Caught in the Flames (23 page)

“Yes. She has. I’m not angry anymore. I’m just—” My chin trembles and wetness falls from where my lashes blink. I sniffle and try to explain but I’m fighting the sobs that want to escape. Kiki rises, her chair scrapes along the tile floor, and she moves to wrap me in her arms. It’s then that I give in and let my tears fall freely.

“I know, Callie. It hurts.”

I nod into her side. She pats my head. I know she’s right. I need to talk to Alicia. I’m not sure I can forgive her. Things won’t go back to the easy way it was between us, but I can’t not try. I can’t leave it all open, not if I ever want to move on. And I do. I swallow hard and pull out of Kiki’s embrace to wipe at my face.

“I’ll call her tonight. You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.” Kiki grins through tears of her own. I don’t know why it’s comforting but it is. That she feels my pain as though it’s her own. That I’m more than just free labor and a needy neighbor. That regardless of our age difference, we’re friends.

“Well, I better get back to work. I want to trim the bushes at the fence line. They’re a big project and I’ve been putting them off.”

“Yes, I hate those things. They have thorns so be careful, and wear gloves. My husband insisted on planting those. Said they’d help keep out unwanted guests. Animals and people, but I always said they did us more harm than good. They got him good every time he cut them back. Never let me do that job, though. Said he didn’t want to cause me any pain; he’d take it all.”

“Sweet man, your husband.”

“The best.” She opens the sliding door for me and I walk across the threshold. “You find one of those, the kind who takes all the pain so you don’t have to go it alone. That’s the man you hold on to something fierce. That’s the best kind. The one you want.”

“I don’t want anything to do with men right now, Kiki.” I slide my gloves over my fingers and tighten my hair tie with a tug before blowing out a frustrated breath.

“Not now, but you will. And that fire captain? He taught you exactly who to steer clear of. You won’t date another one like him again.”

“An asshole,” I mutter, and pinch my lips into a strained smile.

“No, a man who clouds his selfish nature with charm.”

I nod, turn down the deck steps and over the now clear pathway of stone bricks to the back fence line. I stop at the shed to grab the empty trash bin and large clippers. She’s right about one thing. I’m never dating a man like Chase again. No more selfish assholes. No more firemen. No more chocolate eyes. Soft brown hair. Tan skin. Muscles. Tattoos. None of it.

Done. Over it. Find me a bald anorexic albino with ice blue eyes, nine-to-five career, and heart of gold. I’ll be all over that shit.

“Son of a—”
Fuck.
These bushes are no joke. I’ve been at this for hours. And thank the Lord I left this for better weather. Late September heat is warm but not unforgiving and there’s only slight humidity in the afternoon air. Kiki’s the best, alternating trips outside to bring me water and then coffee so I don’t stop working. My arms are scraped to hell but I’ve only got four full-fledged cuts. Pretty good for the ten yards of space I’ve cleared.

I cut the last bush and haul the waste to the front curb, adding it to the growing pile of debris. I texted Jill and asked her to play intermediary and set up a breakfast date tomorrow with Alicia. She was enthusiastic, well, that is if the hearts and hand clap emojis she used to respond accurately showcase her joy. And I feel lighter, happier, satisfied knowing I’ve made the right move. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but the thought of seeing both my girls tomorrow brings a peace over my ever racing heart.

I’m replacing the tools in the work shed when the harsh blare of sirens fills the quiet day. Anxiety rolls over me and my breath catches in my throat. Fuck, I hate that sound. I hate my instant uneasy reaction. Add it to the hundred other tastes, smells, sounds, words, phrases, and life experiences Chase soured for me.

Unhurriedly, I step outside the shed and gather my gloves, a rake, and a shovel. The sirens grow louder and an even more alarmed meow screeches above my head.
Silas.
I glance up and see he’s wedged himself in the oak again.
Fucker.

“I’m sorry, Callie,” Kiki calls from the back deck and that’s when I notice the phone in her hand.

No.

She wouldn’t!

Meow.
Damn it. She would.

“Kiki, no! How could you!” I shout.

“I need to get Silas down.” She carefully steps down the deck to where I stand in complete confusion. Should I run? Hide? The sirens grow louder. I’m not sure I can make it to my car before they arrive but I’m willing to try.

“Call them back! Tell them he’s fine. I’ll get Silas down myself. Where’s the ladder?” Panic fills my limbs and I can’t move. Kiki stands before me with a frown.

“It’ll be fine, Callie. Let the good firemen get Silas down.”

“What if Chase shows up? I can’t see him!” I scream.

“Why not?”

“He hurt me, Kiki. He crushed something inside and I don’t want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me broken.” I’m whining but I don’t care. It’s true.

“Look here, Callie.” Her scratchy voice is hard. “If that man walks through my gate to get the damn cat outta the tree, you will look him square in the eye, head held high, with fire shooting so fierce from your gaze he will cover his balls just from glancing in your direction. You got that?”

Damn. I straighten my stance and grow a little taller. Protective Kiki is scary as shit. “I think I do.”

“Good girl. Now be a dear and trim back that azalea? It looks a bit overgrown from here.” I glance to where she’s pointing. A bit? I haven’t touched those bushes yet. That’s more a full day job. I really should have this woman’s eyesight checked.

“Mrs. Callahan.” Troy’s voice carries from near the gate.

I inhale. Channel my fiercest dragon bitch face and turn to find him and a guy I’ve never met before. My expression is already in place so I give them both the look. Seems a waste to not.

“Callie.” Troy averts his eyes. Good. It works. I direct the rest of my energy at new guy. He just cocks his head.

“Hi, I’m Ash.” I can faintly hear Kiki pointing out Silas’ whereabouts to Troy, but I’m busy having a stare down with Ash. My dragon bitch glare seemingly isn’t working as his lips quirk up at the corners. His hazel brown eyes glint with humor from under the bill of his ball cap.

“Ash?” I snort. I’m not proud, but it’s what I do. Crossing my arms under my chest I jut out my chin. “What’s that? Some clever firefighter nickname?”

“No. Actually, it’s my name.”

“Short for?”

He taps his heel a few times and glances around the yard.

“Ashley,” he mutters under his breath.

“Ashley. Ashley!” I scoff. “Kinda sounds like a girl’s name. Your parents’ OB read the ultrasound wrong and plan for a girl or something?” I’m being rude but I can’t help it. It feels good to not pretend or try to be nice.

“It’s a family name,” he explains, and runs his hands over the bill of his county issued Fire ball cap, bending it a bit. That’s when I notice the tattoos on his forearm. Intricate black and gray ink sprawls into patterns, words, and images that beg to be traced.
Fuck
. No more. He’s everything I hate.

“Oh. It’s nice,” I say sweet enough that honey almost drips from my sarcasm.

And apparently that’s funny. His loud, deep laughter draws Troy and Kiki’s attention our way. Troy scowls. “Ash. The ladder.”

“On it,” Ash calls back. I don’t move. He stares at me with a grin.

“You gonna tell me your name?”

I roll my eyes and turn on my heel. “Callie,” I call over my shoulder. I don’t wait to hear his reply. I march inside Kiki’s kitchen to get a glass of water. Or coffee. Maybe something stronger. A woman like Kiki must have hard liquor stashed somewhere in this house.

I hate breakfast.

I used to love it. Pancakes and sausage and everything in between. Why I didn’t think of this before I agreed to meet Jill and Alicia for brunch only reinforces my detachment from my thoughts, from life. But now it’s glaring as I study the menu amid the uncomfortable silence at our table.

“I’m starving! What are you ordering, Alicia?” Jill, the peacemaker, attempts a neutral topic of conversation. And I love her for it. Alicia blinks up from her menu while still chewing at her bottom lip. Her lock of usual color is bleached white.
Strange
. It’s always something vibrant and beautiful.

“Maybe pancakes?” Alicia answers timidly. I bite back the scoff that almost escapes my lips.
She would
. Well, fuck that.

“And you, Callie?” Jill asks.

“I’m ordering the steak.”

“Steak?” Jill’s eyes widen with surprise. Alicia’s gaze snaps to mine. It is ten o’clock in the morning, after all.

“Yep. Steak. Medium rare.”

“You never order steak.” Jill laughs.

“I’ve changed,” I say automatically, and it silences every bit of comfort at our table. We’re saved when the server comes by to collect our order. He’s clearly impressed at my ability to order raw cow at this hour, but once he leaves the silence at our table suffocates. I reach for my coffee but Alicia’s voice halts my movement.

“I’m sorry, Callie. I wish I could take it back but I can’t. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made a mistake. I’m sorry I drank too much. I’m sorry I didn’t know what I was doing, because if I did, I never would have done it. You have to know that. You have to believe me. I’d never hurt you like that. And the fact that it is . . . it’s killing me.” Alicia sucks in a ragged breath as wetness gathers and begins to fall from her eyes. Her words, the depth and conviction that drips from them begs for forgiveness.

I want to believe her, I do. But I just don’t understand. How could she not know? I was there. I saw her. The vision of her lips locked with his, his hand up her shirt, their bodies grinding together, it’s too much and it flashes in my mind. I close my eyes and shake my head.

Exhale. Inhale.

“Explain it to me. How? I saw you two together. Damn it, Alicia! Do you know how fucked up that is? Not only to find my boyfriend with another woman, but that woman is my best friend. Or was. I trusted you. I loved you.” My words ooze disgust, and tears roll off my cheeks. I hate that I cry when I’m angry, but I can’t help it. When I get worked up like this it just happens.

“I’m sorry, Callie. When I think about what I did to you . . . You have to believe me. I would never knowingly do that. I don’t remember anything after Tiff joined our table. We were having a good time. You were at the bar ordering drinks. I was talking to Troy. And some guy named after a condiment. And then we were joking about condoms. We ordered a round of beers. Then I don’t remember anything else. I swear it, Callie. If Troy hadn’t told me what happened on the ride home, I would think you were all playing some sick fucked up joke. I’d never touch your man. You know me.”

But do I really? I thought I did. And Tiff was never at our table. “What about earlier that night when you volunteered to watch us . . . you know.”

Jill gasps. Okay, apparently Alicia never shared that information.

“That was harmless flirting. I knew you’d never agree. And I was right. Besides. I was really drunk. And when Chase asked if I’d watch you two, well, it sounded really hot. I remember that part of the night and I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings. I’m not like a voyeur or anything, but you know me. I’ll try anything once to see if I like it. And if you wanted me to, I would’ve watched. But that had nothing to do with what happened later.”

“Can I just say something?” Jill interjects. Alicia and I nod. As much as this hurts, I need these answers, need to ask these questions, because the stuff I’ve been wondering about, it’s been eating me up, too. More than I’d like to admit. But I’m glad Jill’s here. Her wisdom and reason far exceed my own.

“Alicia, babe, you know I love you like a sister.” Alicia nods and Jill’s expression grows serious as her voice drops low. “There’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks, with having a good time and letting loose at the end of the day. I partake in all of that. But lately, on this night especially, maybe did you take it a little too far?”