Authors: Fiona Foden
Sam showed up with a grey and white mongrel called Kevin who wasn't in the appointments book. “I just thought, um, if you don't mind, you could give me some advice on his coat,” he said, trying to coax him into Mum's van.
“Sure,” I said. “No problem.” Kevin was yapping and straining on his lead and definitely wasn't keen on going in a pink van with poodles painted all over it. Can't say I blamed him. As Sam was having no luck at all â it was as if the dog hardly knew him â I had to pick up Kevin, give him a reassuring cuddle and carry him in.
I placed him on the grooming table and gave him a good brushing all over. It only took a few minutes and I wasn't going to charge Sam for that. “He's fine,” I told Sam. “We've got special conditioner I could use sometime to make his coat softer, and his nails could do with clipping ⦠want me to do that now?”
“Yeah, great,” he said eagerly.
I grabbed the clippers. Kevin sat obediently while I snipped away. “Does he want a French manicure?” I asked.
“Er, I don't⦔
“Joking,” I sniggered, and Sam grinned.
I lifted Kevin down from the table and gave him a biscuit for being so good. “All done,” I said.
“Er, right. Thanks.” He delved into his pocket and brought out his wallet.
“Oh, you don't have to pay me for that. It only took about two seconds.”
“You sure?” He smiled again. “Thanks, Cass.”
“It's fine, honestly. I enjoyed meeting Kevin.”
It was true, I realized as I clipped his lead back on and led him out of the van. I'm getting used to Sam's visits. It's nice hanging out with a boy who doesn't make my heart start hammering furiously, as if it's going to burst right out of my chest.
“I, er, s'pose you're going to Marcia's party?” Sam said.
“Yes,” I replied, “but Marcia's mum isn't to know.”
“Why not?” he frowned. “You're her best friend, aren't you?”
“Yes, but ⦠it's complicated. I burnt her mum's top with the iron and she seems to think I'm a bad influence.”
“God,” Sam exclaimed. “That's a bit of an overreaction, isn't it?”
I paused, not sure how to explain what's been bothering me these past few days. “I don't think it's just about that. Marcia's mum ⦠well, she's different to my parents. I think she thinks we're a bit, y'know⦔ What was the right word? “Weird” sprung to mind.
Sam shrugged. “So ⦠what if her mum sees you? She won't make you leave, will she?”
“No,” I said, grinning, “'cause I'm going to be incognito.”
“What as?”
“Er ⦠I'm still working on that.” I decided not to tell him about my Venus flytrap idea. Don't want Ollie hearing about it and the surprise being spoiled. “Are
you
going?” I asked.
“Marcia hasn't invited me.” Sam bent down to fiddle with Kevin's studded collar.
“Oh, of course you can come! She probably just forgot. I'll ask her if you likeâ”
“S'all right.” He straightened up and looked at me.
“Come on, you've got to come! It's going to be brilliant. You don't even have to dress up, not if you really don't want to⦔
“The thing is,” Sam said, “if she'd wanted me to come she'd have invited me, right? So it's OK. I won't be going.”
“But⦔ I tailed off. Sam was looking straight at me, and I noticed that his eyes are a startling blue. Like, zingy blue â as blue as the tissue-paper dye that stained my school top and left boob. I'd never noticed Sam's eye colour before and it was making me a bit wobbly.
“She invited Ollie,” he added with a shrug. “In fact, she delivered an invitation to his house.”
“Did she?” I squeaked, conscious of my cheeks going hot.
“Are you all right, Cass?” Sam asked.
“Yeah, I'm fine⦔
“It just, you've gone really red⦔
“Er, I feel a bit hot and faint, that's all⦔ I grabbed the van's bone-shaped door handle as if I might pass out unconscious at any moment.
“Think you're going to faint?” Sam asked, sounding alarmed.
“Er, maybe,” I babbled. Why had I started this? I was only trying to cover up for my face inferno at his mention of the “O” word. Now I was acting as if I were on the verge of collapse.
“Wait there and I'll get your mum,” Sam said, tearing off to the house with Kevin scampering along beside him.
I was still clutching the van's handle when Mum came out. As I staggered towards them, making sure I still looked “faint”, she looked past Sam and frowned at me. “Cassie, what on earth's wrong?” she demanded.
“I was just de-matting Kevin when I came over all faint and weird⦔
“She looked hot,” Sam explained, flushing red himself as if Mum might have thought he meant hot as in
gorgeous
-hot and not just
hot
-hot.
“You'd better come in and lie down,” Mum said, giving me one of her looks, obviously knowing I was faking.
I nodded, feeling my blush dying down at long last. I really need to find a cure for this. Surely there's some kind of medicine you can take?
“Well,” Sam murmured, “if you're all right, I suppose I'd better be off.”
I smiled weakly. “OK. See you tomorrow.”
As he left, Mum turned to me and said, “Nice boy.”
“Yeah,” I said.
“I think he likes you,” she added with a smile.
“Mum, he doesn't, he's just⦔
“He said you look hot,” she sniggered.
“He just meant⦔
“Anyway,” she added, “how much did you charge him for that dog?”
“Oh, I didn't do anything to Kevin, really,” I said quickly. “Sam just came over to say hi.”
The highlight today was driving with Dad to the chippy with all the windows open because of the cheese stink. This allowed rain to splatter in and soak us. Even worse, as we pulled into the high street, Ollie and Sam were coming out of the amusement arcade. I was nearly sick with shock. I didn't want Ollie to spot us driving with the windows down and rain gushing in, so I “accidentally” dropped my ponytail band and scrabbled about on the floor, pretending to hunt for it. Dad said, “The funny thing is, Cassie, the car only stinks when you're in it, so the smell must be coming off you.” Such glittering wit. Dad should obviously be on the stage, not working in a jam factory. At least Ollie and Sam didn't notice us trundling by.
“Maybe we should sell that car,” Dad suggested when we got home.
“What kind of idiot would buy it?” Mum retorted.
“Someone with no sense of smell?” Ned sniggered, stuffing his face with fat chips.
Daniel came around to see Marcia after school, and she called as soon as he'd gone. “He's actually quite sweet,” she said. “I mean, he seems really keen, Cass. What d'you think I should do?”
What, she was asking
me
for boy advice? “It depends how much you like him,” I said.
“Well, I'm not obsessed. Not like you are with Ollie,” she sniggered, which I chose to ignore.
“So what did you do?” I asked, switching the subject.
“Um ⦠we went to the kebab shop.”
“What happened there?”
“We wanted kebabs,” she explained, “but didn't have enough money, so we shared a can of Coke.”
I paused, waiting for her to add a juicy piece of gossip. “And that was it?” I asked finally.
“Er, yeah.” We finished the call with me wondering if this is what going out with someone is all about â standing outside the dry-cleaner's, or sharing a can of Coke, or having a snog and being dumped like Ned was, or hooking up with someone like toilet-stink Henry. Put like that, there must be far better things to do with your life. Am I disillusioned with love, before I've even found out what it really is?
I'm worried sick about the Leech coming to Marcia's party. She's so pushy, and all the boys are mad about her, so there's no way Marcia will be able to force her to leave. I was still fretting about this when Beth and Henry started mauling each other in the kitchen. When Henry caught me glaring, he said, “It's her perfume, Cassie. She's just irresistible!” And the two of them burst out giggling and I had to escape to my room.
It gave me an idea, though. I know you can get certain perfumes that attract the opposite sex. Something to do with hormones, I think. I don't fancy my chances of nicking Beth's perfume (anyway, would I really want to smell like her?) but what if I invented some kind of love potion and stood right by Ollie while he drank it?
Ned let me use his laptop to investigate foods which are supposed to have a passion-making effect on the opposite sex:
Â
Asparagus.
Nobody likes it unless they're trying to be posh. It also makes your wee stink, apparently.
Â
Cardamom pods.
Think they're some kind of spice. I can't imagine people queuing up to munch them at a party.
Â
Oysters.
Sure. My £1.72 is going to buy me about half of one and they look disgusting anyway, like rotting ears.
Â
Rhino horn.
This is meant to be a passion igniter, but I couldn't find any info about whether you're meant to grind it into a powder or nibble the end of it or what. Not that it matters, because where can I get hold of rhino horns in Tarmouth? I don't think they sell them in Asda. Our nearest zoo is at Winterbourne and I've checked their website to see if they have rhinos. They do, but even if there were a few spare horns lying about in their enclosure, I don't fancy scrambling in to get them. The rhinos on their website didn't look especially friendly.
Â
Marcia snuck round to see me (she'd said she was “going swimming” again). “Cheer up, Cass,” she said, hugging me. “At least if the Leech comes, loads of hot boys will come too.”
Maybe she's right, and the Leech will act as some kind of magnet. It's even more crucial that I invent a love potion as quickly as possible, but I didn't mention this to Marcia, not after she'd said I was “obsessed”.