Casa Parisi (13 page)

As if Lucia had read Juliet's mind, she said, "I want to thank you for coming to dinner with me. I'm alone too much and after a while I start to feel like I'm withering away." The sparkle that had been in Lucia's eyes was gone.

"I feel the same way sometimes." At that moment, Juliet bore Lucia's loneliness in the pit of her stomach as if it were her own. She cared about Lucia, had since the first time they met, and she wondered what would have caused a woman like Lucia to feel so alone in the world?

"Luke says I should get out more."

Juliet's eyes connected with Lucia's. "I really like your brother."

"He's like my father and I adore my father," Lucia said. "I adore my mother, too. I had a happy childhood and I always knew I was loved and cared for."

"I didn't have a bad childhood, but my parents weren't that affectionate. They still aren't. They've never been involved in my life." Juliet knew she and Lucia had left the realm of casual behind and she wasn't sure how to get them back into it. Whenever they talked, they both opened up and there seemed to be no way to prevent it.

Juliet went on, taking a different path. "I met Luke's wife and children the other day. His wife seems nice and the children were sweet, although they were shy."

"They're shy because they don't know you. Once they do, they'll talk your ear off. They're both smart and you're right about Natalie being nice. Now that school's out for the summer, she and the kids will be around a lot more." Lucia's eyes brightened again as she talked about her family. "Luke is molding Jaden into a future grape grower. Carly's into science and she likes to snoop around in the cellars under the guise of being helpful. Now that you're here, I'll see that she stays out of your way."

"She won't be in my way. I could find something easy for her to do and if she seems interested, I could show her what I do in the lab."

"That's nice of you, but she's only seven and I don't want her there if she becomes a nuisance. If that happens, let me know."

"If she's a nuisance, I'll march her right back to the barn."

The waitress arrived with their soups and a basket of whole-grain bread and Juliet busied herself with buttering a thick slice. She envied Lucia her close family ties. Her own childhood had left her saddled with a fundamental sense of isolation that she had carried into adulthood.

"Are you all right?" Lucia asked as she reached for a piece of bread. "Do you wish your relationship with your parents had been different?"

"To tell you the truth, I do. I've been on my own a lot." What was this power Lucia had over her that made her want to open her mouth and spill her innermost thoughts and feelings? She knew she shouldn't do it and yet she couldn't help it.

"Go on, finish your thought."

"Let's just say that I understand what it's like to be lonely. I've been lonely most of my life. It's like something has been missing and I don't know what it is."

Lucia put her slice of bread down. "Loneliness can consume you and make you feel cut off from the rest of the world. Don't you have a boyfriend or someone you feel close to? A woman with your looks and personality shouldn't have to be alone."

"I'm dating someone I met about four months ago. His name is Andre. He's a wine distributor I met at my last winery. We see each other occasionally when he's in town but it's nothing serious, not for me."

"Have you ever been married?" Lucia asked, picking up her spoon.

"No. I haven't even dated much. So far my life has been all about my career." Juliet pushed her empty soup cup aside and stared at the table. When she raised her eyes, she admitted something that she never thought she'd tell anyone. "I've never had a long-term relationship and I've never been in love."

"Not everyone has to be with someone," Lucia said. "Not everyone wants to be."

"I know, but I don't think that's the way it is for me. I do want to be with someone. My life may not support that claim, but in my heart I know it's the truth."

"Then I hope you find that someone." Although Lucia paused to study her intently, what she said next was way off the subject. "Let's talk about our trip to Atlanta."

"All right." Juliet was baffled by the sudden shift. Was Lucia at a loss for words or was she shutting down again? Was she uncomfortable with the degree of intimacy they had achieved or was she simply not interested?

"I booked a room at a hotel close to the competition and reserved a rental car. We're registered and I entered the four wines you and Luke suggested." Before Lucia could say another word, their salads were set in front of them. They ate quietly and when the salad plates were cleared away, Lucia began where they'd left off. "Do you remember I told you I might visit friends in Atlanta?"

"I remember." How could Juliet forget? That was the day they were talking on the deck and she'd asked the question that had abruptly ended their conversation.

"Well, I called them and they insisted I come for dinner on Sunday evening. They want me to bring you along so they can meet you."

"Wouldn't you prefer to go alone? I could have dinner at the hotel."

"No, please. I want you to come and I'd feel better if you were with me."

"All right, if you're sure," Juliet said.

"I'm sure." Lucia took a deep breath. "There's something I think you should know before you meet them. They're a lesbian couple."

"I don't care about that." Where was Lucia going with this?

"That's not all." Lucia seemed nervous as she hesitated. "I'm a lesbian, too. I didn't know whether Carolyn or Lisa ever told you, but even if they didn't, you're going to find out sooner or later and I'd rather you heard it from me."

"They didn't tell me." Juliet's heart raced and her mouth felt dry. Hoping her hands weren't visibly shaking she picked up her iced tea and drank a little of it.

"I hope it doesn't change anything between us."

"Why would it? Your sexual preference is no concern of mine." Juliet had said the politically correct thing, the truthful thing and yet she was at a loss to explain her visceral reaction to the news. Her subsequent admission came out of nowhere. "I can understand having feelings for a woman. There have been times when I thought I might--I mean I could--"

"Could what?"

"Never mind, it's not important." Why on earth had she said that?

"Would you be more comfortable if you had your own room in Atlanta?"

"That's not necessary." Juliet involuntarily released some nervous laughter. "I'm not the least bit uncomfortable about staying in the same room with you."

The waitress served their main courses and Lucia reverted to less provocative topics while their attention centered on eating. Thankfully, there was no further talk of sexual preferences or lovers until they had ordered and received dessert.

"There's something I'd like to know," Juliet said, sinking her spoon into a creamy lemon mousse. Although it went against her better judgment, she could not refrain from asking the question that had been on her mind throughout dinner. "When did you first realize you were a lesbian?"

"I suspected I might be about the time I hit puberty."

"Have you ever been with a man?"

"I assume you mean sexually?" Lucia hesitated as if she might not answer, but in the end she did. "Only once in high school. I suppose it was a combination of peer pressure and curiosity that made me want to do it, but I found out it wasn't for me. I was never like my girlfriends and based on the things they said and did, it was obvious to me that I didn't share their enthusiasm for boys."

"Did you have feelings for girls back then?"

"I suppose I was interested in a girl in my class, but nothing came of it. I didn't know how to interpret my feelings then or what to do about them. I didn't have my first sexual experience with a woman until I was in college."

"Oh." A sudden onslaught of emotions made Juliet fidget in her seat. Lucia had voiced some of the identical feelings she'd had during her teens. In high school she was a serious student who always preferred to be with other girls. She had no interest in dating or hanging out with boys. Her college experience was no different.

"Why all the questions?" Lucia asked.

"Just making conversation."

"I don't think so. You're curious, aren't you?"

Juliet didn't answer Lucia's frank question. Her occasional dates had always been more of an inconvenience than a source of enjoyment and she suddenly realized that the only reason she ever dated was because she thought she should. More often than not, she couldn't wait for the date to end. She had blamed her lack of emotional involvement and inability to fall in love on the demands of her career and anything else she could come up with. She told herself she hadn't met the right man. Aware that Lucia was staring at her, waiting for her to reply, she came out with a thought that passed through her lips from a place of pure emotion. "The woman you named your café for--"

"What about her?"

A voice in Juliet's head issued a stern warning, one she stupidly ignored. "Was she your lover?"

All the life drained from Lucia's face. Her features became hard and frozen. "Yes, she was. Is that what you were dying to find out?"

Lucia's icy stare told Juliet she had asked the worst possible question. Any bond they had formed during dinner had been destroyed in a heartbeat. "I didn't mean to pry. It's just that I knew she was important to you and--" Juliet hesitated. She had seen Lucia change in front of her eyes and every word she uttered only made matters worse. "I thought you might want to tell me about what happened to her."

"I most certainly do not." Lucia spit each word out, springing out of her chair as she signaled the waitress to bring the check. "We're done here."

"Wait, Lucia. We don't have to talk about it."

"Trust me, we're not going to." When the check came Lucia pulled her wallet out of her pocket and threw a pile of bills on top of the check. "I'll take you home."

Juliet took her wallet out. "What do I owe you?"

"Put your money away." Lucia headed straight for the door.

JULIET PRACTICALLY HAD to run to keep up with Lucia as she darted down the street. When they reached the car Lucia jumped into the driver's seat and slammed the door. Believing Lucia fully capable of leaving her stranded at the curb, Juliet rushed to get into the passenger seat before she was forced to find out if her belief was true.

The car was packed with tension, screaming with silence as Lucia drove to Juliet's. Even as she pulled up to the curb in front of the apartment building, Lucia kept her eyes fixed straight ahead. Her jaw was clenched, her facial muscles taut. She looked like she had been turned to stone. She said nothing and gripped the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were white.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Juliet said. "I thought--"

"You thought what? You thought I'd tell you the whole fucking story just because you wanted me to?" Lucia pounded her fist on the steering wheel. "Fuck this."

"No, I just--"

"You just wanted to help. Is that it?" Lucia shook her head. "Well, I don't need your help and I don't want to talk to anyone about what happened to Devin. I
especially
don't want to talk to you about it."

"You don't have to. We can talk about something else."

"Don't ask me about my past again and don't ever ask me about her."

"I won't." Juliet opened her door. "Thank you for dinner and forgive me for probing into your personal life." Juliet had destroyed the promise of a friendship with Lucia and she was furious with herself. She should have known better.

"It was my fault as much as yours. Goodnight."

Having no other option, Juliet got out of the car and shut the door.

Standing at the curb, she watched Lucia pull into the street, her tires squealing in her haste to get away from her. Lucia's message couldn't have been clearer. She was sorry she'd gone out with Juliet and she wasn't likely to make any more gestures of friendship.

What had hurt Juliet more than anything was how Lucia had sounded when she said she didn't want to talk to her about Devin. Especially was the word she had emphasized. She
especially
didn't want to talk to her.

THE NEXT MORNING, Juliet woke up before sunrise, having had no more than three or four hours of sleep. She felt awful about her dinner with Lucia. Their evening had started out friendly and had ended up disastrously thanks to her meddling curiosity. Lucia had been sent home with her wounds exposed and Juliet had gone home upset as well. Lucia's disclosure about being a lesbian had affected Juliet profoundly and ever since they discussed it, she hadn't been able to stop questioning her identity, specifically her sexuality. Her world had been thrown into turmoil and for the first time in her life she didn't quite know who she was.

Knowing she wouldn't sleep any longer, she showered, dressed and drove to the winery. Even though Luke's truck was parked in front of the barn, she went directly to the cellars instead of stopping in to say hello to him. For the remainder of the morning and the better part of the afternoon, she worked without as much as a lunch break.

Around three in the afternoon her hunger forced her to eat the turkey and cheese sandwich she'd brought to work with her. She ruminated as she sat in the lab and tore off little bites with her fingers. All day she had somehow managed to concentrate on work without rehashing the events of the evening before or the hurtful things Lucia had said to her. But now it all came streaming back.

It wasn't uncommon for an entire day to pass by without seeing Lucia or talking to her, but today of all days Juliet wished she would come by. She wanted to tell her she was sorry, wanted to know how she was doing. And she wanted something, anything that would make her stop feeling hurt. To lessen the headache gathering behind her eyes, she closed them and rested her head on her arm. Before long, she felt herself drifting.

LUCIA GENTLY SHOOK Juliet's shoulder. "Juliet? Are you all right?"