Captivation (8 page)

‘Tell me more. What’s it like for you. What does it feel like?’

Juliette was on the couch, the television was on but the sound was muted. Images of the evening news were flashing across the screen, but she wasn’t paying any attention. She knew Danny was right there by her side, she could feel his gentle touch, as though his hands were resting on her feet, which she’d lifted up off the floor onto the cushions beside her.

It’s difficult to describe. It’s not like anything I experienced when I was alive. I can only seem to touch certain things, sometimes. You, I can touch, I can find my hands and I can reach out and hold you – but then, let’s say I tried to pick up that book over there – I can’t. It’s like I can’t comprehend how to do it. It’s strange.

‘And what about before? When you were still drifting in and out. Where did you go?’

There were times where I honestly didn’t know where I was. It was like … walking through dreams. Nothing felt real. Time made no sense. But other times, there was one certain place that I often found myself. It was somewhere special to us, somewhere that I think I might have recreated in my mind. In the early days, though, when I was first trying to make contact with you, I used to get this sense every now again – like there was something pulling me. Pulling me towards somewhere warm. Somewhere peaceful. Sometimes now, when you’re sleeping, I get hints of it again. I catch sight of a faint glow, or I hear something
–
it’s like a mixture between laughter and the gurgling of rushing water … or maybe music. I don’t know. But it always fades again. I think it means there’s something more out there for us. When the time comes – for both of us – there’ll be somewhere for us to move onto.

But for now, when I’m with you, when you’re awake and by my side, that place is so far off that I can hardly imagine ever leaving this world to go there. Being with you makes me feel more real than ever.

‘It’s the same for me too, I’ve never felt as natural as I feel when I’m with you.’

Juliette picked up the remote and pressed the power button to turn the television off.

‘I might make myself something,’ she said, leaning forward. ‘Maybe pasta for dinner.’

She sensed a change in Danny’s demeanour and she hesitated. ‘Everything okay?’ she asked.

Yes, yes, of course
. His words rushed to reassure her.
I’m just jealous. It’s not as though I actually feel hunger, but I do miss food.

Juliette immediately regretted mentioning dinner.

‘It’s okay,’ she said, ‘I won’t eat right now.’

No, don’t do that. You don’t need to worry about me.

‘Honestly, I’m not really hungry anyway. I was just going to eat for the sake of it.’

Are you sure?

‘Yes.’

Let’s go to the bedroom then.

There weren’t many activities they could really do together. They didn’t watch television, as stories from the outside world had stopped interesting them. Sometimes Juliette still read or baked, but mostly, they wanted to keep their attention focused on one another. And reading was so solitary, while baking had become pointless – now that she once more had no way to get rid of the results of her cooking.

So sex became their favoured pastime. Sometimes, in her sleep, Danny would begin to fondle her breasts or stroke her inner thighs and Juliette’s dreams would become sensual and erotic. Sometimes she woke and they made love, other times she continued to sleep, and simply orgasmed in her dreams, waking in the morning or the afternoon with a distinct feeling of satisfaction, laughing when Danny asked her if she enjoyed her rest, because she knew that what he really meant was, did you enjoy my input into your dreams last night?

The first sign that their relationship was strengthening even further, came one morning when Juliette was in the shower. She was lost in her own world as she massaged her head with shampoo, thinking how perfect her life was. Thinking how lucky she was to have found her soulmate again. And then,
without meaning to, she thought something quite unexpected: ‘I’m glad that Danny died.’

Do you really believe that?

Juliette jumped and almost slipped in the shower. She felt hands grabbing hold of her, steadying her so that she didn’t fall.

‘Jesus, Danny, where did you come from? I didn’t even realise you were in here with me.’

Sorry, I just came to see you. I missed you.

‘So, you can read my mind now? You heard everything I was thinking?’

I guess so. I didn’t mean to – it’s just that, I don’t know, your thoughts were so clear, it was almost as if you were speaking out loud.

‘Listen, Danny, you have to understand – I didn’t mean to think that. I mean, obviously I wish you hadn’t died. I guess it’s just that, since you came back to me, it feels as though our relationship has never been better—’

Danny cut her off:
Stop. It’s okay, Juliette, I agree with you. I’m glad that this happened too, I’ve never felt closer to you. I mean, look at us
–
I can be inside your mind. You can speak to me without even saying the words out loud. Do you think anyone else in the world has ever experienced a connection this deep? We’re special, Juliette, we’re very, very special.

Do you remember the first time I made contact with you? Right here, in the shower?

‘Of course I do.’

Show me what you were doing that day. Put your hands on your body. Let me watch.

‘Anything for you, Danny. Anything.’

They made love over and over again. Pressed up against the wall of the shower, on the bedroom floor, the couch, anywhere and everywhere. Juliette wore little clothing; anything she put on would inevitably be pulled off again anyway. Dressing seemed pointless.

One afternoon, when Juliette had finally managed to draw herself away from her bed to take a breath for just a few minutes, she caught sight of herself in the hallway mirror and stopped to gaze at her reflection. She wasn’t sure she could remember having ever looked better. Her pale skin was flushed pink from what had just taken place between them. Her dark, tangled hair fell about her shoulders and her eyes looked bright, shining with life. As she continued to examine her face in the mirror, something strange began to happen. Ever so slowly, in the reflection behind her, a shape was taking form. She held still, only allowing her peripheral vision to take in what was happening– afraid if she focused on it completely she risked making the shape vanish.

The more she waited, the stronger the figure became – until she started to make out a more definite form: broad shoulders, square jaw, the left ear that stuck out just slightly more than the right. Short, curling hair, a crooked, cheeky smile. Finally, unable to stand the suspense anymore, she swung around and squealed with delight.

‘Danny! I can see you!’

‘What?’ And when he responded, the words come forth from his mouth and the sound of his voice, the proper, spoken words, was glorious.

Juliette flung herself into Danny’s arms and within seconds her hands had travelled all over his body, feeling his skin, touching the hairs on his bare chest, stroking his face. He was shirtless, but wearing faded loose jeans – the jeans he always used to wear around the apartment, with the tear across one knee.

‘You’re real,’ she sobbed into his shoulder. ‘You’re really real now. You’re finally back.’

Danny laughed as he held her close.

‘How did this happen?’ he asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she replied, ‘I don’t know and I don’t care.’

Chapter Eleven

From there, they grew closer and closer. Danny still couldn’t leave the apartment – he said he felt fear, sensed danger when he came close to the front door – but Juliette didn’t care.

‘I don’t have to share you with the outside world. We have each other, that’s all we need.’

He still didn’t require food or drink, and at times his form seemed to waver, as though he was always on the verge of being swept away by a gust of wind, or frightened out of existence by a change in their environment, instilling in Juliette the primal need to protect him – to always keep him safe from the outside world.

Juliette didn’t eat much either. Even though Danny said he didn’t mind, she didn’t like to eat in front of him – and besides, she was rarely hungry. She hadn’t bothered to order groceries for weeks now, the supplies she had in her pantry were enough to fulfil her tiny diet. She slept only when it suited her. More and more it seemed ludicrous to follow that archaic ritual of sleeping when the sun slept and rising when it rose. And besides, she mostly had no knowledge of the time – day or night, she kept all the curtains shut now, kept the apartment hot and dark. She stopped paying attention to the clocks and whenever Juliette did fall asleep, Danny just lay next to her and watched her and waited for her to wake again. She had never bothered to get the air conditioner fixed, she didn’t want anyone else coming into their lives. She filled the rooms with the heady smells of candles and incense – although she was careful now to ensure she didn’t set anything on fire again. The still-blackened patch of carpet and curtains was a helpful reminder of that terrifying day – but it was also special to her. That fire had been the reason
Danny had been able to come back to her. That spot in the lounge room was almost sacred now.

One night, Juliette heard far-off bangs from outside the apartment. She had been relaxing on the couch with a glass of red wine, listening to some jazz while Danny played with her hair and chatted with her. They were laughingly remembering the first time Juliette had attempted to make macarons – after seeing them on an episode of
Master Chef
– and they had failed miserably, turning out rock hard. They had joked at the time about the different potential uses for the failed biscuits – like an ice hockey puck or a paperweight. In the end, Danny had concluded that they were best kept on the bedside table as weapons for protection against intruders in the night. He was quite certain you could inflict a reasonable amount of damage if you attempted to bludgeon someone with one of them.

Now they stopped laughing as Juliette strained her ears to listen for the noises from outside.

‘Fireworks?’ she suggested eventually.

She uncurled her legs from underneath her and stood up from the couch to peer at the closed curtains that hid the balcony door.

‘Let’s take a look,’ Danny suggested.

Juliette hesitated, ‘I haven’t been out there in such a long …’ she let her words trail off, laughing nervously.

‘Come on,’ Danny’s words were reassuring.

Stepping tentatively out onto the cool tiles, Juliette swivelled around, squinting into the sky. A moment later there was another bang and she watched as a shower of sparks exploded in the night sky off in the distance, south of the beach.

‘I was right!’ she said, sounding pleased. ‘Do you see them?’ and then she looked around her, relieved to see that Danny was standing right behind her,
that his shape hadn’t been altered by the night air, that she could still make out his blue-green eyes, his olive skin.

‘Beautiful,’ he replied.

He stepped in close and Juliette felt the tickle of warm breath on her cheek and she relaxed into his hold.

‘Wonder what they’re for?’ Danny mused.

‘They’re like a private show, just for us,’ Juliette replied – because it really did feel like that, she couldn’t hear voices coming from the beach, no appreciative gasps from other onlookers. It was just them.

‘What’s the date today, though?’ Danny asked.

‘I’ve no idea.’

‘Really?’ He sounded surprised.

‘Wait, let me think.’ Juliette’s forehead creased as she concentrated.

‘I suppose we’re getting towards the end of January, aren’t we?’ she said eventually. ‘So … they must be for Australia Day,’ she concluded. ‘Or then – I guess we could be in February already. Maybe it’s a Valentine’s Day celebration?’

She felt Danny’s head nod in agreement.

‘That seems right,’ he said. He paused, then added, ‘Do you know what day it is today – as in, which day of the week?’

Juliette shrugged. ‘No,’ she replied, ‘no idea. It’s not important.’

‘I guess … I guess it isn’t,’ said Danny. But his voice sounded slightly concerned and Juliette turned to look at him.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

‘Nothing, really. I mean, I suppose it’s alright, isn’t it, us just living in this world, this world of our own making – not knowing things like the date or the time?’

‘Of course it is. It’s perfect.’

‘And you – you still eat enough, don’t you? And you’re sleeping okay?’

Juliette laughed and pulled Danny closer.

‘Stop worrying so much,’ she said. ‘Of course I do. Trust me, I’ve never felt better, never felt as good as I do when I’m with you.’

They stood out on the balcony together until the fireworks finished, and when the last sparks fell in a shower from the sky, they led one another inside, closing the door and the curtains behind them – leaving that other world behind again – and they lowered themselves to the lounge room floor and made love, over and over, with Danny whispering in Juliette’s ear, ‘Well, if it is Valentine’s Day, I guess we should be making the most of it, shouldn’t we?’