Casimir's Journey (25 page)

He reached out and caught her arm. “No, you will not just walk away from me! I am putting my life on the line here! For what? A game? Your desire to see just how many men will die for the lot of you?”

She stared at him, startled at his action, but quickly tried to pull her hand away. He held on more tightly, pulling her to him.

“Unhand me.” Her voice was low.

“No. Tell me why you do this.” He pulled her to him, snugging her form to him, feeling her softness and how well she fit next to him.

“I cannot tell you anything. Anything I can tell you is knowledge you are already in possession of.” Her voice was low still but with the breathy quality of earlier, and it caused stirrings within him that had no business in this conversation.

“I am in possession of nothing, Princess. Other than discovering that you are at the heart of this. Do you enjoy the trips, my lady?”

“What trips?”

“The walk to the scaffold. You get to sit and watch, watch those other men take the walk to the top of the stairs, and then that short walk to the block.  You must enjoy those outings very much.”

The little details stuck out to Hadden. The jewels on the bodice of her gown as she breathed in and out. The flush down her neck that disappeared into said bodice. The sweet smell of her breath on his face. He lost focus of whatever she said as he noted all the things about her that were in high relief. Her gown, a foamy green color, made her skin glow.  She looked golden and rose.

“Well?”

He blinked. Her eyes glared into his, hot and angry. “Well, what?”

“Ohhh!” She reached up, and pushed him away. No. Not yet. He caught her arms and pulled her to him again.

“Stop it!” She struggled but he held her tightly.

“No,” he said. With a fierceness, he cupped her head in one of his hands, liking the feel of it. He caressed the base of her skull, and then his other hand cradled her cheek.  He pulled her face to his and laid his lips to hers.

She struggled for a moment and then relaxed in his arms. Her lips parted under his as he kissed her. All the anger and frustration at her duplicity, all the attraction he’d been fighting for her poured into his kiss.

She staggered, and he caught her. He opened his eyes without breaking off their kiss and found that she was staring at him. He caressed her other cheek, and breathed, “Thea” into her mouth.

She moaned. He couldn’t tell if it was in happiness or despair. He didn’t care. He leaned to her again and deepened the kiss. He dropped his hands from her face and came to rest around her waist.

Thea’s arms, which were hanging by her side, crept up to encircle him. The touch of her hands on him willingly emboldened him. He felt on fire, and didn’t care that she was trying to poison him.

He could feel his hands rising along her body, coming to rest on her shoulders. He felt the place where her gown stopped and she began. His fingers rolled across the edge of her gown, and pushed it down her shoulders, exposing more of her. The smell of her rose up from her skin, and he felt overcome. Abruptly, he took his mouth from hers, and leaned down to brush his lips along the line of her collar bone.

Thea’s head fell back. Her grip on his shoulders increased. Hadden didn’t understand where this drive was coming from. He bit down, ever so gently, on her collarbone, and she gasped.

“Oh!” It sounded as though it was dragged from her lips. “That was just like…” Then, there was heat. Sharp and fast, across his cheek.

She’d slapped him.

His hand flew to his cheek. He didn’t have words. Why had she slapped him?

“How dare you?” Her words were cold water on his desire. He stood up, and stepped back from her. His eyes met hers. Hers were wet with tears. The jewels on her bodice were glittering, and her chest heaved with emotion.

“I will not ask for forgiveness.” How he kept his voice, he didn’t know. She didn’t respond, and he was thankful.

He turned away, and walked towards the window in the solarium. Where had that come from? He had merely meant to confront her. To let her know that he knew she was doing something not right. What had happened? Why had he kissed her, taken such liberties? He supposed he deserved to be slapped.

It was as though he couldn’t help himself. That being near her like this, alone, pushed him into—what?

He shook his head, like a dog shaking off water. It didn’t help. He still felt muddled. As though his head was wrapped in cotton wool. When he’d planned this, he’d been angry with her. Now, he didn’t know what he was. Or why he’d kissed her. Or why he wanted to kiss her again.

He whirled around to face her.

Thea stood, but barely. She was leaning against the door, looking as though it was the only thing holding her up. Her eyes squinted, and he realized he must be standing in sunlight. He walked closer to her, upset, angry, and confused over what had just occurred.

As he came within arm’s reach, her hand stretched out, and touched the scar on his face. It went from his eye down to nearly his jaw. He was fortunate that he still had his sight. The gentle touch of her fingers reminded him of when she’d asked about it while they were at luncheon the day before.

He could tell that many wanted to ask, but Thea had been the one to speak to him about it. When she asked, he felt conversation around him still.

“A sword to the face? How is that possible?” Her hands flew up, reflexively seeking to protect herself from even the thought.

“I turned the wrong way,” he said with a grin. “Didn’t get my sword up fast enough, and caught a blow to the face for my troubles. It looks worse than it is. My pride in my pretty face took the biggest hit.” He smiled even more widely. “Never fear, Princess. I can see you just fine.”

He recalled that she had laughed. There was none of that humor visible now. How could he be so angry, yet so drawn to her? It made no sense.

With his anger came thoughts of blame. While he shouldn’t be doing this, she had even less reason, and no excuse.

“Who are you?” She whispered.

He cocked his head. Her question made no sense, so he ignored it. He crossed his arms, and set his path. “So, my lady, what would your Prince Sebastian think? You are still betrothed, are you not?” It wasn’t really fair to taunt her like this, but she was still betrothed. And he wanted to wound her.

She gasped. Her eyes went wide again, and then narrowed. He could see the lines of anger settle upon her. Good.

“He would be most offended that you dared to touch me.” He marveled at the hauteur in her tone. She fell back on her upbringing easily.

“And Casimir? That was his name, wasn’t it? That other prince? Did he not foolishly declare for you as well?”

Her face flamed red, and then just as quickly, the color drained from her. She pushed herself off the door. The fury radiated off her like rays from the sun. “Do not dare to speak his name! You are not fit! He was the sort of man you will never understand and certainly never be!” He thought he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes.

“Oh, I am so very sorry, my lady.” He bowed low, a mockery of manners. “Was Casimir also aware of your jewelry with hidden secrets?”

He took a step back as she advanced. “You know nothing of Prince Casimir. He was a finer man on his worst day than you will ever be. Do not dare to speak to me of him, not ever again. You’re not fit to say his name!”

With those words, she burst into tears, turning towards the door of his room, and covering her face, sobbing.

Hadden stood, watching her. He felt ashamed. Angry though he was, he’d been insulting, and now she was huddled against the door, crying her eyes out.

He grew alarmed as she sank to the floor, still crying.

Words tumbled out. “He didn’t know! He didn’t know anything! No one knows anything, no one can ever know! Only…only…” she sobbed harder, her words stopping. “It’s my fault. Everything is my fault! Ulric, Archibald, Casimir! When will this end?” She covered her face with her hands.

Without warning, her tears stopped. She looked up at him, horror on her face.

He squared his shoulders. There was nothing to be done. He needed to face this, face her, and get through it. “You owe me the truth, my lady. How many men will it take? How many have to die for you?”

“You have no right to speak to me so. I cannot tell you anything. If there is a secret, you must discover it for yourself. I must now ask you to leave me.”

He nodded. “Gladly.” He knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t help it.

She gave him the barest of nods, and turned away.

“You’re dangerous to me, Princess.”

“What?” She turned back to him.

“I must keep my wits about me to puzzle out the truth of this place. You addle my wits. But I will speak this to you, speak truthfully, and then I shall not speak of it again.”

“Of course.” He could see she didn’t understand what he was talking about.

“I enjoyed kissing you. I’d probably enjoy it again.” Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked from the solarium to the main door, exiting quickly. He didn’t want to hear what she might say.

Hadden collapsed against the door after he closed it. He felt as though he’d just come out of a hard battle.

He knew she was poisoning him. Well, trying to. He was sure, after they had spoken, that she had done the same for all the other poor bastards who’d made this trip before him. But her conversation with the woman last night showed him it was not her desire. Her breakdown showed him that she was not happy about it, and if he guessed, carried the weight of their deaths as a personal failure. That didn’t lend itself to the idea that she was a murderess, gleefully plotting the deaths of these men. Or his death. It still didn’t negate the fact she was still doing it. He remembered what he’d heard last night. She believed her sisters were in danger. That’s what she’d told Adelaide. That she wasn’t willing to risk any of them.

He shook his head. He’d suspected that there was more to this than met the eye, but this was ridiculous. He had to sort through it, however, as it was his life on the line.

He had to separate thoughts of this from kissing her. He hadn’t planned on
that
. Once underway, he couldn’t imagine not kissing her. He had to win this. He had to be able to kiss her again.

Would he want to choose her should—when—he won? He didn’t know. But a woman who stirred such emotion was worth another kiss, another opportunity to explore. Even if she was toting poison in her jewelry. From here on out, he’d pretend to ignore her fiddling with the pendant.

Then he would see what he could. See if they disappeared again like they had last night.  Parts of last night seemed a dream. He needed to make sure that it was not, and that he could deliver his proof to the king. 

He was exhausted, but he had to return. All he wanted was to go back to where she was, hold her in his arms, and kiss her again.

He avoided her the rest of the day. He went back to the gardens, and Sebastian wasted no time in cornering him.

“Well?”

“I thank you for allowing me to speak with her,” he gritted through his teeth. “The lady and I are not in agreement over the matter I brought to her.”

“What did you speak of, Sir Hadden?” Sebastian sounded angry.

“My lord, as a matter of honor, I cannot tell you. As I warned you, she probably will not be happy with me. But I have done no harm to her.”
If you didn’t count kissing her most intimately
, he thought. No need to tell Sebastian that.

Sebastian glared, but when Hadden didn’t speak again, he turned away.

Thea didn’t return to the gardens. That was fine with him. His feelings towards her were too unsettled.

At dinner, he was between Emaline and Adelaide. Thea sat on the other side of the king, next to Sebastian. She didn’t look at him, not once. It bothered him, although he couldn’t tell why.

His thoughts went over their kiss again and again. He’d never kissed any other woman that way, not ever. He certainly had never been bold enough to touch a woman along her neck. He felt his face flush at the thought. At that moment, he hadn’t given one fig for what was appropriate. All he’d cared about was the woman in his arms, and how he could get closer to her.

Which didn’t seem likely to happen, given her avoidance of even looking at him tonight.

He went to his room after eating. He was truly tired, but more than that, he was unsettled. He paced around his room, restless, and irritated.

Roysten came in. “Why are you not down in the hall? There are musicians tonight.”

“I am poor company. You’re free to go. I’ll try to sleep some. I want to follow them again tonight, and I am already short on sleep.”

Roysten shook his head. “Suit yourself.” He went to the door. “Send for me if you wish to come down,” he said, as he opened the door and walked out.

Once Roysten had left, Hadden threw himself onto his bed. He hadn’t planned to have actual feelings for any of these girls!

A soft knock at his door drew him from his thoughts.

“Enter,” he called out.

The door opened slowly, and a head entered first, followed by the person of Thea. He sat up, alarmed. He wasn’t sure he wanted to see her just now.

“My lady, this is most irregular. What can I do for you?”

Her eyes were troubled as she came towards his bed. “I wanted to apologize. I had no right to strike you this afternoon. It was poorly done of me, and I ask your forgiveness.”

To her credit, she truly looked sorry. He sighed. “My lady, I meant what I said earlier. I do not apologize for kissing you. For speaking openly, I apologize for not being as kind as I ought to have. As for your apology, there is no need. You behaved as a lady taken by surprised. There is nothing to forgive.”

Actually, her slapping him had stirred his blood as much as her kiss. He wasn’t going to tell her that, though. He’d get slapped again, and probably deservedly so. It was unfortunate that this princess raised high emotion in him in a way her sisters did not. He knew this because he’d been trying to stir something up with the rest of her sisters all afternoon. While pretty and charming, none of them, damn them, had the attraction for him that Thea did.

He got out of bed. “You have me at a disadvantage, my lady. If that is all, I suggest you leave. It wouldn’t do for either of us to be found here.”

Whatever she’d been expecting, that hadn’t been it. He could see that in the way her shoulders drooped. She didn’t argue with him, though. She walked quickly to the door.

“My lady, wait, if you please.” He came up behind her just as she reached the door itself.

“Yes?” She looked over her shoulder.

“You…you must keep your spirits up,” he said. That wasn’t what he wanted to say, but he’d changed his mind at the last moment. “I appreciate your words.”

She looked at him silently for what seemed a long time. “Have we never met before? There are things about you that…” Now it was she who didn’t finish her sentence.

“I can assure you, my lady, we have not met before this.” He smiled at her, wanting nothing more than anything to pull her to him and kiss her again. Why did she have this effect on him? It was maddening. A few moments around her and he couldn’t think clearly.

She smiled, and slipped out the door. Once it closed behind her, he frowned. What was that about?

He could turn this over in his head until he went mad, and still wouldn’t have an answer. Better to get some sleep before tonight. He still hadn’t figured out why he had been awake and Roysten had not.

He got back into bed, and willed his mind to be still.