Captured by the Dark Lord (19 page)

            “Hey, Tor.  I
think I found something.  Does that look like a hunk of metal to you?” Hauk
asking, pointing out the front panel.

            Everyone rushed
to the windows and plastered their faces to the glass.  The ship chugged over
what looked like a mangled wing piece.  Sailing onward, they passed another.

            Tor grinned. 
“We’re saved!  Where there’s trash, there’s life.  Follow that junk, Galan.”

            After a few
minutes, a bright blue planet swirling with atmosphere came into view.  Tor
stood imperiously at the prow, his hands on his hips.  Maybe it was the
decreasing oxygen that had sobered him up so quickly.  “Computer, scan for
vitals.  Can it support life?”

            “Scanning now. 
The atmosphere is a combination of oxygen--”

            He didn’t feel
like listening to a list of vitals.  They didn’t really have much time.  “Can
we breathe it?” Tor interrupted.

            “Yes.”

            “Hot damn!” Galan
and Bradan shouted in unison.

            “Are there women,
computer?” Bradan asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

            “It appears
females outnumber the male species on this planet.”

            “Whoo hoo!”
Bradan yelled.  Kerel released a triumphant war cry and coughed on the last sip
of his brew.

            “All right....” 
Tor rubbed his jaw thoughtfully.  “Computer, download languages into the
translators.  Galan, set us down some place ... balmy.  And we probably need
plenty of cover.  It’s too much to hope stealth mode is still working.”

            “Uh ... it’s all
I can do to steer this thing.  The play in it’s a bitch.”

            “That’s because
we’re dragging half the galaxy with us,” Tor said, angry that his buddy dared
to disparage his baby.

            Kerel, who was
standing beside him but apparently not keeping up with the conversation, nodded
drunkenly.  “I could use some sun.”

            Hauk laughed. 
“Your pasty ass needs it, Kerel.”

            “Stop it,” Kerel
said, frowning, looking down at his mysteriously empty brew container.  “You
should talk.  You’re almost as white as I am.”

            “I’m blond.  I’m
supposed to be--you don’t have any excuse,” Hauk said.

            “You two are
making my head pound again.  Kerel, you’re not going anywhere.  You fucked up
the ship, you get to fix it,” Tor warned.  “Galan, get us the hell down there
before I kill these two.  I think the depleting oxygen is killing brain cells.”

            Galan grinned,
saluting.  “Yes, sir.”

            “And hit that
button right there,” Tor pointed at it.  “Federation knows we don’t want some
heathens shooting our asses out of the sky.”

* * * *

            The sun was high
in the sky when dirt flew from the ground in a fine spray of grit and grass. 
The earth depressed under a heavy, unseen weight.  There was a whining hiss of
steam, and then a door appeared from nowhere, folding outward to become a
thick, planed ramp.

            Five men stumbled
from the dim interior, blinking at the bright, summer sun.

            Sweat popped out
instantly on their skin.  A cacophony of irritating chirps started up from deep
in the surrounding woods.

            Tor grimaced,
looking around.  “You landed us at a swamp, Galan.”

            Galan shrugged,
stretching, then rubbed his stomach lazily.  “You said some place balmy.  I was
going by the temperature gauge on the ship.”

            Tor grunted,
rounding his shoulders to ease the kink in them.  “Well, get to work, Kerel. 
I’d like to get back to my break this millennia.”

            “I can’t even see
the ship.  How’m I supposed to work on it in stealth mode?” he asked
irritably.  He was always irritable.  Kerel seriously needed to get laid.

            “Same way you get
around with your head up your ass,” Hauk said, laughing.

            Kerel frowned
when everyone joined in.  “Yeah, yeah.  Laugh it up.”

            Tor chuckled,
hitting the remote.  The air flickered, wavering, and the ship flashed into
view.  “I suppose it’s safe, since there doesn’t seem to be anyone around this 
federation forsaken place.”

            “Thanks.  A
lot.”  Kerel grumbled as he went inside to look for tools.

            “Wonder what the
locals look like,” Bradan mused, laying on the grass with his legs crossed. 
Galan laid down next to his brother, falling asleep and snoring almost
immediately.  Bradan swatted an insect from his arm.  “They have blood
suckers.  Better turn on your protective fields.”

            “Damn thing makes
my hair stand on end,” Hauk muttered, switching his on.  Sure enough, his hair
rose off his forehead and frizzed.

            Kerel came back
out, arms loaded with brews and tools.  He drank half of one before pulling the
welder out.

            “I never thought
you one to worry about how pretty you look, Hauk.  Think you’ll see some action
here?” Tor asked, grinning as he switched his protective field on too.  He
popped the top on a brew and took a long swig, passing the remaining brews to
his friends.

            “I can hope,”
Hauk muttered, taking a brew for himself.

            “For all you know
they’re covered with hair, smell like fonktol droppings, and have two pussies
apiece.”

            “Two wouldn’t be
so bad.  Gives me ideas.”  Hauk chuckled, waggling his eyebrows.

            “You ain’t got
enough to satisfy one, Hauk,” Kerel piped up from under the hull, tinkering
with the welder to get it started.

            “You been
checking me out, Kerel?  I didn’t know you swung both ways.”

            “Ha ha.  That’s
all I’m saying.  Ha.”

            “By the
Federation, I hope they’re not that ugly.  I haven’t seen a woman in...,”
Bradan trailed off, frowning as he counted his fingers.

            “Since we left. 
And it hasn’t been that long,” Tor finished for him.  “You’re doing that
wrong,” he said to Kerel, pointing his brew at the hull before taking a sip.

            “Yeah,” Hauk
piped up.  “You’re holding it backwards.”

            Kerel turned it
around.  He blinked up at Hauk.  “No, it goes the other way.  Maybe if
someone
wasn’t blocking my light....”

            “I don’t think
so,” Tor said, taking another swallow of brew, standing over Kerel.  “The big
end attaches to the ship.”

            Kerel grunted,
swiping the back of his hand across his forehead, smearing a streak of dirt. 
“Do you want to do this?”

            “I’m satisfied
watching you.”

            “Asshole.”

            “That’s Prince
Asshole to you.”

            “He’s right,
Kerel.  You’re never going to get the welder started that way.  Put it on the
metal so it sparks a reaction.”  Hauk pointed his toe at the rough edge of the
hole, finishing off his brew and starting on another.

            “Shit!” Bradan
said.

            “What?” Tor
asked, turning around.

            “I spilled my
brew.  Any more?”

            “I don’t know. 
Go inside and check the galley.”

            He stood and
brushed dirt off himself before going inside.  A minute later he was back,
white faced and wide eyed.  “You won’t believe this.”  He took a long breath,
steadying himself.  “We’re out of brew.”

            “Huh?”

            “No!”

            “You’re shitting
me!”

            The commotion
woke Galan.  He snorted, coming up swinging.  “Get off me fucker.”  He looked
around, confused when he didn’t hit an attacker.  “Oh ... uh.  What’s going
on?”

            “Okay, don’t have
a shit fit, everyone.  Did you check the cooling units and the cock pit?” Tor
asked.  “You weren’t gone very long.”

            “I used computer
when I couldn’t find any.  She ran a scan and said Kerel took the last.”

            “Fuck!”  Hauk
crushed the last brew container, tossing it into the ship.  “That’s just
wonderful.  First the ship, now no brews and no women.”

            “It’s not like
we’ll die without it.  Hell, that’s what got us in this fix to start with,” Tor
said, looking morosely at the empty brews.  It wasn’t that they habitually got
snockered, but brew sickness would set in before long, and the only cure for
brew sickness was more brew ... heaving his guts out held no appeal.  He
brightened suddenly.  “There’s civilization here, right?  Let’s go get some more.”

            “My prince, I
would follow you anywhere,” Hauk said, grinning as he slapped an arm across his
chest and bowed.

            Tor pushed him up
the ramp and kicked a foot towards his ass, missing.

            “What’s going
on?” Galan asked, swaying as he got on his feet.

            “We’re going to
get you some fuel, fonktol,” Bradan said, pushing him.  Galan pushed back, and
they were soon on the ground, wrestling for dominance.

            Tor rolled his
eyes.  “Get your asses off the dirt and get ready.  Let’s see what this planet
has to offer.  Might as well enjoy ourselves while we’re here.”

            An hour later
they’d showered and put on their best clothes.  Kerel was relegated to guard
duty and fixing the ship.

            “This blows,” he
said.  “You know I don’t like
working
sober.”

            “Whatever.  Don’t
get any bright ideas and lose my remote or I’ll kick your ass,” Tor said,
handing Kerel the remote to the ship.

            Galan had marked
a city not far away, and they made their way to it in a short time. They kept
their protective fields on until they reached the edges of town.

            Hauk switched his
off first.  “This place is a dump.  No wonder they left trash in space.  It’s
everywhere down here.”  He kicked a crumpled wad into the path of an oncoming
metal vehicle, watching it dance in the wind.

            “It’s a sign of
higher life,” Tor said, grimacing.

            “Not
necessarily,” Hauk muttered beneath his breath.

            “Hey, these
surroundings remind me of those transmissions we received,” Galan said,
elbowing past his brother to Tor’s and Hauk’s side.  “I wonder if this is where
they originated from?”

            Tor looked
around.  Metal vehicles zoomed maniacally past them on the road, held in check
only by markings on the road and a short stone curb.  “You have a point.  These
vehicles look similar to those broadcasts.  It could be the same place.”

            Bradan whitened. 
“The area where we landed looked much like that study on recreation and
mating.  What was it?  De-liv-er-an...?”

            “We did fly over
a river very similar and wide,” Galan muttered, stroking his chin thoughtfully
as he looked around.

            “Do you think
squealing like a pig is some mating call?  I didn’t watch the transmission
after the dominant male took the submissive.”  Tor shuddered.  He stopped,
watching as a vehicle pulled toward a building and halted.  A man, similar in
appearance to themselves, swung the door open and got out, giving Tor an
appreciative look before going into the building.  Tor glared at him and the
male looked away.  “The males look much the same as we, but I like not how they
look at us.  I think perhaps their males mate only with each other.  If this
planet was seeded as our own was, something went awry.”

            “Then it’s
natural to assume females would too.  Go for each other that is,” Hauk
surmised.

            “
That
could be interesting,” Bradan said, grinning.

            “Get your mind
off your cock, Bradan.  The females may have died out and the males resorted to
each other afterward.  It’s happened on planets before,” Tor said
thoughtfully.  “The males on Vulkahn are horny as two plebians in heat.  I’ve
no doubt they would do the same until the species died out completely.”

            “I think only
Kerel and Bradan qualify as plebians,” Hauk snorted.

            “Shut up, smart
ass,” Bradan muttered.

            “Do you think it
was wise leaving Kerel alone?” Galan asked.

            Hauk laughed.

            “Kerel has all
the weapons on board at his disposal.  Now, this building appears to distribute
goods.  Hauk and I will go in to procure some brew.  You and Bradan, wait out
here.”

            “That’s fine.  I
have to piss anyway,” Bradan said, sauntering around the building.

            “Me too,” Galan
said, following.