Carol's Image (6 page)

“I really need to get back. I have to get ready for work,” she said, reluctance in her voice.

As they walked the short distance to her building, he asked, “So do you always run that far and that fast? Are you training for a marathon?” Taking her silence into consideration, he continued, “Angel, you said something about running off your breakfast. Was that what you were trying to do?”

Jerking her head toward him her blue eyes grew large as she sucked in her lips in contemplation. Shrugging her shoulders, she simply replied, “No. Not really. I just felt… full and thought a run would help.”

Not trusting that she was telling the whole truth he decided not to pursue the point, which went against everything he was trained to do. As a detective, as soon as he found a discrepancy in a witness’ statement he went in for the tough questioning.
Back off. Let this one slide. Wait until she trusts. And. She. Will. Trust.

At the door of her apartment building he took her hand once again and raised it for a kiss. “I am glad I came running with you. I didn’t want you to think I was stalking, but I just really wanted to see you again.”

Smiling up into his eyes, she was struck with how handsome he was. Even the sweat running down his body only made her want to pull him in for a kiss. “I had a good time too, Tom.” Starting to pull her hand away as she turned toward the door, she felt herself gently tugged back. Looking up in question, she found herself staring into his lowered face as his eyes bore into hers. His lips touched hers in the softest kiss before he pulled away. So gentle. So kind. A whisper of a kiss that spoke volumes. The spark that she felt every time they touched made her lips tingle where his had been.

“See you soon, angel,” he said, smiling.

She watched him turn and move to his truck parked across the street. Walking up the stairs of her building, she realized she felt happy. Hopeful. Out of control. Pulling out her cell phone she called Ronda.

*

“You seem unusually stressed, Carol,” Ronda commented.

“I was just feeling out of control and felt the need to talk.” Shaking her head, she looked down at her hands. “I haven’t thought about my childhood in a long time and yet I found myself thinking about it more and more recently.”

“Does this have anything to do with
the someone
that you met a while back?”

Carol blushed and nodded. “Yes, I suppose it does. We’re not dating or anything like that. But he seems interested, although I have no idea what he sees in me. My god, he is gorgeous and could have any woman around.”

“Does this make you feel out of control?” Ronda gently prodded.

“He took me to breakfast where I was so nervous I ordered too much food, ate too much food, then found myself running forever trying to get rid of the excess calories.” Pausing to gather her thoughts, she continued. “I think he noticed. But I just covered it up. Nothing like scaring away a potential date by announcing ‘oh, by the way, I’m bulimic!’ I think I handled it well though.”

“I’m sure you did, although you do realize that if you begin to see this man, or any man for that matter, the subject will need to come up.”

Nodding in resignation, Carol agreed. “Yeah, but it needs to be on my time. I’d rather he have a good image of me before the finds out that piece of information.”

Moving on, Ronda pressed her about her childhood. “What specifically have you been thinking about?”

“It was after I was running. I remembered what it felt like to discover that I was chubby and how disappointing that was to my parents. I remember being summoned into their presence to discuss my weight.”

“That must have been difficult. How old were you?”

Carol let her mind wander back to when she was twelve. She could see the events in her mind as clearly as if they were yesterday. Leaning her head back on the chair, she began to speak.

“I could hear the admonishment in my mother’s voice even as she just said my name…

“Yes ma’am?” I answered respectfully, as I walked into the dining room. My father sat at the head of the table with his coffee next to the morning newspaper. My mother, perfectly coiffed, sat next to him.

“Your father and I looked over your report card last evening. You have all A’s in every subject except for gym. You received a B. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Before I could answer my father looked over at me, his eyes scanning me from head to toe. “You must have all A’s to get into law school after getting into college. Receiving a B in gym class is unacceptable.”

Looking down at my feet, I replied, “I have trouble running. I can’t keep up.”

“Look at me when addressing me, young lady.”

Raising my gaze back up to my parents, I wished I wasn’t such a disappointment. I tried, I really did. I made sure my hair was always fixed, and my clothes were always hung up. My grades were perfect, well except for the B in gym class. I was quiet, polite, and always respectful.

“Carol, your father and I just want the best for you, dear. You are a beautiful young woman, but you need to lose some weight. We think if you were thinner you would be able to maintain an A in all of your classes. We have hired a trainer to come after school and we are putting you on a strict diet.”

My palms sweating, I ran my hands along my thighs, feeling the tightness of my jeans. I hate running. Sighing deeply I simply smiled at my parents, nodding my head. “That would be nice mom. Thank you dad.”

Her father, nodded his pleasure at his daughter’s acquiescence. “We have to have you in top shape to run the law firm with your old man, right?”

Dismissed, I turned and walked through the dining room into the kitchen. Looking around to make sure no one was watching, I grabbed a few cookies as I headed up to my room. I’ll run them off tomorrow.

As she finished her story she looked into Ronda’s understanding eyes. Sighing, she continued, “I have no idea why that incident popped into my head.”

“You tell me that you have been running just for exercise and to get fresh air after being in the hospital for such long shifts. And yet, you have admitted to recently trying to run off the calories just like you did years ago. I don’t think it is that unusual for your mind to travel back in time to when running was associated with weight loss.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Carol admitted. “It was the combination of the invitation and wanting to make a good impression on Tom, but the idea of a relationship is scary.”

“All relationships are scary because you bare yourself to the other person, not knowing if they will accept you or reject you.” The comfortable silence flowed around the two women for a few minutes, allowing Carol to consider her words.

A small smile curved the edges of Carol’s mouth. The tentative smile turned into a beautiful grin, as she looked over at Ronda. “I think I would like to try. I like the way he makes me feel,” she acknowledged. “Safe, secure, and maybe even pretty. I like that.”

“Well then my dear. I think you are still moving forward beautifully. You know that with bulimia you will have some setbacks. And that’s fine. Life is all about moving forward, even if we occasionally move sideways or backward!”

Laughing, the two women rose from their chairs and embraced before parting.

“W
here you headin’ off to?” Jake asked his partner, early the next day, having just come in from his run before work.

“Thought I would go by the hospital and see James.”

“Uh huh. I think visitin’ hours haven’t started yet. You plannin’ on checkin’ out the ER while you’re there?”

Tom grinned at Jake, “Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to seein’ who’s there.” Grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair he swung it around, dangling it by one finger across his shoulder.

“Well, take care of that angel. You don’t want her wings gettin’ clipped.”

“No worries there, Jake. That woman’s special,” Tom replied, as he turned and walked out of the station.

Arriving at the hospital he went up to James’ room first to check on him. Jen was just arriving and greeted him warmly.

“Hey, Jen,” he said, looking down at her very pregnant stomach. “How’s little Jimmy today?”

“Oh, he’s ready to come out and meet his daddy, but I told him to wait a bit. Let me deal with getting James home before this one arrives.”

Placing his arm around her, pulling her in for a hug, he replied, “You know you have all of us, right?”

She smiled up at him knowing the brotherhood of the police force would see her and James through and hugged him tighter.

Just then the elevator doors opened, and Carol walked through looking at Tom comforting Jen. Smiling as she walked over, she greeted them both, placing her tiny hand on Jen’s arm, “How are you doing?”

Jen returned the smile, assuring Carol that she was fine. Carol’s eyes raised to Tom’s, once again stunned by the male glory in front of her.
He wants to take me to dinner?
She was just getting ready to greet him when her pager sounded calling her back to the ER.

“That’s odd. My shift is over – they must be shorthanded right now.” Hugging Jen goodbye, she turned to walk to the elevator.

“May I escort you to the ER?” he asked, reaching beyond her to push the elevator buttons. “I’m headin’ out anyway.”

Smiling her agreement they made their way to the ER, only to find it chaotic. A young man, wild-eyed and cursing, half-dressed with the hospital gown falling off was running down the hallway, pushing carts into the way of the pursuing security guard. Appearing to be intoxicated, he was swinging his arms around as though to hit something in his imagination. Before Tom could react, Carol ran toward the man, who knocked her down as he was stumbling forward. He fell to the floor as Tom and the security guard jumped on him, pulling out their handcuffs. The drunken man managed to kick out one last time, catching her on the shoulder knocking her into the wall.

“Goddamn it!” Tom roared. Fury overtook him as he hauled the man up, pulling back his arm to punch the drunken fool. The new security guard, not knowing what to do just stood back.

Scrambling off the floor, she launched herself between the drunk and Tom, barely missing his flying fist. “No,” she screamed. “He’s a patient!”

Tom, anger at an all-time high, grabbed Carol to pull her out of the way. Hauling her by her arms, he removed her to the side while shouting orders to the security guard, now accompanied by several other guards. “Get him the fuck handcuffed to a bed!” he growled.

Carol, shaken, realized that while Tom had her upper arms in a firm grasp, he was not hurting her in the least. It felt secure. It felt safe. It felt right. It felt –

“What the fuck were you doin’ runnin’ toward his drunken ass?” Tom roared at her, shocking her out of her sense of calm.

Attempting without success to jerk away from him she looked up, eyes blazing, “I was doing my job. Trying to stop the patient from hurting himself or someone else in the process.” She shook her finger at him, poking him in the chest, continuing her tirade. “I am not some helpless female that is going to fall apart at the first sign of trouble.” Poke, poke. “And furthermore, I am not some female that is going to fall at your feet just because you decide to go all caveman on me!”

Blonde hair escaping her ponytail. Blue eyes snapping. Cheeks rosy from exertion.
She looks more beautiful as an avenging angel than ever.
Tom wanted to grab her and kiss her until she was silent. Then kiss her until she moaned. Then kiss her until she…
Damn!
Trying to discreetly adjust the tightness in his jeans, he looked down at her imagining all that energy pouring off of her aimed at him as he took her.

Whirling around, she walked down the hall, holding her head high. Her shoulder was in agony, but she was determined to not let him see her in pain.

Starting to follow her, he was called back.

“Hey dickwad. Way to make a lady feel good!” Rob laughed.

Tom, glaring at his friend just growled, “What the hell are you doin’ here?”

Rob, still laughing, replied, “We’re the ones who brought the drunk in.” His eyes darted down the hall at Carol’s retreating back and his laughter stilled. “Sorry about that man. I assumed the security guard would put him in a secure lockdown area while they were checkin’ him out. She okay?”

“I don’t know. That asshole kicked her pretty hard.” Rubbing his hand over his face in frustration, he started walking in the direction where she was headed.

“Good luck,” Rob called after him.

Tom just waved in return as he continued walking down the ER hallway toward the nursing station. Hearing familiar voices coming from one of the examining rooms, he started to interrupt until he heard a female’s voice tell Carol to take off her scrub top.
Fuck, what would I give to be in there right now?
Knowing he had no choice, he stopped outside.

“God almighty, girl. You sure know how to pick a fight, don’t you?”

“Sofia, I don’t know what made me angrier. That drunk patient or caveman detective,” Carol replied.