Champagne Toast (17 page)

“
Pizza,
”
he offers, leaning against the doorframe of my galley kitchen.
“
I thought you
’
d be hungry from all of your shopping with Bree
.” 
His words have a bite to them.

“
Thanks, I
am
pretty hungry.
”

“
What did you buy?
”
Evan says, looking back at the door.  Shit, I forgot to stop at the store on the way home.
I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

“
Oh, I didn
’
t buy anything.
I was just tagging along with Bree,
”
I answer, still not making eye contact as I take plates and glasses out of the cabinet and switch off the timer that
’
s about to beep.  Evan sighs loudly and leaves the room.  The anger in my chest is now surrounded by guilt, which only makes me angrier.  I
’
m a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.
I wish Evan would just go because I know this won
’
t end well.

Taking the pizza out of the oven, I find a bottle of red wine and open it as quickly as I can.  A few sips of the velvety liquid glide down my throat.  I refill the glass before filling one for Evan.  He
’
s sitting in the living room watching television. But, his eyes look empty and vacant.

“
Pizza
’
s ready,
”
I say, holding out a glass of wine for Evan.  He nods, turns off the TV and walks past me to the kitchen.  Glancing at the wine glass still in my hand, my cheeks redden with anger.

“
What the hell, Ev?
”
I yell, storming into the kitchen. 
“
What
’
s going on with you?
”

“
Where were you?
”
he demands, looking angry and wounded at the same time.

“
What do you mean?
”

“
This afternoon.
”

“
I told you, I was shopping.
”

“
Kate, when you sent me that text, Bree was standing right in front of me at the bar.  You lied.  Where were you?
”
  His hands are balled into fists, as he stands, red-faced and fuming just a few feet away from me.  Would he ever hurt my physically?  No way.  But, I
’
m nervous just the same.

“
So, you
’
re checking up on me now?
I should
’
ve known this would happen eventually.  No trust, Evan, no trust,
”
I yell, slamming the refrigerator door and banging the Parmesan cheese on the countertop.

“
Don
’
t turn this around on me.  I wasn
’
t checking up on you, I was checking
in
with you.  And you lied to me
.” 

“
It doesn
’
t matter where I was.  Just leave it alone, Evan.
I don
’
t want to talk about it,
”
I say, reaching for my wine glass and draining it once again.

“
It matters to me, goddamnit
.” 

“
I was running errands.  That
’
s all.
”

“
Then why
’
d you lie about being with Bree?
”

“
I don
’
t know.
It just came out.
”

“
Don
’
t do this,
”
Evan warns.

“
Do what?
”
I ask, looking away.  I can
’
t look into his eyes.  They
’
re too angry, too disappointed.

“
You
’
re pushing me away and now I
’
m worried that you might be
. . . ”
His voice trails off, but I know what he
’
s thinking.  He thinks I
’
m cheating.

“
There
’
s no one else, but think what you want.  I
’
m so tired of trying to prove myself to you.  It
’
s exhausting and I
’
m over it,
”
I snap, walking away and sitting down on the couch, hanging my head in my hands.

“
Proving yourself to me?
What in God
’
s name are you talking about?  All I want, all I
’
ve ever wanted is for you to be yourself.
That
’
s it!
”
he yells, th
rowing his arms up in disgust.  “
You
’
re the one who
’
s constantly thinking you
’
re not good enough.
And for what, Kate?  Where has that gotten you?
”

“
Shut up, Evan.
“
I glare at him.
“
Just shut the hell up.
I
’
m so done with this.
 
Just go!
”

“
No, I wanna know why you
’
re pushing me away.  And I want to know where you were.  I
’
m not walking away without a fight, Kate.  You
’
ve been pushing me
away ever since we first met.
It
’
s a fucking whirlwind. But, I
’
ve stayed here the whole time, with you
.” 

I
’
m appalled.  We
’
v
e never fought like this before,
never teetered on the edge of a breakup.  We
’
ve had fights
,
and yes, I
’
ve shut down occasionally, but not like this.  Never like this.

“
Oh, Evan the Saint,
”
I snip,
“
do you want a medal for your charity work?
”

“
You
’
ve lost it.  If we
’
re going down this road, just tell me who he is.  Just get it over with so I can walk away.
”

“
No matter what I tell you now, it doesn
’
t matter.  You
’
ll think I cheated.  It
’
s obvious we
’
re already done, Ev.  Just go
.” 
Evan stands in front of me, looking shocked, looking pained.  And I have no desire to fix it.  I
’m a horrible person.

“
Whatever, I
’
m outta here,
”
Evan says, walking towards the door, grabbing his coat from the closet.  His eyes are dark.  Fury is plastered across his face, and I know I should tell him the truth.  But, I won
’
t.  No way in hell.

“
Fine, go,
”
I say,
“but, take this with you.” 
I tear off down the hall to my bedroom, grab the camera and thrust it into his hands.  His eyes widen.
He
’
s shocked and hurt
,
and right now I
’
m satisfied with making him feel that way.  I fight dirty.

“
What the fuck?  This is
your
camera, Kate, you need it for your business.
”

“
There
is no
business, Evan.
I don
’
t want a goddamn photography business.  You
’
re just pushing me to do it so you can feel better about being with me.
Well, to hell with you and that piece of shit camera.  I don
’
t need either of you.  Get the hell out of my apartment
.” 
I
’
ve never let Evan see this side of me, but my encounter with Angeline and his discovery of my lies are building up inside, so much that I
’
m erupting like a volcano, and once I erupt, there
’
s no going back.  None.

Evan stands in front of me, dumbfounded and beaten down.  He looks down at the camera and looks back up at me.

“
So this is it?
”
he asks, grabbing the doorknob.

“
If you want it to be,
”
I challenge him.

“
Don
’
t say that!
I already told you I
’
m fighting for you.
You
’
re the one pushing me away.  Just tell me where the fuck you were!
”

“
I went to see my parents!
”
I scream, the words flying out of my mouth.  I can
’
t take anymore. 
“
But, you don
’
t have to believe that.  You can think whatever you want,
”
I say, the tears spilling from my eyes.  The floodgates are open, my heart has been exposed and I
’
m now doing a complete turnaround.  Just moments ago, I was pushing him out the door, now I
’
m ready to beg him to stay.

“
You mean the parents you refuse to introduce me to?
”

“
I told you, that
’
s about them, not you.  I love you, Ev,
”
I say, wanting so badly for him to wrap me in his arms and forgive me.  But, I stay glued to the floor.  I can
’
t go to him.  I can
’
t even walk the two steps it would take to be within his reach.  I just can
’
t do it.

“
I don
’
t know if I believe you,
”
Evan says, shrugging, wiping a tear from his eye.

“
It
’
s the truth.  I went to see them
,
and I had a horrible fight with my mother.  I took it out on you.  I didn
’
t mean to do that, but I did it anyway.
”

He
’
s silent for a long time and my heart begins to race.  I can
’
t believe how stupid I was, pushing him away when he
’
s the only thing in my life that makes any sense. 

“
Is that supposed to be an apology?  You practically pushed me out of your life because you had a
bad day
?
”
he spits the words, glaring at me.

“
I
’
m sorry,
”
I reply sheepishly, the tears flowing down my cheeks.  Stealing small glances at Evan, I continue to stare at the shag carpet beneath my feet.  I
’
m such a coward.

“
We
’
re never gonna make it if you do shit like this.
You
have
to know that,
”
Evan pleads.

“
Do you believe me?
”
I ask, desperation filling my voice.

“
I
’
m not sure,
”
Evan responds, his voice softening.

“
I swear it, I didn
’
t cheat on you.  I never have,
”
I say, shaking my head at the thought of being with anyone but him.
The anger in his eyes abates slightly
,
and I feel hopeful for the first time all day.  Feeling somewhat brave, I look up into Evan
’
s eyes and hold his stare for longer than two seconds.  But, my body betrays me as tears spill once again.