Certain Sure (13 page)

“It’s okay,” Katie said. “My aunt Aleen told me everything.”

“Told you what?” Fin said.

“Your father and Aleen fell in love when your father and I were engaged,” his mom began. “And I loved Pat. They left Ireland and your father and I married. You must know we’ve never been like most couples, Fin, not like Mavis and Pat. I told your father to go to Aleen when I saw her again. Remember, she and Mavis picked up Katie and Maureen when they were so little? I saw in Aleen’s look she still loved him. She and I were good friends as girls. And I knew James never stopped loving her. Try to understand, Fin.”

“Are you telling me they’ve been having an affair?” Fin’s body closed in on itself, crumpling as if someone punched him. More like rammed his gut with a crowbar.

Katie glanced at him while he ran his hands through his hair. Her eyes held an apology.

“That was twenty years ago. Twenty years?” He paused. “All those times he said he was on business or working late? The golf games on weekends? Weekends he couldn’t spend with us.”

“Fin, don’t blame your father. I should have given him a divorce.”

“He wanted to?” Fin’s life had been a lie. Nothing made sense, if it ever had.

“Yes, but I wouldn’t.”

“But you let him carry on an affair for twenty years,” Fin said.

Katie pulled up to the emergency room. Fin helped his father out while his mom went to the door. They left Katie behind.

The next ten minutes were a blur, Fin filling out papers, his parents slumped in chairs waiting. A nurse helped his father in when Katie and Aleen ran in the entrance.

“Here she is,” Fin’s mom said. “Your wife is here now, James.”

Katie and her aunt walked over. Fin rubbed his forehead then cracked his knuckles.

“He needs you with him, Aleen,” his mother said. Aleen hugged her before going to his father.

“I’m here, Dun,” she said, supporting his other side. “Everything will be okay.”

His father gazed at Aleen and put his arm around her waist before they were shut out by the door.

“I can’t believe this,” Fin said. “This is crazy.”

“Not here, son.” His mother led them outside. “Thank you, Katie.”

Fin stared at Katie, his eyes bored into her. She wouldn’t meet his challenge.

“How long have you known?” he asked her.

“Since last night. She only told me because I’d seen them together last week--”

“What? I thought we were friends. You should’ve told me.” The woman he trusted more than anyone and she lied. What else had she lied about?

“I only saw them hugging. It wasn’t for me to tell you.”

“Bull,” Fin said. How could she do this to him? She seemed so honest, her innocent, open face…he’d believed she was different, but she was like everyone else, lying and untrustworthy.

“Fin,” his mother said, putting her hand on Fin’s arm, “it doesn’t matter now. I’m going to divorce your father and let him be happy. I should have done it twenty years ago. I only hope it’s not too late,” she said, crystalline tears dropping down her pale cheeks. Katie supported her and led her into the waiting room. Fin followed.

His mother sat with her head leaning on Katie’s shoulder while Fin sat next to them on a chair. After sitting in silence for what seemed to Fin a lifetime, he got up, saying he would go get them some waters. His mother sat up. She clasped her hands together.

Fin strode down the hall to the shop and bought three bottles of water. Then he circled back to the emergency to ask about his father. The sickly, sterile, heavy air in the halls infected his limbs as he trudged up to Katie and his mother.

Katie shrugged. “Will you tell me about Maura sometime?”

“I’d be glad to, but, I don’t really need to, you were so like her,” Mary said. They both glanced up to see Fin returning. He handed them each a bottle. He wouldn’t look at Katie.

“I asked at the desk. They’ve run some tests so they should know something soon,” he said. “Mom, will you tell me now?”

“I’ll go for a walk and call my parents,” Katie said, standing.

“You’ll come back, Katie?” his mother said.

“If you want.”

“Why not tell your parents to go home? Fin can drop you off later.”

“That’s okay,” Katie said.

“Nonsense. He lives right across the street.”

“It’s no problem, Katie,” Fin said. Everyone expected him to be polite. They’d have to work together.

Katie nodded and walked out. Fin sat next to his mother.

“Please listen, really listen, son.” Fin studied her. He leaned back. His mother was weak. He’d always had a tender regard for her which was now squashed under the weight of the truth. His father had failed them all and it would be Fin who again would have to be strong for his mother and Fergus.

“I’m here,” he said. “Tell me.”

She sighed. “I loved Pat from the time we were children. He was brave and brash, everything I wasn’t. I was once, one time it mattered. Aleen was my friend. Pat teased me mercilessly,” she said. She smiled, as if it was a fond memory. “She always gave him what for. When she was a teen, she came to work at my father’s house. I told her all my secrets. She married Pat’s older brother Seamus, who’d been away from home for years by then. She didn’t tell anyone she was leaving. I was devastated. Pat was kinder to me then. He worked at the pub in the village a couple miles away and did odd jobs at our house. Aleen and Seamus were in New York, they’d been gone two years then, and Pat wanted to move there. We…my father didn’t want me to marry Pat. Pat left when I wanted to wait for my father’s blessing. Pat said it would never come. Then I realized I was pregnant,” she whispered.

Fin closed his eyes and leaned his head into the hard back of the bench.

“I wrote to Pat, but he never replied. Later he said he never got my letters.”

“Grandpa probably intercepted them,” Fin said.

“You’ve always known about people, Fin.” Fin wished that were true.

“My aunt in Cork took care of everything. I went to live with her. She told everyone I was a widow. My Maura was born, she was so sweet, light brown eyes and hair, a little pixie. Like Katie. Your father started calling, his mother was friends with my aunt. We got engaged. He wanted the freedom his father promised if he married well and I wanted a good father for Maura. Then Pat came back. He and Seamus took Maura after I refused to talk to him. It was while we were all recovering from the accident which claimed Maura and Seamus that James and Aleen met. I don’t know why she and Pat left soon after. I believe she felt she owed me and that she and James were too different for them to last.”

Fin smirked and stood. His parents had never even loved each other. He knew they weren’t as affectionate as other couples, but he assumed that was because his father was cheating. His mother’s words crashed in on him like bottles off a shelf in an earthquake. Glass shards seemed to sting him when his father and Aleen strolled out, holding each other by their waists, secret smiles on their faces.

“He’s okay, Mary,” Aleen said. “They think it was a panic attack, though they want to run more tests.”

Fin tensed, feeling Katie behind him, her fresh scent mocked him.

“Oh, Katie, did you hear?” his mother said. Katie nodded. “Thank God.”

“He needs more tests,” Fin said.

“He’ll be fine now,” his mother said. “You’ll want to go with Aleen, James.”

“You don’t have to do this, Mary,” he said.

“Yes, I do.” Her smile faded. “Will you want to keep the house?”

“You can have it. I have everything I need now.”

Fin pushed out a breath.

“You’ll need some of your things. What about your study, all your books…”

“We’ll figure that out later,” his father said. “We’ll meet you at the house, then.”

“Thank you,” Aleen said, hugging Fin’s mother, then Katie. Fin walked away from her as she turned to him.

“Let’s go, Álainn,” Fin’s father said. They even had special names for each other. “Beautiful” his father called Aleen. Fin gritted his teeth. “Thank you, Katie.”

Katie gave his father a weak smile and watched him walk out with her aunt, arm in arm.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked Fin’s mother. “You seem happy about it.”

“I am. I care about them both. Now maybe I can have my friend Aleen back. I’ve missed her. When James told me last night he’d told Aleen it was over, I felt so horrible, knowing she would be alone. I knew his being gone couldn’t be worse than that. I’ve always been so afraid: afraid of work, afraid of being alone, afraid…but having James there never changed that. I have my friends and family. I’ll be fine,” she said, patting Katie’s hand. “Fin?” Fin turned to his mom, frowning. An invisible wall separated him from them. All the broken glass.

“Where’s the car, Katie?” he said.

“In the lot,” Katie said, guiding his mother out. Fin followed.

Aleen and his father were speaking to Maggie in the front entry when he, Katie, and his mother walked in. Maggie approached Fin’s mother and squeezed her hand.

“Are you well, Miss Mary?”

“Yes. Fine, thanks. I guess no one will wonder why you call me Miss now. Maybe some tea, Maggie?” she said with a wan smile. “What do I need to do, James? Will you live at Aleen’s?”

“Yes. You don’t need to do a thing. I’ll take care of everything.” He embraced her and whispered in her ear.

“Thank you, James,” his mom said when he released her. “You’ve been a good husband and father.”

Fin snorted and strode into the living room.

“I better go up and pack,” his father said. Fin watched as he caressed Aleen’s back. She smiled at him.

“Do you need some help?” Aleen asked.

“Better not,” his father said.

Fin shook his head. Why attempt distance now? Why not take her upstairs for a quick tumble? He walked to the small bar and poured himself a whiskey.

His mother padded into the room, her footsteps no louder than Rose’s when she tiptoed. Fin plopped onto the couch, his hand steady on his glass. No need to splosh out good whiskey.

“Won’t you try to understand?” she said.

“I understand enough,” Fin said. His voice sounded different, yet all too familiar. He crossed his legs. Katie and Aleen walked in.

“James upstairs packing?” his mother asked them. Aleen nodded. “Good. I suppose I should call Fergus, or maybe James would rather?”

“We came to ask you that,” Aleen said.

“It can wait. We’ll ask him.”

“I’ll go up and ask him, shall I?” Aleen said.

“Yes, thank you,” his mother said with her wistful smile. She hadn’t smiled so much in a long time.

“Mom, this is insane.” They all seemed happy, like this mess was normal.

“Would you rather we all hated each other, that we had angry scenes?”

“I don’t know. But I’m glad you’re divorcing him. Maybe now I’ll never have to see him again.”

“You don’t mean that. Even if you do, what about Rose? All the times the families get together?”

“What of it? And how is Rose going to feel?” Fin said. He downed the last of his drink and stood.

“Fin, while she was here, she asked me: ‘Why don’t you and Grandpa James kiss like Grandpa Pat and Grandma Mavis?’ It will be better for her to see a truly loving marriage than--”

“I thought you and dad loved each other.” So many lies. He and Fergus had gotten good training in concealment.

“Never the way a married couple should. Surely you’ve noticed. I’m sorry.”

“It’s Fergus you should apologize to.” No wonder Fergus had been so messed up.

“I will. Your brother loves Maureen.”

“I guess.” Fin didn’t doubt that anymore than he did his attraction to Katie or his father’s to Aleen. But now he saw the foolishness of it all. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Are you going to be okay here, by yourself? I could come back after I drop off Katie.”

“I’m not alone. Maggie’s here. Thank you, but you have your own life and I need to do this.” They both stood. His mother hugged Fin, then Katie.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right?” Katie said. “I could…”

“Thank you. I’m fifty-six. It’s time I learned to be on my own. Not that I will be, really. Please, Fin, try to understand. If you would talk to Aleen and your father…”

“No, thanks.” He kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Ready, Katie?”

“Yes, but I should say goodbye.” Her pretty face and petite shapely body twisted him inside.

“I’ll go up with you, dear,” his mother said.

“I’ll wait here,” Fin said. He drank another whiskey before striding into the front entry.