Casey's Courage (22 page)

Tres sat as if he had been coldcocked. He’d spent so many years avoiding getting trapped in a relationship that demanded more than he wanted to give, he hadn’t given a thought to what Casey’s emotional expectations might be. He knew he had no claim on her, but he had to know she was all right. He ate the food Rosalinda put in front of him without noting what it was.

Lara came into the kitchen as he drank his after-breakfast cup of coffee. “Casey left this note for you,” she told Tres as she handed him a folded piece of paper.

He studied the hastily scribbled message.

I’m going away to be by myself to figure out what to do with my life. I’ve been drifting along, taking the way of the least resistance for some time. Now it’s time for me to put away my childish dreams and get on with my life. There is no way to thank you enough for all you’ve done for me, but, please know that you will always have a special place in my heart. Don’t worry about me anymore.

I wish you the best.

Casey

Without thinking, he blurted out, “Just who does she think she is telling me not to worry? She has no business going off without making arrangements.” Shoving his chair back from the table, he stormed out of the room.

“Serves him right,” Rosalinda said. “He should’ve paid attention to what was going on right under his nose. Men!”

Tres paced the floor in his office. His temper boiled and churned. Why the hell hadn’t J.D. had some kind of written contract with her so everybody knew where they stood? She was on the ranch insurance as an employee, but she had never received a salary. What kind of way was that to tend to business? He picked up the phone to call Jake, telling himself he’d find her and give her something to worry about, going off like this.

Jake’s response to Tres’ inquiry about Casey was terse.

“When Casey called, Pauline and Maria were in Cielo Alto so all we got was a message on the answering machine saying she would be away for a while. Said she’d be in touch later.”

“Did she leave an address where she can be reached?”

“No, she’s lost all sense of responsibility. Never thought she’d turn out like this. I’m sorry for all the trouble she’s caused you.”

“No need to apologize for Casey. She’s had lots of trauma to overcome in the past few months. We may have expected too much from her too soon. If you hear from her, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know.”

Jake’s remarks irritated him almost as much as Rosalinda’s message. Didn’t they realize how fragile Casey was? His thoughts stopped dead in their tracks when he recognized he had been just as guilty as they were, if not more so. He had expected her to carry off a charade of romance, knowing she had limited experience.

The phone rang, interrupting his thoughts. “One of the bulldozers clearing Dark Canyon unearthed some Indian ruins,” Dan said. “If you have time, we need to go talk to the contractor. It seems like there’re government rules about dealing with things like this.”

His first thought was to tell Dan to take care of it, but he knew he needed to distance himself from his anger with his father and Leila, as well as Casey who had breached his defenses. He forced himself to concentrate on what Dan was saying about getting an expert from the University of Texas to fly in and cordon off the area so the dozers wouldn’t disturb any more of the ruins.

“I’ll be ready in ten minutes. Can you pick me up, or do I need to meet you there?”

“I can pick you up. We can talk as we drive over there about the best way to keep the work going without getting cross ways with the authorities,” Dan said.

Ranch business demanded Tres’ attention, but concern for Casey nagged at him. A hollow feeling inside dimmed the joy of meeting and beating the challenges of the day. Did he need to give Casey some time, or did he need to get a private investigator on the job looking for her to be sure she was okay? By the time he sat down to dinner with Mattie Lou that evening, he knew he needed to worry about Casey from afar for a few days.

“I had an email from Casey today,” Mattie Lou said. “She apologized for not being here to help with the Thanksgiving Day gathering, but said it was necessary for her to be away for a time.”

“Was she all right?” Tres asked, noting the way his heart beat spiked and palms had started sweating. She just had to be safe.

“She didn’t say,” Mattie Lou said. “I guess so. There was nothing unusual about the message. I hope she comes back soon. I hadn’t said anything, but I’ve been making plans to spend some time in Scotland with relatives over Christmas. I’d thought Casey would be here so you wouldn’t be alone. Now I’m not sure I should go.”

“Of course you should go if you want to,” Tres said. “When did you get this idea?”

“Some of my cousins wrote earlier asking me to come after I wrote to one of them saying it would be difficult to have Christmas without J.D. here at Spencer Mansion. Then Janelle’s niece, who has been here for a visit, suggested I travel with her back to Scotland. She has done a lot of traveling and said she would see me safely to my cousin’s estate near Edinburgh. But I’d have to leave the week after Thanksgiving if I go with her.”

“This sounds like a perfect opportunity for you to go and not have to hire someone to travel with you and have to make accommodations for her while you visit with your family.”

“To be honest, I’d just about decided I couldn’t go. I think I’d be too afraid to go by myself at this stage in my life.”

“Don’t give a thought to my being here with or without Casey. I’m used to fending for myself, as you well know. Is there anything I can do to help you get ready to go?”

“The only thing I can think of is helping make the Thanksgiving Day gathering a success. It’s always been so important to J.D. and is somewhat of a tradition for the ranch.”

“You just tell me what is needed and I’ll try to do it,” Tres said as he found himself railing silently at Casey for having gone off at this time. Didn’t she realize she was needed here?

He pulled himself up short. Once again he, just like others, wanted Casey to do something for them, without giving her needs consideration.
I’m just as bad as Jake and J.D., expecting her to fall in line with my plans.

How the hell was he supposed to deal with the hollow feeling Casey’s leaving caused and still present a happy front for everybody that showed up for Thanksgiving? He didn’t like himself or his thoughts very much at the moment.

The day before Thanksgiving, a driver left Casey’s pickup in the back driveway of the Mansion and gave the keys and an envelope to Rosalinda before leaving in a little compact vehicle he had pulled behind the pickup. When Tres drove into the driveway late in the afternoon, a sense of euphoria filled that hollow place inside him. His thoughts raced. It was the right thing to leave her alone and not set a P.I. on her trail.

When Rosalinda told him how the pickup came to be in the driveway and had handed him the keys and the letter, he’d felt like he had been sucker punched. Dejected, he sank into a chair at the kitchen table and opened the envelope. The letterhead indicated it was from Clyde Jones in the bank at San Angelo. What he read pushed his blood pressure right back to where it was the day Casey had left. The emotional roller coaster he’d been on since she left made him feel like he’d lost control of his life. The urge to pound the table and demand that things get back to normal shocked him.

“Just what does she think she’s doing playing hide and seek like a kid when she knows Mattie Lou needs her help here at Thanksgiving?” Tres asked.

“Does she want someone to look for her?” Rosalinda asked.

“Who knows? It seems all communication must be sent to Clyde Jones, who’s taking care of her affairs while she’s off sulking some place. She’s making a mountain out of a molehill. Jordan and his snobbish wife are gone so things can be just like they were before they came.”

“From what I heard, Leila called Casey a prostitute and you didn’t set her straight. In the world you once lived in, that may not be a big deal, but in Casey’s world, it’s terrible. You’ve been her idol for years and you failed her when she needed you to stand up for her.”

Rosalinda’s matter-of-fact tone rocked Tres. How much stock could he put in her assessment of things?
Deliver him from women
. Only yesterday the private investigator from Dallas had called to tell him Melanie’s son was not his. True, the boy had been conceived while he and Melanie were still engaged, but he belonged to the man she married. The information had lifted a weight of concern off his mind. But now another weight that frustrated him more than he wanted to admit had stymied his plans. His dependable, unassuming Casey was acting like an obstinate female, spoiled brat, and prima donna all rolled into one.

Tres pushed up from the chair. A strange weariness made him feel old. He patted Rosalinda’s shoulder as he turned to leave the kitchen. “We’ll celebrate Thanksgiving with everybody tomorrow then I’ll see what I can do to set things right with our Casey.”

On Thanksgiving Day, as everyone was leaving, Tres knew it had been a success even though J.D. had been missed. Yet, he felt no satisfaction. Restlessness nagged at him. He wanted Casey here. She was an intricate part of the Running S. He’d told everybody she went away to do more therapy. They talked about her; what wonders she had done with the Running S horses; how capable she was at anything she did. He suspected they lived vicariously through her successes. She was the bright, golden thread in the tapestry of the Running S story as far as everyone on the ranch was concerned. He wanted to deny it, but knew she’d been the golden thread in all the happenings in his life since he had returned to the ranch. Life had lost its luster without her.

After an extended conversation with Clyde Jones the next morning, Tres sat motionless. It hurt to realize he had been a major player in driving Casey from the Running S. Clyde had been very professional, but frank, as he explained Casey had reached her limit. The banker’s comment that “She looked fragile, but determined to get her life on a solid footing and move on” made Tres uneasy.

To his question about her ability to make sound judgments, Clyde’s answer had a subtle accusing undercurrent as he answered. “Her makeup covered most of the signs of crying. But she looked like someone who had lost a loved one. As she told me her situation, she discussed a commonsense approach to what she needed to do. I felt comfortable helping implement her plan and will be in close contact with her. She is safe.” He had diplomatically refused to reveal Casey’s whereabouts, but offered to forward any communication.

Tres’ thoughts cried out to Casey to come back if only for an hour. To give him a chance to make things right. He knew he’d never needed anybody as badly as he needed her. His relationships with women over the years had made his mind reject the idea of love. But his heart felt differently. He and Casey had never made love, so why did he feel like a part of him had been ripped away, leaving a raw, bleeding wound?

He stared out the window toward the swimming pool, covered for the winter with no Casey, no laughter, and no bewitching spell to pull him away from work. Mattie Lou’s hand touched his shoulder, calling him back from his thoughts of days he’d stood at this window watching a courageous Casey reclaim her life.

“It’s not the same without her here, is it?” Mattie Lou asked. “Surprising how such a quiet, unassuming person breathes life into a place.”

“She has fought so hard to regain her life, overcoming so many problems. I can’t imagine why she’s cut and run over some trivial comments,” Tres said.

Mattie Lou sighed. “Matters of the heart often defy reason.”

Tres fumed, “I talked to Clyde Jones. She’s enlisted his help so she can hide from us.”

“Oh, Tres, it’s not like that. Instinct makes us all crawl into our shell when we’re hurt. We need a place to lick our wounds and heal.” Mattie Lou paused. “You of all people ought to understand that.”

Tres turned from the window and sat down at his desk. “I can’t just leave her out there. Some things have to be settled. Right now I feel like a part of the Running S has been taken from me.”

“She probably feels like the only home she’s ever known has been taken from her,” Mattie Lou said. “Did Clyde say he’d send a letter to her if we sent it to him?”

Tres nodded. “Yes, that seemed to be what he and Casey agreed to do. Going through a third party is not a very satisfactory way to resolve anything. She’s certainly not acting very reasonable.”

Mattie Lou settled into a big wingback chair and tucked one foot under her. “Maybe not, but just because she has worked like a man and succeeded in a man’s world doesn’t mean the way she thinks or her goals are like a man’s. My guess is, her dreams and goals are very feminine. Her ability to function in both worlds just shows how exceptional she is.”

He shook his head. “Right now I’m inclined to agree with you.”

“Why don’t you give some thought to writing down everything you would like to say to her and sending it to Clyde to pass along to her? Maybe she’ll reply and you can move on from there.”

He frowned. “I’m too old for this kind of foolishness. I don’t like playing games.”

Mattie Lou’s voice was calm. “Casey probably doesn’t feel like this is a game. It’s the rest of her life she is trying to make decisions about without somebody forever telling her what she ought to do.” When Tres said nothing, she continued as if she had put thoughts of Casey out of her mind. “I came in here to ask if you have time to fly Janelle’s niece and me to DFW this coming Wednesday. We can take a nonstop flight from there to London. We’ll rent a car in London so she can drive us up to Edinburgh then on to my folks before she goes home.”

“Sure I can. What time do you want to leave?” Tres forced himself to make notes on all the things his grandmother had told him, all the while wishing he were flying to Casey instead of to the Dallas, Ft. Worth, airport. He couldn’t remember ever being so indecisive about the action he should take to get what he wanted.

Chapter 18