Chardonnay: A Novel (24 page)

20

Love’s
Cry

I returned
home to find my mother cooking in the kitchen. She looked better today, almost
normal and normal wasn’t usual for her. Her hair was down to her shoulders and
she had on jeans with a regular shirt. Along way from her dress and hair up-do.

“Hey Ma.
How you feeling?”

“I’m feeling better. Glad you could make it.”

I nodded my head.

“Where have you been?” she asked.

“I’ve been with Konnie.” I said heading up the back stairs.

“Oh, Myron’s been calling you.” she said with a smile.

I turned and walked upstairs to my room. I slammed the door to
block the outside world and went to take a shower.
 
I let the stream of warm water flush down my
back to the crack of my behind as I relaxed my tense muscles. I leaned up
against the cold tiled wall to catch my balance. The world was becoming too
heavy. I stepped out the shower, dripping wet, and went to my medicine cabinet.
I had a horrible head ache. My hands began shaking as I went through the
cabinet, knocking over bottles. Then I heard my room door open.

I looked to my left and gently closed the door to the medicine
cabinet back. I reached for a towel and when I came back out, Myron was sitting
on my bed.

At first I thought I was seeing things. The radio had been left on
from my routine of listening to music while I undressed. LeToya’s
Torn
was on. How relevant. My mother had to be desperate to get us back together; I
knew this was all her doing. He had on a black Marithe Francois Girbaud t-shirt
with his bling around his neck. It hung to his navel. His earrings beamed at
me. His pants fit baggy but not off his butt or hugging it just the way I liked
them.

“Myron, what are you doing here?” I said wrapping my towel
tighter.

“I wanted to give you something.”

He got up, grabbed my waist, and pulled me to the bed. He sat down
and looked up at me.

“What?” I said.

He pulled a red ribbon out if his pocket, one I hadn’t seen in
years.

“You remember this?” he said as he smiled.

“Yeah, but do you?”

“Yes I do. After all I saved it. It was the first time we met. Our
parents were having Christmas together. I was eight and you were seven. We didn’t
get along for nothing.” he said laughing.

“No we didn’t. But I thought you were cute.” I said pinching his
soft cheek.

“Yeah, I tried to kiss you, but you pushed my face away. I pulled
your hair and this fell out. I put it in my pocket because I was scared that if
I lost it, I would lose you. There wouldn’t be a connection to you.”

I was speechless. I didn’t know he had that ribbon after all these
years. I cried and told my momma I lost it. It was one of my favorites. She
told me I would have many more ribbons, just like I would have men.

But now I was looking at that very ribbon that had come back to me
by that very man.

“From that little love struck boy I became a stupid man. Not that
I don’t feel the same, but along the way I got lost in what you meant to me.
Now that little boy is looking back at me now and saying, ‘What are you doing?’“

“Don’t let me lose you Chardonnay over this drug thing. That’s why
I go so crazy. I can’t handle the thought.”

Myron pulled me closer. He rested his head on my stomach as he
held me, kissed my stomach and let go.

Myron lay back on my bed rubbing his eyes. He then pulled me on
top of him and my towel fell. I reached for it but he stopped me.

“Myron, my body is changing.” I said pulling the towel. That much
was true. I had gained a significant amount of weight over the past two months
due to stress and yo-yo eating.

“Don’t be shy, I love everything about you.” Myron said as he laid
me down and rubbed my stomach, holding my nude, buxom body in his secure arms.

“Myron—” I said jumping up quickly.

“Chardonnay, for what it’s worth please let me stay.”

“I can’t. For one this is my parent’s place, two I’m still trying
to deal with Slim being in the hospital...I think
,
three you ain’t got it like that!” I said as I climbed over Myron.

Myron leaned up on his elbows and laughed.

“What? Char your parents are gone, Slim can’t love you like I can,
and
you
ain’t got it like that!” he said as he snapped his fingers.

“Oh really, my mother just left us here alone?
Ma!”

She didn’t answer. I called my father’s name. They were gone. I
couldn’t believe it. Myron stood up and walked towards my nudity.

“I was in the living room when you walked in and your mother left
the house for us. I’ll leave if that’s really what you want.” Myron whispered
in my ear, touching my stomach from behind.

I was vulnerable and he knew it. Then my phone rang. Myron ran to
answer it.

“Don’t!” I said scared it would be Slim.

“Hello!” said Myron.

“What’s up
man!
Naw she’s not here
may
I take a message. Oh here she is.”

I snatched the phone.

“Hello?”

“Chardonnay,
it’s
Micah Waterford honey.”

“Oh hi Micah.”

“You got your stuff together for tomorrow? This is big business
baby!”

“Ready for
what
tomorrow?!”
I said not
knowing if I was on or off with anything that had to do with Jase.

“He’s invited us to a huge dinner party! And I think you need to
be prepared for it!” Micah said with a hinted enthusiasm in his voice.

“I guess, but why?” I said not wanting to get into detail around
Myron.

“Don’t ask why—ask why not!
 
We meet at seven in the morning on the dot—”

“I thought you said it was a dinner party?”

“Why yes—in Sierra Leone!”

“Where the hell is that?
A new club or
something?”

Micah laughed at me,

“Chile we’re talking West Africa! You’ve never heard of—” Myron
snatched the phone out my hand and said,

“Dude, can you call her back another time—thanks!” I snatch it
back.

“Was that your beau? He has to be a cutie, he sounded that way
anyway.

Is he White—he sounds like a White boy—Chardonnay has jungle
fever!” exclaimed Micah.

“He’s nowhere near White. He’s African and Korean. And—he’s just my
ex!”

“Eww!
He got it like that?! The only ex I ever invited over was the one
who’s
dick
I couldn’t get over!”

“What! No he don’t
got
it like that. I’ll
talk to you later about this Micah.”

“There is no later! I’ve bought our plane tickets and made the final
reservations...the rest is all expenses paid by Mr. Vonseigneur.”

I shook my head, I knew I wanted this but now looking at Myron I
wanted him.

“Micah, tell him I couldn’t make it. I’m sorry.” I said and hung
up after deciding
that
life wasn’t for me.

Myron was going to the NFL and wanted me and I didn’t have to work
for a damned thing if I didn’t want to.
Myron came up from
behind me. He wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed my neck and it felt
so damn good. He picked me up and wrapped my legs around his body. He laid me
on my bed and kissed me vigorously but softly. Before I knew it, his clothes
were off. Myron’s eyes never left
mine,
he kissed
every inch of my body releasing my flowing juices. His girth filled me whole
and stretched my walls with all passion and no remorse. He moaned, sounding as
if he were crying a stream of rivers. His breath touched mine, mixing our souls
as we inhaled each other’s breath. I whispered,

“You do
got
it like that.”

“Ahhh, baby I know, ‘
cause
I’m
gettin’
it like that
.” he said grunting and moaning.

He sexed me so hard and I couldn’t say no. I didn’t know I liked
it so damn rough. Myron

got
more and more aggressive but careful not to hurt me. He held my
legs all the way back behind my head.

“Tell me you love
me
.” he said.

“I love you.

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you.”

“What’s my name? Whats...my...natural...born...name!” Myron said
as he pumped with every syllable

“MYRON HANEUL LIM KENT!”

 
I came for days with just
that one hit he put on me. Myron lay on my chest. He was so quite. I looked
down and his baby eyes were open.

“Myron?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

“I...was just thinking about us. It seems like I fall in love with
you more and more when I have sex with you. I’ve never felt that way before.”
Myron said as if he was the first to discover sex in another light called
making
love
.

“Yeah, it’s crazy.”

“Even your nectar down there, it smells so good. Every time I get
a whiff I love you more.”

I snuggled under him as he began to say,

“Chardonnay?”

“What?”

“You going back to
him,
aren’t you?” he
whispered, sounding as if he were releasing a dark secret.
Our
dark secret seeping from my walls.
His come thick and sweet, draining
from me, ready to tell the world.

“Him who?”

“The CEO.
I know about him.”

“I don’t even know him that well, Myron.”

“But you like him.” Myron said fixing my words.

 
“I don’t know. Believe it
or not I’m confused.”

Myron sat up at the edge of my bed and looked out the window as
rain drops began to fall from the sky. He went to the window and let the fresh
air in.

He stood there not speaking, looking out, and listening to nature.
The rumbles and thunder we just made love to echo back our cries.

“Chardonnay...I’ve...met someone.” Myron said not looking at me.

“Like who?”

“A woman.
I really like her. Look, I’m being a man and
letting you know this,”

I winced at that seeing how he would have been an even better man
if he had told me this before he royally fucked me. He continued with,

“I promised you I would. I care about her. If I was still playing
games, I would have been with her while I was with you. But I’m not sure if I
want to let you go.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I said a bit jealous. My stomach
turned and tears started at the corner of my eyes.

“To see how much you love me. If you want me, I’ll stay. If not, I’ll
be with her.”

I got the feeling this was what he wanted to ask me the night my
Pal pal died. Choose or you lose. Quite funny he waited to ask me until he got
some for the last time. But the way I seen it we both had loose ends with other
people so we were about even.

Myron turned and looked at me. His eyes were filled with tears. He
came back to the bed, rocked himself back and forth. He was scared.

“You don’t need me to tell you-”

“Yes I do. If you tell me you want him more, I’ll leave. But I can’t
do it alone!”

Myron’s muscular silhouette climbed over to me in the dark and
fell in my lap. I felt horrible. Myron couldn’t let me go. A part of me wanted
to tell him to be with the other girl, but another part said hell no. We fell
asleep in our own liquids.

Tears, sweat, my wetness, and his sweet cum flowing out of me back
on to our bodies. Didn’t wash away what we knew was coming to an end. Wanted to
wash ourselves with each other’s scent and be selfish with it.
Every, last, drop.
Then in the midst of the crickets and
darkness, we woke up at the same time and stared at each other. Then kissed,
sucked, licked, tasted the sweetness of each other. We made love again. He
sucked the sweetness of my breast hard. Let me feed him my love. I kissed the C
with the tiara crown that was over his heart. He kissed his M. We rocked and
rocked, making love and held each other as if it were only for one night,
rocking so slowly. As Myron fell asleep inside me, the rocking slowed.

*
 
*
 
*
 
*

Although I
had fallen asleep, it felt as if I had been up all night. Myron lay beside me;
his muscular, ripped arms snuggled around me, his lips up against the nape of
my neck as he slept. When I opened my eyes, unlike any other morning I had
awaken and had to think of the dream I had of him...Jase was on my brain like a
perm, burning, extracting, reacting. I turned to face Myron in my bed and
thought my mother would be proud. Hump, so much for Ivy League schools. I didn’t
think she had any real dreams of me becoming anything but a professional house
wife to a rich, industrial, money hungry man. Unfortunately for her, Myron was
all that
plus
a hustler. Then I reasoned she would take a liking to
Jase, he was all that and more. But the problem was that I wanted more for
myself. There were too many things I wanted to do before I left this earth,
owning my own business was one of them. Setting me free was one of them,
traveling to another country was one of them, leaving this forsaken town
was...one of them. I nudged Myron until he began to moan that he was too tired
to go to training camp.