Careful What You Ask For (18 page)

B
riana

I
couldn’t believe
I was so nervous about seeing my parents. I’d lost control of my wolf earlier in the day, and Patrick had tried to talk me through holding onto control, but he hadn’t stopped me from
changing
when I couldn’t hold on.

However, once I was the wolf, he’d ripped me back to human. It’d felt like he turned me inside out, and words can’t describe the pain. It was something close to what Randall had done, though Patrick had only done it once.

However, he’d fed me and held me, and even given me some energy to make me feel better an hour or so later. He told me there are consequences for losing control, and I was to the point he was going to give me lots of incentive to hold onto my humanity.

Patrick could’ve just kept me from
changing
in the first place, but I’m glad he didn’t. I want to succeed or fail on my own. I appreciate the coaching, the reminders… but I asked to be a werewolf, and now I have to learn to control it. Gonzo’s the one who told me sometimes it works best to bargain with the wolf instead of fighting her, and his advice had helped immensely. Sometimes, though, I just have to put my foot down and tell her how it’s going to be. Only I can do that. I can’t rely on Patrick for it because he isn’t always going to be around.

So, while he was holding me, I pointed out, “I’ve only been sleeping through the night in human form a few weeks. I worry that the cuff you put on me at night will become a crutch.”

“This is one of the things I love about you. Instead of being pissed at me for bringing you back the way I did, you point out I’m making things too easy on you.”

“I know why you did it. It hurt, and it didn’t have to, but I get it. I’m apparently about to take on a lot of power, and I need a ton of control. I got nervous and emotional and lost control, and that can’t happen.”

“It can happen — you just have to be able to time when it does. If we’re around humans who don’t know about us, I’ll keep you from
changing
, but there’ll be consequences later. If you’re in danger of
changing
around wolves, they’ll know if I stop it, so I may as well let you
change
and embarrass yourself — and then still give you consequences. Here at the house I’ll pull you back to human and it won’t be pleasant, but then it’ll be over.”

“I’ve felt your power, and I’ve had an idea of the times you were figuring out how to use it. When will I get it? After Duke and Brain warning me about it, I’m a little worried.”

“Randall will help us, but he wanted me to get used to it on my own a week or two, first. He’s promised to go over the basics before the first full moon run, and then to go deeper over the coming months.”

We needed to talk about the plans for the picnic, so I changed the subject. “I’ve ordered a giant outdoor canopy thing — basically a huge tent without the sides. There are mesh sides you can put on, and it may work for us to put one side on to help block the sun. The food’s been ordered, and you already have a place to play horseshoes, but I was thinking we need a volleyball net and a few balls, maybe?”

He nodded. “I’ll pick up a sandbox and a few of those plastic outdoor rocking horses. We have a couple of toddler aged kids, and they’ll need their own section.”

“Great idea! The MC even has a tiny picnic table in their children’s area. They also let them play with squirt guns, while the teens get splatterball guns.”

“I think we’ll skip the guns for this picnic, but it’s an idea for the future. What about music?”

We went over our to-do lists for another hour before we finally got dressed and drove to Randall’s.

I haven’t gone in Randall’s front door since I was a child — before we knew my wolf wasn’t going to show. He meets most non-Pack members around front and walks them around his house to the screened in porch.

Pack, however, comes in through the front door and congregates in his huge kitchen. Randall met us outside, and as I walked through the front door with him, tears filled my eyes.

He immediately understood, pulled me to the side, and held me. “You’re one of us, Bree. You’re family.”

I shook my head. “I was, then I wasn’t. Walking through this door again is bittersweet. All those years I didn’t belong. I was an outcast. It’s hard.”

He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Bree. If you want to help me with the kids who don’t
change
, I’ll welcome your advice. How do I push them away enough they’ll go out into the human world and create a life for themselves as humans, while not making them feel outcast?”

I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. “Yeah, I can help you with that. Maybe I can help them, too.” I gave him a shaky smile, then looked to Patrick. “I could use some fortifying strength right about now.”

Patrick held his hands out, palms up. I stepped out of Randall’s arms and rested my hands in Patrick’s.

And then sighed as Patrick’s warm, calming wolf energy filled every cell of my body. This wasn’t him giving me energy as much as it was him reminding me how much he loved me, and that we’d get through
anything
if we did it together.

“Your parents are on the back porch,” said Randall. “I’ll head back and let them know the two of you will be out in a moment.”

“No,” I told him. “I’m good. We’re good. We can all go back together.”

I hadn’t asked Patrick to let me shower before I met with the MC. I knew he wanted them to know we’d had sex, and I understood why. If we’d been walking into a room full of women he’d fucked, I’d have wanted my smell all over him.

However, I’d asked to take a shower before meeting with my parents, and after a few moments consideration, he’d decided we could shower together. And thank goodness, because my dad seemed ruffled just by sensing the amount of energy we now shared.

My mom hugged me long and hard while my dad and Patrick shook hands. My dad touched my arm as he looked into my eyes, and finally gave an unhappy sigh.

“I’d be happier if you’d come to Atlanta so we can watch over you properly. A new wolf has no business stepping into an Alpha role. These wolves are going to eat you alive.”

“The Ringgold Pack is small, Mike,” Randall assured him. “She has a huge learning curve ahead of her, but I have no doubt she’ll manage just fine.”

My dad had been Randall’s second, and he was now the third most powerful in the huge Atlanta Pack. Where Randall wanted to keep his Pack small enough for a family feel, and he encouraged the various urban and suburban areas to form their own Packs, the Atlanta Alpha was all about power, so his Pack was nearly a thousand strong and it encompassed a good portion of metro-Atlanta.

“I love you, Daddy, but I needed to find my own way.” I looked at Patrick, then back to my dad. “I intended to stay a lone wolf, but I fell in love with Patrick. I hope you can be happy for me.”

“We’re
so
happy for you,” my mom told me as she slid into our hug and made it a family hug. “We’ll always love you, no matter what, but we know how hurt you were when your wolf didn’t come. I’m so happy you have her, and yes, I’d hoped this meant you’d come home, but if you’ve made a life for yourself here, we’ll support you.”

“I’m just glad you’re over that motorcycle club nonsense,” my dad told me, his eyes hard. “Don’t think I don’t know what you did to get them to accept you.”

I had a couple of ways I could’ve answered him, but I made a fast decision in that moment, and I stepped out of his arms and met his gaze as if I were his equal. “I’m a woman who enjoys sex. If your son had bedded that many women you’d high-five him, but since I’m your daughter, it’s somehow shameful? I enjoyed every moment of my time with the MC. It’s over now and I love Patrick, but he’s well aware of what I did, and why, and he loves me for it. He loves me for who I am. He loves my strength and my adventurous spirit. You made me who I am, daddy. You’re the one who taught me to shoot, and fight, and made me learn so much self-control at such an early age. I grew into the daughter the two of you raised, and you can either accept me as I am, or go the hell back to Atlanta and leave me be.”

Okay, so maybe that was a little strong, and maybe I shouldn’t have said the last sentence, but I couldn’t take it back once it was out there. My dad’s gaze locked with mine and before I knew it, we were battling for dominance.

I heard Randall asking my dad if he really wanted to go there with me, and reminding him I’m a new wolf.

I’m not sure why Patrick didn’t advise me to look away, as most mentors would with a new wolf challenging a seasoned one
so
much stronger than her, but he didn’t.

And no way in hell was my wolf going to look away.
No. Fucking. Way.

I felt my dad’s energy pressing down, making it hard to breathe, but I didn’t care. I was my own damned person. This was my life, and he couldn’t just walk in and put me down. I stood taller despite his energy pushing at me, and I met his gaze with everything I had.

I remember my wolf wanting to come out, I remember my dad’s eyes turning wolf, but I didn’t realize at the time his eyes
changed
in response to mine doing so first. All I know for sure, is that when his
changed
, my wolf came to the surface and I was a breath or two away from
changing
.

Patrick’s voice brought me back a little as he said, “You lay a finger, tooth, or claw on her and it’ll be you and I fighting for dominance, Sir. This is your daughter and she needs your love and acceptance right now. She’s too far gone for logic, but if you’re as strong as people say then you should be able to pull both of you back.”

My dad snarled at Patrick and my wolf surged through me and out, but not like she had before. I was standing tall, my arms and hands that of the wolf, but my shoulders hinged like a human. Before I could take the first swipe at my dad, though, Randall’s energy crashed through and around me, and I was merely a puppet as he took over my brain and walked my body outside as if by remote control. I was still in my head, but he was in charge of my body.

Patrick came outside with me, and I felt Randall give his control to my lover. Patrick touched my cheek before he said, “I’m going to give your control back. You’re in warrior form, try to hold onto it a few moments before going back to human. Remember how it feels so you can get back to it. You managed it by accident this time, can you do it on purpose next time?”

I tried to form words, realized my jaw was more wolf than human, so I
thought
the words at him.
My dad. Have to deal with my dad.

“Randall’s setting your dad straight. Being part of an Alpha pair means prioritizing, and right now I need you to focus on your warrior form. One thing at a time. We’ll deal with your dad in a few minutes.”

I nodded as I felt this body. My feet and legs were… wrong. Knees and ankles at warped angles, but they worked. My torso was more human than wolf, but my neck and face seemed to be mostly wolf. I took a few steps on my own now that I was controlling this body. I moved my arms around, and then took up a boxing stance and threw a few punches — at an angle so I didn’t accidently hit Patrick.

When I was certain I had the feel of it down — and a way to remember it enough to get back — I stood still and imagined wiggling my fingers.

I shrank as I
changed
, until I was looking up at Patrick instead of down, and as soon as I could talk I said, “Food.”

I took a step and realized I’d shredded my clothes as I’d gone into warrior form, and now I was in rags hanging around me. I stopped long enough to rip them off, and Patrick helped me gather the scraps in the yard.

My dad was sitting on the steps leading into the porch as I approached.

“Randall’s getting you something to tide you over until he can get the steaks cooked,” my dad said, sitting so he was lower than me. “I thought you’d only turned last month, and had just been through a single full moon?”

I nodded. “That’s right.” Nudity isn’t supposed to bother shifters, but this was the first time I’d been nude as a woman in front of him, and it was weird. I was sure I’d be okay with it once I’d been through some large full moon runs, but I wasn’t there yet.

He shook his head. “No. New wolves don’t have a warrior form.”

“She hit it by accident, but I’m not surprised,” Patrick told him. “She’s been amazing all of us with her control. It isn’t perfect yet, and we still aren’t letting her go out in public without either Randall or myself, but she’s figuring everything out by leaps and bounds.”

My dad looked at Patrick a few seconds before looking at me, and he finally said. “I’m sorry I let things turn into a play for dominance. I’m the older wolf and I should’ve stopped it before it started. You’re right — I raised you, and I’m going to have to accept you for who you are.”

My mom came outside and sat with him, and I stretched for the Alpha energy I’d sensed Patrick using. I found it, reached my thoughts out to my parents, and got so many impressions from my mom — I realized for the first time what she’d gone through when she’d been bitten.

My dad had bitten her, and then gone overboard with making sure he was the top dog in the house. The way he’d acted with me, and my memories of how things had been when my mom had been human, and then later when she was wolf…

I shook my head as I backed out of their energy signature. We’d agreed this would be a short meeting, and I was suddenly happy I could bow out as soon as we ate.

My stomach growled as I thought about food, and Randall chuckled from the porch. “I stuck some leftover chicken in the microwave, come inside and eat. The steaks need another ten minutes.”

“Thanks,” I said as I made my way inside. “I’m sorry I lost control, but I didn’t like the way it felt when you…” I trailed off and tried to figure out how to say it without pissing him off. “A lot of people choose not to join the Pack because of the risk the Alpha can take them over the way you did me. I get why you did, but I
hate
the way it felt.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I had to, but I’m not sorry I did it. I handed you over to Patrick as quickly as I could. I knew what you were thinking and feeling.” He pointed to a cabinet on another wall. “There’s plenty of sweatpants and t-shirts in there. Grab something in your size.”