Can't Fight This Feeling (21 page)

“Shh, shh,” he said, soothing her with a kiss to her brow, her nose, the hot shell of her ear.

If you want to lessen her load, you’re going to have to show her some of what you’re carrying yourself.

“You make me afraid, too, Angelica,” he murmured, his fingertips moving just enough to massage her inner walls. “I’m with you—I feel exposed.”

A rush of wetness bathed his fingers. They slid deeper. “That’s right, baby. Let me in.”

One of her hands curled around his head to bring their mouths together. “Let me in, too,” she whispered.

And fool that he was, he did. With gentle forays of mouth and fingers, he opened her for him and in turn felt himself bared to her. Her undulating body seemed to rub away his hard shell and he gasped as he pierced her with his cock because he felt it in his heart.

Her trust, breaking him open.

In the morning, he could only hope his scar tissue would have covered over the wound.

* * *

A
NGELICA
FOLLOWED
M
AC
into her office to retrieve her purse. They’d worked that morning together, cleaning the local women’s club and then a quick spiff of the historical society’s headquarters. Saturday afternoon stretched ahead and she had Sunday completely free.

“Big plans?” Mac asked.

“Not a one,” she answered. “Keeping a low profile in case Lorraine Kushi is around town, but that’s all.” First thing that morning, she’d confided in the other woman and told her about the reason the reporter was in the area. Mac had promised that Angelica’s whereabouts wouldn’t come from her.

“Good of Brett to give you an early warning,” his sister said now, glancing over.

Good of Brett for everything he’d given her, Angelica corrected, turning away in case her blush might tell more than she cared to share. The night before he’d been a thorough, generous, gentle lover. In the morning, they’d shared a shower before he’d taken her to Mac’s for work. His job for the day was to figure out why their electricity was out.

She’d been stern with herself about not expecting anything more than what they’d already had.
Live in the moment!

As she scooped through her purse for her car keys, the office door swung open. Angelica’s belly jumped and her face flashed hot...before she saw the newcomer was Glory, dressed in scruffy jeans and an old flannel shirt, the sleeves ripped away.

There was something a little wild about her bright blue eyes.

“Is anything wrong?” Angelica asked.

The blonde shook her head. “Mom kicked me out of the store. She’s called Dad in to finish out the rest of the day with her. I was snapping at the customers.”

Angelica’s brows rose. Glory had been testy of late. “What can I do?”

“Go on a hike with me?” She examined Angelica’s jeans, T-shirt and sneakers. “You’re dressed for it.”

“Okay.” For friendship alone she would have agreed, but it also seemed an excellent way to prevent her brain from taking dangerous turns toward what-ifs and maybe-nows. Daydreams were not allowed.

Mac popped in from the courtyard where she’d been watering plants. Glory gave her a smile. “You should come, too.”

Mac narrowed her eyes. “Come to where?”

“A hike. When was the last time you enjoyed our natural wonders?”

The brunette considered. “I have another offer, but since that involves a stack of bridal magazines and two overly sentimental sisters...yours is the better option.”

“Excellent,” Glory said. “I have lunch in my car. Enough for three.”

They shared the food at a picnic table located in a clearing close to the trailhead. Angelica idly listened to the other two chatting, catching up on people they knew and gossip they’d heard. None of it penetrated. In the dappled shade, she raised her face to take in the pines towering above her. She breathed in the smell of dirt and evergreen and drying grasses. During the summer she’d driven the mountain roads and been on the beach beside the lake, but she realized she hadn’t actually made any forays into the surrounding national forest.

“Before you totally space out,” Glory said, “we should get moving.”

Angelica was the first to her feet. Her friend had promised an easy hike that included a creek and a waterfall. “It’s like the Nature Channel,” she said, as they started, taking in the oaks and dogwood, the scattered pinecones and the dramatic mountain vistas in the distance.

“City girl,” Glory teased. “Keep your eyes peeled for bears.”

Alarmed, Angelica glanced around. “Really?”

“Not to mention mountain lions and coyotes.”

A queasy feeling settled in her stomach. “Tell me you’re kidding.”

Mac snorted. “Don’t let Glory scare you. We’re more likely to run across a wild burro than any of the others.”

They continued walking, but Angelica made a point of staying abreast with her two friends.

“Speaking of jackasses,” Glory said, idly, “what’s this I hear about Zan coming back to town?”

“Word of Zan’s return bubbles up every few months,” Mac answered, lengthening her strides. “Nothing ever comes of it.”

Behind her back, Glory gave Angelica big eyes. “So cute,” she mouthed. Then she pointed toward Mac and whispered, “Still gone for him. Totally.”

“Shut up, Glory,” Mac called out. “Stop dwelling in the long-gone past and enjoy the day.”

Unrepentant, Glory swooped down for a pinecone and threw it at the other woman’s butt. Mac retaliated, and soon they were in a full-fledged fight, laughing like loons and running ahead of each other for the choicest specimens. Angelica hung back, Mac’s words reverberating.
Enjoy the day.

Her friends lost interest in flinging pinecones in a few minutes and they walked forward together again, the powdery dirt clinging to their shoes and the hem of their jeans. Blue jays scolded them from the branches of the evergreens and squirrels raced up their trunks.

They came around a bend, and an incredible view was spread before them. At their feet was a lake, impossibly blue. On its far side, nut-brown, grassy hillsides gave way to craggier mountains covered with dark green conifers. Even taller shapes were etched against the sky beyond that, a wilderness where Angelica imagined there were still some places that no human being had ever wandered.

For a moment she experienced a thrilling exhilaration. Against the great expanse and natural beauty, her problems diminished to the size of a pebble. A seed.

But following on the heels of that thought was another—against the landscape she felt that she was smaller, too. With her father in prison, her mother unreachable, she was alone in a world that was much, much bigger than the slice of it she was gazing upon now.

Glory goosed her with an elbow. “No sad faces.”

“What am I doing, Glory? What am I
going
to do?”

“Whatever you want. You don’t need to please anyone but yourself anymore. It’s your chance to find your bliss.”

Angelica grimaced. “Are you sure you’re not really my inner voice? The one that tells me losing just about everything is really an amazing opportunity?”

“You know it’s true,” Glory said.

Mac came to stand closer. “Think of the choices,” she said. “You have all the choices in the world.”

Angelica lifted her arms. “It’s so...so vast.”

“And beautiful,” Mac said, with a sweeping hand encompassing the trees, the lake, the sky, the mountaintops.

“So beautiful,” Angelica agreed.

“Come on,” Glory said, tugging on her elbow. “We’ll look for a sign to tell us what we should do.”

“Us?”

“Yeah. Us.” Glory moved forward on the path that returned them to the shady forest. “You need to figure out your next life steps. I need to decide whether I want to sleep with Kyle. Mac has to find a way to admit to herself that she’s not over Zan.”

At that, Mac shrieked, scaring three birds from the brush. Another pinecone fight ensued, until they encountered a creek, the water providing a soothing trickle of sound that grew louder as they paced alongside it.

“The waterfall?” Angelica asked, and then it was in front of them, the mountainside dropping off in a series of wide, staggered steps. The first platform was the width of a car, and at its center the water had worn a hole in a recognizable shape. As the pool filled, it overflowed and the liquid ran along the rocky surface, then fell to the next tier. “It’s a heart.”

“Is that your sign?” Mac asked Angelica, her voice sly.

Angelica lifted her gaze from the waterfall, distracted by a loud chattering from above. Bushy-tailed squirrels looked down in disapproval, then continued on with the business of stuffing their cheeks with food for winter.

“They might be,” she said, pointing upward at the critters. “It won’t be sunshine forever, will it? I’m going to have to replace my convertible with something sturdier.”

“If you decide to stay here,” Glory agreed.

They were quiet after that, each seemingly wrapped in their own thoughts as they trekked back to the trailhead. Angelica mulled over really trying to make a go of it in the mountains. She had that finance degree...though nothing seemed as attractive to her as a day spent in Blue Arrow Lake, helping customers at the hardware store.

Once in the car, on their return trip to the village, Glory turned into one of the highway’s designated overlooks. This one presented a view very different than what had caught Angelica’s breath before. Below them, “down the hill,” was the vast urban sprawl of the towns and cities of Southern California. One could even imagine that the smudge on the western horizon was the ocean.

Would Angelica’s bliss be easier to discover in a high rise or at the beach?

“More than eleven jobs to be found down there,” Glory murmured.

Angelica shot her a look. “Glory?”

“Never mind,” her friend said, pulling back onto the road. “My future’s already set in stone.”

They reached Mac’s offices as the sun dipped beneath the pines. Warmth still lingered in the air, but it felt almost sentimental to Angelica. A summer memory quickly fading.

Climbing out of the car, she decided to take that as her sign. This was no time to be floating along, aimless. She had to think beyond tonight’s meal and tomorrow’s schedule. She smiled to herself.
Winter is coming.
Hah!

Still, it meant she had to start getting serious about her life. Take charge. Make a plan.

Make that future she’d been wanting. The future that was built on
her
choices.

Once again, she followed Mac inside her office to retrieve her purse. When she emerged, it was to see a black SUV slide in at the curb, right behind her small car. Brett unfolded himself from the driver’s seat, a thunderous expression on his face.

“Where the hell have you been?” he demanded, hands going to his waist. His jeans were black, the shirt he wore was white, vaguely Western-style and rolled up on his powerful forearms. If she swooned, she’d fall at his feet, shod in a pair of plain black cowboy boots. He looked masculine, vital and a tiny bit dangerous.

She felt disheveled and dusty and noticed that one of her shoelaces had come undone. Maybe she could run inside to wash her face and comb her hair. Surely there was a lipstick at the bottom of her purse.

As she stepped back, Mac and Glory crowded onto the doorstep, preventing her escape. Her belly fluttered.

“Well?” he said.

“Um...”

“You worked a half day with my sister.” He sent an annoyed look over her shoulder to Mac. “Then you disappeared.”

“Uh—”

“Neither of you answered your cells.”

“Coverage is shit, you know that,” Mac said, though there was no heat in her voice. She glanced over at Angelica, then back to Brett. “Cool your jets, big bro.”

He wasn’t paying attention to her. His brows slammed together over his nose, and he stalked toward Angelica. “You’re sunburned.”

Suddenly her mind flipped to a different day. Another time with Brett, his attention focused on her then, too.
Stand straight and hold still.
Turn up your face and close your eyes.
His fingers, cool with lotion, stroking over her skin to protect her from the sun. To protect her.

“Mountain roses,” Glory put in.

Distracted, Brett looked to her friend. “What?”

Glory shrugged. “That’s what my mom calls the color that comes from a hike in our beautiful outdoors. Angelica has mountain roses in her cheeks. Don’t they look pretty?”

He pinched her chin between two fingers and lifted it higher. His gaze ran over her features, as if cataloging each one separately.

Angelica forced herself not to jump away, though her pulse stuttered and her heart pounded as he studied her. “We didn’t see any bears. Or mountain lions. Not a coyote. Not even a wild burro,” she heard herself say. The way his hands touched her was making her babble. “That was disappointing. Glory and Mac had a pinecone fight, though. And we found a heart.”

A sign.