Candidate (Selected Book 4) (37 page)

"If not you go home."

She nodded once more. "All right."

Jasmine didn't have a visor with her, so I said, "It would be cruel to send her back to her cell with nothing to occupy her mind."

"Of course it would," Jasmine said gently. "I'll only be a moment." She stepped away and came back with a visor, and we sent Julie on her way.

I leaned back in my chair. "Can you really give her that?"

Jasmine laughed. "We wouldn't have picked her if her size was an issue, Andromeda. We are not as short sighted as humans can be on things like this."

"Right, and the fact that you can help her on that doesn't factor in?"

"If her weight were healthy, it wouldn't matter. But she'll be a new woman a year from now. Healthy. Happy. With a good man and a good job."

"I didn't get that one to go willingly," I said.

Jasmine laughed again. "You would have, but I have several individuals in mind for her, and all of them want challenges."

"Why did you have me talk to her?"

"Because you needed to see we do some good in this. And frankly, I thought you would be better than I am. I am clinical. She needed empathy."

* * * *

My last woman was another of Cedar's. She was a small, scared woman and a closet lesbian. She cried for a while, and I let her. Then I leaned forward. "I want to tell you a story, Tracey."

"All right."

"My parents are really cool. But I was fifteen and scared to death."

"Why?"

"Because I was going to tell them I was gay, and I was so afraid they would hate me."

She didn't say a word.

"I asked them if I could talk to them after dinner. I did the dishes first and then we all sat back down at the table. Mom took my hands and asked me if everything was okay. I started crying. I hate crying, but I started crying. She pulled me into her arms and told me she was sure whatever had me so upset seemed horrible to me, but she promised whatever it was, we'd all get through it together."

I let that sink in.

"My Dad then asked if I was pregnant. Mom reached over and hit the top of his head and said, Don't be an idiot."

"She knew already."

"They both did. But it was still really hard. Dad assured me that no matter what, I was his daughter, and he loved me. But he said if I didn't tell him what had me so upset, he couldn't help me to fix it."

"You told them."

"For me, there were no words like those. It was so hard. Two words. Just two words, and they were the hardest two words of my life. I'm gay. I pushed away from mom, sat at the table quietly, and then said it to my hands."

"What happened?"

"Mom said, What? We didn't hear you. Speak up. So I looked up at her and said, only a little louder, I'm gay. And then Dad cupped a hand behind his ear like an old man and said, What? Speak up. So I said it louder. And they kept teasing me until I was practically yelling it. And then Mom said, I'm glad you finally got that out. You've kept that bottled inside you for years. Who wants ice cream? And honey, if you have a girlfriend, we expect you to bring her home to meet your parents."

"Wow," said Tracey.

"Yeah. For me, it was those two words. I'm gay." Then I raised my voice, lifting my nose to the ceiling. "I'm gay!" I looked down at her. "It's liberating."

She lowered her eyes. "You can't give me to a man."

"Why not?"

"You know why, don't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. He'll treat you very well."

"You know."

"Why can't I give you to a man, Tracey? I don't have enough influence to get you out of this mess. Unless you win your challenges, you're leaving here with a suitor, and I think they cheat."

"What do you mean they cheat?"

"Let me tell you about the Octal." By the time I was done with the story, her eyes were practically bugged out of her head. I shrugged. "The men cheat too, somehow. I'm sure you'll love him."

"Please, Andromeda," she said. "Don't give me to one of the men."

"I need a reason, Tracey."

She looked down. "You know why," she whispered.

"I can't hear you," I said. "Speak up."

She lipped the words. I'm gay. I checked the tapes later. Not a sound came out.

"What? I can't read lips."

"I'm gay."

"I still can't hear you."

She looked up and stared into my eyes. "I'm gay! All right? I'm gay! Are you satisfied?"

"Maybe I am, but I'm not sure that made it to the tape, and without it, the aliens aren't going to believe me. I'm just a dumb human. Shout it, Tracey."

"I'm gay!" she yelled. "I like women. I love women. Okay, I don't know, I've never had a woman, but I want to have a woman. Or have a woman want me. I like women. I like their curves and their voices, and it's all I can do not to stare in the locker rooms. I like women. I'm gay!"

"I know," I said. "Ever said it before?"

And then she was sobbing and shook her head. So I moved around the table and held her while she cried.

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Uh huh."

It took a while, and she thanked me how many times, I don't know. But then I moved back to my side of the table. "So, you like women. What kind of woman?"

"What? What do you mean, what kind?"

"Tall, short, butch, femme..."

"I don't even know what those are."

"Tough and rugged or opera gloves and dresses."

"Curves," she said. "I like curves. And breasts. I love breasts."

"I love breasts, too," I said. "Unfortunately, so far I haven't seen a single breast on any of 'em. Could you live without breasts?"

She side. "I really like looking at breasts, Andromeda."

"You know what? The aliens are fascinated by human breasts. God, you wouldn't believe what they made me do today." I told her about it. "And they're making me go again this afternoon for the ones who didn't make it this morning, and once more tomorrow morning. I wouldn't suppose you'd go with me."

She stared. "Okay."

"Really?"

"If you let me look at your breasts."

I laughed, and Jasmine and Cedar both walked in. I wasn't expecting them both. Tracey's eyes snapped up, and she froze.

I looked over my shoulder. "Oh, now it takes both of you to babysit me? Tracey and I were just having an amazing conversation. Tracey, the Catseye is Jasmine Brighteyes. She likes being called Administrator. The Loris is Cedar, and she's very sweet."

"Loris?"

"Like a slow loris," I said. "You know, with the big eyes."

"Oh," said Tracey. "She does look like a loris!"

"She sure does," I said. "She's married to a rather obnoxious male Loris," I said. "Although I bet he's going to grow on me."

"Bay?" Cedar asked. "I doubt it. He's a jerk, but I love him anyway." She grabbed a chair and sat on one side of me, Jasmine on the other.

"You two are aliens," Tracey said.

"Yes, we are," Jasmine said. "Space aliens."

"From outer space," I said. It seemed like the thing to say at the time.

"Yeah, I got that," said Tracey.

"Administrator Brighteyes," I said, "I was just telling Tracey about my swimming promises. She wants to join me."

"Oh, she does, does she? And does she know how much clothing you'll be wearing."

"I think that was the clincher," I said. "Wait for it though." I turned to Tracey. "Tell them."

"Tell them what."

"You know," I said. "You told me. Now tell them. Come on. Tell them."

She smiled. It was a shaky smile. "I'm gay."

"Oh come on," I said. "The Loris is hard of hearing. It comes from listening to her male whine at her 24-7. Say it like you mean it."

"I'm gay!" she said not quite yelling. "G-A-Y gay! A lesbian. A-"

"Don't say it," I said. "I hate those terms."

"Right," she said. "Sorry. Carpet muncher."

"Oh, you didn't just say that!" I said.

She grinned at me. "That really is a disgusting phrase."

"So, as I was saying, Administrator, she wants to go swimming with me, and yes, she knows what I won't be wearing. I am fairly certain that was the clincher. Why is that, Tracey?"

"Because I like looking at boobies!"

"You see? She's gay. She wants to look at my boobies. Although they're kind of small." I gave Tracey a considering look. "Shit. Her's are a lot better than mine!"

She looked down. "They're not bad," she said.

"So, as I was saying, Tracey wants to go swimming with me. So she can look at my breasts."

"Right," Tracey said. "What she said."

"And does she know she won't be wearing anything more than you are, if I let her swim with you?"

"She didn't actually mention that part," Tracey said. "It's all girls though, right?"

"It better be, or I'll get my Wookie friend to kick some Catseye ass."

"Wookie?"

"Oh let me show you a Wookie!" I grabbed the tablet, brought up Soft Rain's image, and turned it around. "This is a Wookie. She's huge. And loves kicking Catseye ass."

"There won't be any males," Jasmine quickly promised.

"I'll do it," Tracey said. "And I'll even let the other aliens
look
." She grinned. "As long as they're all naked, too."

I laughed. "They were this morning, but not a boob among them. It was quite depressing. Some of 'em have great asses, though, and others have, well, other things."

"Other things?"

"You'll have to see for yourself," I said. "Administrator Brighteyes, are you coming swimming again this afternoon?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Chicken," I said. I leaned across the table. "She can't swim, which is far more ironic than you realize."

"What? Why?"

It wasn't my secret to tell, but I was ready, and I flashed a message to Jasmine. "May I tell her?"

The answer came back almost instantly. "I'll trust your judgment."

"Well, Tracey," I said, lowering my voice. "She has entacles-tay."

"You're not actually fooling me with that, Andromeda," Jasmine said.

"I don't see any," Tracey said.

"They're kind of like boobs. We hide our boobs. She hides her entacles-tay." I smiled. "She looks just like an octopus-way."

"Seriously?" said Jasmine. "Octopus-way, and I'm not supposed to know what that means?"

"Uid-squay?" I said sheepishly. Tracey laughed.

"What is an uid-squay?" Jasmine asked.

"Ha. I knew you didn't understand." I turned back to Tracey. "How about it? Want to flash some boobs at the aliens and let them lust after us?"

"Sure," she said.

"Excellent. Administrator Brighteyes, we have a small issue. Tracey doesn't actually know what kind of alien she wants. She isn't sure if she likes them big and strong, or more petite and, well, closer to a human's view of feminine. Do you think we can arrange to give her a chance to decide?"

Jasmine scoffed. "With you, it's always about decisions, decisions. You should be quiet and do what you're told."

"Yeah, that's going to work. Let her go swimming with me. Oh, and there's a party tonight. Par-tay! Girls only."

"I don't have to be naked there, too, do I?"

"No, but they're going to make you dress skimpy. You know, cause aliens don't have a sense of imagination and need to see our awesome legs or they're not sure we have any."

"Right," she said. "How skimpy?"

"Um." I looked her up and down. "About that skimpy. Think of it as a sort of slumber party, and we're all wearing pajamas."

"Are the aliens going to be wearing pajamas?"

"No," I said. "They're afraid we'll ogle them too much."

"I don't think we should go if we don't get to see theirs, if they get to see ours," Tracey said.

"What she said," I said.

"Take the party or skip the party," Jasmine said. "We can just toss you both into the arena with the slobbering males."

I leaned across the table again. "I'm going to go to the party. She's pretty implacable on this."

I glanced at Jasmine, and she was glaring at me. Yeah, I'd picked that word deliberately and had been hanging onto it, waiting for an opportunity to use it.

Tracey looked at me. "I want to look pretty."

"Administrator, do you think we can do something about that?"

"What are you asking for?"

"Cosmetics. A brush. Blow dryer. Time. And pretty slippers to go with the pajama look."

"So you want more privileges and you think she should have a say in what happens."