Captivated by You (Crossfire#4) (7 page)

you.”

I knew Arnoldo understood. I’d found him in Florence, recovering from the loss of a woman by

drowning in liquor and cooking like a madman, producing so much five-star cuisine he was giving it

away. I had been fascinated by the totality of his despair and unable to relate.

I’d been so certain I would never know anything like it. Like the opacity and soundproofing of the

glass wall in my office, my view of life had been dulled. I knew I’d never be able to explain to Eva how she’d appeared to me the first time I saw her, so vibrant and warm. A colorful explosion in a

black-and-white landscape.

“Voglio che sia felice.”
It was a simple statement, but the crux of the issue.
I want her to be
happy.

“If her happiness depends on what I think,” he answered in Italian, “you ask too much. I will never

say anything against her. I’ll always treat her with the respect I feel for you as long as you are

together. But what I believe is my choice and my right, Gideon.”

I looked over at Arash, who was lining up shot glasses on the bar in the living room. As my lead

attorney, he knew about both my marriage and Eva’s sex tape, and he didn’t have a problem with

either one.

“Our relationship is … complex,” I explained quietly. “I’ve hurt her as much as she’s ever hurt me

—likely more.”

“I’m not surprised to hear that, but I am sorry.” Arnoldo studied me. “You couldn’t choose one of

the other women who’ve loved you and would give you no trouble? A comfortable ornament who

would settle into your life without a ripple?”

“As Eva says, what would be the fun in that?” My smile faded. “She challenges me, Arnoldo.

Makes me see things … think about things, in ways I didn’t before. And she loves me. Not like the

others.” I reached for my phone again.

“You didn’t allow the others to love you.”

“I couldn’t. I was waiting for her.” A thoughtful expression crossed his face and I said, “I can’t

imagine your Bianca was hassle-free.”

He laughed. “No. But my life is simple. I can use complications.”

“My life was ordered. Now, it’s an adventure.”

Arnoldo sobered, his dark eyes growing serious. “But that wildness in her that you love is what

worries me most.”

“Stop worrying.”

“I will mention this only once, then never again. You may be angry with me for what I say, but

understand that my heart is in the right place.”

My jaw tightened. “Get it off your chest.”

“I sat with Eva and Brett Kline at dinner. I observed them together. There is chemistry there, not

unlike what I saw between Bianca and the man she left me for. I wish I believed Eva would ignore it, but she’s already proven that she can’t.”

I held his gaze. “She had her reasons. Reasons I gave her.”

Arnoldo took another drink. “Then I’ll pray that you don’t give her more reasons.”

“Hey,” Arash shouted. “Cut it out with the Italian and get your asses in here.”

Arnoldo touched his glass to my bottle before passing me.

I finished my beer alone, taking a moment to consider what Arnoldo had said.

Then I joined the party.

4

“WHAT’S GOT YOU frowning, baby girl?” Cary asked, his voice low and sleepy from the Dramamine

he’d downed at takeoff.

Staring at the choices in the dropdown menu my cursor hovered over, I debated which to pick.

Engaged
or
It’s complicated
? Since
Married
also applied¸ I thought
All of the above
should’ve been an option.

Wouldn’t that be fun to explain?

Glancing across the luxurious cabin of Gideon’s private jet, I found my best friend sprawled along

the white leather sofa with his hands tucked behind his head. Long and lean, he was a pretty picture with his shirt riding high and his cargo pants riding low, exposing the amazing abs that were helping Grey Isles to sell jeans, underwear, and other men’s clothing.

Cary had no problem whatsoever accustoming himself to the luxurious conveniences of Gideon’s

immense wealth. He’d settled immediately and comfortably into the elegant appointments of the ultra-

modern cabin. And somehow, even casually dressed, he looked perfectly at home amid the brushed

steel and gray oak.

“I’m trying to set up some social media accounts,” I answered.

“Whoa.” He sat up with effortless grace, his posture surprisingly and instantly alert. “Big step.”

“Yeah.” Nathan had kept me hiding, afraid to put myself out there and risk making it easy for him to find me. “But it’s time. I feel like … Never mind. It’s just time.”

“All right.” He set his elbows on his knees and tapped his fingertips together. “Then why is your

face all scrunched up like that?”

“Well, there’s a lot to consider. I mean, how much do I share out there? I don’t have to worry about Nathan anymore, but Gideon is under constant scrutiny.”

With my thoughts on Gideon, I ran a search for his profile. It popped up with the little blue check

mark that told me it was verified as belonging to him. The sight of his picture, a shot of him in a black three-piece suit and the blue tie I loved, sent a pang of longing through me. He’d been photographed on a rooftop with the skyline of Manhattan fuzzily out of focus behind him, while he was sharply and vividly captured by the camera’s lens.

He was even sharper and more vibrant in reality. I stared into Gideon’s eyes, getting lost in that

impossible blue. His black hair framed that perfect fallen-angel face in strands of glossy, inky silk.

Poetic? Yes. But then his looks could inspire sonnets. To say nothing of spur-of-the-moment

marriage.

When had the photo been taken? Before we’d met? He had the implacable, remote look that made

him seem like such an impossible dream.

“I’m married,” I blurted out, tearing my gaze away from the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen. “To

Gideon, of course. Who else would I be married to?”

Cary froze while I rambled. “Come again?”

I rubbed my palms on my yoga pants. It was a cop-out telling him the news while motion sickness

drugs lulled his brain, but I’d take any advantage I could get. “When we went away last weekend. We

eloped.”

He was quiet for a long, weighted minute. Then he exploded to his feet. “Are you shitting me?”

Raúl’s head turned in our direction. The movement was casual and unhurried, but his gaze was

vigilant and watchful. He sat in the far corner, being eerily unobtrusive for such a hard-to-miss guy.

“What’s the damned rush?” Cary snapped.

“It just … happened.” I couldn’t explain it. I’d thought it was too soon. Still did. But Gideon was

the only man I would ever love so completely. When I considered that, I knew Gideon had been right;

we’d only be postponing the inevitable. And Gideon needed my promise that I was his forever. My

amazing husband who found it so hard to believe he could be loved. “I’m not sorry.”

“Not yet.” Cary shoved both hands into his hair. “Jesus, Eva. You don’t up and marry the first guy

you have a serious relationship with.”

“It’s not like that,” I protested, awkwardly avoiding looking at Raúl. “You know how we feel

about each other.”

“Sure. You two are whack jobs separately. Together, you’re a goddamn nut house.”

I flipped him the bird. “We’ll work on it. Wearing a ring doesn’t mean we stop figuring things out.”

He dropped into the chair across from me. “What incentive has he got to fix anything? He’s bagged

and tagged the prize. You’re stuck with his psychotic dreams and Grand Canyon–sized mood swings.”

“Wait a minute,” I said tightly, feeling the sting of truth in his words. “You didn’t get upset when I told you we were engaged.”

“Because I figured it’d be a year, at the very least, before Monica got the wedding worked out.

Maybe a year and a half. At least some time for you two to try living together.”

I let him rant. Better that he did it at thirty thousand feet than in some public venue where the whole world could hear.

He leaned closer, his green eyes fierce. “I’m having a baby and I’m not getting married. You know

why? Because I’m too fucked up and I know it. I’ve got no business hitching a passenger on this wild ride. If he loved you, he’d be thinking about
you
and what’s best for
you
.”

“I’m so glad you’re happy for me, Cary. That means a lot.”

The words dripped with sarcasm, but they were honest in their own way. There were girlfriends I

could call who would tell me what an amazingly lucky bitch I was. Cary was my closest friend

because he always gave it to me straight, even when I desperately wanted sugarcoating.

But Cary was thinking only about the darkness. He didn’t understand the light Gideon brought into

my life. The acceptance and the love. The safety. Gideon had given me my freedom back, a life

without terror. Giving him vows in return was too simple a repayment for that.

I turned my attention back to Gideon’s profile, scrolling down to see that the most recent post was

a link to an article about our engagement. I doubted he’d posted it himself; he was too busy to bother with something like that. But I figured he’d approved it. If not, he had somehow already made it clear that I was important enough to become the one bit of personal news that was okay to be shared on an

otherwise business-focused profile.

Gideon was proud of me. Proud to be marrying me, a hot mess with a history of bad choices.

Whatever anyone else thought, I knew
I
was the one who’d bagged and tagged the prize.

“Fuck.” Cary slouched into the chair. “Make me feel like an ass.”

“If the shoe fits …” I muttered, clicking on the link to view other photos of Gideon.

It was a mistake.

All the pictures posted by his social media admin were business-related, but the unofficial pictures he’d been tagged in weren’t. There, in living color, were images of him with beautiful women. And

they hit me hard. Jealousy clawed and twisted my stomach.

God, he looked amazing in a tuxedo. Dark and dangerous. His face savagely beautiful, his

cheekbones and mouth chiseled perfection, his posture confident and more than a little arrogant. An

alpha male in his prime.

I knew the photos weren’t recent. I knew the women in them didn’t have firsthand knowledge of his

insanely mad skills in bed; he had a rule about that. Neither of which stopped the images from making me twitchy.

“Am I the last to know?” Cary asked.

“You’re the only one.” I glanced at Raúl. “At least on my side. Gideon wants to tell the world, but

we’re going to keep it under wraps.”

He studied me. “For how long?”

“Forever. The next wedding we have will be our first as far as anyone else is concerned.”

“You having second thoughts?”

It killed me that Cary didn’t care that we had an audience. I was hyperaware that every move I

made, every word I said was being witnessed.

Not that Raúl’s presence had any effect on my answer. “No. I’m glad we’re married. I love him,

Cary.”

I was glad Gideon was mine. And I missed him. Worse after seeing those pictures.

“I know you do,” Cary said with a sigh.

Unable to help myself, I opened the messaging app on my laptop and sent Gideon a text. I miss you.

He texted back almost instantly. Turn the plane around.

That made me smile. It was so like him. And so unlike me. Wasting the pilots’ time, the fuel … it

seemed so frivolous to me. More than that, though, would be the proof of how dependent on Gideon

I’d become. That would be the kiss of death in our relationship. He could have anything, any woman,

at any time. If I ever became too easy for him, we’d both lose respect for me. Losing his love

wouldn’t be far behind.

I returned to my new profile and uploaded a selfie I’d taken with Gideon that I synced from my

smartphone. I made it the masthead image. Then I tagged him and gave it a description:
The love of
my life.

After all, if his photos were going to include him with women, I wanted at least one of them to be

me. And the one I’d chosen was undeniably intimate. We lay on our backs, our temples touching, my

face bare of makeup and his relaxed with a smile in his eyes. I dared anyone to look at it and not see that I had a private bond with him the world would never know.

I suddenly wanted to call him. So badly that I could almost hear that amazingly sexy voice, as

intoxicating as top-shelf liquor, smooth with just a hint of bite. I wanted to be with him, my hand in his, my lips against his throat where the smell of his skin called to something hungry and primitive inside me.

It scared me sometimes, how much I needed him. To the exclusion of everything else. There was no