Chaos (Phoenix Undercover Book 2) (5 page)

Chapter 9

Josh

“How you hanging in there, man?” Trevor asked over the phone.

“It’s getting harder every day. I just want to call her, go to her, and tell her I’m here.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“If I show you something, you have to promise you won’t be pissed.”

His words sent a surge of irritation through me. “You know when someone says that, it generally means that person fucked up, right?”

“Depends on how you look at it, Josh. I mean, I may have broken a few laws, but in the end I do believe you’ll be pleased.” I could hear the cocky arrogance in his voice.

Trevor was Mike’s older brother, and the guy was entirely too confident. Yeah, he was the best fucking techie I had ever met. He could break code and tap into any surveillance or security system in the city in the time it takes to pour a cup of coffee. He knew he was good. That was where his arrogance came from.

“You gonna tell me or just jerk my fucking chain?” I grumbled. My patience was growing thin these days.

“First of all, man, I love you, but I ain’t jerking anything of yours.” He chuckled at his own joke, and I only grew more irritated.

“Okay, fuckwad,” I said, trying to let him know I wasn’t up for his shit.

“All right, damn.” He cleared his throat, and I could hear him tapping away on the keys. “Check your email, not your work one, your personal.”

Trevor was now aware of our recent discovery. He knew how important it was not to trust anyone until we figured out who was behind all this shit. So we had each created new email accounts to communicate. We also continued to say very little through email or phone calls to be safe, and we felt that was the best solution for now.

After signing in and clicking the tab, I sat back, impatiently waiting. As I opened the email from Trevor titled:

Every man’s wet dream.

I rolled my eyes, wondering what the fuck this garbage was.

It contained a link for a video feed, and I clicked it.

When a box popped up on my screen asking for a password, I think I fucking growled.

“Damn, dude, breathe.” Trevor chuckled. I typed as he gave me the password, and as I hit Enter and the video loaded, my fingers froze over the keys.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Something I think you need, brother,” Trevor added with no humor in his voice. “The rest of us haven’t had to endure the shit you have. We didn’t have our lives ripped out from beneath us. We can all pretend we know what you’re going through, but fuck, Josh, we have no clue. So I wanted to give you something to fight for. Give you a little motivation to keep going.”

“Thank you,” I whispered hoarsely. “How did you do this?”

“I have my ways, you know that. But just for your peace of mind, I sent an arrangement of flowers with a hidden cam in the vase to her apartment from all of us here at the Bureau, or at least that’s what the card said. Just enjoy, and don’t forget to check the other saved videos I sent in a second email. There are some good ones.” He chuckled before hanging up.

Any other time, I would be threatening to beat his ass for tapping into the life of my woman, but today I was too lost in the idea that I was about to see Gabby to care. She thought I was gone forever, but I needed to see her, hear her.

Typing out the last of the password, G-A-B-B-Y, I closed my eyes tightly, taking in a deep breath. I knew the moment I heard her may break me. But I would welcome that pain if I got to see her beautiful face.

“Stop.” My eyes shot open at the sound of the muffled word, and I leaned forward to get a close look. I couldn’t see much as the room was dark. But as I began to scan it, I realized it was Gabby’s bedroom. My stomach tightened, and that burn rose high in my chest and then into my throat.

“Brooklyn Rose Shannon, I swear to God, if you don’t stop messing with me, I’m going to beat your damn ass.” I chuckled as my eyes clouded with tears. The sound of Gabby’s irritation was welcome. I loved everything about this woman, from her sweet, kind soul to her feisty, take-no-shit personality.

“Eww, scary,” Brook taunted, and I chuckled. That girl was going to knock some man on his ass one day. He wouldn’t know what hit him. She was tiny, but she had one hell of a fucking bark.

“You already sound like a mother, using my whole name. Gabs, seriously? You don’t scare me.” Brook must have flipped on the light, because suddenly I could see everything.

Brook jumped onto the bed and began smacking Gabby with a pillow. Laughter filled the air, and Gabby reversed the roles and flipped Brooklyn over, pinning her sister beneath her.

The moment Gabby came completely into view, something inside me lit up again. The hope I’d lost filled me, and for the first time in months, I smiled. I’m not talking a grin or smirk; I’m saying a full-blown smile that makes your cheeks ache.

The girls were laughing, and Brook was yelling out “Uncle!” I chuckled as Gabby slapped her with the pillow until she stopped struggling.

“Damn, dude, that shit right there is fucking hot. What site are you on?” Greyson asked as he sat next to me. I hadn’t even heard him enter my apartment, I was so engrossed in the view of my girl.

“It’s not some porn site, you dick, it’s Gabby.” I looked over just as his face morphed in confusion. “Trevor set it up and sent me the video this morning. I should be pissed that he put a fucking camera in my girl’s room.” I turned back to face the screen just as both girls collapsed onto their backs against the mattress. “But I can’t be mad right now, because seeing her and hearing her voice…I fucking needed it, Grey. I needed it more than I needed air.”

I don’t know how long I sat there and watched, but I made Grey leave. I needed some time. The last thing I wanted was for the fuck to see Gabby naked.

Brook left the room and Gabby crawled back into bed, gathering the sheet around her body. She opened her nightstand drawer and pulled something from it. I leaned closer, trying to figure out what she held in her hand.

After a few minutes, she rolled onto her back and placed her hand over her stomach. The image brought yet another round of tears to my eyes. I was turning into a fucking pussy being trapped here in this hellhole.

“I promise our baby will know you,” Gabby whispered hoarsely. I watched closely as one of the hardest things I had ever witnessed unfolded before me. “God, I miss you, every day. They say it gets easier, but it doesn’t.” Gabby’s voice shook with each word she spoke, and it gutted me. “Every day without you only breaks me a little more. I want you here with me, seeing our baby grow. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this without you. I’m so sorry I pushed you away, Josh. I should have listened.”

“God, baby, you are strong enough,” I whispered as if she could hear me.

“I’ll always love you. Forever,” she whispered as she lowered whatever it was she was holding to her chest and secured it there. I realized it was a photo; I assumed of me.

***

“I can’t fucking do this.” I was pacing my living room as Greyson and Mike sat on the couch watching me. I had my phone gripped tightly in my hand as I tried not to lose my shit. “I need to get out of here. I can’t live like this, Frank, I’m not an animal. There are people that need me, fuck, I need them. You can’t expect me to fucking live like this.”

“Josh, I need you to calm down,” Frank instructed me, and it only infuriated me more.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one stuck here. You’re out there living your fucking life, going home to your wife.” I was barely holding it together. I wanted to fucking punch something. “One fucking week, Frank,” I stated. “That’s all you have to figure out how to get me the fuck out of here and back to my life.”

I hung up and turned to face Greyson and Mike. “Let’s find this motherfucker. I’m done with this. It’s time to take back the life these assholes stole from us.”

Chapter 10

Gabriella

Today was a hard one. One I wasn’t sure how to get through without losing it.

Libby called and asked me to meet her at Josh’s apartment. She had to start going through his things, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to do it alone. I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell her I wasn’t strong enough. I wanted to make up an excuse to change my plans, but I couldn’t. I knew his family was suffering, and I had developed a bond with them over the baby, so I felt I owed it to them to help them grieve too.

I stood outside Josh’s apartment door, and after taking in a deep breath, I knocked. I could hear a commotion behind the door, so I pressed my ear against the cold steel. The smashing of glass, or something breakable, filled the silence, and panic shot through me.

I twisted the knob, and to my surprise it was unlocked. When I burst inside, I never expected to find Libby standing in the center of what appeared to be a ransacked apartment. Tears streaked her face as she bent down and picked up the television controller and heaved it across the room.

“Libby?”

She turned to face me and crumbled to the floor. “I can’t believe he left.” She looked up at me, and my heart broke for her. Here before me was a girl that had lost her mother at a young age and had now lost a man that was not only her brother, but one of her best friends. She had been devastated twice and had been forced to hold it together for the sake of her father and her son, who also adored Josh.

Now it was her time to fall apart, when she was alone with no one around her to stay strong for. I stepped over the heaping amount of couch cushions and other items that now littered the floor and knelt before her. “Hey,” I whispered, and her gaze met mine. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and for the first time I saw just how exhausted she looked. “I know it hurts. The day he was taken from us the world lost one very amazing man.” My own tears threatened to fall, but I chose to fight them. Libby needed to feel as if it was okay to fall. She deserved this time to feel weak, and I was going to give it to her.

“I miss him so much,” she confessed. “I miss being able to complain about Will’s irritating habits and Jonah’s grumpy days. I miss the way he and I used to gang up on Dad when he tried to get all serious with us. He was my go-to person. The one I called when everything became too much. He always made things better.” Her gaze shifted around the room, and she sobbed heavily. “Look what I did.”

Panic set in, and the sorrow in her eyes was hard to witness.

“It’s okay,” I assured her, and I moved in a little closer and placed my arm around her shoulders. “I know it’s not the same, but you can always call me to talk.” She smiled, and I could sense it was forced. “As long as you don’t mind hearing crazy stories about my sisters, because right now they’re both living with me, and I swear I am hanging on by a thread. I’m even considering paying rent on another apartment just to free myself of their craziness.”

That got a lighthearted laugh out of her. “I understand now just how my brother fell in love with you.” My earlier idea of holding it together only grew harder with each word she spoke. “He called me the night you ended things with him. He was so lost. I know things happened between the two of you that he chose to keep to himself, but I can tell you that he assured me he would win you back. He was never the type of guy to show too much emotion, but on that night, for the first time in a very long time, I could hear the despair in his voice. He truly adored you.”

And I broke.

***

“Twelve weeks,” Dr. Bali said as he entered the room. “And how have you been feeling?”

Of course Brook, better known as Miss Mouth, spoke up before I could. “Well, I’m sure hoping now that she’s entering the second trimester, her morning puke fests will come to an end. It seriously sounds like she’s throwing up a damn lung. I have never in my life heard someone heave the way she does.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, and she shrugged. “What, Godzilla? You gonna growl at me now too?”

“Next time I’m leaving you at home,” I whispered—well, it wasn’t exactly a whisper, considering everyone in the room heard me.

She laughed and wrinkled her nose at me. “Yeah right, you love me,” she countered, and I chose not to argue. She was right. Without her cocky retorts and daily distractions, I would be a depressed pregnant girl hiding in the darkness of my apartment. She forced me to get up daily and continue on, even though everything inside me told me to just give up.

With each week that passed, it became harder to face that I would be raising my child without their father—a father I know for a fact would have loved his child dearly. Not to mention I still blamed myself for the fact Josh was kidnapped that night. Had I not pushed him and Audrey out, had I listened to them explain what had gone on between them at the hands of Leo, he may still be here with us all.

“Besides the morning sickness, do you have any concerns or questions?” Dr. Bali asked. I could tell he was fighting back a smile. He had to think my sisters and I were certifiably insane.

“No, I’ve been good. And the morning sickness is not as bad as she makes it sound,” I told him and chose to ignore Brook as she mumbled just a few feet away. Audrey had been so distracted today; I barely noticed she was there. She spent more time on her phone texting than paying any attention to Brook or me. I found myself a little worried that she may be working another case, and the idea of her placing herself in danger made my stomach hurt. I had already lost the man I loved and the father of my child to the cruel world of undercover work. I refused to lose my sister too.

“Well, your weight looks good now, right on track. Your blood pressure is great.” The doctor thumbed through the file as I stared at Audrey, wondering what the hell could be so important on her phone right now. When she looked up finally and her eyes locked on mine, my stomach tensed. The look on her face told me whatever it was, I wouldn’t like it.

After my appointment was complete and I set up my next one in a month, we left the doctor’s office. I hadn’t even made it to the car when I started in on Audrey. “What is going on? And please don’t tell me ‘nothing,’ because I know better. You’ve been too focused on your phone for it to be nothing, and something tells me it has to do with work.”

Audrey hung her head for just a moment before she looked up at me, and I knew immediately that I was right.

“I received an assignment. Sheppard has been supplying me with details.” Her words made my heart sink. “We have to catch him, Gabby. He can’t remain on the streets. As long as they are out there, no one is safe. I’m not safe.”

“But—”

“Listen, it is not as bad as you think. I’ll be with Greyson and Mike, mainly analyzing and stakeouts. I won’t be in as deep as before, I promise you.” She took my hand in hers. “I’ll be able to call and still see you.”

“I hate this,” I whispered as I pulled her closer. “I can’t lose you too.”

I heard her take in a deep breath as she wrapped her arms around me. “You won’t. I’m safe, I swear. This is mild compared to before. I wouldn’t put you all through that again.”

I didn’t have any other choice but to believe she was telling me the truth. But in no way did it make me feel any better.