Authors: Shirley Rousseau Murphy
I
N THE ALLEYWAY
of the Harper stable, Kit and Sage sat side by side on a bale of hay watching Charlie saddle the buckskin gelding. It was two weeks since Sage had run away into the woods, more than three since Willow had first taken him to Charlie. His cast had been removed, and he sat up straight and alert. Dr. Firetti had told him he could go home, but must take it easy. He said Sage had healed quickly despite the trauma of his second accident. Almost, Charlie thought, smiling, as if his need to be away from closed rooms and humans had driven him to a fast recovery.
Though now, despite his eagerness for the open hills and freedom, the young tom looked up suspiciously at Bucky, understandably wary of making this journey on horseback. He had insisted he could go on his own, but Firetti disagreed.
Charlie was taking Bucky because he was reliable and steady. Her own sorrel mare was moodier, and liked to shy at the swift, small shadows they might encounter. Red
wing was sure to snort and sidestep if the clowder cats came slipping around them through the woods.
Cinching up her western saddle, which she preferred when the cats rode with her, she looked over at Sage. “How will we find them, Sage? The clowder could be anywhere.”
“They have favorite places,” Sage said. “You can call out and if they see me, I think they'll comeâWillow will come.”
Charlie doubted that would have been true while Stone Eye was alive. She led Bucky forward to make him let out the air he always hoarded, tightened the cinch again, and tied her jacket across the saddle, snugged up against the horn to make a little pillow. Picking up Kit, she settled her there, then eased Sage down beside her.
Swinging up, she headed Bucky out behind the barn and into the woods. The last time she'd entered these woods, it had been black night. She thought of the coyotes, and shivered.
But this morning was bright and crisp, and the only movement ahead was shadows shifting from the blowing trees. Beneath Bucky's hooves, the earth smelled loamy and rich. Heading through the dense stands of oaks and pines, Charlie had no idea, when they found the clowder, what Kit would do. No idea whether the tortoiseshell would stay with Sage and become his mate, as he wanted, or would return to Lucinda and Pedric. Kit had told Charlie nothing. But if Kit remained in the wild, racing off with the clowder to vanish among the hills, she would break Lucinda's and Pedric's hearts.
Kit hadn't said good-bye to the Greenlaws. When Charlie asked her why, she wouldn't talk about it.
As they emerged from the woods onto the open hills that rose vast and green above them, Sage's small body went rigid with anticipation. Charlie held him securely as Bucky made his way up through the tall grass toward the high woods.
Within an hour they were on the little trail that led along the edge of the cliff between the pine woods and the sea. Far below, the sea crashed against the rocks, foaming and pounding, stirring the smell of iodine. Then, when at last they turned away from the sea into the woods, the smell of new spring grass came sharply again, crushed under Bucky's hooves. Nothing stirred among the woods; no bright eyes watching them, no shadow of a cat, not even a tail-flicking squirrel. She urged Bucky in deep among the trees, then pulled him up, letting him snatch at mouthfuls of grass though Max wouldn't have allowed him to do that. Around them the woods were silent. Snuggled before her in the saddle, the cats looked and looked, but they saw none of the clowder. Kit, leaping down into the carpet of leaves, began to search for scent. Sage crouched to follow, but Charlie held him back.
“You don't want to jump so far on that newly healed leg.” She looked down at the pale-colored tom. “You'll be taking care of yourself now. You'd better do what the doctor said, Sage. If you give that leg time to heal fully, it will grow strong again. Otherwise, you'll cripple yourself. You don't want to live all your life lame, unable to run or hunt properly.”
Sage scowled deeply at her. He'd had enough of being bossed by humans. But then, he'd had enough, too, of being crippled by the cast, and he remained obediently still.
They watched Kit circle where the clowder had often sheltered at night when she had run with them, the dense stand of blackberry brambles offering a safe haven from predators. Working in ever widening circles, Kit stopped suddenly and reared up, looking around her.
“They were here,” she said. “Call them, Charlie. Call Willow.”
Softly Charlie called. And warily she watched the woods, hoping some unseen hiker wouldn't emerge and wonder what she was doing. Again she called, and again.
“Louder,” Kit told her. “Call louder.”
She called, watching the dappled sun and shadows beneath the blowing pines. Every shape seemed to change and move in the shifting light, yet nothing really moved at all.
She called three times, then three times more. Bucky pulled at the reins, reaching to snatch at the sparse grass. Her voice, out of place in the silence, seemed to her a rude invasion of the wild woods. She was answered only by silence, and by the distant crash of water breaking against the cliff. Below her, Kit stood up on her hind legs again, like a little rabbit, watching the woods and listening. But when Kit looked up at her, Charlie couldn't read the expression in the tortoiseshell's yellow eyes. Agitated. Unsettled. A look that could mean anything.
When after a quarter of an hour there had been no response, no faint and distant mewl, no stealthy shadow approaching through the blowing-tree shadows, Charlie said, “I don't think they hear us. Can you track them away from the bramble?”
In her lap, Sage fidgeted, wanting down, wanting to
search, too, but still she held him. If they had to hurry away from some danger, Kit could leap to the saddle or could vanish as swiftly as a bird. But Sage's weaker leg would slow him, nor should he make a flying leap.
Kit, after a long search nosing into zigzags among the brambles, leaped to the top of an outcropping of granite boulders, a hill of tumbled stones that rose against an oak. There she reared up tall, staring into the treetops. Loudly she mewled, and mewled again. A strange, wild cry that made Charlie shiver; then Sage's voice joined her, their cries eerie in the empty woods.
And suddenly the woods weren't empty. Cats appeared all around them slipping out from among the far trees and from beyond the boulders and descending from the highest branches, down the rough trunks. They paused and stood looking, their ears forward, their tails twitching; none approached too close. Only Willow came to them, trotting up to Bucky.
Quietly Charlie dismounted, holding Sage against her. She knelt before the bleached calico lady, and put Sage down.
Willow licked the young tom's face, then turned to look at the clowder cats. And now all the cats came around them and rubbed against Sage and licked his ears and made over him. But all the while, ready to bolt, they watched Charlie and the big buckskin.
Then Willow's mate appeared, the white tom Cotton, racing out of the far woods, his friend Coyote beside him. The white tom and the dark tabby tom strode forward boldly to inspect Sage.
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I
T TOOK A
while to tell Sage's story. Charlie, sitting on the grass among the cats, told the story alone; Sage and Kit had wandered away. Willow and the two toms sat close to her, listening, the shy clowder cats gathered behind them in a ragged half circle. Like children, Charlie thought, children gathered at story hour, their faces filled with wonder at Sage's ordeal, with amazement as Charlie described the hospital and how Sage had been helped by humans. And, like children, most of the cats believed her but a few did not. These five, their expressions skeptical, turned to look away toward the rock hill where Sage and Kit sat together.
Charlie could see that the two were arguing. She couldn't hear their voicesâbut with the sudden dropping of ears and lashing of tails, she could clearly read Sage's beseeching, and Kit's short, willful temper, and it was hard to keep her mind on the story. Then Sage reared up as if his patience was at an end, and smacked Kit hard in the faceâa businesslike blow that made Charlie catch her breath.
All the cats were watching. Cotton growled, and Willow's surprised intake of breath was followed by her whispered, “Oh, my.” And this was the moment of decision. Would Kit stay with him, now that he'd shown some tomcat macho? Was that what she'd been waiting for?
T
HE JOURNEY HOME
was silent. Kit rode in Charlie's arms, her face hidden against Charlie's shoulder. She said nothing, she didn't look up at Charlie. She huddled deep in her own thoughts. Above them the sun pushed higher into the clear sky; the chill day grew warm despite the sea wind blowing up the cliff. Charlie didn't know all that had occurred between the two, she knew only that Kit was going home again, and that for Lucinda and Pedric and for all Kit's friends, that was the best news. But she grieved for Kit, and wished Kit would share with her what she was feeling.
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R
IDING CUDDLED AGAINST
Charlie, leaving Sage behind, Kit was both sad and relieved. And was uncertain, too, wondering if her decision had been the right one and yet knowing, deep down, that it was right.
Lucinda had once told her that a person should not let pity shape their decisions, that pity seldom fostered clear thinking. Now, Kit clung to Lucinda's words, assuring herself she'd done what she must do.
She had, sitting with Sage atop the hill of boulders, looking down at Charlie with the clowder gathered around her, and then looking away deep into the woods and then out to the bright, wild sea, tried to think clearly. The trouble with clear thinking was that her feelings kept getting in the way.
She had looked at Sage and then looked away toward the village whose life was so far removed from the ways of the wild. She had looked back at Sage, looked deep into his eyes as he sat waiting for her decision, his patience at an end since he felt well and strong again. His sudden demanding attitude had pleased her, for Sage's sake. But thenâ¦
She'd thought about when they were small, how happy they had been in each other's company, just the two of themâexcept that Sage could never understand her dreams and yearnings. She had tried to tell him what she imagined and longed for, but he never seemed to care. But they'd been only kittens, and despite their bitter disagreements they had loved each other.
But now they were grown cats. What they believed had become more deeply a part of them and would shape them all their lives. And she thought that neither of them intended to change, certainly Sage didn't mean to examine what might be right or wrong or what had gone awry.
She thought about when the clowder had gone to hunt rabbits on Hellhag Hill, when she first saw Lucinda and
Pedric picnicking there. Sage and the rest of the clowder had crept away to escape the two humans, fearing and hating them, but she had hidden in the grass listening to the tales Pedric told and she'd been fascinated that humans were as hungry for those stories as she.
Later, Sage had been cross that she'd strayed so near to humansâand he'd said that humans had no right to any of those tales.
And then this morning, sitting with Sage on the mountain of boulders listening as
he
planned their life together, as
he
told
her
how it would be, she knew they were not the same. She knew that she could not do this, that she could not do as he wanted.
She had looked at Sage, whom she had known and loved forever, and wished she could be different. Or that he could. And she knew that wouldn't happen. Sitting close to Sage on the sun-warmed rocks, she had wept for them both.
Maybe her heart was like a bird fleeing among the clouds. And Sage's heart was like the steady robin, at one with the earth and the sheltering woods. She didn't know which was best. She felt ashamed of hurting him, but it was better to hurt him now than to hurt him more later.
Swallowing back her tears, she had told him goodbyeâ¦
And he had whacked her!
Surprised, she'd raised her paw to hit him back, but then she laughed. His blow freed her. She'd laughed and, despite his rumbling growl, she'd nuzzled him good-bye and she turned and ran, ran back to Charlie, ran away from him feeling free at last, so free, even if she was weeping.
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T
HE CATS AND
humans were gathered at the Damen house for potluck, an impromptu party that Ryan and Clyde said was to celebrate the sale of Charlie's new book, but in truth was in celebration of Kit's return home from the hills. For those humans who knew Kit's story, emotions were high. Max and Dallas, puzzled by the undercurrent of excitement, could only attribute it to the sale of Charlie's book. And Mike and Lindsey were too wrapped up in each other to notice anything out of the ordinary. Only Clyde was skeptical of Kit's resolve.
“I hope she doesn't change her mind, doesn't go through this again.” He and Ryan were alone in the kitchen, setting out silverware and napkins.
Ryan set down a stack of plates, turning to look at him. “That's very cheerful. I didn't know I married Scrooge.”
Joe sauntered in, leaped to the counter staring at Clyde. “What do you know about how Kit feels? Don't be such a sour face.”
Ryan grinned, and winked at Joe. They heard the front door open as guests arrived, and they moved to the living room, where Kit was snuggling down before the fire beside Rock, looking as domestic as if she had never, ever considered running wild. Only the white cat moved away from the growing crowd. Snowball, though she had taken to joining the family since Ryan moved in, headed quickly for the laundry, wanting her own quiet space.
Drinks and beer were passed, and appetizers. Everyone toasted Charlie for signing her second book contract, then the conversation turned once again to the past few
weeks, to the fate of Ray Gibbs, whose trial for the murder of Ryder Wolf was scheduled to begin in six weeks.
The night after Gibbs had been taken into custody in San Francisco, Dr. Emerson had called Dallas at the station to say he'd found Nina's dental records, that he'd called John Bern, and they had a match. So that
was
Nina in the Pamillon grave; they did not know yet whether that had been Nina in the tree house with Carson, they were waiting for a match on the DNA.
Lindsey said, “I know the lab's backed up, but what about the two bullets Dr. Bern found in Nina's grave? Do they have anything on that?”
“They do,” Dallas said. “Those were .45 slugs.” The bullets that had killed Ryder were .32 slugs and the rifling matched the revolver taken off Gibbs in San Francisco.
“But,” Dallas told her, “OBI found the gun that killed Carson. Found it this morning, in the woods two miles from the tree houseâthey spent two weeks tramping the woods with metal detectors. This morning they dug up a .45 Colt with two smudged prints beneath the cylinder.” He smiled. “Where Gibbs was careless wiping down the gun.”
“Gibbs's prints,” Lindsey said sadly, but not surprised.
“Ballistics matched it to the slugs in Chappell,” Dallas said. “This will give their DA enough to indict Gibbs for Chappell's murder. With luck, he'll do time for that, as well as for Ryder's death.
“But as for the slugs in Nina's grave, they were so badly corroded it's not likely they'll ever get a match.”
Lindsey sipped her drink. “I'll always believe that Gibbs killed Nina. I don't want to think that Ryder did thatâI don't like to think Gibbs will never answer for
that. But at least,” she said, “if he's convicted for Carson's murder and for Ryder's, then he won't go free. I saw him shoot Ryder.”
She frowned at Dallas. “I know I'm only one witness. I wish whoever else saw him shoot her, the man who called you from San Jose, would come forward. Why won't he? He was a witness, too! He was responsible enough to call you, so why won't he help us now? What's he afraid of suddenly? Ray's behind bars, Ray can't hurt him. But now he doesn't want to be involved anymore? Doesn't want to make sure the killer goes to prison?”
Across the room, the witness licked a white paw. He wanted very much to see Gibbs go to prison, but there was nothing he could do. He wished there were some way he
could
testify. Clyde and Ryan, and Charlie and Wilma, and the Greenlaws were all preoccupied, they daren't look at him.
Once again Mike toasted Lindsey for her quick, though foolhardy, action in following Ray Gibbs and cornering him. But no one toasted Joe Grey. No one rose to celebrate the tomcat's part in Gibbs's capture.
Those, however, who knew the truth gave Joe sly looks; Charlie winked at him and Ryan gave him a “thumbs-up” that no one else saw and that made the tomcat smile.
And as everyone toasted the newlyweds for the hundredth time, Kit watched Clyde and Ryan with interest.
What was it that made these two, in all the world, so happy and so right for each other? Why were they so perfect together?
And when she looked at Charlie and Max, she was aware of the same inner closeness.
She looked at her own dear Lucinda and Pedric, and then at Joe and Dulcie, and she knew that in all these couples, the same likeness of spirit had drawn them together and held them together, close and secure in their partnership.
But what, exactly,
was
that bond? Love, yes, but what
was
love? Where did it come from and what made it last? She didn't know what to call that mysterious oneness of spiritâshe only knew she had not had that with Sage. She loved Sage, but not in the same way as this.
She thought about how Sage had suddenly turned so macho when he was well again and was back on his own ground, and she smiled, hoping that one of those pretty young queens in the clowder was the right one for him, that they would find, together, that same mysterious oneness.
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M
UCH LATER
,
when the party had ended and everyone had gone, when Clyde had put out the fire and Ryan turned out the lights, Joe and Rock and Snowball followed the couple up the stairs; soon they were all tucked up in the king-size bed, Ryan and Clyde sipping a nightcap as a fire burned on the hearth, its reflections dancing along the beams above them.
“Here's to Joe Grey,” Ryan said, stroking the tomcat. “Gibbs is behind bars, where he belongsâyou and Lindsey sure nailed him.”
“And here's to Dulcie,” Joe said. “If she hadn't alerted
you two, I'd be locked in some stinking cage about nowâor smashed flat on the concrete, decorated with tire marks.”
Ryan shivered, then laughed. “You're a disgusting tomcat.” She picked him up and hugged him, deeply embarrassing him because she was wearing only a thin, low-cut nightie. His embarrassment made her laugh harder. She put him down, watched him curl up between Rock and Snowball. Clyde, finishing his drink, turned out the light and, for this one night, despite their newlywed status, he and Ryan settled down to sleep among the warm, bed-hogging menagerie.
Dozing off, Joe thought,
Sleep well, Dulcie. Sleep well, Kit,
and was glad to have the tortoiseshell settled in once more, hopefully content, again, with her adopted family.
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B
UT AT THE
Greenlaw house Kit wasn't sleeping snuggled down with her humans. She sat wide awake in her tree house, alone in the moonlight, far too energized to sleep. She thought about joy. She thought about all the wonders in the world she hadn't yet seen and smelled and tasted and clawed and leaped over.
Lucinda said that joy was the deep-down power one was born withâthat some folks nurtured joy and let it grow, and some folks crippled it. She thought about Sage and prayed for his happiness. And she thought that somewhere out there in the world was the right tomcat for her. Waiting for her?
She thought about that for a long time, wondering.
Then suddenly, filled right up to her ears with exciting thoughts, she raced out of her tree house along the oak branch, did a wild flip onto the windowsill nearly missing it, leaped inside onto the dining room table and off again to the rug, raced three times through the house as fast as a cat can run and landed on the bed, waking Lucinda and Pedric and making them laugh and hug her. And there she curled up between her two housemates. She slept at once, dreaming of so many wonders yet to see that in sleep her dark paws kicked and raced, her fluffy tail twitched, and she let out a little mewl of delight that made Lucinda and Pedric smileâmade Lucinda think, as she so often did,
Joy is her nature, and that will never change. That will always be so.