Change of Heart (19 page)

Morgan's phone rang while I was icing my eye. She spoke to the caller for a few moments. When she hung up, I said, “That was Colin, wasn't it?”

“They arrested him for assaulting Jon, but they let him go with a warning. He said that Jon doesn't want to press charges. Colin apologized to him.”

I hesitated a moment before asking her something that had been on my mind for a few days.

“Morgan, are you and Colin ...” I couldn't make myself say it. I was afraid what the answer might be.

Morgan frowned. “Are we what?”

“He had his arm around you at the funeral. I saw you sitting with him in the cafeteria. He had his arm over the back of your chair. He drove you to the restaurant to meet Tamara and to the arena this morning. So I was wondering ...”

“We're just friends,” Morgan said. “Colin is really broken up about what happened to Sean. He feels responsible because he was supposed to pick Sean up that night.”

“I heard his mom at the funeral. It sounded like she blames him for what happened.”

“She was pretty upset,” Morgan said. “Sean was the baby of the family. The way she treated him, it was pretty obvious that he was her favorite. Before she left the house the night Sean was killed, I heard her talking to Colin on the phone. She told him to make sure he picked Sean up. She didn't want Sean to go to the arena at all because of what had happened the night before, but Sean charmed her into it—as usual.”

“So why didn't Colin pick him up?”

“He said he would. He was going to swing by the arena after he did some errands. But he finished those sooner than he expected and he didn't want to drive all the way home and then have to go back to the arena. So he pulled over. He said he was tired—he just closed his eyes for a couple of minutes. The next thing he knew, it was nearly morning. Can you imagine how he must have felt when he got home and found out what had happened to Sean?”

I couldn't.

“He asked me out,” Morgan said.

“Who?”

“Colin. He asked me out—before I started going with Sean.”

“You never told me that.”

She shrugged. “I was with Billy then. Besides, I thought Colin was too much of a jock. And you know what I think of jocks.”

“I thought I did,” I said.

“It turns out he's not so bad. I kind of feel sorry for him.”

“Because of what happened the night Sean died?”

“Because he got sidelined,” she said. “He wanted to play hockey as much as Sean did. But he got injured. On top of that, he's been doing really badly at school. His mom is always on his case. Can you imagine what it's like being in some of the same classes as your little brother? And to have to watch him on the ice while you're waiting to see if you'll ever be able to play again?”

“What do you mean, ever?”

“Colin wants to get back into the major juniors. But you heard what Tamara said. After three concussions, he needs to get a medical clearance first.”

“Do you think he'll get one?”

“I don't know,” Morgan said. “I hope so.”

I took some painkillers and prayed that my face would stop throbbing. Then we made a pot of tea. While we drank it, Morgan said, “I talked to Billy last night. I'm going with his mom to see him tomorrow.”

“That's great,” I said.

Or maybe not. Morgan stunned me by bursting into tears.

“What's the matter?” I said. “Is Billy okay? Did something happen to him?”

“He told me he loves me,” she said.

“That's great.” Except for the fact that she was crying. “Isn't it, Morgan?”

“After everything I said to Billy, after everything I did—oh, Robyn, after everything I thought, he still loves me.” She sobbed.

I grabbed a box of tissues from the kitchen counter and led her to a sofa in the living room.

“Well, you know Billy,” I said, handing her the tissue box. “He's a sweet guy.”

“I know. But you can't believe what I said about him.” She sobbed even harder.

I waited until she calmed down a little before speaking. “Billy asked me if you thought he did it.”

She caught her breath. “What did you tell him?”

“I said that you know him better than almost anybody else. I said you know what kind of person he is.”

“You didn't tell him what I said?”

I shook my head.

“Even after the way I treated you? Even after I was such a ... a ...”

“Bitch?” I said helpfully.

She nodded tearfully.

“I was thinking of Billy,” I said. “Besides, I knew you'd come around sooner or later. Billy isn't a murderer. His biggest character flaw is that he loves you.” I meant it as a joke, but it didn't make her laugh. Instead, it prompted another eruption of tears. I sighed and waited for her to calm down.

“I made a big mistake, Robyn,” she said, dabbing at her eyes with a sodden wad of tissue. “I never should have dumped Billy.”

“Why did you?” I asked. “What happened, Morgan? Did you just suddenly fall for Sean?”

“Yes,” she said. Then, “No. I mean, that's not why it happened. I just—” She sighed. “You know Billy. He's always doing something good. Rescuing injured birds, helping homeless people, protesting abuse of animals.”

“He's always been like that.”

“I know. But he never expected me to be like that. It was always okay if I had different interests.”

Like fashion. And shopping. Especially shopping.

“He started talking about volunteering at a wildlife rescue place that's just getting going. They want to get a sort of Habitat for Humanity project going to build the place. Billy thought it would be a fun thing for us to do. He said maybe we could spend some time there together. He said I'd learn all kinds of new things and that I'd really have fun.”

“Maybe you would.”

“No, I wouldn't. That's the thing. I don't want to build an animal shelter. I don't want to have anything to do with wildlife. Wild animals carry rabies and all kinds of other horrible diseases. They have sharp teeth. They're wild, Robyn.”

“So you told Billy no?”

“I feel like I'm always telling him no. Or making excuses for why I can't do things with him. It's like we don't have anything in common.”

“So you didn't like him anymore?”

“Didn't like him? I adored him, Robyn. He's sweet and funny and considerate. It's me. I'm the problem. I feel like a big fraud. I like leather boots, Robyn. I like chicken Caesars and BLTs. I like ice cream—the real kind, not the stuff made with soy or tofu. I love Missy.” Missy was Morgan's dog. “But that doesn't mean I want to be a volunteer dog walker and pick up after dogs I don't even know. And dead birds?” She shuddered. “No way am I going to pick up a dead bird again—ever.” DARC, Billy's bird-rescue group, picked up and counted birds that died after colliding with tall buildings.

“Did you and Billy have a fight? Is that it?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then what?”

“I just—he made me feel bad.” She looked at me. “No. That's not true. I did that all by myself. I felt guilty all the time. And then I met Sean—and he didn't care about anything except hockey and having fun, and ... I'm a horrible person, aren't I? I dumped a guy who's practically a saint, and I got dazzled by a jock.”

“You got dazzled by Sean Sloane, the object of every girl's desire.” Well, almost every girl. He didn't do anything for me. “And from what I hear, he came on to you in a big way.”

“The day after I first talked to him, he was waiting for me at my locker,” she said. “At first I thought he was waiting for someone else. But he smiled at me and stepped aside for me when I got there, and I thought, Wow, he knows it's my locker. Sean Sloane actually knows which locker is mine.”

“I didn't know you were so impressed by him in the first place,” I said. “You never mentioned him before, and he's a
huge
jock.”

“I know,” she said, embarrassed. “But Sean—he was so hot, Robyn. Everyone thought so. I just never thought he would be interested in me. I mean, he had a girlfriend. And he was a senior. But that doesn't mean I didn't notice him. No way. And then one day there he was, stepping aside so that I could open my locker. He watched me while I got my stuff out. Then, when I closed my locker, he said, ‘Aren't you even going to say hi?' So I did. And the next thing I knew, he was walking me to class and telling me he'd been noticing me a lot in the halls. He said he liked the way I moved. He asked if I was a model.”

I groaned.

Morgan's face flushed. “I know,” she said. “Can you think of a lamer line? But I fell for it. I was actually flattered. And it just kind of escalated from there.”

“It's not your fault,” I said. “He was out to get you. He wanted to get even with Tamara—and with Billy.”

“I feel like such an idiot. How could I have fallen for him?”

“It sounds like you didn't fall for him. You fell for the fact that he was different from Billy—and for his image,” I said. “You weren't the only one, Morgan. He had a ton of fans. Everyone seemed to like Sean.” I was beginning to think that the emphasis should be on the word
seemed
. “He had all kinds of friends—from other jocks like him to nerds like Aaron Arthurs.”

“Aaron Arthurs?” Morgan looked at me as if I were crazy. “Where did you get the idea that Sean was friends with Aaron?”

“Aaron knows Sean's locker combination. He lent Sean textbooks when Sean lost his or forgot them at home.”

“Aaron knew Sean's locker combination?”

“I saw him open Sean's locker. He was taking his books back. Why? Weren't they friends?”

“Not that I know of. Sean mentioned him a few times, but only to put him down.”

“Well, Aaron seemed to think they were friends,” I said. “So there you go. You weren't the only person to be fooled by him.”

“If that's supposed to make me feel better, it doesn't,” Morgan said. “No matter how you look at it, I fell for a guy who turns out to be nothing like what I thought he was. What does that say for my ability to judge character? What does it say about
my
character? I mean, I know I'm not Billy, but how superficial do you have to be to fall for an image instead of a real person?”

“People do it all the time, Morgan. That's what sells all those gossip magazines.”

“Maybe. But I should have known he wasn't everything he was cracked up to be. When he found out that I was an A student, he started asking me for help with his homework.”

I remembered her in the library doing a biology assignment for him.

“But he was getting good grades,” I said. “Why did he need help?”

“He said it was a time thing mostly. He had so many games and practices. And he was always putting in extra time on the ice. Whatever else he was, he was dead serious about hockey. He wanted to be the best. But sometimes that meant he didn't have time to do all his homework. So ...” She hung her head. “I bailed him out a couple of times.”

“You did his homework for him?”

She nodded. She looked thoroughly ashamed.

“The first time, I didn't see anything wrong with it. I mean, like you said, he was getting good grades. He could have done it himself—he just ran out of time.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“The thing is ...” She hesitated. “He asked me to do some math homework for him one time. When I didn't get around to it, he got mad at me. So I said, you've got time now. Let's go to the library. I have work to do. You can do your math. But he said I'd promised to do it and a promise is a promise. I told him I was sorry, but he got really worked up. He said he didn't realize I was the kind of person who broke promises. He was really angry. So ... I caved. I did his homework for him with him just sitting there watching me. And ... I don't know, I just had this feeling. So I started screwing it up, you know, making mistakes on purpose while he was watching me. And you know what, Robyn? He didn't even notice.”