Cast in Ice (18 page)

He continued to hold her hand, encouraging her to trust him.

“Even though Father told Anne and me to remain at the house when you and Mr. Wallace and my family went to meet with Mother that first time, I couldn’t. I followed. And I saw Mother shoot Ben.”

She lifted her gaze and looked at him. Tears in her eyes glimmered in the moonlight. When one spilled over her lashes, Nick brushed it away with his finger.

“She shot her own son, Nick. What kind of mother would do that?”

Nick didn’t have an answer, so he simply held her more securely. He hoped that would be enough.

“That’s when I realized how sick she was. And how determined. She ran into the woods, and I knew you and Mr. Wallace were too far away from her to catch up with her. I was closer, so I followed her.

“She took a little used path down to the shore, and hid in one of the caves there. When she didn’t come out again, I went into the cave to see where it led. That’s when I discovered the abandoned gamekeeper’s cottage.”

“Was the babe there?”

“Yes, but Mother didn’t pay attention to her. Little Claire was crying, but she didn’t even go to the crate where she had laid her to comfort her. I think the babe was hungry, but Mother didn’t seem to notice. Or care. I knew I had to get Claire away from Mother soon, so I came up with a plan. I found a place to take Mother.”

“How did you know where to take her?” Nick asked. That had been one of the questions that had bothered him most.

“Does it matter?” she asked.

“Yes. It matters.”

She sighed. “I asked Dr. Cornwell. He runs Shadowdown Sanitarium, and cared for Gideon. Eve is his daughter. I knew if anyone would know where to take Mother, he would.”

“Aren’t you worried that he’ll tell me where your mother is?”

She shook her head. “His daughter is the future Duchess of Townsend. He knows as well as I do…and you do…what will happen if a scandal involving my mother is made public.”

Nick considered this, and knew she was undoubtedly correct. “Go on.”

“I made arrangements for Mother to be admitted, under a false name, of course, then I returned to the cottage. I told Mother that Father had discovered where she was and that he was on his way with the authorities to have her arrested. I convinced her that I had a plan, and that I’d come to help her escape. My plan was for her to write a suicide note, so everyone believed she was dead. That way everyone would stop looking for her.

“She thought my plan was brilliant. She even told me it was exactly the kind of plan she would have thought of. That we must be more alike than she realized.”

Winnie paused and looked up. There was worry in her eyes.

“Do you think I am that much like my mother?”

Nick lowered his head and kissed her forehead. “No, love. You are nothing like your mother. Absolutely nothing.” He kissed her forehead again.

“While she was writing her note, I made us tea. I added laudanum to hers. When she was asleep, we put her in the carriage and Hodgekens drove her to her destination.”

“Hodgekens,” Nick whispered in awe. “He seems to be a man of all talents.”

“Yes. I have relied on Hodgekens more than I care to admit. The rest you know.”

“Yes, the rest I know. Except where you took your mother.”

She remained silent. She finally spoke. “Is there any more brandy?” she asked.

Nick couldn’t stop a smile from forming. “Yes, but I think you should return to your room.”

“I’d like one more drink, please.”

Nick reached down and lifted the glass from the floor. There wasn’t a great deal left in the glass, but when Winnie brought it to her mouth, she drank all of it.

“That’s enough, love. Time for you to go to bed.”

He slid her to her feet, then they stood. She turned, then twined her arms around his neck and pressed her fingers against the back of his head. Their mouths were within inches of each other, their gazes locked. And she encouraged him to bring his mouth even closer, until their lips touched.

“This isn’t wise,” Nick said after he’d kissed her once. “You need to leave, Winnie. Before it’s too late.”

“It’s already too late, Nick. It’s been too late for a long time.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing,” he said.

“I know exactly what I’m doing. I’ve known all along what I was doing. And how this night was going to end.”

Nick kissed her again. “And how is this night going to end?”

“Like this.”

The minute Nick kissed her, she realized how much she cared for him. The moment his arms wrapped around her and he held her, she knew how empty her life would be without him.

She thought her heart might break.

She pressed her lips to Nick’s. She accepted his advances and answered them with as much passion as he demanded. This would be the last time she was alone with him, and she wanted to store every memory possible of their time together.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. She went willingly.

She didn’t know if he realized that she’d instigated the first kiss; that she’d led him to this place. If he did, he didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps his intent had been the same. It wouldn’t matter in the end.

There was a desperation in his kisses, as if he realized that once they returned to London everything would be different. If so, perhaps he even knew how significant those differences would be. How impossible it would be for them to have any association with each other.

Perhaps he also knew that things would never be the same between them. That there could be no future for them. She knew it. Perhaps he did, too.

Winnie encouraged his passion. She accepted his entreaty, and opened for him when his tongue touched her lips.

His tongue skimmed the roof of her mouth, and their tongues touched.

White lights shattered in brilliant bursts behind her eyelids, and she filed away a memory of the emotion to recall during the long, lonely nights that would be her future.

He deepened his kisses, drinking from her as a man dying of thirst drinks from a crystal-clear stream. She met his demands, and answered them with the same desperation. She would miss his kisses as desperately as she’d miss being held in his arms. And so, tonight had to be everything she’d dreamed it would be.

Tonight was their farewell.

She’d already given him her heart. Tonight she would give him her body.

She’d allowed him to become an important part of her life. She knew how difficult it would be to leave him once they reached London, so she had to make the cut before they left the country. Holding on to him another week, or even another day would only make leaving him more difficult.

The last two days she’d searched for any possible way to keep from having to give him up. But there wasn’t one. Too many barriers stood between them. Too many secrets stood in the way of their happiness. Insurmountable secrets.

No, she had to leave him. But not tonight. Tomorrow.

His kisses were powerful, his touch electrifying. Their breaths came in harsh, jagged gasps as their passion grew and their desperation for each other intensified.

Winnie felt his hands on her body, and she allowed it. She encouraged it. She’d planned this. She’d intended for this to happen. She wanted this one night with Nick. Wanted one night to experience how wonderful it would be to be loved by the man who possessed her heart.

“We should stop,” he gasped, lifting his head to break their kiss. “If we don’t stop now I won’t—”

“Shh.” She cupped her hands to the back of his head and urged him to kiss her again.

He did, and she accepted his kisses as a starving waif accepts food.

Cool night air touched her flesh as Nick pushed her robe from her shoulders, then her gown. She went willingly when he stepped with her to the bed, then lowered her to the covers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close when he came over her. And she opened for him as he took her.

And she gave him her body.

As well as the last small corner of her heart she’d kept as her own.

. . .

Nick opened his eyes as the sky turned a lighter shade of gray. He turned his head, expecting to find Winnie still asleep beside him. But she wasn’t there. She’d already left his bed.

His first instinct was to go after her. He needed to find her. Needed to make sure she was all right. That he hadn’t hurt her.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up. He couldn’t believe he’d made love to her last night. Couldn’t believe that he’d lost control like that. But he couldn’t regret what they’d done. And a voice inside him told him that if he could relive last night over again, he wouldn’t do anything differently.

Making love to her had been inevitable. The two of them had been attracted to each other from the start. From the first time he’d seen her. And that attraction had only grown stronger.

They’d marry, of course. But he wouldn’t bring up the subject yet. Allowing her to think he was offering marriage because of what had happened last night was a sure way to force her to refuse him.

She wasn’t the sort of person who would marry him if she thought he was asking because he felt obligated to offer for her. He would have to take this slow. He’d continue to court her, and when he could convince her that he truly cared for her, which he did, he’d ask for her hand.

Unless a babe resulted from what they’d done. Then there would be no option. For either of them.

Nick watched the sky slowly lighten as he thought about how his life was about to change. And he realized he was smiling. He was happy. The constant pain across his back was for a moment forgotten. It pleased him to think of marrying Winnie. Of having her as his wife. Of spending the rest of his life with her.

He rose when he heard the staff stirring below. He washed, dressed, then went down to find some coffee, and hopefully something to eat. He was starving.

It was early yet and he doubted that she was up, but he was determined to speak with her before they left. When he entered the breakfast room, though, he found her already there.

“Good morning, my lady,” he greeted. “I’m surprised to see you up already.” A blush darkened her cheeks and Nick found he took pleasure in her reaction to seeing him.

“Good morning,” she answered. She reached for her cup of coffee and took a sip. “I rarely sleep late. Besides, I have several matters to see to before we can leave.”

“Is there anything I can do to assist you?”

She shook her head, then lifted her cup to her lips again. Nick couldn’t help but notice the slight tremble of her hands.

“Would you like me to fill a plate for you?” he said, noticing that she hadn’t taken any food from the sideboard.

“No, thank you. I’m not hungry.”

Nick went to the sideboard and returned to the table with a plate heaping with food. “Are you all right?” he said softly when he was settled beside her.

She lowered her gaze. “Yes, fine,” she said, directing her words to her half-filled cup of coffee.

“Winnie, I—”

Before he could finish his sentence, she motioned for the footman standing by the side door to leave, and the man left.

“Winnie, I—”

“Mr. Stillman, please. I prefer if you wouldn’t mention last night.”

Nick placed his fork beside his plate and sat back in his chair. “And your reason for wanting to pretend nothing happened would be?”

“Because…” She swallowed, then cleared her throat. “Because what happened was insignificant.”

“Insignificant? As in unimportant? Or of no consequence?”

She locked her gaze with his as if for emphasis. “Insignificant, as in what happened will not affect either of us in the future.”

“And if a child resulted from our insignificant act?”

Her gaze dropped to her lap, and her face flushed as deep a red as the roses in a vase in the center of the table. “I’m sure it did not.”

“Only time will tell whether that was the result or not. What is a certainty is that I am not in the habit of making love to a woman, especially a gently bred young woman, more especially the daughter of the Duke of Townsend, without knowing what I am obligated to do.”

The expression on her face was one of shock. And more importantly, one of defiance. “You are under no obligation, sir.”

Damn! Those were the last words he should have used. He knew what kind of reaction it would bring out.

“I didn’t mean that I was under any kind of obligation,” he quickly amended. “I only meant that I—” He stopped. The hostile glare in her eyes told him that she was no longer listening to him. No matter what words he chose, she wouldn’t hear what he said.

He slid his chair back from the table, leaving his food untouched, and stood at her chair. He extended his hand to her. “Would you walk with me one last time in the garden before we leave?”

Thankfully, she accepted his invitation and rose from the table.

Nick led her from the room, to the French doors that opened out onto the terrace, then walked with her to the garden. She didn’t speak, nor did she place her hand on his arm, but walked at his side, making sure there was a space between them.

“Let me tell you what I think,” he said when they’d walked in silence for a while. It was obvious to him that she wasn’t going to start the conversation.

The expression of indifference on her face indicated that she wasn’t interested in what he thought.

Nick ignored her intimation, and continued. “I think that you are as aware as I that there is something between us. If there weren’t, last night would never have happened.”

“Last night was a mistake,” she said.

“Last night was inevitable. The timing of it was precipitous, but not the act.”

She ignored his comment and walked on in silence. Nick knew he would have to be the one to continue the conversation. Winnie had never been the one to volunteer information of any kind, and today was no exception.

“May I ask you a question?”

Her careful disinterest said she wouldn’t encourage his enquiry, but she wouldn’t stop him from asking his question.

“How do you see us continuing when we return to London?”

She paused in the middle of the path and turned to him. The controlled look of resignation on her face was as plain as anything he’d ever seen. He knew that whatever she said, her words would dictate their future. Or, at least, the future as she saw it.

Her determined expression also told him he was in for the fight of his life.

“I’m afraid you have misunderstood our situation, Mr. Stillman. Once we leave the country, our association will cease. Continuing means we have started something that will progress forward. That isn’t the case.”

Nick stepped away from her. His temper rose in steady increments, and he knew that with Winnie he had to proceed with care. He turned his back to her. “Why are you doing this?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Because Nick wasn’t distracted by focusing on her expression, he was able to concentrate on the tone of her voice. Her words were a lie. And he recognized the fear in her voice.

He turned. “Why are you lying to yourself? And to me?”

“I’m not lying, Mr. Stillman. I’m—”

“The name is Nick. That’s what you’ve called me since we kissed that first time. That’s the name you used when you nursed me back from nearly dying. And that’s the name you cried out each time we made love last night.”

“Stop!”

“You’re not the kind of woman who would give herself to a man you didn’t love. You’re not the kind of woman who would forfeit your virginity before her wedding night.”

“Unless I don’t anticipate a wedding night,” she fired back. “Unless I don’t intend to marry. Ever!”

Nick stared at her. He was unable to speak. What did she mean she didn’t anticipate having a wedding night? She was the most passionate woman he’d ever met. How could she not want to be someone’s wife? How could she not want to be
his
wife?

“What’s behind this, Winnie?”

“Nothing. I’m only being honest with you. I want you to know that I don’t expect anything to result from what happened last night. When we return to London, you will go your way, and I will go mine. We will more than likely never see each other again.”

Why don’t you want to see me again?” He paused. “Are you afraid of me? Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course I don’t trust you. How can I?” She swiped her hand through the air. “I should never have told you about my mother. I should never have told you how I managed to get her away. Do you think I don’t know that if you ever discover where I took her, you won’t hesitate to have her arrested and tried for murder? Now my family is in as great a danger from you as it is from her.”