Can't Let You Go: A Wheeler Brothers Novel (2 page)

The guy I'm talking about is Bryce, my best friend, who refuses to see me as anything more than that.

"What do you say?" Chad asks, putting his hand on the top of my car and leaning toward me. His smile is now a flirty smile and he's so close I can smell the strong mint he must have discreetly popped in his mouth when we were walking to my car.

I take a moment to look at him, starting with his perfectly styled hair, then down to his dark brown eyes which sit below brows that have been neatly trimmed into place. It's late in the day but his face is smooth, without a trace of stubble. My eyes wander down to his arms. It's a cool day in March but he's not wearing a coat, just a polo shirt. His arms seem small for a guy, but that's only because I'm always hanging around the Wheeler brothers who have huge arms. Chad's arms are probably normal, but I like a guy with bigger arms. And ink. Chad doesn't have any, at least none that's visible, but I'm sure he doesn't have any. He seems like someone who doesn't like tattoos.

"Jen?"

I wake from my thoughts and realize I still haven't answered him.

"Sorry, but I can't tonight. I don't have time."

He stands up straight and adjusts his backpack. "No problem. Maybe some other time. I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah, bye."

He walks off and I check out his ass, or lack of one. Maybe it's just his pants. He's wearing khakis that do nothing for his ass.

"Jen." I turn back and see Bryce across the street. I immediately smile, then realize I didn't smile at all when I was talking to Chad. Why didn't I smile at him? He was smiling the whole time. Now he probably thinks I was being mean, but I wasn't trying to be.

"Hey, Bryce," I say as he comes over to my car. "What are you doing here?"

He holds up a red, three-ring binder. "You left this at my place. Thought you might need it."

I take it from him. "Thanks. I totally forgot I left it there."

Actually that's a lie. I didn't forget it was there. And I didn't accidentally leave it. I left it there on purpose so that I'd have an excuse to see Bryce again. And sometimes I study at his apartment, telling him mine is too loud, which it is, but I could still study there. The noise doesn't bother me. But I have to make up these excuses because Bryce never invites me over.

Ever since I started college, Bryce has been avoiding me. Well, not really avoiding, but he doesn't go out of his way to spend time with me. We don't hang out like we used to. When we were in high school, it was just a given that we'd hang out at least a few nights a week and on the weekends. As friends. Always just friends. But the past four years, it seems like the only time we see each other is when we have a specific reason to. Like now. Bryce is only here because I left my notebook at his apartment.

Maybe it's bad that I trick him into seeing me but it's not like he doesn't do the same thing. He'd never admit it, but I know he finds excuses to see me. Like just last week, Bryce said he was working on a house that was near my apartment, but then I asked Nash about it and he said they didn't have any jobs on this side of town. Bryce just made that up so he'd have an excuse to stop by and see me.

"You working tonight?" He folds his arms over his chest and leans against my car. He's wearing a black t-shirt and my eyes move down to his massive biceps and forearms. They're at least twice as big as Chad's. Then again, Bryce does construction for a living so his muscles come from lifting heavy things all day. The heaviest thing Chad lifts is probably his backpack.

"No. I'm meeting with my group," I say. "It's for that class I told you about where we have to meet and discuss case studies and then write a paper. I'll probably get stuck writing the next one since everyone else will be gone next week."

Next week is spring break and it seems like everyone on campus is heading to some tropical destination. But not me. I'll be working. I have three jobs. I work at the campus library, the bookstore, and a restaurant that's just down the street from my apartment. The library will be closed next week due to spring break and the bookstore will have limited hours so I'm hoping to get some extra hours at the restaurant. I really need the money.

Bryce's phone rings and he checks it. "Sorry, I have to get this." He holds the phone to his ear and walks away from my car. "Hey. What do you need?...Tell him no. We can't start the trim until the floor is done."

As he talks, my eyes wander to his backside. Now THAT'S an ass. Tight, round, and filling out a pair of worn jeans. I feel a slight tingle between my legs and immediately force my gaze upward. It lands on his arms as he turns back around, still on the phone. His arms are covered in ink. Random designs that were created by yours truly. I'm not an artist, but I do like to draw. It helps my mind relax when I'm overwhelmed with classwork and relieves my stress when my mom's causing me trouble, which is almost always.

I draw mostly freeform designs, and some of them are pretty good. When Bryce turned 18, he took one of my designs and had it inked onto his right shoulder. That one tattoo started an obsession, and now Bryce has inked practically his whole upper body with my designs. My friends have told me that's a sign that Bryce loves me, and maybe that's true, but if so, he won't admit it. In his mind, I'm only a friend. He loves me as a friend. That's it.

"Hold off on the tile," he says to whoever's on the phone. "I want to be there before you rip it out." He nods. "Yeah, I'll be there soon."

"Problems at work?" I ask as he puts his phone away.

He shrugs. "Just the usual shit. I swear I leave those guys alone for an hour and the place falls apart. They stand around not knowing what to do."

"Is this a new crew?"

"Yeah, and they suck. We won't be using them again. I texted Jake to have him stop over there quick. He's at a job just a few miles away."

Jake is Bryce's older brother. Then there's Nash, who's the oldest, and Austin, who's the youngest. They all work construction for their dad's company.

"Sounds like you need to get going," I tell him, but I don't want him to leave. I haven't seen him for a few days, and as pathetic as it sounds, a few days is too long.

"I'm in no rush," he says. "Jake can handle it. Besides, I needed a break from that place. I've been working there nonstop for days."

So that's why I haven't heard from him. He's been busy with work, although sometimes I think he uses that as a reason not to call or see me. He's so weird that way. Sometimes he makes excuses to see me, and sometimes he makes excuses
not
to see me.

"You look cold," he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. I'm wearing a thin sweater and when the breeze blew I shivered.

"I'm fine, but I think it's getting colder out. I heard we might get a snowstorm next week."

"Really?" He takes his hand off my arm and I instantly feel colder. "That sucks. It's supposed to be spring."

"It seems like we always get a winter storm in March. Remember that storm we had when we were in seventh grade?"

He chuckles. "When we had no school and you wanted to spend the day in front of the fire watching chick flicks and I wouldn't let you?"

"Yeah. That's the one." I kiddingly punch his hard-as-a-rock shoulder. "I practically broke a bone on those sledding hills you made us go down."

"You had fun and you know it."

I
did
have fun. I always have fun with Bryce. So why can't I have fun with other guys? Why do other guys bore me after just a few hours, but I can hang out with Bryce all day and not get bored?

The wind blows again and I reach into my car and grab my jean jacket. I leave the door open, standing beside it as I put my jacket on.

"See?" Bryce helps me get my arm in the sleeve. "I told you you were cold."

"Well, yeah, did you feel that wind?"

His large hand braces the top of my car, his other hand holding the door as he leans toward me. "There. I'll block the wind."

His massive body, 6'4 and all muscle, does just that. He's positioned himself just like Chad did, and yet when Chad did it, my heart wasn't thundering in my chest like it is now. Chad was standing just as close to me as Bryce is, and yet I felt nothing. No response. Dammit. Why does Bryce do this to me?

"So who was that guy?" Bryce asks, his deep blue eyes locked on mine. His tone has a possessiveness to it that annoys me. He has no right to act this way. I'm not his. I can date whoever I want and he can't say a thing about it. He's had numerous chances to ask me out or make a move that would indicate he wants to be more than friends, but he hasn't. Correction. He
did
make a move. But only one time.

It was the night of our high school graduation. After a party at his dad's house, Bryce and I drove out to a field and laid in the bed of his truck and talked while looking up at the stars. I turned toward him to say something and he kissed me. Just like that. Completely out of the blue. I was so shocked I couldn't speak. Then he kissed me again, longer that time. And it was the best damn kiss I've ever had. Talk about sparks. The sparks were so intense I could practically see them. And there was definitely tingling, throughout my entire body. I wanted the kiss to continue and turn into more. I would've given myself to Bryce that night, but then he pulled away and laid on his back, staring up at the sky as if the kiss never happened.

We didn't talk about it. In fact, after that night he hardly talked to me at all for almost a year. When we finally started talking again, neither one of us mentioned the kiss. We just went back to being friends.

But I never forgot that night and how it felt when he kissed me. After it happened, I told myself I was making it up, imagining something I wanted to feel but that wasn't actually real. But it
was
real. I felt it. I felt that Bryce loved me that night. And I know he still does. He just won't act on it.

"What guy?" I ask, knowing full well what he meant.

"The one you were talking to before I came over here."

"He's just some guy from class. Chad."

"Chad." He bites down hard on the word. He glances to the side and inhales through his nose, then looks back at me as he exhales. "So what did Chad want?"

"He's in my group. He was just walking me out from class. And he um...wanted to know if I'd go to dinner with him."

I could've left that part out, but I said it to give Bryce yet another chance to do or say something that would tell me he wants more than a friendship with me. I know deep-down he does, but he won't admit it. He keeps denying it and I don't know why. His brothers are constantly telling him to make me his girlfriend, but he refuses. He won't even ask me out on a date.

"And what did you say?" he asks.
 

"I told him I had things to do," I say casually. "But honestly, I'm not that busy. I could probably have dinner with him."

I look Bryce in the eye and he stares back at me, his chest moving in and out as he breathes. He's angry. Jealous. And completely turned on. So am I. The attraction between us is so intense, there's no way Bryce could deny it. But he tries to hide it. He always does, and it drives me crazy.

"You shouldn't go out with him," he says.

"Why? Chad's a nice guy. And I've known him all semester. It's not like he's a stranger."

"You're leaving soon. Why would you waste your time getting involved with some guy?"

Bryce assumes I'll take a job out of state after I graduate. It's possible, but I'm really hoping to stay in Chicago. I can't leave my mom here alone. She's a mess, and needs me to keep her in line. And then there's Bryce's family, who I'd miss terribly if I left. The Wheelers have been my surrogate family since I was a kid. Bryce's parents practically raised me. And my main reason for not wanting to leave Chicago? Bryce. I know we don't have a future together, but I still don't want to leave him. I love him, and not just as a friend. Which explains why my dating life has been so unsuccessful. How can you have a relationship with a guy when you're in love with someone else?

"I never said I was leaving," I say to Bryce.

"Still. I don't think
Chad's
the guy for you." He says 'Chad' like it's the dumbest name he's ever heard.

"Oh, really?" I say, crossing my arms. "Then who's the right guy for me?"

There it is. Another chance for Bryce to say how he feels about me. Another chance for him to ask me out. But does he do it? Of course not.

He shakes his head. "I don't know who the right guy is, but I know it's not Chad."

I sigh in frustration. "I have to go." I get in my car. "I'll see you later." I pull on the door until he moves enough for me to close it.

"Hey." He taps on the window as I start the engine.

I roll the window down. "What?"

"Are you going to dinner with him or not?"

Now I'm angry. Bryce always makes me like this. Loving him one minute, hating him the next. Well, it's not hate, but it's complete and utter annoyance and frustration.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes, I
am
going to dinner with him. Goodbye, Bryce." I roll my window up and pull out of my parking space and drive off. When I glance in the rearview mirror, I see Bryce still standing there, his head hung down, his hands wrapped around the back of his neck. He does that when he's mad or frustrated. So he feels the same way as me. Good. We can both be miserable.

But why is that good? Why can't we just be happy? Why can't we be together like we want to be? And if we're not going to be together, why aren't we able to move on and be happy with other people?

Because we're Jen and Bryce. That's why. We're best friends and we love each other and we're meant to be together. But for some stupid reason we can't.

And that stupid reason is Bryce.

CHAPTER THREE

Bryce

I walk across the street to my truck. I yank the door open, get inside, and slam it shut.

"Fuck." I bang my fist on the steering wheel, then rest my head back against the seat, taking deep breaths to calm down.

So Jen's going out with some guy tonight. Hopefully, it's just dinner and nothing else.