Champagne Toast (8 page)

“
C
’
mon, I really want to see them,
”
Evan urges, practically shooing me out of the bed.
I act like I
’
m irri
tated with him, but deep down,
I want to run to my converted second bathroom.  Instead, I walk as casually as I can, trying not to show how anxious I really am in this moment.  Evan notices the red glow from the room as I turn on the light.

“
Is that a
darkroom
?
”
he asks, jumping quickly out of bed and walking towards me in only his boxer shorts.  I am temporarily distracted by his gorgeous body as his perfectly defined abs get closer and closer to me with every passing second. He raises his eyebrows seductively and takes me in his arms. 
“
You seriously have a
darkroom
in your apartment?  You just became even more awesome in my eyes
,” h
e says, wide-eyed as he pushes me gently to the side and begins exploring the room.

 
“
Seriously?
”
I ask in amazement.  Evan looks like a child exploring a toy store as he examines my chemical trays and tongs.  I can
’
t help giggling as I watch.

“
This is so cool.  I can
’
t believe you didn
’
t show me this sooner,
”
Evan exclaims. 
“
Now, can I see some of your stuff?
”
  His reaction is helping me to relax with each passing minute.  I feel myself becoming less apprehensive.  His enthusiasm is genuine.  I can feel it in my bones.

“Sure,” I say,
crouching down to the lower shelves of the small bookcase in the corner.  Retrieving one of the photo boxes, I gesture for Evan to follow me back to my bedroom.  He sighs as he follows. 
H
e really doesn
’
t want to leave my
darkroom
.

“
Hey, will you teach me how to develop pictures in there?
I think it
’
s fascinating.
”

“
Sure, if that
’
s something you
actually
want to learn,
”
I respond, raising an eyebrow.

“
Of course I actually want to learn.  I wouldn
’t say it
if I didn
’
t mean it,
”
Evan says, giving me a look of warning, like I should stop treating him like every other guy I
’
ve ever been with.  He has no idea just how much his interest means to me.  I am savoring every last bit of his exuberance as if I may never experience it again.  Perhaps I won
’
t.  I
’
d better enjoy it while I can.

Evan turns on the overhead light and we sit cross-legged on my bed.
I take the lid off the box, inhaling deeply as I smell the familiar scent of the chemicals.
One of my favorite smells in the world.
Evan looks down at the box, tapping his fingers quickly on his knees, showing just how eager he is to dig into the photos.

“
Can I?
”
he gestures to the box.

“
Sure,
”
I shrug, placing the box in front of Evan.  He smiles widely as he pulls a stack of photos gently from within the cardboard box.  He holds them in his hands and gazes down at them with such a sweet expression on his handsome face.  He studies each shot before moving on to the next.  My heart thuds in my chest as I watch him.  All of my insecurities bubble to the surface
,
as I scrutinize Evan
’
s face while he examines my work.

“
I love the texture in this one, sweets.
It
’
s really beautiful,
”
he says, holding up a shot I had taken of textiles hanging in the sunlight.  He shakes his head in disbelief. 
“
I
’
m so impressed, seriously.  You have a gift.
”

“
You think so?
Really?
”
I ask, shocked at his compliments.  I feel like my soul is exposed
,
and rather than cowering
,
I am shining and Evan is basking in my glow.  I never want to lose this feeling.  Ever.

“
Thank you for sharing these with me.  I can tell you were hesitant.  I don
’
t want you to ever hold back with me.  Show me your talents; show me your weaknesses.  I want them all.  We all have many sides to us.  And I think that you
’
ve gotten so used to having your guard up, that you
’
ve suppressed all of the things that make you unique,
”
Evan says, taking my hands in his.  Quickly, I feel the need to avoid where this conversation is headed, even though I am amazed by his words in the best possible way.

“
So, you
’
re saying you didn
’
t find me unique when you first met me at Molly
’
s?  You were a total flirt. I caught you checking out my ass!
”

Evan shrugs as he
scratches the back of his head.
“
Well, I
’
m not gonna lie.  It is a mighty fine ass, Miss Armour.  In fact, I think I
’
d like to take a better look at that ass right now, if you don
’
t mind,
”
he says as he tackles me onto the bed
,
flipping me over as I pretend to struggle against his touch.

“
God, you
’
re such a goddamn alpha,
”
I laugh. 

Evan chuckles slightly to himself as he rubs the cheeks of my ass softly.
“
Nah, a real alpha male would spank you right now.
”

“
I dare you, Ev
,” m
y voice is strong, confident.  I am up for the challenge.

Evan flips me over again and gazes into my eyes. 
“
Not my style, sweets.
”

“
I knew you were a tease,
”
I smirk.

Evan licks his lips seductively before laying down beside me once again.  He begins to gently stroke my abdomen, playing with the waistband of my boy shorts.  He really loves to tease me.  We already had sex twice this evening, but I have a feeling we
’
re working up to a third.

“
Thanks for sharing your photos with me, seriously. I like knowing more about you, and I really like when you let me in.  You
’
re so tough on the outside, but I like when you sh
ow me the soft side of yourself.”  H
e smiles warmly as his fingers graze my belly button.  A delicious shiver runs up my spine.

Suddenly, I feel the need to share something with Evan.  Something that has the potential to make or break us.
Something that I
’
ve tried to hide for months since we got together.  Something
that could threaten everything
we
’
ve started to build.  I
’
m terrified, but I know he wants to know more. He needs to know more. I need him to know me, the
real
me.

“
Hey, what
’
s the matter?
”
  Evan asks, placing his hand softly on my stomach. 
“
You look upset.
”

“
No, I
’
m fine.  But, did you mean what you just said?  You want to know my weaknesses?  You really want to know the bad stuff as well as the good?
”

“
I meant every word.  Every single word.
”

“
Okay, then.  I have something I need to tell you and I
’
m not sure how you
’
ll take it.  But, I feel like I have to tell you and it
’
s killing me not to, so I
’
m just going to say it
.” 

“
What is it?
”
Evan asks, sitting up and looking deeply into my eyes.

“
Well, you know that I broke up with Shawn so that you and I could be together.  After we slept together
.” 

“
Yeah?
”
Evan asks tentatively, cringing a little.  Evan has always been uncomfortable with the fact that we slept together before I officially called things off with Shawn.  Evan
’
s not a cheater like I am
,
and part of me hates myself for allowing him to cheat with me, like I
’
ve spoiled him or something.

“
Well, it
’
s sort of a pattern that I have.
”

“C
heating, you mean?
”
The words bite into my heart.  But, he
’
s right.  I
’
m a cheater.  Always have been.

“
Yeah, you could say that
.” 
I nod.

“
Can you elaborate?
”
Evan asks as I sit up to face him.  I look down at the comforter, grasping it between my thumb and forefinger. 

Evan presses,
“
Kate, baby, look at me.  What do you want to tell me?
”

“
I cheat, Evan.  On everyone.
”

“
Everyone?
”
he asks in disbelief.

“
Yes, every boyfriend I
’
ve ever had.  It started in high school.  I
’
d been with my boyfriend, Landon, for six months
,
and all of a sudden, I became restless.  I felt trapped, like I was drowning, like I couldn
’
t breathe or something.  So, I started flirting with this guy, Tim.
Before I knew it, I was making out with Tim in his car in the school parking lot.  Landon found out, of course, and we broke up.  And then, I started dating Tim.
”

“
And you cheated on Tim, too?
”
Evan asks.  I no
d sheepishly.  He takes a
deep breath in before speaking,
“
So, every single guy you
’
ve ever dated, you
’
ve cheated on.  I
’
m not gonna lie, I
’
m a little freaked out because I
’
m so into you, Kate.  I could really see this going somewhere, but not if you
’
re going to repeat your pattern.
”

“
I won
’
t, Evan.  I promise.
”

“
Have you promised before?
”
he asks gently.  He
’
s not trying to hurt me, just understand.  I feel safe in this conversation.

“
No, I haven
’
t.  No one has ever asked.  I
’
ve never even had this conversation before, to be honest
,”
I reveal.

“
But, you
’
re having it with me.
”

“
But, I
’
m having it with you,
”
I repeat, finally looking into his eyes
.
I feel as if I
’
m lying naked in front of him.  Never before have I felt so vulnerable, so exposed, so terrified.

“
Thank you for telling me,
”
Evan says softly, stroking my cheek with the backs of his fingers.

“
I
’
ll understand if you want to leave.  Honestly, I get it.
 
It
’
s fine,
”
I say, my voice cracking as I shrug my shoulders, trying to put my tough exterior back on.  But, it
’
s heavy and it
’
s difficult to put back on once it
’
s been taken off.  Evan laughs quietly before shaking his head.