Charlene Sands (19 page)

I
n the late hours of the night, before dawn showered the sky with light, Cash walked into the parlor, noting Jenna had fallen into an exhausted sleep on a chair. She’d been spending her time between tending Bobby Joe and helping put out the fire. But Cash saw beneath the smudges of soot and grime on her face to the pale ashen woman lying there, her spirit all but broken.

She didn’t deserve this. She shouldn’t have to pay for his crimes with such a high price, her beloved farm. Cash watched her wiggle uncomfortably in the chair, a weary sigh escaping her lips.

He went to her, lifted her and carried her up the stairs to her bed. Gently, he lowered her down and covered her. He turned to walk out, to leave her with whatever peace she might find in her sleep.

“Cash,” she called out, her voice soft and sweet. “Don’t leave.”

“You need your sleep, sweetheart.”

She sat up a little, her eyes hazy as she struggled to keep them open. “So do you. Stay with me. I need you to hold me.”

Cash could deny her nothing. He returned to the bed. Lowering himself down, he took her into his arms. She fit snugly, tucking her chin under his and resting her hand on his chest.

“Bobby Joe is going to be all right. The bullet grazed his skin and there’ll be a scar, but he’ll be up and around soon,” she said.

“I’m glad to hear it. If it wasn’t for him and Ben, it wouldn’t have been long before the Wendells hunted me down. They would have hurt you, too, Jenna. They came here for revenge, wanting to see me dead. Bobby Joe saved my life.”

“I know. I thanked the Lord a thousand times,” she said with deep heartfelt emotion Cash didn’t deserve. She shouldn’t be thanking anyone for his life. She should loathe him for bringing her nothing but destruction. “What happened to them?” she asked with a whisper.

“The sheriff showed up a few hours ago with his deputies. They hauled them all off. He said they were wanted in four states. Three were wounded, but they’ll live, hopefully to hang for their crimes.”

Jenna shivered and Cash brought her tighter into his embrace. He kissed her brow and reassured her, “It’s over now. It’s all over. Try to sleep.”

Cash held her until she fell asleep and as the
dawn blinked upon the horizon, he left her to see to the farm and all the destruction.

Cash walked the fields, his gut tight with grief. Jenna’s wheat, the tiny young stalks just making their way into the world, had been trampled. Those that weren’t had caught fire, or were singed so badly, they’d never produce a healthy enough crop to bring to sale.

Cash stood gazing out, a solitary life on this blackened countryside that had been once been so full of hope and promise. Nearly three fourths of the fields were destroyed and along with it, Jenna’s dream. The farm had been all she’d had left.

Now she had nothing.

Cash wouldn’t allow it. He’d see to it that Jenna had her dream again. Her farm would prosper. He’d make sure she’d survive the winter with plenty of food and clothing and with all the supplies and equipment she’d need to rebuild the farm next season. They’d rebuild the barn and add even more livestock. Twin Oaks would be better than ever before.

Cash had to see to it. He couldn’t abide living, knowing the devastation he’d caused her. And he knew of only one way to earn the money for Jenna. He’d always been a survivor. This time, his life and his heart depended solely on one thing.

His skills as a gambler.

Jenna came to him then, as quietly as a spirit,
her footsteps no longer careful as she treaded over the land. Tears filled her eyes. Cash could tell she tried not to cry, but he saw the moisture welling up. And as the morning sunshine shed light over the fields, Jenna gazed out to what was once her future.

Her expression faltered. On her face, Cash read bleakness and loss of all faith. He witnessed her anguish, the pain darkening her golden eyes, and it tore at him as nothing else ever had.

She took his hand. Cash wondered why she’d even want to touch him, why she’d need him now, when both knew he’d brought this upon her. Yet he held her, because to let go would truly destroy him.

They stood together in the fields, hands entwined, quiet and somber. Cash made a solemn vow then, to make this right.

Even if it meant losing Jenna in the end.

The next day, Jenna stood on the porch, saying goodbye to her brother. “Are you sure, Bobby Joe? You could stay on a while longer.”

“I’m sure, Jenna. Thanks for fixing me up.”

Jenna smiled with sadness in her heart. “I should thank you. We all might have died if you hadn’t come to warn me.”

Bobby Joe shook his head as he looked at the smoke still rising up from the barn. “I was too late for some things.”

“But not for others,” she said.

“No, not for others.” Bobby Joe took a wobbly step, his leg still wrapped with bandages. He caught sight of Cash, out by the barn. “You love him, Jen?”

Jenna turned in the direction of the barn. Cash was shoveling dirt on the low-lying embers still smoldering. “I think I do.”

“I only hope he doesn’t break your heart.”

“I don’t believe he will, Bobby Joe,” Jenna said in earnest. Through all the bleakness, the loss of her farm, Jenna had gained perhaps one good thing. Her hope. She believed in Cash Callahan. She loved him. She never thought she’d ever feel hope or love again, but he’d shown her how to live, not merely exist.

“Bobby Joe, I wish you’d stay on a while,” she said, realizing how much she’d like to get to know her brother again.

“Jenna, I’m not a farmer. I’m a gambler. There’s no changing that. We don’t stay in one place long. Gambling’s in our blood. It’s all we know, all we want to know.”

Jenna nodded, trying hard to understand.

“I’ll try to send you money for the farm. Can’t promise anything, though. All depends on how my luck’s running. I’m sorry, Jen,” he said, his eyes meeting hers. Jenna believed him. Perhaps her brother had learned a thing or two; perhaps he’d
grown up a little bit as well. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll write and I might even come back one day, but Jen, I hope you understand why I can’t stay on.”

“I’m trying to, Bobby Joe.” Jenna curved her lips up, trying for a smile. “You take care of that leg now.”

“I will.” Bobby Joe kissed her on the cheek, then mounted his horse and rode off Twin Oaks property.

The following morning, Jenna set out a mug of coffee for Cash. He sat down at the kitchen table, taking a sip, but he didn’t touch his food. He’d been quiet lately, spending his time with Ben, assessing the damages to the farm, hardly speaking to her, though at night, he’d hold her in his arms and try to reassure her with soft words. They’d been through a lot together, but Jenna had never seen him so deep in thought, so completely absorbed before.

“Cash? Aren’t you hungry?”

He lifted his head up and sighed deeply. “I’ve got something to say, Jenna. And I’d like you to hear me out.”

Jenna’s heart nearly stopped from his tone. All she could do was to give him a slight nod of her head.

“I figure you can’t make it through the winter without the crop.”

“Maybe, if we—”

“No, Jenna. I’ve been talking to Ben. I know where you stand. You’re not going to make it. Now, I figure I’ve got the means to make a lot of money. I’m the only one who can set this all to rights.”

Dread crept in, an overwhelming sensation, attacking her insides, creating fear and doubt. “What do you plan to do?” she asked, her voice raspy.

“The only thing I know to do, Jenna. I’m going back to Texas. I’m going to make you enough money to get this farm going again.”

Jenna bolted out of her chair. “No!”

Cash stood, too, bracing his hands on the table, leaning in. “My mind is made up. I’m leaving.”

Jenna laughed, an eerie sound of wry amusement. “Just a few nights ago, you said you’d never leave me, Cash. Is that all your word’s good for?”

Cash inhaled sharply, his body rigid. “Jenna, that was before your farm was destroyed. I can’t live with that. I can’t let you lose everything you worked for, because of me. I’m responsible and I’m going to make it right.”

“You’re going off to gamble, Cash. That’s what got you in trouble first off. No good comes from gambling.”

“It’s all I know how to do, Jenna.”

“That’s not true. You know how to farm this
land, Cash. I’ve watched you. And you’re good with the animals. Larabeth favors you over me now. You
do
know more than gambling.”

“You need money for the farm. None of those things are going to make a difference if you can’t make it through the winter,” he argued, his voice as determined as ever.

“What if I won’t accept the money?”

Cash cursed. “Dammit, Jenna. You’d let your stubborn pride get in the way of rebuilding your farm? What about Rosalinda and Ben? It’s their farm, too. I owe this to all of you. You won’t change my mind.”

Cash was right. She couldn’t allow her stubborn notions to ruin Ben and Rosalinda’s life. Winter would be cold and hard if they didn’t do something, but gambling still wasn’t the answer. “There are other ways,” she said.

“What other ways, Jenna? Tell me.”

She couldn’t think, her mind sifting through thoughts rushing in, but nothing came to her. “There
must
be other ways. I know there must be.”

“This is one time your faith fails you, Jenna. I have to be practical minded. I can make enough money to see you through the winter.”

Jenna swallowed, her arguments futile. Cash really would leave her. “How long will you be gone?”

He let out his breath slowly, perhaps as a sign that she’d conceded. “A month, maybe two.”

Jenna turned away from him, her eyes misting up with tears. Bobby Joe’s words came back to torment her, a haunting reminder of what Jenna had known all along.

We don’t stay in one place long. Gambling’s in our blood.

Bobby Joe had also claimed that once a gambler, always a gambler. “There’s no changing that,” he’d said.

Jenna knew that truth from the beginning. Foolishly, she’d thought Cash had changed and now she knew differently. Hope had come back into her life, for just a short time, but now Jenna felt empty inside.

Jenna knew Cash wouldn’t come back. She had no doubt he’d send money. He’d do the responsible thing. But he thought of himself as a gambler, not a farmer, just like Bobby Joe. He’d return to the only way of life he’d known, the farm and the time they shared together being only a shallow memory in Cash’s mind.

He came close to stand behind her. Gently, he grabbed her shoulders and whispered in her ear as though he could read her thoughts. “I’ll be back, Jenna. I swear. And you’ll have your farm.”

Jenna closed her eyes. Cash had been right about one other thing. Her faith
had
failed her. She didn’t know if she could trust his word. With Cash gone,
she’d have nothing left, no hope and no dreams for the future. “When will you leave?”

“Later this morning. I’ve spoken to Ben. He knows. He’s going to watch out for you, like always, sweetheart, but the danger has passed. You’ll do fine.”

Jenna turned to look him in the eyes, her stomach churning and her mind filled with grief. “You think you’re doing the right thing, Cash. But I know there are other ways. You just won’t see it. And yes, I’ll do fine. I guess I’m a survivor, just like you, Cash Callahan.”

Cash blinked hard, staring into her eyes. When he bent his head, Jenna knew she couldn’t deny herself his kiss. His lips took hers, the familiar taste and feel of him a bleak reminder of all that she had lost. “I’ll be back,” he vowed, then took his leave.

Jenna slumped into the kitchen chair, her body limp, her heart aching. Losing the wheat crop she could deal with, but losing Cash was more painful than she could ever have imagined.

Cash reached the town of Blackwater in three days. Familiar surroundings and a friendly face, just the balm he needed now. He’d pushed Queen to her limit, each mile that took him off the farm harder and harder to handle. His thoughts were of Jenna and only Jenna. He’d never forget the look on her face when he’d ridden off. She wasn’t one
to hide her emotions, and what he read on her face spoke of doubt and fear. Jenna doubted him. She didn’t trust him. She didn’t believe he’d return. He’d seen all of that on her face, and so much more. He’d seen disappointment. He’d seen her hopes shattered. Cash had been so bent on getting her the money she needed to rebuild her farm, he’d ignored what Jenna truly wanted.

What she’d
always
wanted.

She hadn’t asked for much, just someone to love, a partner to help raise a family, work the farm and share her dreams. That’s what she really needed.

Cash’s words to Jenna silently screamed inside his head, hitting him hard with the truth.

All of life is a gamble with the choices we make.

Cash reined in his mount with those thoughts close at hand. He tied Queen to the post and entered The Palace saloon, taking off his hat.

Louella greeted him with her usual coy smile. “Hello, handsome. Glad to see you back again. There’s a game just starting. You’re in as soon as you take everything off.”

Cash stood there, his mind reeling as notions entered his head. Ideas that stuck with him and wouldn’t let go. He realized then that Jenna had been right. There
were
other ways. Grinning at Louella, he unfastened his gun belt and handed it to her. As he sat down at the table, dawning knowledge gripped him tight, a clear vivid picture of
what he was going to do. He lifted his gaze to meet hers. “Just a meal, Louella. That’s all I came for.”

With eyebrows raised, Louella nodded. “Guess that tells all, Cash.”

“Yep, it sure does,” he said, unable to keep a big smile from his face.

And right then, Cash Callahan knew he’d made the right choice.

Jenna sat in the kitchen, staring at the bowl of stew before her. She wasn’t a bit hungry, but lifted the spoon to her mouth because she knew she had to eat. In the week that Cash had been gone, mealtime had become real lonely. She missed Cash, plain and simple. There was no use denying it.