Carae's Touch (Long Line of Love, #4) (12 page)

"No. I couldn't." Or hearing it.

"Losing Rissa devastated him in ways you can't imagine. Once he accepts that he has to move on, I can't see him wanting to do it with anyone but you. There's no one else on his radar or who has even come close to commanding his romantic attention the way you have. "You must know he's more than attracted to you."

She remembered feeling him sliding so forcefully and so deliciously inside her and felt her cheeks burn. He was definitely attracted to her—at least in his sleep.

"How much more, you're going to have to get from him."

She frowned. "Has anyone ever told you that you are particularly useless?"

"I believe you just have," he said, smiling.

She moistened her lips. "Was she psychic?"

"Rissa?"

She nodded.

"Not that I know of. Why do you ask?"

"Because...she...last night...I'm a fairly heavy sleeper. I might not have heard him had I not had help."

"What do you mean?"

"Someone called me and woke me."

"Who?"

"Her."

"Who?"

She shrugged. "It must have been her."

"Rissa?"

"Yes. It must have been her because I heard a voice in my head telling me he needed me. It was nonverbal. Who else could it have been but her?" She sighed. "So now you're probably going to think I'm nuts."

"No. I don't think you're nuts. You're talking to a guy who has premonitions among other things that could make the less enlightened think I'm crazy."

"So you think it was her?"

"I don't know."

"Who else could it have been?"

He shrugged. "It might have been our mother."

Recalling the sexual turn the "conversation" had taken, she shook her head. "She's dead."

He arched a brow. "So is Rissa."

"Not to him."

"She's dead, Carae. Yes, our mother is also dead, but she has been known to appear occasionally when one of us is in dire straits as Brandon is. Maybe she woke you."

"So he could have his way with me?"

He narrowed his gaze. "You make it sound as if you now feel you've been raped after all and as if you think our mother would be a party to such an outrage."

She shook her head. "I didn't mean to imply that about your mother."

"But you do feel as if he raped you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I didn't want to have sex with him last night under those conditions, but I still don't feel as if he raped me. If I had, I would have fought him."

"What conditions?"

She felt her cheeks warming again. "He didn't...he wasn't wearing protection."

He frowned. "And that was a problem for you?"

"Of course it was!"

"You don't want children?"

"Yes. I do. However, for me love and marriage come first. Kids come later."

"I see."

"Good. Then you can explain it to him."

"You can't really blame a man for wanting nothing between him and his woman."

"I'm not his woman!"

"Aren't you?"

She stared at him. "You think I am?"

"You think you're not?"

"I think Rissa is."

"Rissa was a lovely woman, just as you are. But she's dead while you're pretty, warm, alive, and just what he needs."

"I wish I knew he didn't think he was with her last night instead of me."

"Yes, he loved her dearly, but she is not your competition. You have none. I don't know who he dreamed of last night, but I do know he's dreamed of you more than once."

"Has he?"

"Yes. Now, what can I do to help that doesn't involve betraying his confidence?"

"Can you sit with me?"

"Of course I can."

* * *

A
fter he'd spent two hours playing games with Malita and Brandon, Layton came to Brandon's rescue by pretending that he was feeling neglected. His kids immediately rushed into his open arms. Winking at Brandon, Layton carried the twins out of the family room and up the stairs.

Five minutes later, Brandon left. He made two stops on the way home, making the drive from Layton's home to his seem to last twice as long as it normally did. Finally, he stepped off the elevator and quickly walked to his unit. As soon as he let himself in, he heard music coming from the balcony.

Putting the flowers and candy he'd bought on the way home on the living room sideboard, he walked towards the French doors. Carae and Bancroft danced on the balcony. Even though they weren't slow dancing and he knew there was no romantic attraction on either side, he was still annoyed to find her in Bancroft's arms.

"What brings you here, Croft?" he asked, walking out to join them.

Bancroft lifted the remote for the audio system from one of the patio tables and turned to look at him. "Since when do I need an excuse to just show up?"

One of the many Grayhawk traditions involved all the older brothers having an open door policy that allowed all younger siblings to come and go as freely as they would at the family home. Now that three of the eldest were married, the focus shifted to him and Bancroft.  

"I asked him to come," Carae said.

"Why?" he asked, keeping his gaze on Bancroft.

"I needed to talk."

He finally looked at her. "And you didn't feel you could talk to me?"

"I was grilling him about you, but as you probably know he didn't tell me anything I didn't already know."

"But you talked?"

She nodded.

She seemed more at ease than she'd been when he left, which probably meant she'd confided in Bancroft. And that did not sit well with him. "Will you excuse us for a moment?" he asked.

She nodded. "Okay, but don't be long."

"I bought you flowers and some candy. They're on the sideboard," he said.

"Thanks, sweetie."

He waited until she'd walked inside and slipped the door shut before he turned his attention back to Bancroft. "She told you why she was upset. Didn't she?"

"She needed to talk."

"About last night?"

Bancroft shrugged.

"Why is she upset? What did I do?"

Bancroft shook his head and started to turn away.

He grabbed Bancroft's wrist.

Bancroft turned back and pulled his wrist free. "You know that won't work with me."

"Tell me what I need to know."

"She needed to talk in confidence and I assured her she was doing that."

"I need to know what I did."

"I know, but I promised her I'd allow her to tell you in her own time."

"What the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?"

"I know it's not easy but the best thing you can do to help your case is to tell her about Rissa and the baby."

He inhaled and shook his head. "Don't you think I would if I could?"

"If you want to keep her interest, you're going to need to dig deep, peel back a layer of pain, and share it with her."

That would require him to admit his part in Rissa being at the wrong place at the wrong time. If not for his refusal to do the right thing, she wouldn't have been there to get murdered and he'd be happily married with at least one child. "I need you to tell me what I did wrong last night." He hesitated and then took a deep breath. "I didn't...hit her. Did I?"

"She doesn't blame you for what happened. She knows you were in the midst of a nightmare that she couldn't rouse you from."

"So I hit her?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then what the fuck did I do?"

"Ask her."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"I'll tell you that she's yours to lose, Hoss. Forget all the nonsense about being too old or having too much emotional baggage for her. She knows you have issues and she still wants you. You want her. Make the most of that while you can. Don't lose her. Tell her the truth."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning tell her you love her. Do that and I'm sure she'll forgive you for anything."

But what the hell was anything? And who the hell said anything about loving her? He more than liked her, but that did not translate into being in love with her.

Still he decided he didn't want to run the risk of losing her to someone who might have no problem saying he felt far more than he did.

"Now I think it's time I leave you two alone." Bancroft put a hand on his shoulder. "She's eager to help you heal. Tell her how you feel and let her. You know that's what Rissa would have wanted...for you to have another chance at love and happiness with a woman eager to give you both."

"Thanks, Croft."

"For what?"

"For offering a listening ear that made her feel better when she needed it."

"She's sweet and has a great sense of humor. I like her."

"Unfortunately, so do I."

"Turn that into a positive, Hoss."

That might be plausible once he discovered what he'd done to upset her the previous night.

B
randon found Carae seated on the loveseat in the living room. He sat beside her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. "I need to apologize again for losing my cool last night."

"It's all right—"

"No. It's not. I don't go around calling the women in my life bitches—no matter how angry I am."

"Really? I hate to tell you this, Brandon, but that makes it worse because it means you made an exception in my case."

"It means I lost my head and my common sense, something I rarely do at the same time."

"So again you made an exception in my case? An unflattering one."

Damn, but she didn't seem to want to give him a fucking break. "It only happened because my emotions were involved in a way they've rarely been. I'm sorry. I promise you it won't happen again."

She glanced at him and smiled. "Nice recovery, sweetie. I accept your apology."

"Thank you. Now please tell me what I did to hurt you last night."

"You were asleep and didn't know what you were doing."

"Did I strike out in my sleep and hit you?"

"No."

He recalled how he'd awaken feeling sexually satisfied that morning. Then he thought of her insistent questioning about the condition of his sheets and her saying she didn't know if she could forgive him. And he knew what he'd done.

He inhaled slowly before he spoke. "Please don't tell me that I...did I... force myself on you?"

She immediately turned to look at him. "If you had, you'd know you had."

"That doesn't answer my question. Did I force myself on you?"

"No," she said, but only after a noticeable pause.

"If I had, would you tell me?"

"I'd not only tell you but I'd tell the police."

"So I didn't force you?"

"No. You didn't."

This time she sounded decisive enough for him to close his eyes and slump against the loveseat in relief. Removing his arm from her shoulders, he took several slow, deep breaths.

She placed a hand on his thigh and kissed his cheek. "It's all right, Brandon."

He turned his head and looked at her. "Why won't you tell me what I did?"

"Because there's nothing much to tell. I was a little upset this morning, but—"

"You were upset about what? Why do you feel comfortable telling Bancroft but not me?"

"Because it wasn't rape."

He stiffened. "It wasn't...Are you saying it wasn't rape but we had sex last night?"

She inhaled slowly. "Yes."

"Oh, fuck! If I didn't force you, why were you upset?"

"I was only upset because I didn't want our first time to be that way."

"What way?"

"You were so deeply in your nightmare that I couldn't wake you up. When I got in bed with you to try to comfort you, you started..."

He stared at her. "Oh God. You didn't want it."

"I did want it, but the reasons I didn't want it last night were numerous."

"And they are?"

"Well, damn, let me count them for you, Brandon. You have to know that I've wanted you from the moment we met. However, I didn't expect our first time to happen like it did when you didn't know what you were doing and couldn't remember it. Hell, I'm not even sure you weren't imagining I was someone else...like her."

He knew she wanted assurance that he hadn't been thinking of Rissa while having sex with her. "I have no memory of it, Carae."

"So you could have been thinking of her and not me?"

He sighed. "As far as I know, I wasn't thinking of anything or anyone in particular."

"Damn. That stings. Combine that with the fact that it all happened without a condom and you should understand some of my dissatisfaction."

"The lack of a condom bothers you?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Of course it bothers me! It should bother you too."

"It doesn't."

"Why not? Do you make a habit of having unprotected sex?"

"I haven't slept around for several years and when I did, it was never unprotected unless I was with someone special."

"Like her?"

He nodded. "And you."

"That might mean something to me, if you actually remembered sleeping with me, Brandon."

"I can't change the circumstances of last night."

"I know that."

"And I never intended to touch you. I certainly never intended it to happen against your will."

"But had I been fully onboard you would have expected sex without a condom?"

"It's what I would have wanted."

"I don't believe what I'm hearing, but I can assure you I wouldn't have voluntarily had unprotected sex with you or anyone else."

"Why not?"

"Because when I get pregnant, I want it to be as a result of a joint effort on the part of me and my husband. I have no desire or intentions of putting myself in the position of having to worry about an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy as a result of casual sex."

First she hinted that he had a big dick but lacked finesse. Now she was implying that sex with him was casual. "You didn't exactly give the impression that you were saving yourself for marriage when we met."

She stared at him for several moments before she finally responded. "I say something you don't want to hear and it's okay to insult me by pretending that I'm easy?"

He sat back against the loveseat.