Captivate Me (17 page)

“So, what’s goin’ on?” I ask the room.

“I’m trying to convince Shaina to come out into the clubhouse with me, and I’m about ready to kick Princess out of the fucking room,” Angel replies for the crowd.

“I’m tryin’, Angel.” Princess shakes her head, her long, black and red hair falling in a sheet over her leather vest. “I don’t forgive easy.” Princess turns to Shaina, and she flinches like a physical blow is coming at any minute. Just thinking that a blow could come at any given second is beyond my belief.

I know Princess is a badass, and I know she can kick my butt any time she wants, but the tension between these two needs to be broken.

I walk to Shaina and sit down on the floor next to her chair so I have to look up to her. When her eyes meet mine, I smile.

“So, you and Breaker, huh? I’m with his brother, Buzz.”

Shaina’s eyes widen. “You are?”

“Aw, I’m hurt he didn’t tell you about me,” I joke, and she starts to shake her head then stills when she sees my smirk. I see some of the tension ease from her body.

“Breaker and I aren’t really together. He’s just helping me out,” she claims, and I hear Tanner snort from across the room.

“Right. Welcome to Ravage. You’re in his bed, which means you’re not going anywhere,” Tanner says.

Shaina’s face turns panicked. “No, you don’t understand. I’m not staying. When this is done, I’m leaving.”

“Nope, you’re in,” Blaze speaks up.

“You don’t understand. I’ve been here before, and then I left. It’ll be the same as last time,” Shaina tries again.

Princess lifts her brow. “And did you tell Breaker you were leaving last time?” She stares Shaina down, and I realize quickly there is more at play here than what meets the eye.

“No.”

“Exactly. Not only did you almost get my best friend killed, you left Breaker without a word. You think I forget that shit?” Princess snaps, chilling the room.

Shaina closes her eyes, and a tear rolls down from one.

“Oh, fuck,” Princess groans and falls back to the bed. “Now I made her cry.”

“Low, enough,” Angel barks, going to Princess and leaning over her. Not many women would do this, but apparently, Angel has no fear of the woman. “I’ll tell you the same as I told GT: leave her alone. You!” Her voice gets louder and more insistent. “You of all people know what it’s like to hurt. You dealt with yours your way. Shaina dealt with hers her way. She has apologized to me more times than I can count, and I’ve had it. No more apologies from her. No more of you or anyone else treating her like shit. I’m done. Do you hear me?”

Princess sits up, putting her nose to nose with Angel. Angel shows no fear and no chance of backing down at all. Wow, it’s a pretty awesome sight to witness as the tension vibrates throughout the room.

“Please, stop,” Shaina says, but Princess doesn’t look away from Angel. It’s like she’s looking down deep in her soul and pulling out whatever it is that she needs to know.

It takes a moment, and then Princess surprises me.

“Fine. It’s over. Washed clean. If she fucks up again, though, that’s off the table.”

Angel smiles, wraps her arms around Princess, and hugs her tight. She whispers something in her ear, and I hear a muttered, “Yeah, yeah,” from Princess.

I turn back to Shaina. “So, apparently, sleeping in a man’s bed here is cause for a marriage license.”

Shaina turns to me, still in shock. She shakes her head like coming out of her thoughts. “I’m not getting married to anyone.”

“Relax. It was a joke. So, is what Princess said the reason you don’t want to go out there?” I ask.

“Yeah. They all hate me.”

“All except Breaker,” Blaze puts in.

“Yeah.” Shaina exhales, and her shoulders sag a bit. “I deserve it: the hate, the anger …” She trails off, and something powerful hits me in the gut. I can feel it. I don’t know how, but I do. This woman has thought about taking her own life and ending all of this. I fear that, coming here and seeing these reactions, she may just do it.

Shit. This just turned into something totally different than I thought. Funny how looks can be deceiving.

I turn to Princess, knowing her dad is the president. “What if you talk to your dad? Get everything smoothed over for Shaina.”

Princess laughs softly. “I can try, but the only one who can get through to him is Ma.”

“Then go to Ma,” I demand, and Princess’s eye twitches. I’m not stupid enough to take her head on. I don’t have anywhere near the relationship with her that Angel has. “Can I talk to you outside for a second?” But I do have enough determination to help a sister when she’s hanging on by a very thin thread.

“What?” Angel asks, but I don’t look away from Princess. I swear she has a built-in bullshit meter inside her, because whatever she sees on my face, she rises from the bed and heads to the door.

I say nothing as I follow her to the door.

Walking out and closing it, I motion for her to follow me a little bit down the hall. She leans her shoulder up against the wall and crosses her arms over her chest. I swear she looks just like one of the guys around here with that move.

“Look, I see it. I can’t explain how, but that woman in there is teetering between life and death.”

“She sure is,” Princess retorts.

I give out a frustrated sigh. “No, she’s on the verge of taking her own life. Coming back here … All of you hating her is only solidifying her thoughts of doing it.”

“And you care because …?” Damn, she is cold.

“I care because Buzz said that if Shaina can pull Breaker out of whatever is going on in his head, then more power to her. Not only that, but she’s a human who suffered a lot. She deserves to be treated better than shit on a shoe.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Princess retorts.

“Then why did Ma invite her here? What does she know that we don’t?” I push, unsure if I’m on the right path, but I sure as hell am going to try.

Princess sucks in a breath and looks up at the ceiling. She pauses, and I wonder if I have pushed her a bit too hard on this. As the time stretches, insecurity hits.
Shit, I did.

“Fuck,” she growls. “Fine, I’ll talk to her, find out the story, and where we should go from here.”

I let out a huge breath. Thank God.

I gave something away. I know it. As soon as Bella asked to talk to Princess outside, I knew it. I did my best to keep my face impassive. I did my best not to let the hurt or thoughts swirling in my head show.

Being here the past few days has been a challenge. Breaker wants me to go out of the room. All the while, I refuse. I know what is waiting for me outside that small wooden door that is the only thing keeping me from hearing all the ridicule and my faults.

GT never came back, and I’m thankful. While I deserve it, all the words and the hate ratchet up my anxiety hard. When I left, I forgot my medication, which is only making everything around me worse. I need those three little pills badly, and I hate myself for forgetting them.

I thought about asking Breaker, but he doesn’t need to know I have to take medicine to keep myself together. He has seen the hurt, heard the screams, dealt with it all. Everyone here judges me, and letting them know I have to take medicine to stabilize myself isn’t on top of my list. I do trust Breaker, though, probably more than I should. I know he would go get them and keep it quiet. I just don’t want him to know.

Even with him seeing me collapse on the bathroom floor and puke my guts out, I can’t let him see that it’s worse. That that small display is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I don’t want him to know how bad it can get, because going from being here, wrapped in his arms at night, to being away, it got a hell of a lot worse.

The biggest problem when I’m not on my meds is I can feel my moods going up and down. One moment, I’m a mess. The next, I’m okay. It’s like I have these boulders larger than myself and heavy as all hell collapsing on me, pushing me down. The weight of them is so hard to bear that most of the time, it crushes me. When the boulders win and the weight compresses, I’m flattened.

The weight is so heavy, so forceful that it annihilates me and makes me think these thoughts that I don’t want to have, but I can’t help it. One is taking my own life. There have been a couple of these. Coming back here has burned that fire fiercely, because I will never live it down with this group of people.

I know that, and it hurts. One, because it’s the only link I have to my father. Two, because they hate me. But it could all end. They wouldn’t have to deal with me, and I wouldn’t have to deal with the ridicule.

As I continue to think, the pressure grows in my head. I look at the women still in Breaker’s room, all of them talking, yet I’m not hearing a word. I need a break.

I rise and head straight for the bathroom, close and lock the door. Putting the seat down on the toilet, I sit, practically collapsing on the darn thing.

Head in hands, I try to clear my mind. I try to make everything disappear. I try to move the damn boulders off of me so I can breathe. I will them to go away, but they press harder, knocking the wind out of me.

I lower my head and take in deep breaths just as a bang comes to the door.

“Shaina, open the damn door,” Breaker says.

I press my hands to my eyes. “Give me a minute,” I call out breathless and hope he doesn’t notice.

“Now,” he demands.

Guess I didn’t trick him. Go figure.

I suck in a breath and slowly rise from the toilet, walk to the door, and unlock it. It opens immediately, and Breaker storms in.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, cupping my cheeks and examining me.

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“Dammit, I thought we were over this. Tell me what’s wrong,” he orders just as Tanner, Blaze, and Angel come in behind him.

Embarrassment hits me.

“I’m fine. Just a lot going on,” I try to placate, not wanting to tell them anything, especially the women.

“Shaina.” His tone deepens. It’s the one he uses when he is going to push and push until I give in. He’s only done it a couple of times, but each time, he got answers from me.

I let out a heavy breath and contemplate lying to him for all of about five seconds.

“I left my medicine in the cabin.”

“Medicine for what?” he asks, and I look at the women behind him, each of their looks appraising.

I’d love to crawl in a hole now, please.

Breaker must see it, because he takes a step into the room and shuts the door behind him, slamming it in the women’s faces. Damn, I love how this man gets me.

“Now tell me.”

I blow out a huge breath. “I have medicine I take to regulate my anxiety and depression. I haven’t taken it since I got here, and now everything inside me is messed up.” I watch his face, waiting for some kind of judgment there, some kind of taunt or something. When I get nothing, I continue, “I have to take it twice a day, and when I left, I forgot to grab it. When I don’t take it, I get …” God, what’s the word for it. “Depressed, I guess you would say, and my anxiety is more difficult to control.”

“So all you need are these pills, and it’ll help you?” he questions without a hint of accusation or disgust.

“Yeah, they help a lot. I’m still working out the dosage with my doctor, but yeah, I need them,” I tell him honestly.

“You should have told me this when you got here, Shaina.”

“I know.”

He pulls me close to him and kisses the top of my head. My heart stops as does my breath. Breaker has never kissed me, not ever. And even if this is a friendly one, it’s everything. My everything. That simple, little gesture breaks me wide. I’m unable to speak, unable to move as he pulls back.

“I’ll get it. Have it to ya in a couple of hours, alright?”

I nod. That is all I can do.

Breaker turns, and then he’s gone.

The weight becomes heavier with his disappearance. I want him back to help relieve it.