the adults was being whipped up, so after the kids got hugs, kisses, and snuggles from all of us, Nadine and Lizzie took them down to the East Sitting Room which was, as far as I was concerned, about to become the First Family Playroom. Figured I'd ask the Elves for that later, though.

Our food arrived as the kids left. The people serving us were all nice, but they were staff, not our people. So we waited to talk about anything of importance until they were gone, meaning until we were done eating. Which was okay because the food was great and, from the way we were eating, we were all starving.

“I miss the Elves,” I said as the last person left, carrying the last of our dirty dishes into the kitchen. I was still a little hungry. “I think we need to adjourn to our living room.”

We did, and Jeff and I filled everyone in on what had transpired earlier in the morning. There was, when we got right down to it, very little to tell.

“Well,” Reader said when we were done, “we can investigate, but I think what Chuck put in place already is the best option. We'll have all the goggles needed today.”

“We need to come up with the spin for the press,” Raj said.

“Security sunglasses.” Everyone looked at me. “What? That sounds cool enough and it's technically true.”

“I sometimes forget you were in marketing,” Chuckie said with a small smile. “I think that will work well enough.”

Talk turned to what else we did and didn't know. Sadly, the consensus was that we really didn't know a lot. “The bottom line is, as Angela said last night, we need to get those peace talks back on as soon as possible.” Reader grimaced. “We've had agents all over the Camp David area. They found a little evidence that the Kitty-Bot was there, but it was slight. Basically, she wasn't doing much while she was waiting.”

“Robots usually don't. I mean, they're made to sit there
until they're needed or activated. Androids, too, since I still vividly remember Sandra the Android and she was definitely a sleeper.” And, as an android, had possessed quite the unpleasant personality. Wondered if that was how we could tell if someone was an android—because they were high on the nasty person scale. Chose not to mention this theory at this time, in part because I didn't want to be told I was crazy this early in the day.

“I sincerely think we're going to find that the android and robot programs are different,” Chuckie said. “But that's down the road, even if that road is only a couple of days away.”