Can't Touch This
Authors: Pepper Winters,Tess Hunter
by
New York Times Bestseller
Pepper Winters
writing as
Romantic Comedy Author
Tess Hunter
Confused?
Don’t worry. It’s the same person doing strange things as all authors are prone to do. Just sit back and hopefully enjoy...
Copyright ©
2016 Tess Hunter / Pepper Winters
Published by Tess Hunter / Pepper Winters
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, including electronic or mechanical, without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return it to the seller and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author’s work.
Published:
Tess Hunter 2016:
[email protected]
Pepper Winters 2016
[email protected]
Cover Image:
Canstock Photos
Font:
Purchased Commercial License
Shimes One by Måns Grebäck
Cover Design:
Tess Hunter / Pepper Winters
Editing:
Tess Hunter / Pepper Winters
(Just in case you can’t remember why you one-clicked. It’s full of silly one-liners, cocky men with big ‘you-know-whats’, and squishy feel-good romance).
*
I don’t want to touch it.
I really,
really
don’t.
He’s egotistical, crass, and my patient’s owner—which makes him totally off limits.
Yep, that’s right. He owns the wiener I’m currently working on.
A wiener dog—get your dirty mind out of the gutter.
I’ve also worked on his Spoodle, his Cocker-shitzu, and a Cheagle—don’t ask. (And no, it’s not a sexual position).
It doesn’t help that he also represents most of my joint-owned veterinary practice’s small clientele. We’d only just opened the doors a few months ago, and in he strode with a yelping Taco Terrier. One haughty look at our sparkling new facilities, he’d demanded royal treatment, even though I was currently finger deep up a squalling tom cat.
Ever since then, he expects me to serve him.
Any time. All the time.
Him and his revolving zoo of dogs.
One of these days, I’m going to swat him for being such a pompous ass but I can’t deny the way he handles his charges makes me want to see past the ‘do as I say and don’t ask questions’ barking exterior.
But then last week…he caught me staring at his um,
cough
, package.
His bossy commands switched to a cocky smirk.
He gave me permission to do something I promised myself I would never
ever
do.
I can touch it.
If I want…
Tess Hunter is the superhero pen name of a
New York Times, Wall Street Journal, & USA Today Bestseller
who gave up swallowing her one-liners and decided to write them instead. Her libido scares even her and having an outlet to be snarky, stupid, and sexy while cloaked by incognito is the perfect recipe for naughtiness online and in-between the romance pages.
To sign up for New Release Alerts
CLICK HERE
To hang out with Tess head over to her Facebook page
CLICK HERE
To visit her website
CLICK HERE
To hang out in a Facebook Group
CLICK HERE
Okay, so…I can’t believe I’m going to do this, but here’s a little story about THIS story.
*
Once upon a time, there was a Dark Romance author called Pepper Winters. She had incredible readers who joined her on the dark side for her special blend of torture and romance (yes, they can go hand in hand—after all, isn’t love a very specific kind of torture?) Anyway, Pepper then lived through August 2016.
It was the worst month of her life.
On the 7
th
of August, she headed to her land to feed her and her friend’s horse. On this fateful 7
th
of August, the sun was shining, the world was good, Pepper was happy.
Then the world turned black.
The horse had shattered its leg, and it was the worst thing Pepper had ever seen. She won’t go into details, but she was there as the horse passed on and was laid to rest.
She wasn’t alone that day. Her husband was with her. However, the images wouldn’t stop repeating.
A week went by and still the memory of death remained. Pepper found she couldn’t write Dark Romance while her mind was occupied by such pain.
So, she cracked open a manuscript and started typing. Silly, sarcastic, idiotic one liners between a man and a woman who wanted each other. There was no dark undertones or foreshadowing horror, just pure ‘butterflies in the tummy’ flirting and lots of sexual tension. It helped stop those images and for a few days, she was happy.
Then on the 18
th
of August, her little bunny (who has been her fur baby for 8.5 years, been on road trips, planes, slept at the end of the bed, and was her full time writing partner) couldn’t pee very well.
So, Pepper took her to the vet, saw a terrifying x-ray of a bladder stone and agreed with the vet to do an operation in two days’ time. She ignored the fact that her baby was old, that her instincts were screaming, that her bunny was a cute, happy, cheeky little thing that showed no sign of pain and perhaps try another alternative first.
But vets and doctors know best, so she bowed to expert opinion.
The operation went well. Bunny came home. Bunny refused to eat for 35 hours. Pepper and her husband were beside themselves. They hadn’t slept for three solid days; they gave everything they could to encourage this poor little poppet to keep going, all the while knowing she’d given up. When their bunny passed away, a big part of them passed with her.
Pepper and her husband ran away from home and did their best to stop sobbing at random times and scaring people. And through it all, Pepper couldn’t write. But then she remembered this silly snarky, sexy, little book and threw herself into its pages. She wrote as if her bunny was still there, reminding her to be happy.
She kept going.
And in two weeks, the book was done.
Now, the dilemma.
This book was unlike anything Pepper had ever written before. It had no darkness, no brutal men, no evil side characters. It was pure and from her heart and she didn’t think her readers would want it.
So, she arranged a pen name.
She was going to release secretively and let the book either sink or swim.
But then she went and dedicated this book to her fur baby who now rests in peace all around her. And she couldn’t release under a name that meant nothing. She couldn’t say goodbye to the book that saved her sanity.
So, she made the terrifying decision to claim this book, own the silly one-liners, and stand proudly by with the over use of the word wiener for comedy purposes and say,
“Yes, I Pepper Winters, wrote this Romantic Comedy. Yes, I love it. Yes, I never thought I’d ever say those words. And yes, I very, very much want to write another. Because in these pages, I found healing. I found my lost love sitting on my shoulder, nuzzling me with her furry nose.
And because of that, this is one of my favourite books I’ve ever written.”
*
Now that you’ve read that little story, I’ll add onto the ABOUT AUTHOR PAGE
*
Pepper Winters is the mastermind behind Tess Hunter. She’s been lucky enough to publish upward of eighteen books, hit multiple bestseller lists, and earn numerous accolades. She does everything in her power to deliver the best book she can. In the past, she used to favour dark heroes and feisty heroines, but now she has a new appreciation for handsome sweethearts and witty girls. Who knows? Perhaps, she’ll be two people now. Two names for two genres of books. It wouldn’t be so bad.
It just means more books, so that’s a plus in any bookworm’s world, right?
To sign up for New Release DARK ROMANCE Alerts
CLICK HERE
To hang out with Pepper head over to her Facebook page
CLICK HERE
To visit her website
CLICK HERE
To hang out in a Facebook Group
CLICK HERE