Cattleman's Choice (14 page)

Her eyes closed and tears welled up behind her swollen eyelids. Because of her, she knew. Because of the way she'd hurt him.

“Is he still there?” she asked after a minute.

“No, ma'am. Patty bailed him out. She took him over to her place to look after him. He's pretty bruised and battered, but she says he'll be okay. She, uh, thought you might want to know.”

“Well I don't,” she said quietly. “I don't want to hear about Carson Wayne again as long as I live. See you tomorrow, Angie,” she added on a sob and hung up.

He was at Patty's. He was hurt, and he was at Patty's. And she was nursing him and taking care of him and loving him….

Mandelyn burst into tears. Somehow, she was going to have to stop crying. Her heart was breaking.

She didn't eat breakfast or lunch. Around midafternoon she heard the sound of a car coming up the driveway.

She looked out the window and was shocked to see Patty's truck pulling up at the front door. Her eyes flashed. She wouldn't answer the doorbell. She wouldn't even talk to the other woman! Patty had Carson now, what else did she want?

Patty rang the bell and Mandelyn ignored her.

“Mandy!” Patty called. “Mandy, I know you're in there!'

“Go away!” Mandelyn called back, her voice wobbling. “I've got an awful headache. I can't talk to you!”

“Well, you're going to,” Patty said stubbornly. “Shall I break a window?”

Mandelyn decided that another broken window would be too much trouble. Reluctantly, she opened the door.

Patty paused, shocked by the other woman's pale features.

“What do you want?” Mandelyn asked. Her voice sounded hoarse.

“I came to see about you,” Patty said, surprised. “Angie said you had a migraine, and I thought you might want me to go to the pharmacy for you.”

“You've already got one patient, just take care of him and leave me alone.”

Patty moved closer, eyeing her friend closely. “Mandy, what's wrong?” she asked softly.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Mandelyn started crying again, and couldn't stop. Her body shook with broken sobs.

“Oh, Mandy, don't, I can't stand to see you like this,” Patty pleaded, helping her to sit down in the living room. “What's wrong? Please, tell me!”

Mandelyn shook her head. “Nothing.”

“Nothing.” Patty looked toward the ceiling. “Carson takes his car into the swimming pool with him and you play hookey from work with a nonexistent headache, and nothing's wrong.”

“You've got him now, what do you care what happens to me?” Mandelyn ground out, glaring at her.

“I've got him? Him, who? Carson?” Her eyes widened. “You think I'm after Carson?”

Mandelyn dabbed at her eyes. “Aren't you? He did it all for you, you know. Learning all about culture, and going to ballets and making fun of ballerinas and fixing up his house. You ought to be proud of yourself! He didn't think he was good enough for you the way he was, so he got me to give him lessons in etiquette!”

Patty's mouth opened. “Carson isn't in love with me!”

“Of course he is,” Mandelyn said with trembling lips. “And I wish you every happiness!”

“Me? What about you?” Patty shot back. “You went away for the weekend with Jake!”

It was Mandelyn's turn to look shocked. “I went to Phoenix…alone.”

Patty flushed. “Oh.” She glared. “But you were all over him at my party.”

“We were consoling each other,” Mandelyn said wearily. “I suggested maybe he could learn to play a guitar and sing like Carson, and he said maybe I could go to veterinarian's school….”

“Jake was jealous?” Patty asked. “Of me?”

“Boy, are you dense,” Mandelyn grumbled. “Of course he was jealous. Mad at Carson, mad at you. He asked me to dance so he wouldn't have to watch the two of you together. And when you kissed Carson, I thought he was going to go wild.”

Patty's eyes misted. “Oh, my,” she whispered.

A dawning realization made Mandelyn's tears dry up. “Patty…it's Jake, isn't it?”

“It's always been Jake,” Patty confessed. She stared down at her jeans. “Since I was a teenager. But he wouldn't give me the time of day. I thought after I went away, maybe he'd miss me, but he didn't even write or call me. And when I came back here, I found all sorts of excuses to go out to the ranch, but he didn't notice. At the party I'd just about given up. I was hurting so much I couldn't stand it, and Carson knew and he played up to me to try to make Jake jealous. But I thought it backfired, because Jake wouldn't come near me. Last night, when I got Carson out of jail and took him home with me, Jake came to the front door and raised hell. I yelled back at him, and I thought it was all over. But now…”

“Jake loves you,” Mandelyn whispered.

“Yes, I think he might,” Patty faltered tearfully. “But why won't he admit it?”

“He's Carson's foreman. He isn't an educated man. And you've a degree. Maybe he doesn't feel worthy.”

“I'll soon rid him of that silly notion, wait and see.” Patty grinned. “I'll seduce him.”

Mandelyn blushed wildly and Patty laughed.

“You might try that yourself,” she suggested gently. “The way Carson lets you lead him around, I don't think he'd be able to stop you.”

“I don't feel that way about Carson. I just feel guilty.” The flush got worse. Mandelyn stared down at her shoes. “He hates me.”

“Oh, sure he does.”

“But he does!” Mandelyn wailed. She blurted out the whole painful story through a mist of tears. “I could just die! I hurt him and he could have been killed. I'd never have forgiven myself.”

“Carson's tough,” Patty said. “At least, he's tough with everyone but you.”

“He's nice to you,” Mandelyn reminded her.

“Oh, Carson and I go back a long way. We grew up together. I love him like a brother, and he knows it. But he's never been with anyone the way he is with you, honey. You must be the only person in Sweetwater who doesn't know that Carson's in love with you.”

Mandelyn stared at her friend as if she'd lost her senses. Her eyes widened and her heart began to race.

“Didn't you ever wonder why he'd let you save people from him when he was drinking?” Patty asked, her eyes soft.

“Because I wasn't afraid of him,” she replied.

Patty shook her head. “Because he would have done anything for you. We all knew it. And he'd sit and stare at you and have the damndest lost look on his face….”

“But…but he said there was a woman.” Mandelyn hesitated. “He said she wouldn't have him the way he was, that he wanted to change and get cultured so that he could have a chance with her.”

“He was talking about you,” Patty said. “You, with your genteel background and your exquisite manners. It was like wishing for a star, and he must have known all along how impossible it was. But I guess he had to try.”

Mandelyn felt as if someone had hit her over the head with a mallet. Carson loved her?

“Don't feel so bad,” Patty said. “He'll get over it. He's almost back to normal this morning. Once he's realized what a silly idea it was, he'll come around, and you two will be friends again. Carson doesn't hold grudges. He'll thank you for having brought him to his senses.” She stood up, grinning. “Imagine, you and Carson. That would be something, wouldn't it? The debutante and the outlaw. Wow!” She stretched. “Well, I'll never be able to tell you how grateful I am to know how Jake really feels. And don't you torment yourself about Carson. You only helped him see the light. He'll be okay. He's mostly just hung over.”

“Would you…tell him I said I'm sorry?” she asked.

Patty studied her. “Wouldn't you like to come with me and tell him yourself?”

“No!” Mandelyn took a steadying breath. “No, I don't think so. It's too soon yet.”

“Well, I'll relay the message. Feel better now? He isn't hurt. He's just dented.”

Mandelyn nodded. “Thanks for coming by. I'm sorry I was ratty.”

“No problem. I know what guilt can do to people. Say, you weren't getting sweet on Carson, were you?”

“Who me?” Mandelyn laughed nervously. “As you said, that would be something, wouldn't it?”

“A pretty wild match. What interesting kids you'd have. Okay, I'm going!” she laughed when Mandelyn started to look homicidal. “See you!”

Mandelyn sat by the window for a long time, thinking over what Patty had said. Bits and pieces of conversation came back to her, and she began to realize that it might have been true. Carson might have been falling in love with her. But whatever he'd felt before, he hated her now. He hated her for trying to live in the past with Ben, and for what she'd said to him at the ballet. He hated her for making him feel worthless and savage.

She fixed herself a light supper, trying to decide what to do. Her life was so empty now that she didn't know how she was going to survive. Perhaps she could go back to Charleston.

That thought appealed for only a few minutes. No, she couldn't leave Sweetwater. She couldn't leave Carson. Even if she only caught glimpses of him for the rest of her life, she couldn't bear being half a country away from him.

Several times, she went to the telephone and stared at it, wanting to call him, wanting to apologize. Or just to hear his voice. Finally, after dark, she dialed Patty's number.

“Hello,” Patty said cheerfully.

“It's Mandelyn. Is…is Carson still there?”

“No, honey, he went home to nurse his bruises alone,” Patty said. “He's feeling pretty low, though. You might try him there.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” Patty murmured, and a male voice laughed softly in the background.

Mandelyn hung up, smiling faintly. It had sounded like Jake's voice, and she was glad that for Patty, at least, the long wait was over.

She dialed Carson's number and waited and waited until finally he picked it up.

“Hello,” he said deeply, in a defeated kind of voice.

She was afraid he'd hang up on her. So she only said, very softly, “I'm sorry.”

There was a long pause. “Why apologize for telling the truth?” he asked coldly.

At least he was talking to her. She sat down and leaned back against the sofa with her eyes closed. “How are you?”

“I'll live,” he said curtly.

She couldn't think of anything to say. Except, maybe, “I love you.” Because she did, so desperately. Patty had said that he loved her, but those days were gone for good. She knew she'd killed the delicate feelings he had for her.

“Do…do you need anything?” she asked hesitantly.

“Not from you, Mandelyn.”

She knew that, but hearing it hurt. She swallowed down the tears. “I just wanted to see how you were. Good night.”

She started to hang up, but he said her name in a way that made her toes curl up.

“Yes?” she whispered.

There was a long pause and she held her breath, hoping against hope for some crumb, some tiny clue that he still cared.

“Thanks for the lessons,” he said after a minute. “I'll put them to good use.”

“You're welcome,” she replied, and hung up. Maybe Patty was wrong, she thought desperately. Maybe there was a woman neither of them knew about, a woman in Phoenix or some other town. And that thought tortured her long into the night.

Chapter Nine

T
he next few days were agonizing ones for Mandelyn. She lost her appetite for food, for living itself. For the first time, work wasn't enough to sustain her. And her memories of Ben, which had kept her going for years, had become nothing more than pleasant episodes from the past. She missed Carson. It was like having half of her body cut away and trying to live on what was left.

Once, she accidentally ran into him in the local fast-food restaurant. She'd stopped to get a cold drink as she walked back to her office after an appointment, and he was just coming out.

Her heart leapt up into her throat and she dropped her eyes. She couldn't even look at him. She turned around and went back the way she'd come without bothering about the cold drink. The look in his eyes had been chilling enough.

The second week, Patty stopped by the house to invite Mandelyn to go with her to the Sweetwater Rodeo.

“Come on,” Patty coaxed. “You've been moping around for days. You need some diversion.”

“Well…”

“You can go with Jake and me,” she coaxed, grinning. “Things are going very well indeed in that department, by the way. I've almost got him hooked.”

Mandelyn smiled. “I'm happy for you. I really am.” But she couldn't bear the thought of driving in the pickup with Jake and hearing him talk about Carson. “I've got something to do earlier in town, though, so I'll just drive in and meet you there. Okay?”