Chaos (The Realmwalker Chronicles Book 1) (31 page)

Chapter 52

The next few
days are dark and difficult. We gathered the Walkers together and Sam told them of our trip to Idaho and what transpired there. The news was met with stunned silence. It was Simone who finally broke the quiet with a sound of pure heartache. Her grief made it real for the others.

Amidst the pain were questions. Why? How? Couldn’t she have been helped? The only way to answer was to show them what I saw. To make them feel as though they were there with me, standing witness. I replayed the scene in the Walkers’ minds, and I left out nothing. The knowledge that Angel was no longer suffering seemed to be the only comfort any of us could cling to.

The Walker Foundation paid for Harmony Tanner’s funeral. It was a small event. Very few people attended, only Cadence Tanner and her brother, who had flown in from Washington, and a local pastor who read a few verses from the Bible and said some kind words. There was, however, a small group of strangers there as well, a dozen or so, more representatives from the charitable foundation who came to pay their respects.

All of the bills had been paid, all of the debt cleared. Cadence Tanner would receive a monthly stipend for as long as she lived. She would always be cared for and unknowingly looked after by those who had been touched by her daughter. A large sum of money was donated in Harmony’s name to fund research into further understanding and treating her disorder.

After the graveyard service, Sam and I approach Mrs. Tanner to offer our condolences. She’s standing in front of an easel where an oil painting rests, a wreath of fresh daisies encircling it. She addresses us without looking away.

“It’s funny. I have no idea where this came from but I’m convinced it’s from an angel.” She’s smiling wistfully as a tear slides down her cheek. “You know, I used to dream sometimes … when things got really difficult.” She turns to smile at us.

“In my dreams, Harmony was a healthy little girl. She would run and play and laugh. Oh, her laugh was like wind chimes!” She pauses a moment, overcome with emotion. Sam and I stand at her side, viewing the painting I made for Cadence. It’s of Angel, the way she always appeared in Chaos. She’s on a swing that hangs from a tree in a field of flowers. She’s leaning back, bare feet rising up to meet the sky as her white sundress trails behind her. Her hair dances around her face and her sweet smile is infectious. Her eyes are both wise and innocent, the way they were in life.

Angel’s mom clears her throat. “The painting was left here for me. No note or anything. I don’t know how anyone could have known this, but this is exactly how she looked to me in those dreams. This is how I imagine her now, in heaven.”

“Sam, someone needs to tell Mikhail. He should know.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that.” Sam pushes back from his desk in Logistics and motions to an empty chair next to him. I sit down and cross my arms, ready for an argument. He must see the determination on my face because he speaks mildly, to defuse the tension.

“Are you meeting with Simone soon?”

“Are you changing the subject?” I challenge him.

He sighs. “No Addy. I’m just curious how things are going, what your plans are for the night, if you’re still having a hard time with Angel’s passing. That’s what boyfriends do. We worry.”

I can tell he’s trying to soften me up by using the word “boyfriend.” I’d be ashamed to say it worked if it weren’t for the sincerity in his expression. He’s genuinely concerned for me and I can’t blame him after the week we’ve had.

Things have been beyond stressful without Angel. I’d already been performing all her duties when she was here, but knowing that she isn’t around anymore to catch me if I slip up is terrifying. I guess I always thought she would be here for me to fall back on if I needed her. Now I’m completely on my own.

It’s up to me to constantly monitor all of Chaos for weak spots, new tears, new Walkers approaching, current Walkers in distress, injuries that may need to be healed, and maintain the wardings and seals around the entrances of the Calms. And all of these things must be done simultaneously. Not to mention I’m the only one who can assess new Walkers for potential abilities.

And that hasn’t been going very well for me. My time with Simone has been anything but productive. Angel’s death has hit her even harder than the rest of us, plunging her into a deep depression. When we’re together, she’s moody and distracted, often dissolving into tears, putting an early end to our sessions.

“I’m sorry, Sam. I don’t mean to be confrontational.”

“I get it.” He nods in understanding. “You’re stressed. Unload on me. That’s what I’m here for.”

“I’m supposed to meet Simone in—” I check my watch, “twenty minutes. I think things are getting better. She hasn’t had a crying fit in a few days. That’s promising at least.”

“Well, keep it up. She’s been devastated. I think the way she’s treated right now, when she’s most vulnerable, can have a huge impact on how she acts toward us in the future.”

I nod gravely, thinking of the old snarky Simone compared with her newly humbled self. “She does seem to have lost a bit of her sting, hasn’t she?”

“It’s strange how losing a loved one can change you. It completely flips your view of the world and your outlook on life.”

“Let’s hope for the better then.”

“So,” Sam grins, lightening the mood, “I spoke with Crank earlier.”

“Oh man!” I groan. “Don’t get me started!”

“You’re on your fourth Big Bike?” he smirks.

My cheeks burn hot with embarrassment. Crank’s been working in his shop night and day for the past week, trying to build me my very own Big Bike. The only trouble is I can’t seem to stay on it.

I totaled the first model within seconds, mistaking the gas for the brake. I wrecked the second and third because of a few miscalculations in judgment on my part. Ember teases that it looks like Jana’s bad-driving gene runs in the family. But in my own defense, driving a massive, awkward motorcycle is NOTHING like driving a car.

“Yeah, he swears this new one will be completely crash-proof. He’s probably putting giant training wheels on it as we speak,” I grumble.

Sam chortles. “Which means you may last a whole five minutes.” I glare at him petulantly.

“So, about Mikhail.” I bring the conversation back to where we began.

Sam breathes out a long puff of air. “Yes. I guess it can’t be avoided any longer.”

“He needs to know about Angel. Like it or not, Sam, he’s a member of this family and he deserves to know.”

“I agree with you.” His easy acceptance surprises me.

“So you’ll tell him?”

“In three months, when his sentence is up.”

“What? Come on, that’s not fair.”

“He wasn’t
fair
to you, Addy. He wasn’t
fair
to any of us when he lied to us, betrayed our trust, and refused to share his abilities. He doesn’t get to HAVE fair.”

“And what’s going to happen in three months? Angel isn’t here anymore. I’m the only one left who can breach his mind and find out his secrets. Do you expect me to do that?”

Sam runs his hands through his hair back and forth, rubbing his head as he thinks. “I don’t know. I can’t stand the thought of you anywhere near him.”

“Well, I won’t do it,” I say stubbornly. “I promised myself from the start that I would NEVER forcefully take anything from any of you. That includes Mikhail. I won’t invade his privacy.”

Now the challenge is in his eyes. “Even if it means protecting us from him?”

“It won’t ever come to that. He isn’t dangerous.”

Sam shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t understand how you can think that. You’re an intelligent person. How can you not see that he can’t be trusted? How can you say he isn’t dangerous?”

I don’t know how to explain my gut feeling to him in any way that he’ll understand.

“I know,” I say with conviction. “I just KNOW, Sam.”

His eyes look sad. “Knowing something, and wishing something, are two very different things.”

Round and round we go. We always come back to the same conclusion. I believe in Mikhail. Sam doesn’t.

“I’ll just have to prove it to you.”

He looks alarmed. “What does that mean?” he asks, panic in his voice.

“In three months, when Mikhail’s time is up, I’ll speak with him. I won’t force him to tell me his secrets because I won’t have to. You’ll see.”

“I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to let you speak to him.”

“Then I’ll call for a vote.” His jaw muscles tighten as he clenches his teeth. “It’s my right.”

His gaze never wavers. I’m afraid I’ll crack beneath it.

“I’m sorry, but he’s not the monster you think he is. Yes, he made a mistake. A terrible one. But no one’s unredeemable.” I turn and leave before I lose my nerve completely.

I can feel Simone scrutinizing me as I sit on her bed and stare into space. I’m still stewing over the argument with Sam from moments before. Simone’s heartbreak over Angel tends to be contagious, so I hold on to my anger to avoid the sadness.

“You’re moody today,” she accuses me. “Is it
that
time of the month?”

While reproachful, this is a mild insult compared with her old attitude, and I take it almost gratefully.

“Boss and I had a disagreement.”

“What else is new? You two fight like an old married couple.”

I continue to simmer.

“Let me guess. You want to talk to Mikhail and he won’t let you.” I look at her suspiciously. Could she have overheard us? I don’t remember feeling her presence anywhere near Logistics just now.

“You’re very perceptive,” I tell her guardedly.

“Oh please, you’ve been whining about it for ages.”

Puzzled and defensive, I raise my voice. “What? No I haven’t.”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t let you. Mikhail’s putty in your hands. He’d jump off a bridge for you if you asked.” She sounds bitter when she says this, almost jealous. It reminds me of Tori and how ugly she can be when she isn’t the center of attention.

“So you actually agree with me?”

“Just this time,” she clarifies. “Mikhail’s one tough cookie to crack. He’s hard and cold and strong-willed. But when it comes to you, my friend, he’s helpless. You’re his biggest weakness.”

“Did you call me ‘friend’?” I ask in mock disbelief.

“What? No. Of course not—” She continues to ramble on about how we are definitely NOT friends when it hits me.

I hold up my hand to stop her. “Wait. Wait. Wait. What did you say?”

“I said,” she enunciates each word clearly, as if speaking to a child, “MY.FRIENDS.ARE.HOT.UNLIKE.YO—”

“No, no, not that. About me and Mikhail?”

She frowns at me in confusion. “That he’d do anything for you? Sheesh, Addy, do you want me to announce it to the world? And you think I’m pathetic?”

“You said I was his weakness.”

“Uh. Yeah. It’s obvious.” She looks at me like I’m clueless.

Excited now, I scoot closer and face her.

“Simone, do you remember what one of the first things you ever said to me was?”

She shrugs vaguely. “It probably wasn’t very pleasant,” she admits. I know she remembers, word for word, and thankfully so do I.

“All night I’d been terrified that Angel would evaluate me and I’d find out I was useless. And then, one of the first things you said to me was I could end up not being able to do anything at all.”

She looks a little sick. “Do you want me to apologize? Look, I know I was a total bi—”

“No,” I interrupt. “I mean yes, you were, but that’s not the point. And then later, when Mikhail saved me from that Greater Shade at my art show, I was miserable because I totally flaked out and could’ve gotten a lot of people killed. I hated that I had to be rescued, that I couldn’t defend myself. And then you stopped me in the hall and voiced all of my fears out loud.”

“So I’m really good at hurting people’s feelings. Last time I checked, that wasn’t a superpower if that’s what you’re getting at.”

I can remember at least a dozen other instances when Simone’s words have cut right through someone, exposing their rawest nerves. My suspicion turns to certainty. I know I’m right. I grin now, unable to hold back my discovery. “But it IS a superpower, Simone. An amazing one.”

I can see her trying to hide her hope. I can feel her pushing it back down inside her, too afraid to let herself feel it.

“Simone. You can determine someone’s worst fears. You can sense their weaknesses.”

Chapter 53

“Do you have
any idea how useful this ability can be?” I ask Simone as she stares numbly into space.

“Hey!” I whistle and wave my hand in front of her face. “Earth to Simone! Do you read me?”

She blinks a few times and looks at me. “Do you really think it’s true?”

“I do, and I think we should test it out. Have you ever been in a fight?” I ask, surprised that I don’t know the answer.

“No.” She looks embarrassed and ashamed. “I went out into Chaos once, for field training. It didn’t go well.”

“Maybe things will be different now. Since you know what you can do, maybe it’ll be easier to fight.”

Fear creeps into her eyes and she shakes her head back and forth. “I can’t. I can’t do that again.”

I try not to show my disappointment. We’ve all been counting on the benefit another fighter could bring us out in Chaos. I try to make her see how vital her role could be.

“If you come out with me into Chaos on a mission and the Elder Shade attacks—” The blood drains from her face at the thought of it. “Simone, you could see his weakness, his fears. It could tell us how to destroy him.”

I let the gravity of my words sink in for a few moments.

“But what if I can’t do it? What if you’re wrong about me? I don’t think we can survive another encounter with that demon. No. I’ll get someone killed.”

I sigh inwardly. Just when I thought I had the answer, it slips away from me. But then I have an idea. If Simone won’t budge, if she refuses to go to the Elder Shade, maybe I can bring the Elder Shade to her.

“I want to try something,” I say excitedly, my hope renewed. In response to the nervous look on her face, I guarantee her, “You don’t have to do much for this. Just observe. Now, close your eyes.”

I reach out and attach myself to Simone’s mind.

“I’m going to show you everything I have on this Elder Shade. What he looks like, sounds like, feels like. Everything. Even most of what I saw in his mind.” I decide to try and spare her the worst parts. “I’m not going to lie to you. This will be very disturbing, but you’ll be safe. And if there is a chance this will help us defeat him, it’ll be worth it.”

I sense her apprehension but can feel her struggle to squash it down with her desire to prove herself.

“Here goes.”

I show Simone, in perfect detail, all of my memories of the Elder Shade. Her mind instinctively recoils from the very first sight of him, but I don’t let her escape from it. I make her experience all of the same feelings and thoughts I went through. It’s essential if she’s going to have a complete idea as to who and what this monster is.

I feel the wave of nausea that hits her as she sees the Shade’s flesh for the first time. She whimpers when she feels his cold fingers wrap around her throat as I did that night. I share her pain as we endure the screaming migraine his presence created in my mind. And lastly, I feel her triumph at the panic and dismay I caused the Shade when I discovered his memories and desires.

When it’s over, I withdraw and find Simone looking at me as though it were for the first time. She’s visibly shaken, but I’m surprised to see a deep respect in her gaze.

“I can’t believe you
lived
that. That was the most horrible thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“I’m sorry.” I give her a minute to recover then ask, “Did it work? Where you able to get a sense of him?”

“Yes.” She shivers. “Ugh, that was so disgusting.” She’s still pale so I give her some time.

Finally she continues, “You were right, Addy. I could see his fears as plain as day. It was so easy.”

“What were they?”

“There weren’t many—only a few, in fact. For one, he’s afraid of failure.”

“Makes sense, I guess. Who isn’t?”

“No. He’s not afraid of disappointing anyone. He’s afraid of what the Circle of Elders will do to him if he fails.”

I picture the council of demons inside the top cavern, their ancient evil dripping from their very pores. I imagine whatever punishments they have in store for those who fail them are extremely unpleasant.

“But more than that, more than anything, Addy, he fears
you
.”

“No,” I insist, “that can’t be right.”

“I’m telling you,” she grabs my face in her hands and looks directly into my eyes, “
you
are his biggest weakness.”

“But I can’t be!” I say, exasperated. “I’ve tried everything I know! I can’t beat him.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.” She drops her hands in her lap. “Other than thank you.” She smiles self-consciously. “You didn’t give up on me, just like you said. I owe you one.”

“Really? Because I know how you could repay me.”

She laughs out loud and the sound is remarkable. “Well, that didn’t take long.”

“Do you think you could keep this from everyone? Just for a little while?”

“Keep what? My ability?”

“No, of course not. That’s important and you should get to share that with everyone. Could you just not tell them that last part about the Shade? You can tell them he’s afraid to fail if you like, but …”

“You don’t need the added pressure,” she finishes for me.

“Does that make me an awful person? Asking you to lie to everyone for me?”

She laughs again. “You’re asking ME about being awful?” She sighs dramatically. “Maaaan, I’ve got a lot of awful to make up for. Anyway, I’m sure they’ll understand in the end.”

I chew my lip nervously. Simone sees me and continues, “And if you’re worried about Boss, don’t be. He’d probably forgive you for cold-blooded murder. I know I said you were Mikhail’s weakness, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret,” she leans forward and whispers, “you’re Sam’s weakness too.”

“Oh?” I try to look surprised but she sees right through me. Her expression falls flat.

“You already knew.”

“Um. I had an inkling.”

A steely glint flashes in her eyes, and I remember what Ember said about Simone having a crush on Sam.

“So, you two are together or something?” She looks dangerous. We were finally starting to get along and now she’s going to be right back to hating me. She reads my hesitation and nervous expression to mean “yes.”
Here it comes
.

But she doesn’t explode. She merely slumps forward, defeated, her face that of a child’s whose favorite toy’s been taken away.

“Figures.”

I reach out and awkwardly pat her knee. The look she gives me stops me in my tracks. Not wanting to push my luck with her any further, I decide it’s the perfect time to leave and slide down off her bed.

“Well, I should probably go. I’ve got a lot of things to think about.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” She’s sarcastic but I can hear playfulness in her voice too. All is well.

As I’m leaving, something occurs to me. “Hey, Simone?” I turn around. “What are my weaknesses?”

She cracks a sideways grin and asks, “How much time do you have?”

“Hardy har har. Seriously though.” Her face turns thoughtful as she examines me. For a moment I’m intensely embarrassed, as though I’m standing naked in front of her.

“Hmmm,” she muses. “You have a few of them, though they aren’t all that serious. I’d say the one that could get you into the most trouble would be your failure to act on your instincts.”

“Huh,” I say, confused. My thoughts immediately turn to Mikhail. “I thought I was doing a good job of that.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t. Only that it could be very hazardous for you and everyone around you if you ever stop.”