Cartel (24 page)

It killed him to walk out of that room and leave her with his father. She was good with the books, so good that Emilio would hopefully consider her valuable and keep her around. In the meantime, though, it was going to be up to Dornan to keep her out of harm’s way, while at the same time not alerting his father to how he felt about the girl.

I think I love you.

Her words ran through his head, over and over again, filling him with fear, with wild rage. When he reached the small bathroom he locked himself in, shedding bloody clothes on the floor.

Fuck, how he wanted her to be here with him. If she were here, he’d throw her up against these tiles, wrap her legs around his waist, and drive into her until he was feeling good again. Because around her, all he felt was arousal and fear, fear that she would be taken from him, fear that he’d lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Dornan turned the water on and stepped into the shower, that familiar rage at his father duelling with his constant need for approval from the man.
Blood is thicker than water
, he told himself.
The family comes before the girl.

But even as he repeated those words to himself, he knew he didn’t really mean them. He craved his father’s approval; but his heart didn’t know that. The things he felt for Mariana, he’d never felt before for anyone. It was a dangerous proposition, to be falling in love with a woman who was owned by the cartel. At any moment, Emilio could decide to move her, or just kill her, and there was not a thing Dornan could do about it.

The last woman he’d truly loved wasn’t even owned by the cartel, and she’d still been taken from him. Eight years, and nothing. Her memory taunted him as he thought of Mariana, as he wondered if their fates would be the same.

He roared, lashing out with his fists. He connected with hard tile, his knuckles blossoming with pain as they smashed into the unforgiving wall, the pain bringing him some strange sort of calm, some clarity among the chaos that raged within him. He might not be able to fully control what happened to Mariana, but he had to at least try. After all, he’d kept Emilio away from John all these years, kept him from killing the man who had too much of a conscience, in Emilio’s words, to be a part of their world, much less be in control of the Gypsy Brothers.
Yes
, Dornan decided,
he could do this
. He would do it, for her, because she’d been terrified when she had let those words fall from trembling lips —
I think I love you
— and he couldn’t bear the thought that she would fall in love with a man like himself, only to be punished with a bullet to the head.

He bore the afternoon patiently, not daring to go back to the bedroom and seek her out. When it came time to leave, he entered the bedroom to find her still sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at her hands. When she saw him, the relief on her face was palpable. It almost broke his black heart when she looked at him like that — when she was so fucking happy that her monstrous hero had returned.

They didn’t speak. He led her downstairs, into the garage, and jerked his thumb at the bike. His heart thumped wildly as she climbed on behind him.

When they got back to the apartment, he acted casually. After all these years, he still didn’t know if he was paranoid, or if his father’s eyes really did follow him everywhere he went. As soon as the front door closed behind them, he pointed to the bathroom. ‘Get in the shower,’ he ordered. ‘Now.’

For once, she didn’t argue. Maybe she had heard the desperation in his voice. The fear. He followed her, like a lion stalking its prey, slow and methodical.

She undressed quickly, turning on the water and standing under the spray. Waiting for him. His cock stirred at the sight of her naked body, the way her full breasts practically begged him to grab them, the slight wave in her dark brown hair that reminded him of the times he’d wound it around his fist and pulled.

He undressed, stepping in beside her, relieved that they could finally speak somewhere safe.

He pressed her against the wall and lowered his mouth to her ear.

‘That was too close today,’ he murmured. ‘Too close.’

She nodded feverishly at his words.

‘If my father finds out about us, Ana, he’ll kill you. You know that, right?’

Another emphatic nod. Dornan drew back so he could take in her face.

‘I would die if anything bad happened to you,’ he said firmly, and her eyes widened slightly at his admission. ‘We have to be more careful, you understand?’

‘Yeah,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘Yeah, I understand.’

I think I love you
. Her words came back to haunt him.

‘And darlin’?’ he added. She raised her eyebrows in response.

He grinned, resting one hand in the hollow of her throat as he caged her against the wall.

‘I think I fuckin’ love you, too.’ He pressed his lips to her forehead, knowing that with his own admission, he had probably damned them both to hell.

He drew back to see her reaction, laughing when he saw the smirk on her face.

‘I don’t know if I believe you,’ she said playfully, running a finger down his arm. ‘I think you should show me.’

His grin grew so wide, he thought his face might break.

‘You are gonna be the death of me,’ he growled, grabbing her and picking her up effortlessly. He pinned her to the wall, spreading wet kisses down her neck.

‘Oh, God,’ she moaned underneath his touch, ‘I can think of worse ways to die.’

To be continued in

Kingpin …

KINGPIN

The second scorching novel in the Cartel trilogy

Mariana and Dornan struggle to define their twisted relationship amid the wreckage of their warring families. With their forbidden love built on a foundation of lies, it’s only a matter of time before everything they’ve built comes crashing down around them.

EMPIRE

The irresistible conclusion to the Cartel trilogy

As dark secrets come to light, and with the blood of innocents on her lover’s hands, Mariana is forced to choose between the man she loves and the man who threatens to destroy her carefully built web of deceit.

So many people have been instrumental in making this book come to life. Firstly, thank you to my beautiful husband for giving up your career so that I could pursue my dreams. It’s no small thing to agree to and I can’t thank you enough. The cups of tea, the baguettes, the dinners cooked while I stared at a screen, unmoving, for hours upon end. For taking care of Ruby so I could finish drafts and drafts and more drafts, and edits and edits and more edits. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you to the moon and back.

Thank you to my amazing daughter, Ruby, for always managing to snap me back into the real world with a smile, a laugh … or a good old toddler whinge. When you visit me in the office for a hug and a chat it really does make my heart swell and remind me why I do what I do.

To my parents, my in-laws, my brother and everyone in my family — thank you so much for supporting me. For understanding when I lock myself away for days on end, when I don’t show up at family gatherings, and for always encouraging me to go for what I want.

Thank you, Mum and Dad, for always reminding me growing up that I could be anything I wanted to be. That single belief has made all of this possible. Looking at the seemingly insurmountable, with those words in the back of my mind, has made all the difference to my writing career and indeed, to everything in my life.

To Anna and Gem. Thank you for picking up
Seven Sons
, reading it and ‘getting’ what I was trying to do. For understanding my style of storytelling, and for not running the other way when you began to read of Dornan and the Gypsy Brothers. You’ve helped me bring to life an entire backstory that began as a throwaway comment and which, when finished, will span sixteen years.

To Kathy, Anna and Deonie, my editing dream team at HarperCollins: Thank you for your exhaustive, detailed edits on
Cartel
. Thank you for pushing me to make this my best work yet. Thank you for forcing me out of my comfort zone. My writing is so much stronger because of you all.

Chris Burgess, thank you for tirelessly championing my work and telling people that I don’t suck. My life is completely different now for having met you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking a chance on me.

To Lisa. Thank you for always telling me my writing was something, especially when I believed it was crap (and let’s face it, when we first started these shenanigans almost twenty years ago, it definitely WAS crap!)

To my beloved Misfits. Frankie Rose/Callie Hart, CJ Duggan and Lilliana Anderson. Thank you for raising me up when I’m in the depths of writerly despair, and for cheering with me when I’m cruising a writer high! Frankie, thank you so much for our endless phone chats that can last an entire day. #HartSaintGermain for life. CJ, thank you for always having a cracking joke to make me laugh and calming words to make me see reason. And Lilliana, thank you for being the wise soul who always manages to make me feel better when I’m having a freak out. Without you three, for so many reasons, this book would not exist. Special mention also to my dear friends Tina Gephart and Rachel Brookes for always being on the other end of the phone or computer to talk and send me inappropriate photos for ‘inspiration’.

To my girls, Nessa and Manda, THANK YOU for keeping the business side of things running so I can focus on the writing, and for keeping me sane with your support and love!

A special thank you to the amazing Kylie Scott for assisting me behind the scenes with the logistics of publishing deals, for chatting to me on the phone despite your own hectic schedule and for introducing me to your nearest and dearest! I’ll always appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Thank you Kylie AND Jo Wylde for talking me off a ledge more than once…

Special mention to Alex Adsett and Amy Tannenbaum for all of your help with publishing contracts and general advice!

To Hang Le — thank you for letting me have a bit of your brilliance, by designing me such stunning teasers, covers and logos. You are an amazing artist and a beautiful person, and I still can’t believe I get to work with you!

A special mention must go to my beloved team of editors and readers who help me keep everything straight and making sense in my writing. Chelcie, Stephanie, Kim, Marion, Anita, Fiona and my beta girls. I would truly be lost without you. Thank you all for your undying love for my characters (even the ones you’re supposed to hate!). Tammie, thank you for creating such beautiful Gypsy Brothers jewellery and goodies for me to share with my readers.

To every single person who reads the stories I write — thank you, a million times, thank you. Without you, I’d be lost.

And last but not least, thank you to Jeffrey Dean Morgan for inspiring the most kick-ass, diabolical, frightening and awesome character I have ever created. You have no idea what you’ve inspired here (and maybe that’s not a bad thing).

Lili St. Germain is a phenomenon. The first of her seven serialised dark romance novellas,
Seven Sons
, came out in early 2014, with the following books in the series released in quick succession and selling over half a million copies worldwide. The bestselling Gypsy Brothers series focuses on a morally bankrupt biker gang and the girl who seeks her vengeance upon them. The Cartel series is a prequel trilogy of full-length novels that explores the beginnings of the club.

Lili quit corporate life to focus on writing and is loving every minute of it. Her other loves in life include her gorgeous husband and beautiful daughter, good coffee and Tarantino movies. She loves to read almost as much as she loves to write. Find out more about the author at lilisaintgermain.com

HarperCollins
Publishers

First published in Australia in 2015

This edition published in 2015

by HarperCollins
Publishers
Australia Pty Limited

ABN 36 009 913 517

harpercollins.com.au

Copyright © Lili St. Germain 2015

The right of Lili St. Germain to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the
Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the
Copyright Act 1968
, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

HarperCollins
Publishers

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National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

Saint Germain, Lili, author.

Cartel / Lili St Germain.

978 1 4607 5004 9 (pbk)

978 1 4607 0428 8 (epub)

Series:Saint Germain, Lili, Gypsy brothers.

Erotic stories.

Love stories.

813.6

Cover design by HarperCollins Design Studio

Cover images by shutterstock.com. Original concept for Gypsy Brothers logo by Frankie Rose.

Author photo by Kate Drennan