Chains (The Club #8) (2 page)

Walking down the street, my nerves are a scattered mess of insecurities. I’m doing everything I can to remain confident and poised as my inner thoughts are wreaking havoc within my mind. I turn to face him and catch him staring. My stomach does a summersault and I can’t help but want to melt right here on the concrete path with that amazing smile he’s flashing in my direction. In this exact moment, Connor makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world…even if my subconscious threatens me otherwise.

As we move along the sidewalk, my eyes scan the buildings, the busy street, the lights of the traffic signal and oncoming cars. With my arm looped through his, I follow in step as he leads us toward the tall condominium structure of his home. Putting a smile on my face, I try to ignore the thoughts racing through my mind. I’m torn…I’m excited yet on edge to see where this night could be going.

Connor and I have gone out a few times, nothing that has led to much of anything more than a dinner date, but tonight something was very different. He’s always been such a gentleman never pushing for anything physical before tonight. As we walk, for the life of me, I can’t tell what he’s thinking and it’s driving me insane. I’m a grown ass woman making myself nuts and acting like an adolescent. I’m beginning to sense an attachment to him and it scares the hell out of me. I’ve got a good head on my shoulders and the distraction he presents is taking over my will to process a coherent thought.

Ugh, focus, Jesika, he’s just a man… you are just a woman he is taking back to his place. Chill and relax.

He’s a successful attorney and I know his firm and clients require his attention twenty-four seven. I don’t mind it in the slightest; in fact, I completely understand the need to stay in tune with our professional sides. It’s what drives us and one of the few things we have in common. We may come from different backgrounds and mingle with extremely opposing crowds, but when it’s just the two of us, something seems to click. I just can’t seem to put my finger on it and honestly, I can’t imagine what he sees in me. I’m nothing short of an average looking woman trying to make a life for herself. No matter how hard I primp, pluck and dress the part, I’ll never look like the models I photograph day in and day out. I’m just not one of those sexual beings men flock to, at least not til now.

Anxiety rushes through me as we near the front door and knowing he has plans for me sets my heart into an unsteady rhythm. My lack of sexual experience has always been a concern of mine, especially when I start to see a man as frequently as Connor and I have. I’ve had my fair share of unstable relationships over the past few years and made the mistake of giving myself to men that only used me for their advantage. In the bedroom, I find myself more so a follower than a leader. When things get hot and heavy, I turn and run the other way rather than let myself go completely. Intimacy is the one thing I’ve never willingly given to a man. Instead, I play the part and walk away with my head between my legs in regret of my actions. Some may say I’m a prude, but in reality I really don’t know what I want and if I’m willing to give that part of myself to someone who will only hurt me in the end.

Connor seems to be the type of man who can have any woman he wants, but he’s choosing to spend his time with me. I may be getting ahead of myself here, but I’m beginning to think I’m in way over my head going back to his place. I can already feel my heart beginning to race, anticipation surging through my body.

I think back to earlier tonight when he shared his interests with me, our eyes connected in a way they never have before. I felt my core aching for him, like nothing I’ve ever experienced. There was an urgent need, a want and a desire for him to touch me. His hand brushed mine, his leg rested against the sheer nylons clinging to my legs and I felt as though I would explode. Maybe it was the paintings, the sculptures and various other pieces of art that sent my libido into frenzy. My body was craving him and my mind was spinning not knowing if he was feeling the same passion filling the small space between us. I’ve never felt such a strong tie to a man I’ve dated and, to be honest, Connor intrigues me and I can’t help but want to know more about the man I’ve been seeing on and off for the past few weeks.

God damn it, Jesika, pull your shit together. You are not falling for this man.

Taking in a deep breath through my nose, I attempt to remain cool, calm and collected. He’s taking rein over my mind and I can’t seem to stop the thoughts racing through my head. There’s a hint of mystery behind his deep, dark chocolate eyes. The way he runs his fingers through his perfectly shaggy, jet black hair sends me into a pit of despair. He does things to me that I’m not sure I can comprehend. My lack of experience, fear of intimacy and all the insecurities I’ve built up make me feel as though I’m not good enough to be with such a man.

By any outside man or woman, I appear to have my shit together. I come from money, a family that has done well for themselves over the generations and, to be truthful, I’ve never wanted for much. But behind the stellar façade I’ve built up, I’m just a woman that wants to find excitement…I’m just scared.

Success has never been something I needed to make me happy. I’ve worked hard to get where I am today, with little to no help from my family. My future was always something I wanted to gain for myself, not have it handed down to me. I may have chosen an alternative path than what was expected of me—a career in the oil industry just wasn’t something that piqued my interest. Instead, I thrived on beauty, capturing something of essence that no one else could and learned the skills that helped make me one of the top-notch fashion photographers in the country.

My childhood dreams came true—I do what I love and I get to travel the world. There’s just one thing missing, someone to share  in everything that I have to offer…companionship, friendship and a love that will last forever. 

We enter the front of the building, his arm moving from mine to the small of my back as he guides me through the lobby toward the elevators. My eyes meet his as we step inside, butterflies swarming within the pit of my stomach. Never for a moment do I shift my gaze from his movements as the seconds tick past in slow motion. His hand reaches into his pocket for the key card. With a seamless motion, he swipes it against the key pad and the elevator doors shut before we ascend to one of the top floors. I swallow the lump that has formed in the back of my throat while my fingers intertwine uneasily with one another. The hairs on the back of my neck begin to rise; goosebumps cover every inch of my skin.

My body freezes as the elevator comes to a stop and the doors open. On trembling legs, I step toward him and accept his outstretched hand with mine. Focusing on not tumbling in my five-inch heels, I follow him through the beautifully decorated space as we make our way to the entrance of his home. I immediately take in my surroundings of marble floors, an ornate table and mirror along the side wall and large, dark, wooden door leading into a place that once the door opens, I don’t know if I’ll be willing to let down the wall of insecurities I’ve kept up for far too long.

Before taking another step toward the door, Connor stops turning to face me. With his large yet gentle hands, he cups my face. Everything around me seems to be closing in as he brings my face closer to his, our lips touch and my world begins to spin as my knees weaken.

Without hesitation, I allow my body to mold into his. The fast-paced beat of my heart is pounding hard enough against his chest I’m certain he can feel it, yet he doesn’t push away. Attempting to fall more so into the moment and not pay attention to the caution flags swaying behind my closed lids, I release a soft moan. The sound of my pleasure vibrating against his lips encourages him to deepen the kiss. Biting down on my lower lip, he gains access to my now open mouth allowing his tongue to touch mine. He tastes like whiskey mixed with mint, it’s the most intoxicating flavor. I’m enraptured in this man with just a kiss and I can’t help but want more…no, need more from him. My hands move from the sides of my body into his hair, fingering the dark locks. Desire takes over and I can’t control myself, he’s pulled me in and there’s no going back now. As I’m sucking his tongue into my mouth, his arms wrap around my waist circling me into his embrace. The intensity of the moment consumes me and I can’t help but feel that I’m in a bubble of lust and longing.

Pulling back, Connor looks into my eyes and brushes a loose strand of hair away from my face. As I look back to him, those deep dark eyes make every sensation in my body heighten. His fingertips trail down my face, along my collarbone and linger down the thin material of my blouse. I can feel my chest beginning to swell, screaming for him to touch and adore every inch of my aching breasts. If he doesn’t take me inside now, I may burst from yearning. He’s driving me insane and making me feel things that are totally out of my comfort zone. The wetness pooling in my panties is a sure sign that my body is telling me what I want from him, yet this isn’t the woman I normally am. If I let myself go, there’s no telling where this adventure will take me. He’s gorgeous and my body wants him. Hell, even with all of my doubts and insecurities, he’s exactly what I want and he’s right here in front of me gazing at me. Me.

“I think it’s time we take ourselves inside,” I state in a husky tone.

My mouth goes instantly dry as my gaze scans to her face and the sexual yearning pours from her body language. Jesika’s now hooded eyes look darker and the sight of her leaves me breathless. Her silence is captivating, she’s unable to speak as she nods and lets her hand fall into mine while I turn to open the door. We step inside and she begins to look around through the darkness, the clicking of her heels along the tile floor echo through the high ceilings. Before my eyes can adjust, I close the door behind us and pin her up against the wall. My hands frantically move to lift her blouse, my lips crashing down onto hers. I can’t think, this woman has me wanting her more than my next breath. Her body pulls in closer as she wraps her arms around my neck. She’s quivering and I can’t help but smile from within knowing very well how inexperienced she is in meeting my sexual needs. She attempts to take over the kiss and I can’t have that. Control is one thing I will never give away willingly, she needs to know who is in charge and in no way will it be her. I release a growl into her mouth while pinching her taut nipples through the lace fabric of her bra. The instant pain shocks her as she tries to pull herself away from my touch. She’s wreaking havoc through my brain, yet satisfying a craving I’ve never felt before. Jesika makes me feel things, makes my heart beat a little faster and makes me want more. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, yet the one thing I’m the most afraid of exploring. A man with my needs rarely finds a woman who can tolerate the lifestyle in which I lead. She’s an enigma, someone who could, in the end, destroy me. Every doubt in my mind is clouded by her beauty, her finesse and her love of life.

Pushing every mental distraction to the back of my mind, I focus on the sheer beauty pressed up against me as my length continues to swell within my pants. The harder I twist and pull, the more I want to sink my cock into her warmth. I can’t rationalize what is happening; my emotions are all over the place. In one thought I want to take things slowly in fear that I’ll push her away, but the next image filtering through my mind is of me tearing her clothes off and ravaging her to the floor.