Carnal Secrets (41 page)

Stone smiled, making Shaya tense. “I tried to do a background check on you.” His tone was even, calm—that meant bad things, she knew. “No one would tell me anything. Why is that?”

Nick didn’t answer. He just smiled.

“If you have more contacts and allies than I do—and I have a
lot—
you must have won the loyalty of many people. All I’m really interested in knowing is if you’ve won the loyalty of my daughter and if you plan to give her the same in return.”

“Shaya’s always had my loyalty.”

“And he has mine,” Shaya told her father, leaning against Nick for a few seconds.

“You believe he deserves it?” It was a genuine question from Stone.

She nodded. “He hurt me, but he had his reasons for not claiming me—good ones. It’s complicated.”

Stone sighed, grumbling, “It always is with male shifters.”

Nick noticed his mate’s smile of amusement and gave her a mock scowl.

“What about you, Taryn?” asked Stone. “If anyone’s as protective of Shaya as I am—other than Nick here of course”—said with so much patronization that Marcus almost choked on a laugh—“it’s you. Is he worthy of her?”

Taryn snorted. “No one’s worthy of Shaya. But she’s right—he had his reasons for not claiming her initially. He’s proven over and over that she comes first. Also, he’s
totally
whipped, if that makes you feel any better.”

Nick scowled at the blonde. “I’m not whipped.”

“Of course you’re not,” placated Shaya, patting his arm, “you’re just well trained.” She laughed at his low growl. Turning to her father, she said, “I wanted to tell you, I have an interview for a mediator position. If I get it—”

“You’ll get it,” insisted Nick with utter confidence.

“—it’ll mean I get to go traveling. Maybe I’ll even see some of the places you used to tell me all about when I was little.”

Stone’s smile was genuine this time as he took Shaya’s free hand in his. He gave Nick a small nod, which could be translated to “I’ll accept you
for now
.” It might not be a gushing reception, but it was enough to lift her spirits. Then Gabrielle went and spoiled the moment.

“Traveling? Have you not learned anything from watching my relationship with your father? Mates shouldn’t be separated for long periods at a time.” She looked at Nick then. “You’ll soon have an idea how I’ve felt all my life.”

“I’ll be going with Shaya,” Nick told her, barely refraining from snapping at the woman. “Where she goes, I go.”

“Nice idea,” said Stone.

Gabrielle turned to her mate, spluttering. “You never took me with you.”

“I couldn’t have taken you into war zones, despite that it was an appealing idea at times. Then you’d have known what suffering
really
is. And maybe you would have stopped being so self-centered and paid attention to our daughter.”

Gabrielle gasped in outrage, but it was Shaya she snarled at. “It’s difficult to give attention to an ungrateful, inconsiderate—”

“Enough,” said Nick quietly, his voice still filled with authority. Gabrielle’s eyes widened. “
No one
speaks to my mate like that. Not even her mother. In my opinion, though, I shouldn’t have to order her mother not to do so.”

“You don’t know what it’s been like for me,” claimed Gabrielle. “You don’t know how hard it is to lose one child and then find that the other is selfish and—”

“One more insult,” rumbled Nick, “and you leave.”

Shaya rubbed her jaw against his upper arm, hoping to calm him. “I’ve never asked you for anything, Mom. But I’m asking you now…if you can’t be happy for me, if you can’t be part of my life without trying to hurt me, leave me alone.”

“Trying to hurt you?” echoed Gabrielle, her tone incredulous, but Nick was aware the female knew what Shaya meant.

“You displaced your guilt onto Shaya.”

Gabrielle gawked at Nick. “Excuse me?”

“You were heartbroken when your other daughter died in the womb—of course you were. You felt responsible, felt guilty. But you couldn’t handle the weight of that guilt, so you transferred it onto Shaya. And she’s carried it all her life, and you let her. The times you left her alone in the house…you did that because that was what your mate did to you, left you alone. You wanted someone else to suffer. All your life you’ve escaped your own pain by dumping it on Shaya. No more. As she said, if you can’t be in her life without hurting her, you need to leave it.”

Gabrielle spluttered again and looked at her mate, expecting him to defend her. He didn’t. Nick knew it wasn’t because the guy feared him; it was most likely that he knew Nick was right and that Shaya deserved better than what Gabrielle had to give.

“Well, what will it be?” Shaya asked, her voice strong.

Gabrielle averted her gaze, concentrating on a spot on the wall. She was quiet for a minute. “When is your mating ceremony?”

“In a couple of days.”

Without looking at Shaya, she said, “We’ll be there.”

Shaya knew that was the equivalent of Gabrielle saying she was backing down and wished to stay in her life, but it wasn’t the “sorry and I love you” that she would have preferred—not that she had expected, or would ever expect, to hear that, but a girl could dream.

Abruptly, Gabrielle rose to her feet and headed for the doorway, where she waited as Stone said his good-byes to Shaya and Nick.

Just as she was about to leave, Nick called out, “If you hurt her again, Gabrielle, the choice of whether or not you remain in Shaya’s life will be taken out of your hands.”

Again Gabrielle looked to Stone for support. Again, she got none. Still, she claimed haughtily, “Her father would never allow that.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that. Like me, he has Shaya’s best interests at heart. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?” Swallowing hard, the woman left with her mate following behind her, who was shaking his head at the woman—looking exasperated.

Nick turned back to Shaya, pulling her into the cradle of his shoulder. “Okay, baby?” When she nodded, he nipped her earlobe. She gave a cute little yelp. “Don’t lie.”

She sighed, shrugging. “What do you want me to say? Sure, I wish things could be easier between my mother and me, but they’re not. At least she’s willing to try. That was more than I would have expected. It’s a relief my father seems to like you.”

“I’m not so sure he likes me, but he’s reconsidering the idea of shooting me with the Glock he’s carrying, which is good enough.”

Shaya smiled. “I wondered if you’d notice. He carries it everywhere.” She waved a hand. “No more about them. We have more important things to worry about.”

“Yes, unfortunately, we do.”

As it was important that Nick knew every inch of pack territory in preparation for the attack, Shaya took him on a thorough tour of the land while they were in their wolf forms after breakfast. She showed him every lake, every clearing, every hidden entrance to the caves. She even showed him the “hut”—the small building where trespassers were taken to be interrogated by Dante.

When they stopped at a particular lake, she shifted back to her human form. “This is my favorite spot on Phoenix land. Come on, I want to swim.”

Back in his human form, Nick glanced around, taking in his surroundings. Instantly, he understood. “You used to come here to be alone, didn’t you?” he asked, smiling. It was almost funny, considering she was so sociable.

“Yes,” she admitted, slowly going deeper and deeper into the lake. “Sometimes a girl likes a little alone time.”

He gasped in mock outrage. “All this time you’ve been poking fun at me for preferring solitude, and you actually have your own secret spot. I feel so betrayed.”

She laughed. “The main reason I used to come here a lot is that it reminds me of a spot in the land my dad and I used to go hunting on.”

Nick joined her in the water and pulled her against him, wanting her skin against his. “Tell me about these hunting trips.”

“Well, you know all shifters take their kids hunting; they shift into their animal forms and teach their kids how to hunt rabbits and other animals. Of course Stone couldn’t do that because he’s human. So he took me hunting with him in my human form. We used different weapons, eventually working up to shotguns and rifles. I like rifles best.”

“Your Alphas let you do that? Most shifters hate the use of weapons.”

“No, we weren’t allowed to hunt on pack territory. Occasionally, my dad would take me to a place called Oakdon Creek and rent the private hunting lodge there for a week. Well, ‘lodge’ isn’t really the right word. It was more like a huge rustic mansion. I used to love it—it was literally my favorite place in the world. It was peaceful and relaxing, yet wild and untamed. And it was my refuge too—or, at least, that was how it felt because they were the times when I wasn’t required to run around after my mother.”

“She had you doing that even as a kid?” Nick barely held back a growl.

Shaya shrugged, sliding her arms around his neck. “I was just a supply of attention to her.”

He rubbed a soothing hand up and down her upper back. “Do you and your dad still go on these trips?”

“No. When I was seventeen, the place was bought by a human company that hated shifters. They knew my dad belonged to a wolf pack and that I had to therefore be a half-shifter, so they saw him as a traitor and refused to let us rent the lodge anymore.”

Assholes. “How often did you used to come out here for some alone time?”

“I didn’t always come alone. Sometimes I’d bring Taryn. I also came here a lot with Marcus.” At Nick’s low growl, she quickly added, rolling her eyes, “We didn’t go swimming together. We just came and sat on that fallen tree over there whenever I needed to talk.”

“About what?” He found he didn’t like the idea of her confiding in another male.

“You. See, I never told anybody in the beginning. It was for two reasons, really. One, I was embarrassed and ashamed that my own mate didn’t appear to want me. Two, I knew that Taryn would break your nose and then the pack would force the claiming—I wanted you to come for me because you
wanted
me, no other reason. So I kept it to myself. But Marcus…He’d guessed I was upset about something, and he
hounded
me until I told him. Not out of nosiness; Marcus just has a very protective streak. He’s so easy to talk to that I found myself telling him about you being my true mate and stuff. Despite being an enforcer and very close to Trey, he kept the secret for me from even them.”

The idea of her feeling so embarrassed, of her carrying that painful secret around and feeling so unbelievably alone, almost put a lump in his throat. It also made him want to punch himself. “I’m glad you had someone here for you when I wasn’t.”

“Stop feeling guilty. You had your reasons; let it go.”

Like that would ever happen. Whether he’d meant to hurt her or not, he’d still caused his mate pain, and that was something he couldn’t forgive himself for. “Anyway, you don’t need Marcus anymore, you have me.”

“I can have friends too,” she chuckled.

He slid his hands down to cup that ass he loved. “Of course you can, and I’m sure you’ll still confide in them about things, but I’d like to think I’ll be your first port of call if you need to talk.”

That was when Shaya realized something—something she couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed before. “You feel threatened by my close friendship with Taryn.”

“Not threatened exactly. But I see how much more open you are with her than with anyone else.” And it hurt that she wasn’t that open with him. He’d told her when he claimed her that he wouldn’t allow her to hold back from him anymore, that he wanted all of her. And he
did
have all of her…but he didn’t have her total trust, and that was one of the most important things to him.

Feeling
that it wounded him, she softly said, “I trust you as much as I trust her.”

“But?” He could tell there was one.

“But…it’s different with Taryn. I don’t mean she’s more important to me than you. It’s hard to explain.” After a short pause, she spoke. “She was there for me when I needed someone—since I was four, she’s been that one constant thing that I knew I could rely on. But really, I never relied on her; I wouldn’t let myself rely on anyone. She gave me the comfort of knowing that if I
did
want to rely on someone, she was there. But she would never demand it from me, so there was no pressure.

“With you…it’s something I have to give you at some point, but I don’t know how to emotionally rely on another person, how to trust them. I
know
I can rely on you, and I do in some ways. But holding back a little…it’s like my safety cushion. It means that if things mess up, I’ve kept a part of me safe, so it won’t utterly destroy me. I don’t know how to trust that I don’t need a safety cushion; that you’re all the safety I need. But I am trying. I really am.”

To some extent, Nick could understand that. He’d never relied on others either. As a child, it had been an act of defiance, a determination to be independent in every sense—most alphas were like that as kids. But then he’d gone to juvie and there had been no one to rely on; all he’d had was himself. When he’d been released from juvie, it was to be thrust into the position of Alpha and have others relying on him.

It could be said that Nick had ignored his own needs for a very long time, which had been helped along by his inability to fully connect with people. But with Shaya, he
wanted
that connection; he didn’t resent that she would be someone who would need to be able to rely on him. He liked the idea of being her source of security, just the way he liked how she balanced him out. Where he was unsociable and withdrawn, she was outgoing and had an ease with people. Where he was hard and remote, she was life and sensuality. Where he was often too serious and intense, she was light and laughter. She made him
live
, forced him to crack the shell he had around himself and try to accept others in his life.

No one else had ever gotten so close to him, because he hadn’t wanted them to. But he didn’t hold back with Shaya, never had. That was why it pained him so much that she didn’t feel totally safe with him. The fact that she considered him in some way a danger to her caused an ache in his chest.