Captain Wentworth's Persuasion (36 page)

“I was so pleased when Louisa began to recover, thinking I could wait a reasonable amount of time and then present myself to you. I no sooner began to feel alive again, than I began to feel, though alive, not at liberty. I found Harville considered me an engaged man! Neither Harville nor his wife entertained a doubt of Louisa’s and my mutual attachment. I was startled and shocked.To a degree, I could contradict this instantly; but when I began to reflect others might have felt the same—her own family, nay, perhaps herself, I was no longer at my own disposal. I was hers in honor if she wished it. I was unguarded. I had not thought seriously on this subject before. I had not considered that my excessive intimacy must have its danger of ill consequence in many ways; and I had no right to be trying whether I could attach myself to either of the girls, at the risk of raising even an unpleasant report, were there no ill effects. I was grossly wrong and must abide the consequences.

“In short, at precisely the time I became fully satisfied that I did not care for Louisa at all, I regarded myself as bound to her, if her sentiments for me were what the Harvilles supposed. Therefore, I chose to weaken whatever feelings or speculations existed by removing myself to Shropshire, meaning after a while to return to
Kellynch and act as circumstances might require.

“I was six weeks with Edward and saw him happy. I could have no other pleasure. I deserved none. He inquired after you particularly—asked even if you were personally altered, little suspecting to my eye you could never alter.”Anne squeezed his hand and offered a little smile.“I remained in Shropshire, lamenting the blindness of my own pride until at once released from Louisa by the astonishing and felicitous intelligence of her engagement to Benwick.

“Here,” said he, “ended the worst of my state; for now I could, at least, put myself in the way of happiness; I could exert myself; I could do something. But waiting so long in inaction was dreadful. Within five minutes I said, ‘I will be at Bath on Wednesday,’ and I was.Was it unpardonable to think it worth my while to come? And to arrive with some degree of hope? You were single. It was possible you might retain the feelings of the past as I did; and one encouragement happened to be mine. I could never doubt you would be loved and sought by others, but I knew to a certainty you refused one man, at least, of better pretensions than myself in the form of Charles Musgrove, and I could not help often saying,‘Was this for me?’”

“Yes, I overheard Louisa tell you about Charles’s proposal.” She added,“Charles is very amiable, and as much as I respect him as my sister’s husband, the thought of spending my life with a man who rarely reads or who prefers sport above all else was not tolerable. Besides, my heart was elsewhere.” She offered him a flirtatious smile.

“You are even more beautiful when you smile.” Frederick stroked the inside of her wrist with his thumb.

“You, my Love, are giving me more reasons to smile.”

Frederick spoke again, more seriously now. “Your presence in Molland’s confectioner’s shop was exquisite torture.You were in front of me—all I saw was you, but horror in the guise of Mr. Elliot broke that splendor. Then you stepped forward in the octagonal room to speak to me, and my heart was again yours. No one else existed at that moment. But again, your family whisked you away.”

“I turned back to speak to you after acknowledging Lady Dalrymple’s
entrance—but you were gone!” she protested.

“I did not suspect,” he muttered. “It was such a time—to see you,” cried he, “in the midst of those who could not be my well-wishers, to see your cousin close by you, conversing and smiling, and feel all the horrible eligibilities and proprieties of the match! You could be Lady Elliot, just as your mother was! To consider it as the certain wish of every being who could hope to influence you! Even, if your feelings were reluctant or indifferent, to consider what supports would be his! Was it not enough to make the fool of me, which I appeared? How could I look on without agony? Was not the very sight of the friend who sat behind you, was not the recollection of what had been, the knowledge of her influence, the indelible, immovable impression of what persuasion had once done—was it not all against me?”

“Oh, Frederick,” Anne sympathized, “I am sorry you suffered because of me. I assure you that from the beginning, there was a sensation of something more than immediately appeared in Mr. Elliot’s wishing to reconcile with my father. In a worldly view, he had nothing to gain by being on terms with my family. In all probability, he was richer, and the Kellynch estate would as surely be his hereafter as the title.At first, I thought it to be for Elizabeth’s sake.”

“How could any man consider your sister Elizabeth once he met you?” Frederick asked rhetorically as he leaned back against the seat. “I am sorry to speak poorly of your sister, Anne, but from our first day in the mercantile, Miss Elliot held no sway over me; my thoughts were only of you.”

Anne looked around quickly, as if worried that someone might overhear. “I cannot explain everything at this time, but believe me when I say that Mr. Elliot’s intentions were not simply to seek my regard. He was more concerned with preventing my father from taking up with Mrs. Clay. Mr. Elliot has spent a great deal of his time of late trying to convince me of Mrs. Clay’s
supposed
intentions to become the next Lady Elliot.”

“
Now
I see,” replied Frederick, leaning forward. “If your father would have another child—a boy—Mr.Elliot would not gain the title.”

Anne confirmed,“Exactly.”

“Yet, I had no idea at the time. All I could see was the benefit of your connection to your cousin and my fear of being too late!” he exclaimed.

“You should have distinguished,” replied Anne.“You should not have suspected me now; the case so different, and my age so different. If I was wrong in yielding to persuasion once, remember that it was to persuasion exerted on the side of safety, not of risk.When I yielded, I thought it was to duty; but no duty could be called in aid here. In marrying a man indifferent to me, all risk would be incurred, and all duty violated.”

“Perhaps I ought to have reasoned,” he replied,“but I could not. I could not derive benefit from the late knowledge I acquired of your character. I could not bring it into play: it was overwhelmed—buried—lost in those earlier feelings, which I smarted under year after year. I could think of you only as one who yielded, who gave me up, who anyone, rather than by me, influenced you. I saw you with that very person who guided you in that year of misery. I had no reason to believe her of less authority now.—The force of habit was to be added.”

“I should have thought,” said Anne, “that my manner to yourself might have spared you much or all of this.”

“No, no! Your manner might be only the ease, which your engagement to another man would give. I left you in this belief; and yet—I was determined to see you again. My spirits rallied with the morning, and I felt I had still a motive for remaining here.”

Anne laughed lightly.“We certainly misconstrued each other!”

Frederick stood at last; he reached out his hand to her.“Yes, we did, but no more.There will be no more misperceptions—and no one else will come between us.” Anne took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. “You must know, Anne, that it is my intention that we will be married as soon as the banns can be read. I will not spend one more minute than necessary without you in my life.” He held both her hands grasped tightly to his chest, where she might feel his heart beating for her.“Although we do not need
his permission any longer, if you will agree, I will speak to your father this evening after the party. I have fortune enough for us to live comfortably, and I have plans for ways to secure your future. Please say you will be my wife.”

“I have been
yours
since we met all those years ago.Yes, address my father, but I will be your wife no matter what my family may say.We will make our plans tomorrow.”

Frederick brought one of her gloved hands to his lips.“Tomorrow,” he murmured.“I suppose that I must see you home,” he said after a long pause,“although my heart hates the idea of leaving you even for a few minutes.”

“But you will accept
Elizabeth’s
invitation for the evening?” she teased.

“I never realized, Sweetling, that you were such an
evil
woman; I may need to rethink my offer.” They turned toward the park entrance.“Should I give your sister my attention this evening?”

“Only if you wish to be alone on your wedding day,” she warned.

“I will be with
you
, my Dear, tonight—and on our wedding day—and on every day for the rest of our lives. Is that understood?”

“Giving orders so early on, my Captain?” she mocked.

“As if,” he laughed,“you would allow me to order you about or you would allow me to think you would obey. I expect from this moment on, I will contentedly walk the plank daily for you.”

Anne tightened her hold on his arm. “I promise it will be a pleasant walk.”

Frederick cupped her hand in his. Leaning in, he whispered, “I can barely wait for it to begin.”

—John Donne,“The Good Morrow”

 

Back on Gay Street with Sophia and Benjamin, Frederick found it difficult to contain his happiness, but he and Anne had agreed that they would not announce their engagement until he had spoken to Sir Walter. Even though they no longer needed her father’s permission, Frederick felt it best to, at least, inform Anne’s father of their intentions. He anticipated less resentment on Sir Walter’s part this time, but he still assumed the worst in dealing with the man—prideful vanity could be unpredictable.

“Your sister says that Miss Elliot personally gave you her card,” Benjamin noted as they took a light meal prior to the Elliots’ party.

“She did,” was Frederick’s brief response.

The Admiral continued, “Are we then to presume that our family now meets the Elliots’ standards? It would be pleasant to be referred to as something more than a
tenant
. It is not as if Sophie and I are simple cottagers on the estate. The man lives off the money I pay him for the use of his house.”

Frederick put down his spoon. “If I were to conjecture about Miss Elliot’s attentions to me, I would suspect that she has been informed that I possess a certain amount of prize money. After all, Miss Elliot served as Kellynch’s mistress for years; she contributed to Sir Walter’s current financial loss of status. Even if I were interested,
I cannot imagine I would have enough funds to satisfy Miss Elliot’s need to spend; I would soon find myself without financial soundness, and, unlike Sir Walter, I may not live off my aristocratic name. However, I do not attend tonight with any desire to earn Miss Elliot’s attentions. She is handsome, but rather long in the tooth.”

Sophia looked up with his last words.“One might say the same of Miss Anne.”

Frederick attempted to sound calm. “Anne Elliot is three years younger than Miss Elliot, and I think you will agree that a comparison between the two is without merit. Anne is far superior to either of her sisters in intelligence and character.”

Sophia smiled at him with her “I thought so” attitude before saying, “The man who earns Anne Elliot’s hand, I suspect, will be remarkable. Do you suppose she is really intended for her cousin Mr. Elliot? He seems a bit too perfect to be true, if you ask me.”

“I have no idea of Mr. Elliot’s plans.” Frederick realized his sister wanted to know why his mood changed so suddenly today; Sophia suspected his feelings for Anne, but he wanted everyone to be surprised by their announcement.“I promised Thomas I would call on him before the Elliot party; I will bring him along with me.”

“Then we will see you there,” Benjamin declared, laying his napkin on the table before standing.“Come along, Sophie. We
tenants
should not be late.”

Frederick swore Thomas to secrecy, knowing that his friend would be happy with the outcome of the evening. Frederick had little time for an explanation with the entire Musgrove party around, but he managed to tell him not to say anything just yet. So when they stepped into the Elliots’ drawing room, Frederick’s nerves reached a peak. All those who only a few nights earlier would oppose his pledge to marry Anne—Sir Walter, Lady Russell, and Mr. Elliot—sat before him; the difference was the look on Anne’s face. He gained confidence just looking at her laughing eyes, which reminded him the evening would include exchanging compliments with a pack of self-absorbed, overdressed aristocrats. The thought
was laughable—actually ludicrous,—and Frederick could not help but return her smile with one of his own. A frisson of excitement coursed through him as he finally stepped in front of her.