Chains of Freedom (27 page)

He couldn't do this. Not with RJ. It would be like doing his sister. He tried to push her away, but RJ didn't want to be pushed.

"RJ," David said, pulling his lips away from her. She still wasn't responding. "RJ, for God's sake."

RJ was confused. Why was he doing this? Had she hurt him? She let him go. She looked at him. He wasn't in pain. He was fine. So, what was the problem?

David could see the confusion on her face. Knowing that hybrids were at least somewhat empathic, he rushed to explain.

"RJ . . ." How to word this? He ran a gentle hand over her hair. "You are beautiful, and by far the most exciting woman I've ever known. I would make love to you in a minute if you were any other woman in the world, but you're not. You're my best friend. I love you in a way that I have never loved anyone else, but I don't love you
that
way. And I can't just have sex with you because . . . well, I wouldn't feel right if I did."

She felt like a fool. She felt raw and exposed. What should she say? What could she say? "I'm sorry," she finally ground out.

"Me, too," David said with a shy smile.

"Good night." RJ got to her feet. Damn! She had never felt like this in her life. Well, maybe just that once when she'd been showering with a lot of men on . . . No, she'd never felt like this. There lay Whitey. Whitey loved her. He would hold her. He would comfort her, and she felt a great need to be comforted.

Besides, J-6 had had sex. Now RJ wanted it. Now that she knew it was possible. Right now. Whitey would be only too happy to oblige her.

She lay down at his back, put her arm around him, and kissed his neck. She ran her hand over his bare back. "Whitey . . ."

"No, RJ," Whitey's voice was cool, and she could feel his pain even if she didn't understand it.

"Why not?" RJ said in disbelief. "Come on, Whitey." She kissed his back.

"No, RJ! And you know why," he said firmly.

RJ got up and stormed out of the apartment, stopping only long enough to grab her chain.

Whitey went into the bathroom and stepped—with his pants still on—into the shower.

David went into the bathroom. "Was that really necessary?" David demanded. He didn't know why he was so angry at Whitey. Perhaps because he thought RJ should have what she wanted, and he couldn't give it to her. "Excuse me if I sound stupid. But haven't you been trying to get in that woman's pants ever since you met her?"

Whitey turned the water off. He turned to face David, trying very hard to hate him. He couldn't really. After all, it wasn't David's fault. In fact, David was telling him to do something that he wanted to do. "You're a fool, David."

"ME? I don't want to ball her," David said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You know RJ. Do you actually think she's going to give you a second chance?"

Whitey grabbed a towel and started to dry his head. "I don't expect you to understand this, David." He threw the towel on the floor, and looked into David's eyes. "I know RJ and I will be together someday. But when she comes to me, I don't want it to be because you wouldn't ball her first. Call me a romantic, but I don't want her in my bed simply because you didn't want her in yours."

"All well and good, Whitey, but while you're sitting here nursing your wounded pride, do you know what she's doing?"

"She's walking off some steam," Whitey said, without blinking an eye.

"Wishful thinking," David said. "She's out looking for a stud."

"Well, that's her business." Whitey knew better. He took off his wet pants and went and lay down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling. He was hurt. He had fantasized that when she was ready she would come to him. But she hadn't. She'd gone to David. He had been trying to convince himself that RJ didn't love David, but now it was pretty obvious that she did. But David didn't love her. In fact, Whitey wasn't sure David was capable of loving anyone but himself.

Whitey smiled. As long as David stayed out of the running, he could make RJ love him. It was all a matter of time. He decided to sleep. He was going to need his strength.

RJ walked through the dark streets of Alsterase. Most places were still open, and she stopped many times for a drink. The night air was cool, but even shoeless RJ was not uncomfortable. The only weapon she had with her was her chain. It was wrapped around her right shoulder and rested on her left hip. It now had a small fortune in coins wrapped around its links, and she looked at them as she walked along.

She had never been so confused in all her life. She didn't even try to bring reason to her random thoughts. She just let them bounce around in her head. Occasionally, they ran headlong into each other, and caused even more chaos.

This seemed like a good thing to do. The last thing she wanted to do was think real, solid thoughts about sex, J-6, kissing David, or trying to screw Whitey. She surely didn't want to give any thought to having been turned down by not one, but two men in one night! She didn't want to think about how wonderful it had felt to be held, or how awful it was to be pushed away.
Life sucks
, she thought, and kicked a can so hard it went out of sight.

David had pushed her away. That had hurt worse than any injury she had ever suffered. She'd never known defeat. People said it was a humbling feeling, but it just pissed RJ off.

She was horny. She admitted this. So what? Why shouldn't she be? She was a sixty-four-year-old virgin. She shuddered at the thought.

Still, it was probably a good thing that they had both turned her down. After all, just because J-6 had done it, didn't mean that she could.

She saw a man who caught her eye and started to follow him. He was a total stranger. She could sleep with him. If she crushed him to death as Poley had so eloquently put it, who cared? But only seconds after she'd started to follow him, her pace slowed. It just didn't sound like much fun, doing it with a perfect stranger. Especially if there was a good chance that he might also say no. She'd had enough rejection for one night.

She would have gone home then, if it weren't for the fact that she'd made such a total ass of herself. She walked around till about ten o'clock the next morning. Then, realizing that she had to go home sometime, she started back. Maybe they'd all be out.

They weren't. Whitey was still there. For a moment, she thought about turning around and leaving.

"Your brother said you'd come back here, then took off with the others to go look for you." Whitey smiled. "I figured your brother would know you best." He knew damn good and well there was no way that Poley was her brother, but he would play along.

"I'm sorry about last night," she said sheepishly. Then her frustration reared its ugly head, and she screamed. "And drop dead!"

Whitey smiled. "I love you, too, RJ."

She threw herself down face first on the bed. "God, my head feels like jelly."

She rolled over and looked at him. She felt the love radiating from him, and she wanted it. Without a word, he lay down beside her.

She didn't really know who started it. If she kissed him, or he her. But she was in his arms, and it felt good. It felt right.

Whitey had never wanted anything the way he wanted her. It had never been so personal. He had never loved anyone else. They exchanged caresses and kisses. Clothes were discarded like old rags. He wanted her; he needed her. She was everything he had dreamed that she would be, and in a few minutes she would be his. Then she hurt him. Nothing terrible, and he tried to ignore it, till it reached the point that he couldn't. He'd hoped that she'd realize what she was doing and stop, but she wasn't.

"RJ," he swallowed hard. "RJ, you're hurting me."

She recoiled from him like he was hot.

He reached out and moved the strands of hair away from her face. "Don't stop," he kissed her gently on the lips. "Just be more careful."

She looked at him with wide eyes. He knew. Damn him, he knew what she was. She sat up.

He got up on one elbow and looked up at her, unafraid.

"How long have you known?" she asked gently. She was having trouble grasping the fact that he knew what she was, and yet he still loved her. Still wanted to show his love this way.

"I had my suspicions from the first." He ran his fingertip over her lips. "I'd never had any one whip me, not even a hybrid. Then when David tried to take the Pronuses for a headache . . ." He shrugged.

"And you don't care?" she asked in disbelief.

He shrugged and smiled. "I don't care." He moved to kiss her on the lips, and she jumped up and went to the window. She stared down at the streets below. He moved up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I can't . . ."

"You can, RJ. If you just will," Whitey said. "Damn it, RJ, I don't want anyone else. There hasn't been anyone else since the night you gave me the laser."

RJ was only a little surprised by his announcement. "Whitey, if you know what I am, you must realize that there is a very good chance that you might not live through our mating. I thought I could contain myself, but obviously I can't."

"I'm willing to take the risk." He kissed the back of her neck.

"Well, I'm not." She moved away from him, and started to get dressed. "I'm not willing to risk killing you so that I can get my rocks off."

"Damn you, RJ." He put his pants back on, feeling far too vulnerable without them. "I know you won't hurt me."

"I already have," she said sadly, looking at the bruise already welling up on his arm. She walked over to him and took his hand gently. She looked up into his eyes. "You know that I know how you feel about me, and you know that I don't feel that same way about you. I wish I did, but I don't, and for us to lie to each other would be pretty pointless. But I do care about you, Whitey. I can twist a two-inch piece of steel in half with my bare hands. If I lose control, even for a moment . . ."

Whitey swallowed hard. "You will love me, RJ."

"I'm sorry." And she was.

He took her in his arms, and they held each other.

"Just don't say no, RJ," Whitey whispered. "Don't say we'll never be together, because I can't live believing that's true. Don't shut me out, because, whether you admit it or not, you need me as much as I need you." He laughed nervously. "Would you listen to me? I sound like some love struck third class farm worker." All traces of humor left his voice. "But I mean it, RJ. All of it."

She knew he did.

What did he mean, she needed him? Needed him for what? Then she realized how good it felt to be held by him. To know he loved her. The unselfish thing would have been to wish that he didn't love her. Instead, she was glad he did. She pushed away from him, knowing that her convictions would wane if she didn't put some distance between them.

Just then, David and the others returned. "Thank God, you're all right!" David exclaimed.

"Why wouldn't I be?" RJ said coolly, and started trolling the room for food. She found half of a peanut butter sandwich under a dirty shirt and started to eat it. "Poley, go get me something to eat. I'm starving to death."

Poley nodded and left.

"So, RJ. Find what you were looking for?" Alexi asked sarcastically.

"Cool it, Alexi," David warned.

RJ took a final bite of the sandwich, and threw the crust—which was hard enough to do damage to normal teeth—out the window.

"Alexi, is my . . . for lack of a better word . . . sex life any of your concern?"

"No," Alexi said with a smug grin. "It's mostly David's."

RJ hid her embarrassment by starting to search the room for food again. She pretended not to have heard Alexi's answer.

Alexi wasn't pleased at all. "Actually, now that I think about it, I guess it's everyone's concern."

RJ knew what he meant, and she still chose to ignore him. She knew that he was trying to get a rise out of her, and she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction . . . At least not until he made her mad enough so that she could feel good about killing him. Not that she would feel bad now.

Whitey didn't feel the same way about it, however. His wound was too new and too deep. "Shut the fuck up." He spat at Alexi across the room.

"Oh, that's right," Alexi laughed. "She tried to screw you, too."

That was too much. Whitey had all this pent-up energy, and frustration. Killing Alexi was a perfect way of relieving himself of both. He ran at Alexi, and pounded him into the plasterboard wall with his shoulder. The old plasterboard broke, and clouds of dust filled the air. You could just barely make out Whitey pounding on Alexi's face. RJ continued to hunt for something to eat.

David tried to pull Whitey off, but soon realized he could accomplish nothing alone. Levits quietly snuck out the door, and Mickey scrambled up on the bed and started jumping up and down screaming encouragement at Whitey. Not that he needed any.