Chaneysville Incident (9 page)

“So anyways, I wasn’t playin’ that night, on accounta not havin’ any money. Josh was playin’, though, you better believe that. Onliest thing he loved bettern whiskey an’ women was cards. He had the best pack a coon dogs in the County, but you couldn’t get him to run ’em if there was a card game goin’ inside a twenty mile. I forget who all else was playin’, bunch a the reglar fellas. They was playin’ an’ gettin’ along, an’ all the sudden in walks Mose.

“Course, didn’t none of us know it was Mose; hadn’t none of us never put eyes to him before. But that ain’t to say we didn’t know who Mose was. Pretty damn near the whole County knowed who he was, even if he wasn’t nothin’ but twenty, twenty-one year old. Hadn’t nobody seen him, but they sure as taxes
heard
of him. Don’t know ’xactly when it begun; somebody—an’ didn’t nobody recall who—come into town talkin’ ’bout some young boy up in the mountains, callin’ hisself Moses Washington an’ makin’ moonshine that was strongern horse piss an’ smoothern a bunny’s butt. There wasn’t no Prohibition then—a man could drink ’thout the government blowin’ snot in his jug—an’ the truth was, the tax on liquor wasn’t all that high, but there’s lotsa folks ’round here that’d sooner sip on home brew than swim in store-bought. Anyways, this here boy was sposed to be makin’ whiskey so fast he’da drowned hisself if it hadn’ta been that he was sellin’ it fastern he was cookin’ it. I tell you, the way they talked about this boy, they had him livin’ up in some damn holla somewheres in some damn mansion with a whole stable a half-time hillbillies tendin’ his fires an’ cookin’ his corn, while all he done was try an’ keep the greenbacks from cuttin’ off his air. That an’ shoot government agents.

“That was how Mose’s reputation really got goin’. A couple a government fellas come sniffin’ an’ they caught the tail end a some whispers about Mose, an’ they followed them whispers up into the hills, an’ that was all anybody ever heard of ’em. A couple other fellas come lookin’ for the first two, an’ they went up in the hills, an’ didn’t nobody see them no more, neither. Then four of ’em come, an’ two of ’em went up in the hills, an’ the other two waited in town. The two that went up never come down, an’ the two that stayed in town disappeared too; didn’t pay no hotel bill, didn’t take no bags. Jest went. After that, didn’t no more come. Now, lotta things coulda happened to them government fellas, but people bein’ what they is, they’d a lot rather figure there was eight government men buried in the woods than anything else. I would maself.

“But anyways, whenever anybody said ‘Moses Washington’ you thought right away about dead-eye shootin’ an’ moonshine an’ money. You sure as hell didn’t think about bib overhauls an’ no shirt an’ hair with Spanish needle stickin’ out an’ no damn shoes, which was what Mose was wearin’, an’ a old gunnysack, which is what he was carryin’. An’ you sure didn’t think about Hawley’s back room, which was where he showed up, I s’pose on accounta when folks heard about one man doin’ all that, didn’t nobody think he was gonna turn out to be colored. I know I didn’t.

“It didn’t bother nobody that he was a stranger; there was always a lot a strange colored folks runnin’ around in the summer. White folks’d come to stay out to the Springs or Chalybeate, to take the water cure—how them damn fools could figure splashin’ around in a bunch a cold water that didn’t even taste good was a cure for somethin’ I’ll be damn if I know—an’ they’d bring a maid an’ a man—that’s what they’d call it, though from my experience, them fellas wasn’t close to bein’ men an’ them gals sure wasn’t maids; if they was when they got here, they sure as hell wasn’t when they left—to dress the ladies an’ tend the horses an’ all that. We’d get some colored ones up to Hawley’s, but they was generally too foxy to get clean plucked. But we didn’t figure Mose for one a them; not the way he was lookin’. So what we figured was, he was one a them boys useta come in from down South to work on some white man’s farm. The white folks around here wasn’t fools, an’ they knowed they could get away with payin’ them fellas damn near nothin’, so there was always a few around. Sooner or later they’d end up in town with a little bit a money in their pockets, an’ sooner or later they’d end up on the Hill, since that was about the only place for a colored man to go, an’ if it was Saturday, they generally ended up in Hawley’s back room gettin’ plucked cleanern a pullet. So we took one look at Mose an’ figured here was one a them hayseeds, so dumb he didn’t know to comb his hair. Only question was, did he have any money?

“So we all waited. Fellas that was playin’ kept on, didn’t even look up at him, although I swear I seen Josh’s mouth water. Josh had been winnin’ but he quit; all the usual tough stuff—an’ them boys could get tough over cards—went right out the window. They didn’t even bluff; soon as them boys smelled easy meat they got polite as a colored Methodist at a white man’s prayer meetin’. Rest of us jest nodded to Mose polite like an’ kept on watchin’ the game.

“Mose, he seen how nice an’ clean they was playin’, an’ he decided he was gonna set down an’ clean up, so he steps up an’ says maybe he’d set in for a hand or two, if that was all right with the gentlemen that was playin’. That’s just the way he said it too, gentlemen, an’ if anybody had a notion that Mose was from around here, that cleaned it out: that bunch a boys was noted as the sneakiest rascals north a the County Jail—an’ wouldn’t anybody that knowed ’em called ’em gentlemen.

“Course, they couldn’t jest leave the man set down; he mighta cottoned on too quick. So Josh, he looks Mose up an’ down, an’ he says, ‘Well, sir, I don’t know. Me an’ the boys, we been playin’ together for a long time, an’ we got ourselves a real nice friendly game.’ Mose says he didn’t mean to be bustin’ in or nothin’, but he was jest as friendly as anybody. Well, they hemmed an’ hawed around for a while an’ finely they said he could set down, but he had to understand there wasn’t no dirty talk allowed. Mose said he didn’t never talk dirty. They said if he had a pistol, he’d have to leave it with Old Man Hawley. Mose said he didn’t have no pistol. So they said did he have a knife. Mose says yes, he did have an old jackknife. ‘No knives,’ Josh says, an’ they made Mose give his jackknife to Hawley, which had to be the funniest damn thing, since hadn’t none a them fellas gone nowheres without a knife, ’cept jail, since Hector was a pup. An’ they wasn’t no jackknives, neither. Funny thing was, with them bein’ so cagey ’bout gettin’ his fangs pulled, they didn’t think maybe he had a shotgun down in that there gunnysack. Leastways, they didn’t think it then.

“Anyways, they fixed him up with a chair to sit on an’ a tin can to spit in an’ a tin cup to drink from, an’ they ast him did he want a little snort. Which he took. An’ every one a them rapscallions breathed a whole lot easier when he did, ’cause they was countin’ on picklin’ him on the way to pluckin’ him, so’s to have him so scratchy by the time they was through he wouldn’t be able to do nothin’ about it. So they waited till he’d drunk it down an’ they poured him some more, an’ then they dealt out the cards an’ proceeded to lose.

“Most a the time them boys could make cards do anything. You’d tell ’em to take a pack an’ make the ace a spades jump out an’ sing ‘The Battle Hymn a the Republic’ an’ he’d jest ast you did you want it on the long edge or the short edge, an’ how many times through did you want it sung? Usually the fella that won was jest the best cheater. I recall one time Charlie DeCharmes was fixin’ to knife Josh on accounta he claimed Josh was cheatin’, an’ everybody was tryin’ to stop him by sayin’ how did he know Josh was cheatin’, an’ Charlie says, ‘The sonofabitch had to be cheatin’ ’cause he’s showin’ four of a kind an’ I know I didn’t deal him nothin’ but two pair.’ But right now they was losin’. Mose was rakin’ in the money. I mean
rakin’
it in. Every time he won he’d let out a yell like an Indian an’ you could see clear back to his tonsils an’ smell the manure on his breath. Only time he didn’t win was when he had the deal. An’ he looked so happy, I tell you, I quit bein’ mad at that gal for usin’ up all my money an’ keepin’ me from gettin’ in on the pluckin’, an’ I started feelin’ sorry for him. They waited till he had hisself a goodly pile an’ that there tin cup had been filled an’ emptied so damn many times it was startin’ to wear thin an’ then, little by little, they started takin’ his money away.

“It was beautiful the way they done it. There was four of ’em playin’ ’sides Mose. When it started out, he was winnin’ four hands outa five, an’ then it cut back so he was winnin’ three out a five, but the two he was losin’ was big ones, an’ he was definitely comin’ up on the short end. On top a everything, he played the dumbest poker I ever seen. He’d bet big when he had a good hand, an’ he wouldn’t even try to bluff; it was like he was payin’ to lose. After about two hours they had all the money back that they’d lost to him, an’ then Josh goes into his act.

“ ‘Brothers,’ he says, ‘it appears to me that we’re all jest about even, an’ maybe this here is a nice friendly time to call this nice friendly game over. Ain’t nobody won moren he oughta, an’ ain’t nobody lost moren he can afford. I suggest we all head home.’ Which was pure horse manure, ’cause it wasn’t but maybe midnight an’ that back room didn’t hardly come awake ’fore then. But Josh, he acted like he meant it, an’ he started pickin’ up his money.

“Mose looks around an’ he says, ‘Well, gentlemen, I wanna thank y’all for a fine evenin’, but to tell you the honest truth, it do seem a little short. Now, if you folks wants to go on home, why, good night to you; but if there’s one or two that wants to stay an’ play a few more hands, I’d be pleased to keep ’em company.’ So they hemmed an’ they hawed awhile, an’ when the dust had done settled every damn one a them was stayin’. Mose says he appreciates ’em all stayin’ jest to keep a stranger company, an’ says he wants to offer ’em some a his hospitality, which, he says, was home-grown but tasty, an’ he reaches down to his gunnysack an’ hauls out a jug an’ pours ’em all a goodly-sized toot, an’ they all drinks together, an’ he fills the cups up again, an’ they starts in to play.

“Well, I’d seen it happen many a time, an’ moren oncet I was in the middle of it myself, but I got to swear it was mighty impressin’ the way they took that man’s money away. They sucked it up like babies on boobies. Matter a fact, it seemed to me that they was cleanin’ him out too fast, makin’ it too plain, you know. So I tried to catch Josh’s eye, give him a look to make him ease off a bit. But then I seen it wasn’t none a his doin’; Mose was playin’ so bad they didn’t
have
to cheat—’cept maybe a little here an’ there. The pile a money that had started out in front a Mose jest drained away like water outen a busted dam, but he kept on smilin’ an’ bettin’ like a Goddamn fool. He was tryin’ to fill straights, or draw flushes, or some damn thing, all the time. Well, anyways, in a hour or so it was all gone.

“Well, Josh, he calls a halt, says he needs some air, an’ he gets up an’ goes out onto the porch, an’ then he give me the eye when he goes past, so I waited a spell an’ then I followed him on out there. He looks at me an’ he says, ‘Jack, somethin’ stinks like a dead catfish on a pile a cow poop on a summer day. I ain’t never seen nobody lose money like that an’ grin about it.’ Well, I said I could see his point, but I didn’t see no way it could be anything ’cept a crazy man losin’ money, which they do all the time; there wasn’t nothin’ tricky happenin’ I could see. So we had a chaw an’ went on back inside.

“Hadn’t nothin’ changed in there. Mose was still settin’ grinnin’ away an’ passin’ his jug around. Since they wasn’t playin’ I got me a snort of it, an’ I mean to tell you, it was the sweetest taste I’d ever had. I took another swalla an’ rolled it around in ma mouth, tastin’ it real good, an’ right then was when I caught on. Only I didn’t really catch on. Sometimes, you know, Johnny, you’ll get yourself an idea way back in the back a your head an’ it’s like you’re lightin’ up a coal fire; maybe there’s a blaze when you set fire to the kindlin’, but that dies, an’ the fire jest sets in there, an’ it’s all black, an’ you might even think the fire’s done gone out, but when you reach in there with the poker an’ lift up a chunk a the coal the name jumps right out at you an’ gives your whiskers a good singein’. That’s the way it was. The idea sprung up, but I didn’t even notice it, hardly. I jest started feelin’ mighty uneasy.

“ ’Long ’bout then the game got started up again. Josh said how sorry he was to see Mose losin’ all that money, an’ Mose said, why hell, that wasn’t so bad, an’ got some more outa his gunnysack.

“Right then was when Josh quit smellin’ catfish or cow poop or anything at all ’cept money; Josh looked at that money on the table an’ he started to thinkin’ ’bout how much more might be down there in that there gunnysack, an’ his eyes went all glinty an’ red, an’ you could hear the greedy growin’.

“It didn’t take no time for Josh to get the deal. The fellas that had it ’fore him knowed what was happenin’—we all knowed what Josh got like when he sniffed corn an’ coin at the same time—an’ they was so busy gettin’ the hands over so they could get outen his way that I know for a fact one of ’em folded his cards while he was holdin’ a full house, ’cause he was settin right in front a me an’ I seen it. Soon as Josh had the deal one a the other fellas stood up an’ said to deal him out.

“Josh didn’t care. He was busy. One minute them cards was jest settin’ there in his hands an’ the next they was jest about flyin’. The room got so quiet all you could hear was the cards rufflin’ an’ folks breathin’. Josh finished up his fancy shufflin’ an’ Mose cut the cards. Josh dealt ’em out. I knowed he was cheatin’, an’ I knowed jest ’xactly what he done. He’d give Mose a bad hand, a hand anybody in his right mind woulda folded on, an’ if he folded, well, fine. But if he played it, Josh’d give him jest enough on the draw to turn that dead hand into a live one. It always made ’em stay an’ play. They took that little piece a luck as a sign that God was on their side. Folks is stupid; God don’t go to poker games.

“The cards was out there, layin’ on the table, an’ the lamplight glinted off the back of ’em. Nobody picked nothin’ up. They jest looked. Finely one a the boys that was still in the game picks up the jug to take a swig, only it’s all gone. But Mose jest laughs an’ reaches down into his gunnysack an’ hauls up another one an’ says there’s more where that come from. An’ right then that little ole coal fire in the back a ma head caught a draft an’ started spittin’ flames, an’ I took a good long look at Mose, an’ this time I had enough sense to see past them bib overhauls to the way he held hisself an’ the look in his eye, an’ I says to maself, sweet merciful Lord, these boys is settin’ here with that crazy moonshinin’ boy that done kilt eight men we know of, an’ God knows how many we don’t, an’ they’re playin’ cards with him an’
cheatin’.
I tell you, I hadn’t never believed what they said about blood runnin’ cold, but there was ice in ma veins that night. I tried to catch Josh’s eye, I swear to God I tried, but he had his brain screwed to that pile a money an’ there wasn’t nothin’ gonna unscrew it. But I tried so hard I did catch somebody’s eye: Mose’s. He looked right at me an’ there jest wasn’t no way in the world for me to hide what I knowed an’ what I was thinkin’, an’ I can’t say for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t a little spit sneakin’ outa the corner a ma mouth. But Mose, he jest grinned at me, an’ winked, an’ picked his cards up and got on with the game.