Chaos Bound (41 page)
Now he had love. And a burning need to find his own place in the world.
Holt handed Jagger his cut, neatly folded, as a symbol of his departure. His heart seized in his chest as he released it into Jagger’s hands. The night Jagger had given him that cut had been the greatest night of his life. He had never been more proud, never happier, and he’d shared every minute of that glorious night with Tank.
“I’m keeping this for you,” Jagger said. “The board has agreed to release you from the club on good terms. If you ever want to come back to us, you will be welcome, and your cut will be waiting for you.”
“Appreciated, brother.” He fought back a wave of emotion as his brothers surrounded him, clapping his back, and wishing him well. He shook hands with Sparky, Cade, Dax, and Gunner. Hugged Dawn, Arianne, Sandy, and Evie. He smiled at the sweet butts but, wary of Naiya’s watchful gaze, he kept a respectful distance. He gave a few tips to Shooter, Benson, and the junior patch members of the club and said good-bye to Dax’s five boys, Cade’s three kids, and Zane’s son, Ty. Zane insisted that he still owed Holt a debt before giving him a painful whack on the back, which Holt returned with twice the force.
Banks joined them with Skyler in tow. Holt almost didn’t recognize the girl he’d saved in Missoula, now that she’d gained a bit of weight and stripped the color from her hair. She’d turned down Jagger’s offer to join the club as a sweet butt. Instead she’d accepted a job working for Banks at Rider’s Bar.
“I never really got to say thank you.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for turning me down that night and for giving me hope. What you did changed my life.”
“Just happy things worked out for you.” His held out his hand to a scowling Banks who had been in a rare good humor until Skyler had given Holt that kiss. “And don’t worry about Banks. He’s all bark and no bite. But you can be damn sure he’ll look out for you.”
“Damn right.” Banks shook his hand. “Good luck going it on your own. If you rescue any more damsels in distress, just send them my way. I always need the help.”
After he’d finished his good-byes, Shaggy took him aside.
“You take care of Naiya or I’ll hunt you down and rip off your balls.”
Holt met Shaggy’s gaze, watching his eyes shift from hazel to green. “You gonna share with me why you think you got a right to do that?”
“No.”
“Can I guess?”
Shaggy shook his head. “Nope. Some wrongs can’t be made right. Some secrets are never meant to be shared.”
Holt glanced down at Shaggy’s left hand, noted the pale white skin on his finger where he used to wear a ring. Although he was tempted to force the issue, out of respect he let it go. Shaggy had to have a reason for keeping his own counsel, and maybe in time he’d change his mind.
Naiya joined them and they walked toward Holt’s bike. “Where’s Tank?”
“Dunno.” Holt looked back over his shoulder at the crowd. Tank had been at the party last night, matching Holt drink for drink, and joking around like old times. It hadn’t occurred to Holt that Tank wouldn’t show up this morning. He had expected him to be here. Wanted him to be here. Needed him. How could he leave without saying good-bye to the man who was part of his soul?
“So what are you gonna do with your twenty million dollars?” Shaggy asked as they crossed the gravel.
“Nothing.” Naiya looked over and shrugged. “I don’t want the responsibility that comes with it. I don’t want the risks. I don’t want to fall into the trap Viper fell into. I’m going to take out enough to live on, and then I’m going to enjoy being free before I settle down and live a normal life.”
“What about buying your old friend, Shag, a kick-ass bike as a going-away present to thank him for being so patient teaching you how to shoot?”
Naiya laughed. “How about I send you a picture of me riding my first kick-ass bike after Holt teaches me how to ride?”
“Not happening.” Holt put an arm around her waist and pulled her close. “And I’m not saying that ’cause I’m an overprotective bastard. I’m saying it ’cause I love you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Naiya leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Because you’re overprotective. But I tolerate it because I love you, too.”
They reached Holt’s bike and Holt shot a desperate look at Shaggy.
“I don’t know where he is,” Shaggy said. “You want to wait?”
“We can’t. Naiya’s got an interview scheduled first thing tomorrow morning. We’re already late getting away.” Holt swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Tell him I said good-bye.”
“Holt.” Naiya put her arms around him. “Let’s wait. I can reschedule. Or we can ride at night. You can’t just leave.”
“If he wanted to be here, he’d be here.” Holt swung his leg over his bike. “Tank is never late. He doesn’t stand people up. He doesn’t sleep in. He’s not here for a reason. And I gotta respect that. Maybe it’s better this way.”
Naiya slid on the bike behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Holt took one last look at the clubhouse, remembering all the work he and Tank had done to help fix it up, and all the good times they’d had. Heartsick, he started the engine. With one last look over his shoulder for Tank, he punched the throttle and accelerated down the lane, leaving the Sinner’s Tribe behind.
TANK
He was dying.
Tank walked across the grass to join Shaggy on the clubhouse steps. His body followed directions, but he was empty inside.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Shaggy shifted to the side to make room, and Tank sat beside him.
“Riding.”
“Riding? When your best friend is leaving the club and you’ll probably never see him again?”
“Yeah.” He rested his elbows on his knees, dropped his hands, stared at the gravel, wondered if the black hole in his chest would eventually suck him up and put him out of his misery. “I couldn’t say good-bye.”
He tensed, waiting for one of Shaggy’s sarcastic or cutting remarks, but his brother gave a sympathetic murmur instead. “Maybe you shoulda gone with them.”
“And leave the MC?” He patted his cut. “I made a commitment when I put on this cut. This is my home. These are my brothers. This is my life.”
“So was he.”
Tank bristled. “It’s not like that. Not like what he has with Naiya. I don’t love him. I like women.”
“There’s different kinds of love,” Shaggy said. “I had a brother once. Loved him to death. He died a long time ago when he miscalculated a hairpin turn on the Going-To-The-Sun Road in Glacier National Park, and his motorcycle went over the cliff. Ever since then, I’ve felt like a part of me is missing.”
Tank twisted his hands together. He’d felt like a part of him was missing until he met Holt. And after Viper took Holt, he’d felt lost. Now, Holt was back, but gone, and Tank felt nothing but pain.
“You want my advice?” Shaggy stroked his chin, as if he’d forgotten he cut off his beard. Tank still couldn’t get used to seeing him without it.
“No.”
“Too fucking bad, ’cause I’m gonna give it to you anyway. I didn’t live through all those years of biker shit to keep all my learning to myself.” Shaggy leaned in close, as if he was about to share a secret. “Follow your heart.”
“Christ.” Tank reared back, his hand clenching into a fist. “You making fun of me, Shag, ’cause I got energy to burn and your smooth baby face will make a nice target.”
“I’m serious.” Shaggy held up his hands, palms forward. “I made a fucking mistake twenty two years ago. I chose to follow the club instead of following my heart and now I’ll stay with the club till I die. But I guarantee if you stay here when part of you belongs out there, you’ll wind up a fucking bitter man like me.”
“I’ve got no skills to make it in the real world,” Tank protested.
“You’re damn good with your hands. You understand engines and mechanics. If we didn’t already have a road chief, you woulda been a natural to look after the bikes. You just never had the confidence to put yourself forward.”
Tank felt a strange feeling in his stomach, a flutter of hope. “He doesn’t need me. He’s got Naiya.”
“He needs you both. She’s his heart, but you’re part of his soul. He waited here as long as he could. Even when they drove away, he was looking over his shoulder for you.”
“Jagger will never let me go.” Tank threw the last of his fears on the table, held his breath.
“He already did.”
Tank’s head jerked up. “What do you mean?”
“The board met when you were trying to ride your sorrows away. I put a motion forward that we release you on good terms if you wanted to go. The motion passed. It was unanimous. Every man in that room wished he had the kind of friendship you and T-Rex share. No one wants to keep you apart.”
Hope flared in Tank’s chest. “Where’s Jagger?”
“Waiting for you inside. He’s got a place for your cut. Right beside T-Rex’s where it’s meant to be. But you’d better hurry. They’ve got a twenty minute head start, and I’m not sure which road they’ll take when they reach the end of town.”
“Thanks, man.” He jumped to his feet, and Shaggy held out a small velvet bag.
“Take this. When Naiya and Holt get around to having a baby, you leave it in the cradle. Don’t tell them it’s from me.”
Tank studied the bag but made no move to take it. He’d suspected Shaggy had some connection to Naiya when they first met—a feeling that had become stronger when Shaggy always seemed to be around when she was there. “Why don’t you give it to them yourself?”
“Some mistakes can’t be undone.”
“But some can,” Tank said, sliding his cut over his shoulders. “And I’m going to undo one now. Keep it, brother. Give it to them yourself. If I can give up my cut for friendship, you can unburden your heart for love.”
Holt slowed his bike and stopped in the parking lot beside the charred remains of Big Bill’s Custom Bikes and Paint Shop on the Conundrum border. This was where it all began, where he’d offered himself to Viper in exchange for Evie’s life.
“Why are we stopping?” Naiya slid off the bike after he turned off the engine, her face creased with worry. “Is something wrong with the bike?”
“I can’t.” Holt choked on his words. “I can’t go without Tank.” He dismounted his bike and flipped the kickstand.
“Then we’ll go back.” Naiya wrapped her arms around him, hugged him tight.
“If we go back, you’ll miss your interview.”
“I’ll reschedule.” She looked up at him; her eyes warm with sympathy. “I’m not in any big hurry. I haven’t even decided if it’s really what I want to do with my life, and I’ve got six other interviews lined up. This is more important. I know how much Tank means to you. If you need to stay, then we’ll stay. I can fly out to the other interviews.”
Holt shook his head. “I can’t stay in Conundrum and not be a Sinner. And I want to be with you. You’re my heart, Naiya. I waited my whole life to find you, and I’m not gonna let you go. We’ll find our path together. I just never thought we’d be doing it without Tank.”
“Do you want to text him again?”
“I texted. I called. I left messages. He’s not answering his phone.” He kicked at the gravel, stared out over the highway. “Fuck.”
In the distance he heard the unmistakable rumble of a Harley engine.
His skin prickled and his pulse kicked up a notch. If he’d been a praying man, he would have prayed for just one thing. But he wasn’t. So he closed his eyes, held on to the woman he loved, and made a wish.
The rumble turned into a roar.
Holt opened his eyes and his wish came true.
Naiya parked her SUV in front of T & T’s Auto Body Shop, carefully maneuvering around the row of motorcycles gleaming in the Montana summer sunshine. Every week that row got longer and longer. She would have been happy if the bikers had all been customers, although Tank and Holt had more than enough mechanic work to keep them busy, but many of them belonged to MC presidents who had come courting Holt to set up a new MC in Northern Montana, uniting them all under one patch—Holt’s patch.
Tank came running out to help her unload her briefcase and boxes, his navy coveralls streaked with grease. Swamped with work, the Montana State Crime Lab had set up a new branch in Auburn, just north of Whitefish and after only one year working with them, Naiya received a promotion and the extra work to go with it. Sometimes she missed the time she, Tank, and Holt had spent on the road crisscrossing the country after leaving Conundrum, when they had nothing to worry about except where they were going to sleep the next night and how many women Tank would have to fight off at the bars.
“You should have called. I would’ve come to get you,” Tank chastised. “Holt’s gonna be pissed when he finds out you carried all these boxes to your car. You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”
“He’ll only be pissed if he finds out, and you’re not going to tell him.” Her gaze flicked to the shop that Holt and Tank bought together after she’d accepted the job in Auburn. They’d fixed it all up themselves and within a matter of months had built up a reputation for quality work in the biker community. When Holt had started to seriously consider setting up his own MC, he and Tank built an office out back to keep their activities discrete and away from the prying eyes of local civilians.
Naiya glanced over at the shop. “Is Holt in the office?”
Tank nodded. “He’s got four MC presidents in there with him. They sure want him bad. They see a leader in him, and once the biker is in your blood, it’s not easy to let it go.”
Naiya snorted a laugh. “I figured that when we were on the road, and you two would only go to biker bars, get your bikes fixed at biker shops, and let me wear biker gear when I wasn’t in an interview.”
“Those were good times.” He dug his hand into his coveralls and pulled out two tickets. “Speaking of good times … you busy tonight? Fractured Skyway is playing down in Whitefish. I missed them at the big rally where we took down Viper. A customer gave me these comps and told me not to miss the warm-up band. He said they were just as good as the headlining act. I was curious so I looked them up…” His voice trailed off, and Naiya frowned. Was Tank … blushing?