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Authors: Shana Burton

BOOK: Catt Chasing
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A woman ahead of him stepped into the water, assisted by one of the church deacons.
The pastor extended his hand to her and proclaimed, “In acknowledgment of my sister's faith, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
He covered the woman's mouth and nose, dipped her back into the water, and brought her up again. The deacons quickly came to her aid to assist her getting out of the water and to offer a towel for drying off.
Jamal was next. He was always the cool, levelheaded one in a situation; this time, he was trembling as he was escorted into the water.
“There's joy . . . by the river. Let's go down, let's go down by the river,” repeated the congregation. “Let's go down, let's go down by the river.”
Jamal stood before the congregation, knee-deep in water and draped in white, his hands slightly lifted toward heaven. Watching him, Catt felt so full of emotion, she thought her heart might burst.
“In acknowledgment of my brother's faith, I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”
With that, Jamal went down into the water and rose a new being in Christ.
Catt clapped and rushed to greet him as he stepped out of the water. She threw her arms around him.
“I'm so proud of you,” she whispered.
He blushed. “Thanks. I'm kind of proud of me too.”
“Do you feel any different?”
“I do. Not ‘I-want-to-go-out-and-save-the-world' different, but different.” His eyes fell downcast. “You know, I never would've done that if it hadn't been for you.”
“Don't give me all the credit. It was you who made the decision to accept Christ into your life. You also chose to get baptized. I just encouraged you.”
“This trip has already changed my life forever. You do get the credit for that.”
“I don't think either one of us is returning home as the same people that left from Charlotte.”
Chapter 27
“Daddy, the most amazing thing happened today!” Catt rambled that afternoon to her father on the phone.
“Of course! That's what Resurrection Sunday is all about,” he replied.
“No, I'm not talking about that—I'm talking about Jamal. Out of the blue, he decided to get baptized today.”
“What brought that on?” Jeremiah asked, surprised.
“Well, we went to this little country church for service this morning and—I don't know—I guess the Spirit must've moved in him because he just announced that he was going to participate in the baptism.” Catt sighed. “When I saw him go down into that water, Daddy, I felt so full, so proud of him.”
“Wow, that's good. I'm glad you were there to experience it. It's always a blessing to be able to witness a new member being added to the body of Christ.”
“There's so much more to Jamal than I gave him credit for in the beginning. He's introspective, kind, funny, and brilliant, just so many things,” she blabbed.
“It sounds like you've turned a corner in your relationship. It wasn't even a month ago that we were binding the demons inside of him!”
“I guess I just needed a chance to get to know him,” conceded Catt.
Jeremiah cleared his throat, not wanting to linger on the subject of Jamal too long. “Eldon tells me that the two of you had a wonderful time in D.C. I'm glad that you were able to run into each other.”
Catt's enthusiasm waned. “Yeah, it was nice. I wouldn't call it life-changing, but it was cool.”
“Oh, no love connection, huh?”
She could almost hear his smile crumble. “Eldon is a very sweet young man. He's just not what I'm looking for right now.”
“And I take it that this Jamal is,” Jeremiah stated.
“I don't know . . . maybe,” she admitted for the first time aloud.
“Whoa, I didn't know things had gotten that serious!”
“They haven't, but I think this trip has changed both of us. It's challenged us in ways that neither one of us could've predicted.”
“Now, I don't want you to go and get your hopes up, baby girl,” cautioned Jeremiah. “You said yourself that this dude is a player. Of course, I'm glad to see he's making some strides, especially where his spiritual life is concerned. But unless there's been a supernatural cleansing and intervention, I'd hold off on him. Don't you remember Jesus' parable about the farmer and his seeds? The seeds that fell on rocky soil grew quickly but scorched when the sun came out because they had no roots. That boy doesn't have any roots yet.”
“I don't have any illusions about us, Daddy, but I know he feels something just like I do.”
“I still think your time would be better spent trying to get to know the minister a little better. He's proven to be faithful, to love the Lord, and to want to try to build a life with you. You would do well to sit up and take notice.”
Catt gave in to appease her father. “I'll think about it.”
“You do that, baby girl.” He noted the time. “Well, I guess I better let you get back to doing your thing. You remember what I said, though! I know you're grown and you're going to make your own decisions, but I don't think this guy is someone you want to get caught up with. Keep it professional.”
“I always do,” Catt assured him before telling Jeremiah she loved him and hanging up.
Eldon knocked on Jeremiah's door and barged into his office. “Pastor, you may want to come outside and intervene. I think Sister Owens and Sister Jackson might come to blows! Little Tykeith kicked Gerrilyn's Easter basket, and her mother is ready to send Tykeith and his mama to their Maker!”
Jeremiah was so deep in thought that Eldon's words flew right over his head.
Eldon grew concerned. “Sir, is everything okay?”
Jeremiah shook his head. “I just got off the phone with my daughter. She was going on and on about this lab partner of hers. It appears that my Catt is rather sweet on him.”
Eldon's heart dropped to his feet. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I'm pretty sure, and I don't approve—not one bit!”
“What are we going to do about it?” asked Eldon in a slight panic. “We can't let Catt get entangled with a man like that. He'll break her heart. Believe me, Pastor Cason, I've seen him in action. He's a womanizer. Catt deserves so much better.”
“I tried to tell her that, but she's an adult, and she's out there on that road alone with him. She's gonna do what she wants to do.”
“That's it? You're just giving up?”
“Son, all I can do is pray that the truth be revealed and that Catt does the right thing. That's all either of us can do at this point.” He pushed himself out of the chair. “Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to stop Sister Owens and Sister Jackson from turning Easter Sunday into the St. Valentine's Day Massacre!” Jeremiah left Eldon in his office.
Eldon was seething. Catt was slipping away from him, that much was apparent. And with her went his chances of becoming lead servant of Faith Temple. He needed something that would solidify his place in her heart and his standing in the church, but what?
His mind wandered back to the night he and Catt had gone to dinner, and she'd gotten drunk and came on to him. He snickered to himself—
who knew ol' Goody Two-Shoes had it in her? Most of the congregation probably thinks she's still a virgin; I did. Who knew that she was getting her rocks off behind closed doors?
That's when the answer came to him. The solution was so obvious that he was almost ashamed of himself for not thinking of it earlier. What better way to secure himself in the Cason family than to give Jeremiah and Catt the one thing they didn't have—a son or daughter for Catt and a grandchild for Jeremiah.
The scenario played out before him like a movie in his head. He'd invite Catt to dinner and suggest that they have a drink. After all, what was the sin in one harmless drink? Only he'd let one drink become two, possibly three. He didn't want her completely intoxicated, just relaxed and in an amorous mood.
Then he'd take her home because she'd be too drunk to drive and offer to help her into bed. Stroke her ego—among other things—and with a little luck and the right timing, she'd wake up carrying his seed.
Of course, they'd have to come before the church and acknowledge their sin, especially once Catt realized that she was pregnant. But he was skilled at making speeches of the emotional variety. Jeremiah would almost insist that they marry right away to avoid Catt's humiliation and their actions hindering anyone's Christian walk. Once the baby was born, all would be forgotten and forgiven, and Jamal Ford would be a mere wrinkle in history that no one took the time to notice or care about anymore.
Chapter 28
Catt's face was still aglow with joy once they reached St. Louis and checked into their respective rooms.
Jamal put down his suitcase to unlock his door. He got a peripheral glimpse of Catt, who was grinning from ear-to-ear. “What are you so giddy about?” he asked.
“It's just been such a wonderful day, the best Easter ever!”
“I'm glad you enjoyed it.” He opened the door and turned on the light. “I guess I'll see you in the morning.”
She called to him just before he shut the door. “Wait . . . you don't want to stay up and talk awhile?”
He yawned. “I really am beat, Catt. It was a long drive, and I got
no
help with the driving.” Jamal shot her a side-eye glance.
“I think I'm too wired to sleep right now. So many wonderful things have happened today.”
“You could've burned some of that energy off by driving.”
She rolled her eyes. “Good night, Jamal.”
Impulsively, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “See you in the morning.”
 
 
A few hours later, Jamal was back at Catt's doorstep, much to her chagrin. By this time, the excitement of the day had worn off, and she was ready for bed.
“Look, Jamal, if you came over to drag me out to shoot hoops—”
“I had another nightmare,” he blurted out. “I was sort of hoping we could talk about it.”
Upon hearing that, Catt immediately flipped into nurturing mode. “Sure, come in.” She tightened the belt on her robe and closed the door behind him.
Jamal sat on the bed. She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and plopped down next to him. “Was it the same as all the others?”
Jamal nodded.
“Tell me about it.”
Jamal heaved in and out. “Just give me a minute, all right?” He was gathering his thoughts, trying to mentally articulate what it was that he needed to say.
“Take your time.”
“This is not easy to talk about. I haven't told anyone the whole story, not even Tonya.” He looked down at his hands and away from Catt like a scolded child. He was still searching for the right words to tell his story and expel his grief.
“What's this about, Jamal?”
“Do you remember that day at the park?” She nodded. “I had a nightmare. When you asked me about it, I just brushed you off. I wasn't ready to talk about it then. The truth is that I couldn't.”
“Why not? We've told each other just about everything over the past two weeks.”
“I know, but I guess at the time I didn't know whether I could trust you.”
Catt pulled the comforter around her for warmth. “What about now? Have you changed your mind?”
“I have to tell someone,” he asserted. “This thing is eating me up inside. I think the only way to get rid of these demons is to talk about it. That's why I came over.”
“Go on,” urged Catt, lowering her voice to an almost whisper.
Jamal closed his eyes for a moment. “I hardly know where to begin.” He stretched out on the bed. “I guess the best place to start is with my father.”
“Okay, well, start there.”
“I've already told you how close my dad and I were. He was my hero, and I wanted to be just like him. I loved him. I loved my mother too, but the bond that my dad and I had was really special.” Catt nodded, reached out and gently seized his hand.
“I guess part of the reason that we were so close is because most of the time it was just the two of us. My mom was always chasing her dream to be a singer. That was something she'd fantasized about since she was a kid, but she got pregnant with me at seventeen and got married soon afterward. She couldn't move out to L.A. like she'd planned, so she settled for whatever work she could get singing here and there. Most nights, she was performing at this club or that one until one or two o'clock in the morning. Every once in a while, she'd land a role in some musical, which also kept her out late at night. Then in the morning, she went to work and slept when she wasn't working. I didn't get to see a whole lot of her because of her crazy schedule. Of course, now that I have my own dreams, I can understand that drive, that passion to do something that you love. But, then, I just thought she was being selfish, so I clung more to my dad. Since she wasn't there much for him either, I think my dad really appreciated having me around. I think he needed me as much as I needed him.
“Anyway, one day, my mom came home with this dude, Leroy Bennett. I'll never forget him. He smiled too hard and always smelled like smoke and too much cologne. He introduced himself as my mom's
manager.
He went on about his record label contacts and the record deals he could get for her and all the money she was going to make. My mom had stars in her eyes and swallowed up all of it. Me, I don't think I ever believed him, not even then. I always knew he was a hustler. He just looked like he was shady.”
“What did your dad say about all of it?” asked Catt.
“I think that he was probably feeling like I was, but he loved my mom. He
loved
her. He would've done pretty much anything to see her happy. He knew a career in music was her dream, so he went along with it.
“Anyway, a few months go by, and my mom was spending less time at home and more and more time with Leroy. He had her performing at different li'l clubs out in the sticks. It was always in juke joints that nobody ever heard of. She even quit her full-time job so that she could be available for him. Then she started being gone for days and weeks at a time with this man. I remember asking my dad when was she going to come home, and he would always say, ‘Oh, she'll be here real soon. You know that she misses us and can't wait to be home again.' To this day, I don't know if he was just trying to protect me or trying to convince himself.”
Catt hugged her pillow. “What was your relationship with your mom like at this point?”
“A little strained, I guess, since I didn't get to spend that much time with her. But when we were together, it was okay. That is, until she tried to get me to start spending time with Leroy.”
“What happened?”
“When she wasn't working, she'd tell my dad that she was taking me to the movies or somewhere and when we got there, ol' smilin'-behind Leroy would already be there waiting. The two of them would be all over each other right there in front of me! I know that I was young, around eleven or twelve, but I knew what was going on. I hated them both for it, especially my mama because I knew how much my dad loved her.” Jamal tilted his head and looked at Catt with ire. “You know that clown Leroy even told me that I could call him
‘Daddy'
when my pops wasn't around. I swear that just made me hate that fool even more.”
“What about your dad? Did he know what was going on?”
“He had to!” reasoned Jamal. “Some nights, I'd hear them in their bedroom arguing. My mom would be screaming, telling him that he's wasn't nothing and that he was holding her back. Once, I heard her say to him that she was never going to have anything as long as she was tied to him. Then she would talk about all the crap Leroy had bought her and the places he'd taken her and everything he'd done for her. My dad would just listen and tell her how much he loved us and how we could still be happy together. He was a good one, though, because I probably couldn't have put up with that. I
know
I couldn't!”
“Sometimes it takes realizing that you'd do anything for a person to make you see that it's gone too far,” Catt theorized.
“I guess so. This went on for a few weeks. Then one day, my dad and I went fishing. He would take me to this stream deep in the woods. It was always so quiet and peaceful out there, and it always smelled like pine trees. I loved it,” narrated Jamal dreamily. He snapped out of it and continued the story. “We were laughing and talking when we got home that day. My mother was in the living room with suitcases packed. My dad asked her what was going on and if she had a singing gig out of town. She told him no, that she was leaving him and was never coming back. She said that she was going to marry Leroy and that they were leaving for California and were taking me with them.”
“Oh my God!” gasped Catt. “What did he say?”
“He begged her to stay or at least to let me stay with him. I mean he was crying, Catt, no shame. At one point, he even got on his knees. She just shook her head and told him that he was weak, and that this proved it. She said that she wasn't going to let me grow up being weak like that. She wanted me to be a real man like Leroy. She kept calling Dad weak and saying that he wasn't a man. She even told him that Leroy was a better man in bed and that I was already calling Leroy ‘Daddy.' After she said that, it just seemed like all the fight went out of him. He just stood there; he couldn't even look at me.”
Catt shook her head. “I don't care how much she thought she loved this other guy, she didn't have to break your dad like that. Hearing words like that come from the person you love is enough to send anyone over the edge.”
“That's exactly what happened. Right after she packed everything in suitcases and plastic bags, Leroy pulled up to come pick us up. I was crying and pleading with her not to make me go. I told her I wanted to stay with my dad. I kept telling him to tell my mom that I could stay with him, but he didn't. He just stood there.” Jamal's eyes fell downcast. “He didn't say anything.”
As he recounted the story, Jamal's eyes began to swell with tears despite his efforts to fight them back. “Then my dad walked over to the buffet table, opened the drawer where he kept his gun, pulled it out, and shot himself.”
“Shot himself?” echoed a stunned Catt.
Jamal nodded. “One bullet to the head. My mom was completely hysterical, but I was numb. It felt like a dream or like it was happening to someone else. I mean, in a span of about thirty minutes, I went from a great time fishing with my dad, to hearing my mom announce that not only was she leaving, but that she was taking me with her, to having my tennis shoes covered with my father's blood as I watched him die right in front of me. How's a kid supposed to get over something like that?”
Catt dropped her head. “I don't know.”
“One of them called the ambulance—my mom, I think, they came and pronounced him dead. Of course, ol' Leroy didn't waste any time. He had my mom take everything valuable from the house, and we were on a plane that same night.”
“You didn't stay for the funeral?” she asked.
Jamal shook his head and wiped a tear. “I never even got to say good-bye. We were in California before the day was out.”
“How did you end up back here?”
“Well, we were living out there, going from motel to motel, sneaking out to keep from paying. After awhile, Leroy's drug habit became apparent, and any money my mom did make from singing went into his arm or up his nose. He pawned all my dad's stuff, I think at one point he even had my mom turning tricks. Then he started beating her. I remember one time he beat her unconscious, and she had to go to the hospital. He never touched me, though, just ignored me. I couldn't muster enough sympathy to feel sorry for my mother,” he recalled. “She took my dad away from me, and I hated her for that.
“Then one day, Leroy and all his stuff were gone. We didn't have any money or food and ended up having to sleep in women's shelters or with whoever my mom could convince to take us in for the night. Eventually, she got somebody to wire us some money for a bus ticket, and we came back to North Carolina.”
“How long were you out there?”
“Almost a year. My dad had to die so that my mom could live with and get beat down by that fool for a year.” Jamal began sobbing. Twenty-two years of repressed hurt, confusion, and anger all erupted at that moment.
Catt thought it best to let him cry. She offered her shoulder and held his head as he wept. More than anything, she wanted to hold him, to take him in her arms and erase whatever it was that made him hurt like that.
“Are you all right?” she asked when the sobs subsided and gave way to soft whimpers.
“Yeah,” he said, lifting his head. “I'm sorry for just breaking down like that. I guess you probably think I'm crazy or something.”
She shook her head. “I think you're wonderful and brave and that you have been holding this in for far too long.”
He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “Well, now you know it all, all of my deep dark secrets.”
“I can't tell you what it means to me that you'd confide in me like this; that you'd trust me this much.”
He looked into her eyes. “I do trust you. You're the first woman that I've trusted in a very long time.”
“That means a lot to me, Jamal. I hope you know that.”

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