Catwalk (15 page)

“Grandmother told me about it,” DJ explains. “Apparently the editor-in-chief thought Taylor was the hottest thing during Fashion Week.”

“That’s probably an exaggeration,” Taylor says.

“And I’m guessing Mrs. Carter suggested it,” Eliza says to Paige. “You know she used to be editor-in-chief at
Couture.
I’m sure she still carries some influence there. Plus, she always did tend to favor Taylor over the rest of us.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” DJ challenges. “She might’ve thought Taylor had the most potential for modeling, but she recognized talents in others too.”

Eliza just laughs—but in a mean way.

“She encouraged me toward design,” Rhiannon says. “And helped me get into FIT.”

“Hey, I have an idea,” Paige says suddenly. “How about if we take Tuesday’s
On the Runway
shoot over to
Couture
?”

“That’s a great idea,” I tell her.

“What do you think, Taylor?” Paige asks.

“Wouldn’t you need to ask
Couture
what they think first?” Eliza says sharply, cutting off Taylor.

But Paige is already on her phone, calling Fran and telling her about this idea. She explains how Taylor has been chosen for the editorial fashion spread and how that would make a great angle for the day in the life of a model episode, then finally hangs up. “Fran loves this idea,” Paige tells us. “She’s all over it. And I’m guessing
Couture
will be too. After all, it’s free publicity for them.”

“So your day in the life of a model is basically turning into a day in the life of Taylor Mitchell,” Eliza says sullenly.

“We’ll include you too,” Paige assures her.

“Yeah, right.” Eliza stands and goes into the kitchen. And I’m sure her feelings are hurt, but it also seems like she’s being pretty selfish. Why can’t she be happy for Taylor’s sake?

“Now don’t go off and pout,” DJ calls to Eliza. “We all know you’re feeling jealous of Taylor. Nothing new about this.” DJ turns to Paige and me. “Living in the same house for a year, we started acting a little like sisters.”

“Come on, Eliza,” Rhiannon now tries. “You can talk to us about what’s bugging you.”

So Eliza returns, flops down on the sectional again, and just shakes her head. “It seems like no matter how hard I try, it just never goes quite the way I want it to.”

“Maybe it’s because you want the wrong things,” I say hesitantly.

“Good point,” Rhiannon adds.

“How do you know what’s right or wrong for me?” Eliza challenges.

“I guess I don’t,” I admit. “But you seem unhappy to me. And that makes me wonder if you’re heading the wrong way.”

“So you’re saying that the things I want are wrong?” Eliza points to Paige now. “I mean, you get to be the star of your own show.” She points to Taylor. “And you’re turning out to be a supermodel.” She points to Rhiannon. “You’re getting to design like you wanted.” Then she points to DJ and just frowns. “You don’t even try and you always seem to land on top.”

“That’s not true,” DJ tells her.

“But no matter what I do or how hard I work, I’m always getting beat out by someone else. It’s just not fair.”

“Maybe God is trying to tell you something,” DJ says quietly.

Eliza just rolls her eyes. “Here comes the sermon.”

“Maybe you should listen to the sermon,” Taylor tells her. “It might answer some of your questions.”

“Because you’re living an Eliza-directed life,” DJ points out. “And you’re going after what Eliza wants without any regard for what God might have for you.”

“And what God has for you is so much more,” Rhiannon adds.

“I agree,” I say cautiously. “I’m trying to live a God-directed life too. And I’m not saying I do everything right, because I definitely don’t. But I try to trust God and I pray for him to show me what’s best for me. And, right now, I’m getting to do this TV show with Paige—which by the way, wasn’t something that I originally wanted to do. But the more I do it, the more I realize that God wants me to be with my sister…to help her in whatever way I can.”

Paige gives me a tolerant smile. “I’m sure God knows just how desperately I need your help too.”

“But I’m not the star of the show,” I say to Eliza, “and that’s just fine with me. I wouldn’t even want to be the star. For me it’s more fun helping someone else to shine.”

Rhiannon nods. “That’s how I feel too. I mean, I love to design, but the really cool part is watching someone else wearing the clothes I made. Not everyone can be the star. At least not all the time.”

“But I
want
to be the star!” Eliza insists. “Why is that wrong?”

“Maybe God doesn’t want you to be the star,” I suggest. “Maybe he has a different, better kind of plan for your life.”

“But how will you know if you don’t ask him?” DJ adds.

We talk about this for about an hour and although Eliza can’t seem to let go of wanting stardom, I think maybe she’s considering what we’re trying to tell her. And I think maybe Paige is too. Because in some ways, Paige and Eliza are similar, except that I think Paige’s motivation is about more than just being a star. She genuinely loves what she’s doing. And I’m guessing that’s why it’s working for her.

On Monday, we return to Taylor and
Eliza’s apartment in time to see them getting up in the morning and having breakfast, although Eliza barely eats and Paige makes a comment about it, which makes Eliza mad. Then after they’re dressed and ready for the day, we head out, tagging along as they go to the modeling agency.

“I know it’s more than your typical day,” Fran tells them as we ride in the town car, “but viewers will appreciate seeing the inner workings like this.” So we do some filming at the agency and Taylor and Eliza pick up their go-see information. And then we follow them to their appointments, both for print ads. Taylor gets a callback, but Eliza is still waiting. And she seems to be smoldering a bit. Something about her attitude reminds me of my best friend…or my ex best friend. I’m not really sure anymore. But after our workday is done, I decide to give Mollie a call.

She doesn’t answer and, as usual, I get her voicemail. “Hi, Mollie,” I say as cheerfully as I can. “I hope you’re over the flu now. I was just thinking of you and missing you and wanted
to say hey. I’ll be home by Wednesday and maybe we can get together. Later.”

As I close my phone, I wonder if we really will get together. And if we do, will Mollie continue with her chilly jealousy act, or can we make an attempt to just be honest and talk about this?

Then I get what I think might be a good idea. Remembering Blake’s invitation to go out on Valentine’s Day, I wonder if we could go on a double date with Mollie and Tony—just like we used to do. So I call Blake and tell him about it.

“Let me guess…you’re worried that things will get too serious if it’s just you and me alone, right?” he asks in a teasing tone.

I just laugh. “No, that’s not it. I’m just feeling like Mollie and I are growing apart. And I don’t want that. Besides, remember how much fun we used to have going out with them together? I miss that.”

“Yeah, it does sound good. I’ll call Tony and see what he thinks. And now, tell me, how was the slumber party?”

“Fortunately, it was a tiny bit more mature than middle school. Although one of the girls, Eliza Wilton, is kind of the jealous type. At first she seemed to set her sights on Paige, but I think she’s mostly jealous of Taylor.” Then I tell him about our plan to go to
Couture
tomorrow. “It sounds like Eliza wants to come too, but I think that’s only going to make things worse. She’s got this attitude—and it’s weird because she’s really pretty and her parents are like billionaires, but she’s got this obsession with being a star, and I honestly don’t think she’s got the right stuff.”

“Maybe she can buy her way to stardom.”

“Maybe.” We talk awhile longer and I suddenly realize
that I’m homesick. I miss Blake and Mollie and my mom. So I give Mom a call too, and she sounds like she misses us even more than we miss her.

“It’s really given me a taste of empty nest syndrome,” she admits. “And I’m not sure I like it.”

“Well, it’s not like we’ve moved out, Mom,” I remind her.

“But it is just a matter of time…one day you will.”

“Not any time soon.”

“No, of course, there’s no hurry. But I should tell you what I already told Paige.”

“What?” Suddenly I’m alarmed. Surely Mom’s not going to make us move out.

“Well…Jon and I…it’s getting more serious. I just thought you should know, Erin.”

“You’re not running off to Vegas to get married, are you?”

She laughs. “Oh, it’s not that serious. Not yet anyway. And definitely not to Vegas. We wouldn’t do it like that.”

“But you’re actually thinking of marriage?” I feel stunned.

“It’s hard not to
think
about it, Erin. Jon is a wonderful guy. And, for the first time since losing your dad, well, I feel happier than I ever thought possible.”

I try to absorb this. My mom is falling in love?

“I don’t want you to worry, honey. I just want you to be on the same page as Paige.” She chuckles at her little play on words.

“Thanks…I appreciate it.”

“And I know you’ll be happy for me if Jon and I take our relationship to the next level.”

“Sure.” I try to sound convincing. “Of course.”

But after I hang up I have this very bad feeling. It’s not that I don’t like Jon. Actually, I don’t really know him that well, but
what I do know of him, I like. I just feel like this is wrong. I can’t imagine my mom being married to someone besides my dad. Yet, as much as I hate to admit this, I realize that I’m being very selfish. I suddenly realize that I’m no different than Eliza and how she acts about Taylor’s success, or Mollie in the way she resents me doing
On the Runway.
And these are sobering thoughts. It’s not easy to see yourself as you really are. So I decide the only thing I can really do about this Mom and Jon thing is to pray about it. And that is exactly what I do.

On Tuesday we all meet up at
Couture
magazine. As usual, I’m playing Camera Girl and enjoying hanging in the background as Paige and Taylor are given a tour of the magazine’s head-quarters and basically treated like rock stars. And although Eliza isn’t completely ignored, I can tell that she’s starting to feel like extra baggage. It doesn’t help when JJ motions for her to move away so he can get a better shot of Taylor and Paige as they’re chatting with the editor-in-chief.

They’ve even arranged for a mock photo shoot, just so we can include it in our show. But when they’re done, the photographer seems pleased. “Some of these are so good that we might just use them anyway,” he tells Taylor. “Great work, kiddo!”

As we’re wrapping it up, Eliza leaves our group, saying she needs to use the restroom. But after awhile, we’re getting ready to leave and she hasn’t come back, so I offer to go check on her. To my surprise, she’s still in the ladies’ lounge—crying.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

She sniffs, then reaches for a tissue to blot her tears. “Do I look okay?”

I shrug.

“I’m just sick of this,” she says as she tosses the wadded tissue into the trash. “I’m sick of being second-best, runner-up, second-fiddle…the loser.”

“You’re hardly a loser,” I tell her. “Good grief, do you know how many girls would love to be in your shoes?”

“I don’t care about that.”

“Then you know what?” I stare at her.

“What?”

“You might as well get used to it.”

“Used to what?”

“Being a loser.”

She blinks.

“Because as long as you look at life the way you’re looking at it, you’ll always be a loser.”

“Are you going to talk about God again?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. Because the way I see it, Eliza, God has given you a whole lot. I mean, you are beautiful. And, other than your obsession with being first, you seem like you’re intelligent. Plus you were born into money. You know how many girls would be happy to have just one part of that little formula? And yet you go on and on about what you don’t have. Really, it’s pathetic.”

“Thanks a lot.”

I would apologize for being so blunt, but a little dose of honesty might be just what she needs right now. “Eliza,” I say more gently, “I’m just thinking that with all God has given you…well, maybe he expects you to do something with it. Something more important than putting your face in front of a camera.”

“Like what? Go feed starving kids in Africa?”

I nod. “Maybe. I think that could be a great beginning for you.”

“And then what?”

“And then maybe God would show you what. But you need to quit focusing on yourself all the time, Eliza. It’s not only shallow and selfish, it’s totally unhealthy. And when you act like you’ve been acting, no one is going to want to be around you.”

“Well, gee…Thanks for the little pep talk.”

“I guess I just call it as I see it.”

She blows her nose then looks in the mirror. “Maybe it was a mistake to want to model.”

“Well, we should probably go before they send out a search party.”

She doesn’t say another word about this conversation and I have no idea whether anything I said might do any good or make any difference, but I decide to put Eliza Wilton on my prayer list. And I think, in her own way, she’s actually crying out for help.

On Wednesday morning we anxiously head for LaGuardia again and, thankfully, Paige makes it through security without any complications. And although we don’t fly first class, Paige seems as happy as I am to be going home.

We’re both totally surprised when we discover Mom, Jon, Blake, and Benjamin—along with balloons and a welcome home sign—waiting for us in baggage claim. JJ is even there to catch it on film.

After we gather up our luggage Jon offers to take us all out for dinner, but I play the spoiler. Whether it’s because

I’m still feeling uneasy about him and Mom or because I’m just plain tired, I’m not sure. But I honestly do want to go to church tonight, and that’s what I tell everyone when I make my apologies. Jon just smiles and says “another time.” Then Mom takes my bags with her and Jon, and I go with Blake. Because we’re crunching on time and because I’m starving, we decide to snag burgers at In-N-Out and eat them in the car before we head over to church.

Now we’re sitting at church, and I can’t even describe how good it feels to be in a worship service. It feels like it’s been years since I’ve been here, and I can tell how much I need this. Still, I realize that I also need to be more supportive of my mom and her new boyfriend. I need to get over whatever it is that’s making me resent Jon. During a quiet moment, I ask God to help me with that.

After church, Lionel comes over to say hello and inquires about New York. But I can tell he’s curious about something else and I suspect he wonders why I’m here with Blake.

“How are your classes going?” I ask as a diversion.

“Really well. I’m finishing up a short documentary that turned out to be pretty good.”

I make a face. “Okay, I won’t ask you to go into details since I’d probably just get jealous. But I’m glad you’re enjoying school.”

“When do you think you’ll come back?”

I consider this. “To be honest, I don’t know. I’m committed to the show for the time being.”

“And it’s giving you some great hands-on experience,” Blake injects.

Lionel eyes Blake, then nods. We talk a bit longer before we go our separate ways. And I can’t help but feel something
is amiss between Lionel and me. We used to be such good friends. As Blake drives me home, I try to wrap my head around the whole guy-girl thing, wondering why it’s so tricky balancing out relationships with the opposite sex. Why can’t you have it all?

“So we’re still on for Valentine’s Day?” Blake asks as he walks me up to our condo.

“I can’t wait to shine up my bowling shoes,” I tease.

He laughs. “Well, you might not need them after all.”

“Oh, right…”

“And Tony said
maybe
they would join us.”

“Maybe?”

Blake shrugs. “If you think Mollie’s been acting weird lately, I’m thinking it must be contagious because Tony seems different too.”

“It’s like we’ve offended them somehow,” I tell him. “And I honestly can’t remember doing anything that would’ve started this.” I stifle a yawn as we get to my door. “I must still be on New York time, but thanks for taking me to church tonight. That was great.”

He gives me a hug and a peck on the cheek, then takes off down the stairs like there’s a fire somewhere. At first I wonder if he’s embarrassed about the kiss…but then I feel relieved that it was simply a peck. I don’t think I’m ready for anything more just yet.

Mom’s alone in the living room when I come inside. Just sitting on the couch with no lights on. “Are you okay?” I ask when I see her sitting there like a shadow.

“Just thinking.”

I sit down next to her. “About what?”

“Your dad.”

“Oh.”

“You know, honey…we didn’t exactly have the greatest marriage.”

This catches me off guard. “Huh?”

“Remember how we had our power struggles sometimes? He worked so many hours that I often resented it.”

I nod. “Oh, yeah, I remember you guys would sometimes argue about housework.”

She smiles. “Yes. I thought we should share the chores more.”

“But why are you thinking about this?”

“I was just thinking that even though it wasn’t a perfect marriage, even though we fought sometimes, I still miss it. I miss your dad immensely. But I miss having that relationship too.”

“This is really about Jon, isn’t it?”

She turns and looks at me. “I can tell it’s bothering you, Erin.”

I bite my lip.

“And that makes me question everything.”

“Everything? You mean with Jon?”

She nods. “Yes. Maybe it is too soon.”

“But Dad’s been gone more than three years,” I protest, knowing how incongruous this is to my previous emotions. Still, she’s my mom—I want her to be happy.

“I know…”

“And you and Jon seem to really like each other.”

“Yes…but…” She studies me. “You seem to have a problem with it.”

I wave my hand. “A little, I guess, but that’s just me. You know what a stick-in-the mud I can be sometimes. I’ve never liked change.”

Mom laughs. “Yes. I still remember when you threw a fit in fifth grade because I tossed your favorite sneakers even though you’d outgrown them.”

“See,” I tell her with a smile. “I’m just a little resistant to change.”

“And you’re resistant to Jon too.” She sighs. “Even he could tell.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You can’t help how you feel, Erin.”

I consider this. Maybe I can’t help how I feel, but I can control how I act. And, when it comes to Jon and Mom, I can tell I’m acting selfishly. “I know I’ve been a total brat about this, Mom. I mean, you obviously like Jon a lot. He obviously likes you. And I’m sure you know exactly what you’re getting into. If you’re really getting into something, that is.”

She smiles. “Sometimes you just get a sense about someone—you know, early on—and you can tell that the relationship is special, like it’s meant to be…or at least it seems that way.”

“And if that’s how you feel about Jon, I am totally on board too.”