Cart Before The Horse (14 page)

to tell him wasn’t worth the air it would take to speak.
“Get some rest.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, and she lifted his legs and covered him up.
As she did so, the picture of him and Jasmine

fell from his hands and to the floor. She felt the tears burn her eyes, but she wasn’t going to cry. He might have said he loved her, but he’d always love Jasmine more. Holly would always know that. She picked up the picture and looked down at the happy faces he’d been staring at all day. It wasn’t but a moment later and he was asleep. She was glad, for his sake. By the looks of the apartment, he’d mourned all day.

She turned off the lights, shut his door, and went about picking up the mess he’d left.
She set the beer bottles on the table to take back down to the recycle bin later, put the bottle of Jack in a cupboard, washed his dishes, and put away the groceries she’d brought for another night. Before she left, she took the empty picture frame and replaced the picture. For a moment, she stared at it. Did he look at her like that? Would
he someday?

She set the picture back by his chair and then picked it up again.
She walked it to the mantel and placed it right in the middle among the rest of his family. His wife belonged there.

She turned off the lights, closed the door, and headed back downstairs.

The group of twenty had multiplied, and the entire restaurant was full and so was every seat at the bar. Chandra caught her eye and she knew by the glare she was asking if he was coming back down. Holly firmly shook her head and headed right for her.

“Where would I be the most help?” she asked.

“What? What are you talking about?” Chandra poured two beers and set them in front of the two men at the bar.

“What can I do to help?”

Chandra gave her a look as two of the perky-titted waitresses came to the end of the bar with orders. She reached for

an apron and threw it at Holly.
“This tray of drinks goes to table six.” She pointed to a table in the corner. “You ever done something like this?”

“Never,” she said as she picked up the tray, which was

much heavier than she’d thought it would be, and walked to the table.
This was only the first two minutes into a long night, she assumed. How did those women do it every night and still smile at the customers?

The night went on like that until ten.
Holly served drinks, bussed tables, cleaned up after one very messy kid, and earned thirty dollars in tips. When Chandra locked the door after the last diner had left, Holly sat at the bar and lifted her feet to the other stool.

“Does that happen often?”

“What, the rush?” Holly nodded and Chandra grinned. “All the damn time.” She pushed a mug of hot water toward her and handed her the box of teas. “Thanks for stepping in. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I needed to, for Gabe.”
She chose a tea and put it in
the water.

“Is he okay?”

Holly shrugged. “He passed out a few moments after I got up there. He’ll be okay.”

Chandra rested her hip against the bar.
“Don’t get discouraged, okay?”

“I’m not.” She swallowed down the regret that it was a lie.
She was discouraged and saddened by what she’d seen. Holly brushed her hair away from her face and sat up straight. “Jasmine will always come first.”

“That’s bullshit.”

Holly snickered. But after better thought she stiffened her face and looked down at her tea. “What do you mean?”

“Sure.
She was his wife. They were married for a few years before she died. That was six years ago. Now he has you.”

“Well, he didn’t choose that.”

“Like hell he didn’t. You do realize you both left here stuck to each other and slept in the same bed.”

Holly looked around as if to see if anyone else had heard that.
“But it wasn’t planned. It just happened.”

Chandra shook her head, turned, and poured herself a cup of coffee, then returned to the bar and looked at Holly. “I’ve worked for him since he got here. Not once have I ever seen him leave with anyone or take a woman upstairs. He works his ass off and that’s all he ever did until you came along.” She sipped her coffee. “And for those few months after you walked out on him, he did nothing but watch that door, hoping you’d walk back through it.”

The breath that escaped her lungs took with it her straight spine.
She relaxed into the chair and embraced the secret Chandra was sharing. “Really?”

Chandra nodded.
“You know what he told me when he took that bottle upstairs? He said he had to let her go. This was his goodbye salute.”

It hadn’t looked that way to her. “I don’t understand.”

“Didn’t you ever have a grandparent who died? Or a friend or something?”

“Sure.”

“And didn’t you talk to them? After they were gone
I mean?”

Holly thought of the conversation she’d had that morning with the baby and nodded.

“Well, it’s like that. He went upstairs to tell her goodbye. To get mad that some SOB took her life away. If he doesn’t let go of it, he can’t move on with you.” Chandra drank her coffee. “What do you want from him?”

“I don’t know.
All of this was so unexpected.”

“That’s when it’s the best.”

“I came here tonight to tell him I love him. It came to me today, and it was such a clear feeling. I couldn’t wait to
tell him.”

Chandra threw her hands in the air. “Crappy timing, huh?” She let out a grunt as if she too had been waiting for that m
oment to insure that Gabe was getting what he deserved. Holly was sure she didn’t want to let either of them down.

“We’ll see how he feels about it some other day.” Holly sat up and put her feet on the ground. “What else can I help with?”

“Go home.”
Chandra took Holly’s mug and poured it out. “Get off your feet and take care of yourself and your baby.”

Holly stood and put her hands on her aching back.
She hadn’t realized she’d walked around as much as she had. She took her coat off the rack by the door.

“Hey, Hol.
Thanks for the help. You’re a keeper in
my book.”

Holly smiled.
That meant a lot.

She didn’t hear from Gabe all of Tuesday, and it was Wednesday after work before he showed up at her door. She stood there in a pair of ratty pajamas with a bowl of cereal in her hand, looking him over.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Sorry. I didn’t expect you.” She backed up from the door and let him through. “Can I offer you some Special K?”

“No, thanks.”
He walked into the living room and turned to her. “I heard you got your contract. Congratulations.” His voice was soft.

“We did.
It’ll be a lucrative one.” She took a bite of her cereal, then felt strange about eating it. She excused herself to the kitchen. “Take your coat off and have a seat,” she hollered over the running water of the sink.

He was standing by the window when she walked back i
nto the room. He turned when he noticed her. “I’m sorry for the other night. I wasn’t very nice to you.”

“You had things on your mind.”

“I did. I had you on my mind.”

She didn’t know quite what to say to that, so she didn’t speak at all.
She sat down in a chair and looked up at him.

“I had to have one last night, Holly.
I hope you
understand that.”

“Gabe, you don’t have to explain things to me.”

“I feel like I do.”
He knelt down in front of her, and her heart began to race. “I loved her, Holly. I loved her like I never thought I could love anyone.”

She pushed down the sharp pain that pierced her chest.
Those were not the words she wanted to hear when she’d finally realized she loved him as much as she did. She looked down at her hands, but he gathered them in his and it forced her eyes back to his. A shield of sadness in them made her hate that because of her he’d been forced to move on from Jasmine. She shook her head. “Please. You don’t…”

“I loved her.
I’ve missed her for so long. I’d thought about ending it a million times because it hurt so bad.”

She looked away.
She didn’t want to hear it.

“That was until you walked through my door,” he said, and she turned to face him again.
“I’ve felt guilty for the past few weeks because all I could think about was you. I fall asleep and I see your face. I get your texts and I smile. I drive by your office and I get excited knowing you’re inside.” He lifted her hands to his lips. “I didn’t know I could love again.”

She pulled her hands back and stood. “Please, don’t.”

He stood and grabbed hold of her arms. “The other night was saying goodbye. One last night to feel bad that six years ago my life was ripped apart. Six years ago someone else took over my life and I let it nearly drag me under.” He reached his hand to her cheek. “Almost three months ago you walked into my life, and for the first time in years I was alive again. I’ll admit you telling me you were pregnant threw me a bit. But it meant you’d be in my life forever. It was as if I’d been cured of a disease. I could live again.”

That was too much of a burden on her.
She felt the pain in her chest again. “I’m not her. You can’t just replace her.”

“I’m not.
I’m moving on.” He pulled her into his arms. “You told your parents you were going to marry me. That meant you were going to try to live a life with me and our baby.”

“My mother and I went and bought my dress,” she said

softly
.

He pulled back to look at her.
“Is it here? Can I see it?”

She let out a little laugh.
“No and no.” She stepped away from him and paced a circle before looking back at him standing in her living room looking so handsome. “I came by the other night because I had something I wanted to tell you.”

“What was it?”

“I had a talk with the baby.”

“You talked to the baby?”

She smiled and rested her hands on her stomach. “Yes. Before my meeting. And it was as if suddenly everything made sense. I knew right then and there I want this baby and I want the life that comes with it.” She sighed and looked back up at him. “Then later I was standing in my wedding dress, and I knew at that moment I wanted you. I love you.”

The expression on his face went blank.
She wanted to cry, but she wasn’t going to. Damn her hormones for turning every emotion to tears. If he didn’t love like he’d led her to believe he did, well then to hell with him. She would just…

“Say it again,” he said.

“This isn’t a game, Gabe.”

“Say it again.”
He moved closer to her.

“I said I love you.”

“I never thought you’d ever say that.” He slid his arms around her waist. “I’ve dreamed you’d say it, but I didn’t think you would.”

“I’m not just some cold, inhuman thing, you know.”

“I know. But you’re a little stubborn.” He nipped her lips with a kiss. “Say it again.”

The pain in her chest eased, and her entire body became pliant in his arms. “I love you.”

He kissed her. He kissed her with a power she’d never been kissed, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight. She wanted him to love her as they should have before they’d climbed into bed together. She wanted to feel

him hold her and pull her under with his passion for her.

“Wait.” He pulled back and rested his forehead to hers.
“I just realized something.” He took a step back and got down on his knee. “I never asked you to marry me, properly.”

“Gabe,” she laughed.
“Get up. I think we’re way past
this point.”

“No.
We talked about it. You shook off my very meek proposal and accepted a ring your father gave to me under a misconception.” He took her hand and looked up at her. “Holly Jacobs, will you please do me the honor of marrying me and be my wife?”

She smiled until her cheeks hurt.
“Yes. I will marry you. And I look forward to being your wife.”

He stood. “And will you consider having more children with me?”

She felt the blood drain from her face, but she held on to him tightly to keep herself from swaying. “You sure know how to take a moment and keep going, don’t you?”

“Do you love me?”
He bent his head and grazed her neck with a kiss.

She let out a sigh and closed her eyes.
“Yes.”

“You’ll marry me?”