Can't Let You Go (30 page)

“What will you do now?” I asked as the swell of cafe chatter swirled around us.

“I’ve been thinking about beauty college.” She shrugged. “I think I have a gift.”

I smiled at my summer friend. “I know you do.”

I spent the next forty-five minutes hustling it ’til I wondered if my deodorant had given up. I had a pocket-full of tips, and the heart-felt condolences of most of my patrons. But my gaze kept roaming back to table twelve. Charlie sat close to his sister, and I don’t think he moved that I didn’t catch it. He colored the menu with her, smiled at everything she said, and help her cut her steaming waffles when they arrived. And when the little girl wanted to pour the syrup herself, he didn’t say a word when she flooded her plate.

“Shug, if you keep pouring that coffee, we’re gonna need some extra napkins.”

“Oh!” I set the pot on the table and yanked a dry dishrag out of my back pocket. “Mrs. Dylan, I’m so sorry. Let me mop that up.”

“It’s okay, dear.” Her veiny hand patted mine. “Why don’t you go over and talk to that Benson boy?”

Mr. Dylan waggled his white eyebrows. “You know you want to.”

“I’m very busy. And he looks busy. We’re both quite busy.”

“Men do stupid things.” Mrs. Dylan lowered her voice out of the range of her husband’s wailing hearing aids. “But forgiveness is the key. You’ll find they make horrible mistakes and often make us angry. But if I broke it off with my Herman every time he acted the dolt, we wouldn’t have made it past the fifth date. Now you go talk to your fiancé.”

“He’s not my fiancé.”

Mr. Dylan set down his coffee mug. “There’s another stupid thing to forgive him for.”

I cleaned up the couple’s table, brought them a complimentary hot cinnamon roll to share, then gave myself a pep talk all the way to Charlie’s table.

I could talk to him.

I could be civil.

I would not try to rip out his larynx while his sister was present.

The closer I got to table twelve, the less I felt that white hot poker of anger. It was still there, but my bone-deep sorrow seemed to have dulled the sharp point. I still hated the situation, still held Charlie somehow partially responsible, but I had no energy left to yell or spit venom. And somehow my responsibility in Frances’s wedding meltdown pressed on me until I knew I had to speak.

God help me.

“Hi,” I said. All around us tables of In Betweenites pretended not to stare, some better than others. And if looks were bullets, half of the Garden Club would’ve had Charlie lying in a pool of his own blood on the floor.

“Hello.” Charlie’s eyes searched mine. It was little consolation that he looked just as tired as I felt. “I’d promised Sadie some breakfast before taking her to school.”

“You were brave for coming in here.”

He scanned the room, his eyes lighting on people he had known so well. “I think they hate me worse than they did Coach Gilroy after three straight losing seasons.”

“They just need time.”

“And you?”

“I put away my Charlie Benson voodoo doll just this morning.” I twisted that dampened dish rang in my hands. “Charlie, I’m sorry for the wedding interruption. I know what you think, and you’re probably right. I wasn’t as supportive as I could’ve been.”

He ran his finger around the rim of his coffee cup. “It ended well.”

“But I didn’t want you to think I tried to sabotage the wedding.”

“Didn’t you?”

It was a fair accusation. “At some point I might’ve tried to talk Frances out of marrying your brother. But in the end, I could see the writing on the wall. And I backed off. I did.” Couldn’t we give me credit for that? “As soon as the wedding started, I knew Joey truly cared for Frances. I guess the seeds of doubt had been planted, and it was too late. And I’m sorry. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Frances and Joey or mess up their day.”

He took his napkin and wiped his sister’s chocolate milk mustache. “Love is messy. It’s risky and scary, and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. It asks us to take a risk.” He threw down his napkin and trained those hard eyes on me. “I’m glad Frances made the choice she did.”

The choice I had walked away from. “No matter what it looked like Saturday night, I do want them to make it.”

“Thank you,” he said. “And. . .I’m sorry as well.” He glanced at his sister, who was hanging onto his every word. “For everything.”

“I wished things could be different.” All of it—the theater, our relationship.

“I really hope you find what you want, Katie.”

Sadie poked her brother in the shoulder. “Are you going to tell her goodbye?”

Goodbye? “You’re leaving?”

“Yes.” Charlie’s face showed no expression. “Sooner than expected. I have some things that need taking care of back in Chicago.”

“I thought you were staying here, helping the community transition.” Unbelievable. The papers weren’t even signed, and Thrifty Co. was already going against their word. “That’s what your boss McKeever said at the town hall.”

“Thrifty won’t take over the properties for at least six months. Until then, I’ve asked to be relocated.”

To someplace where I wasn’t.

So this was goodbye. “You take care, Charlie.”

His hand on mine stopped my retreat. “Katie.” He swallowed and paused, as if needing a moment to rearrange his words. “I meant what I said at the Valiant.”

That he loved me? That he wouldn’t take my love on conditions? That I needed to get my life in order?

“Which part?” I heard myself ask.

“All of it.”

“Let’s go, Charlie.” Sadie tugged on his shirt sleeve. “I’m gonna be late for school.”

“Goodbye.” My words came out hoarse, scratched. And so very final.

Charlie’s warm hand squeezed mine.

Then he let me go.

Tears falling, I quickly made my escape to the bathroom, where I took a few moments to allow the fist around my heart loosen its grip.

When I returned to the diner floor, Charlie was gone.

*

“You just volunteered
to work a double?” Kourtney filled a cup of ice with soda an hour later and handed it to me. “You must be in a bad way.”

I didn’t want to go home. Didn’t want to face the quiet and hear my own thoughts.

“I’m fine. Too much fun here to leave.” I downed the cold liquid, letting the euphoric burn slide down my throat.

Kourtney took a long pull from her tea glass. “If you think this is fun, you should get out more. I could introduce you to my cousin Sean. He just got out of the pen and is probably pretty lonely. A good woman could totally turn him around.”

“Tempting as that offer is, I’m gonna pass this time.” I slid my drink beneath the counter.

“He was like number one in the prison rodeo circuit.”

I peeked into the kitchen window to check for my orders. “I just don’t think it would be fair to Sean to be my rebound guy.”

Kourtney shrugged. “Maybe next week.”

I grabbed three hamburger specials, two chicken-fried steaks, and a chef salad. “Loretta, look at me,” I said as my boss stepped behind the counter. “I finally did it.” The devastation of the last few days couldn’t stop the bloom of my smile as I balanced three plates on each arm.

“That’s great.” She stuck a pen behind her ear and grabbed a bottle of ketchup. “You’re a total pro now.”

At least I was good at something.

“Oh, and Katie?”

I brushed past her, my proud arms beginning to quiver. “Yes?”

“You’re fired.”

I laughed as I rounded the counter. “Because I asked for a raise and a company car?”

“I’m serious.”

I stopped so hard, I nearly dumped all six plates onto the floor. “What?”

She took three of the plates from me, and I followed her to a table of men in matching coaching shirts. “Here you go, gentlemen,” she said.

I stood there in a stupor, so Loretta pulled the remaining plates from my grip and served them as well.

I followed Loretta back to the counter. “Are you seriously firing me?”

“Yes.”

“Why? Am I doing something wrong? I haven’t dropped a plate in a week.”

“How long?”

“This morning was a bowl. Totally different.”

Loretta grabbed a dish towel and wiped the counter down. “Did you know that at some point, a mama eagle pushes her babies out of the nest? She shoves them right out, and they have to fly to survive the fall.”

“And if they don’t fly?”

“I guess they don’t buy her a Mother’s Day present. The point is, you’re using this waitressing gig as a security blanket, and I’m not going to be a part of it anymore.”

“I’m using it as a means to make money. So you’re going to fire me, and you think you can hire someone who’ll want to take a job that will run out in a matter of months?”

“It won’t be easy. But you need to move on. Katie, it’s time to make some decisions.”

“But I’m not ready. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I hated that whiny catch in my voice.

“Now you have time to think about it.” She punched some buttons in the cash register, and with a beep, the drawer popped out. Loretta reached in and grabbed five crisp one-hundred dollar bills, money that I knew hadn’t been taken in payment today. “Here’s your severance.”

“I’m not accepting that.”

“You’re not getting any two weeks notice. I want you out of here today. And you will take this money. It’s going to be my first investment as a wealthy woman. I don’t care how you use it, but spend it wisely. Buy a nice interview outfit. Take some computer class. Use it to get yourself a plane ticket.” At my look of horror she rolled her eyes. “Okay, maybe not a ticket. Maybe some therapy for your fear of flying.”

“I don’t need your money.”

She grabbed my hand and closed my fingers around the cash. “Thirty years ago, your dad answered a knock on his door in the middle of the night from a frightened woman who had just left her mean husband. I had bruises all over my face, couldn’t see out of a swollen right eye, and three scared kids were crammed into my single cab pickup. I had nowhere to go. James and Millie took me in. Got me some help and set me up in a little rental off of Sycamore. Not only did your dad pay for my legal fees to get that rabid skunk of a husband away from me, he and the police chief would do nightly drive-bys the first few months, just to make me feel safe. I’d worked at this diner for years, and when it came up for sale, I had no way of buying it because my credit was so bad. So your father co-signed, and I never missed a payment. I put my kids through college on scrambled eggs and the fluffiest pancakes this side of Dixie. I know you don’t need this money. But you’re gonna take it anyway. And I want it spent on your new direction.”

Tears gathered on my lower lashes. “I don’t have a new direction. The Valiant was my back-up plan.”

“Hon, back-up plans won’t make you any happier than your last resort. When the time is right, you’ll know what to do with the money.” She gave me a wink that crinkled her skin. “And your life.”

T
he next week
I picked James and Millie up at the airport. They hugged me immediately, and I promptly burst into tears. The kind that involved snot. And those noises that sound like part-giggle, part-asphyxiation.

“I think we’ll just redo the wood floor in the whole house,” Millie said as she made her green smoothie the next morning. “It will be a great excuse to finally get that darker shade I’ve been eyeing.”

Maxine had pedaled over on her bicycle and sat at the breakfast nook table, hot pink helmet still on, now sipping a cup of coffee. “We worked our tails off after that leak. Katie was a total slouch, but Charlie and I picked up the slack.”

I knew Maxine was baiting me for a comeback, but at the mention of Charlie’s name, I just deflated. I had dreamed of him every night since our giant fight. I wondered when he would ever be exorcised from my soul.

James sat beside Maxine, a half-eaten bowl of oatmeal next to him, and thumbed through the stack of mail that had piled up in his absence. “Already got a check from insurance. That was quick. Here’s a letter from Maxine’s sister in Arkansas. A
Seventeen
magazine?” James tried to hand it to me.