Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Planet Girl (19 page)

He let out a relieved sigh. “Thank God for small favors,” he said.

 

39

You know how
when you've been thinking about something for, like, forever? And how you practically can't think of anything else, because you want it so badly? And then, when you actually finally get it, you can't believe it, and so you just stand there like a moron, because you don't know what to do?

Imagine that times ten, and you'll know how I felt, standing in the middle of the dance floor, staring at Katie Friedman.

As the party slowly returned to normal, some kids came up to Katie and me and congratulated us for finally realizing what everyone else seemed to know all along: that we were two of the dumbest people on earth for not realizing (or not admitting) that we liked each other. Timmy, Jake, Eliza, and Hannah knew. Mr. Twipple and Ms. Ferrell knew. Even Emory and Mareli knew, and they were the new kids in town.

I think I was in some kind of shock. I had known this girl for so long—more than half my life, when you think about it—and to finally know she was my girlfriend was the weirdest feeling in the world.

Just to
have
a girlfriend was the weirdest feeling in the world!

Katie was staring at me, too, but it didn't seem like she was in the slightest bit of shock at all. In fact, she looked like she was expecting this moment all along. I think that's probably the most fascinating thing of all about girls. They can be really dramatic, and emotional, and yeah, a little crazy, but when it comes right down to it, I think they're a lot wiser than boys. They just
get it
, you know? Meanwhile, boys are clueless. We just are. Hey, I'm the first to admit it!

And you know what? I'm okay with it.

“Are we just going to stand here and stare at each other all night?” Katie asked me.

“Um, I, uh…”

She laughed. “Well put.”

We stood there for a few more seconds.

“Do you think I might get in trouble because of the chicken?” I asked.

Katie giggled a little. “Um, YEAH.” Then a second later she said, “Do you think I might get in trouble because of the fanny song?”

I shook my head. “Actually, no,” I said. “That's like an invasion of privacy or something. And free speech. You're totally off the hook.”

“Well, listen to Mr. Legal Expert,” Katie said, and we both laughed.

Then a slow song came on.

Uh-oh.

Katie looked at me and waited, but I just stood there. Then she smiled, took my arms, and placed them on her shoulders.

“Am I going to have to do everything in this relationship?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I said.

We started to slow dance. Katie closed her eyes. After about ten seconds, she rested her head on my shoulder.

“Do you still think you're going to private school?” I whispered.

“I don't know,” she whispered back.

A few seconds later, I closed my eyes, too.

*   *   *

I wasn't sure how long Katie and I would go out. Maybe for the rest of our lives, maybe for the rest of the summer, maybe for the rest of the week. Who knows? The world is complicated. There's a lot to figure out, every day. But sometimes, the best thing to do is not worry about any of it.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is just close your eyes and dance.

 

How to Talk to Girls Like a Normal Person:

THE SHORTEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN
By Charlie Joe Jackson

Page 1—If you like a girl, tell her.

Page 2—Just be yourself and hope for the best.

The End

 

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thanks to everyone
at Roaring Brook Press/Mackids. And a special shout-out to Lauren Burniac, who got shipped off to Planet Greenwald without a return ticket, and who is using her wit and wisdom to help me raise a new colony of books.

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tommy Greenwald
has enjoyed reading all his life, which is why he's appalled that his kids Charlie, Joe and Jack, would prefer getting a dental check-up to checking out a book. After years of pleading, threatening, and bribing, Tommy finally decided the only way to get his kids to read was to write a book about how to get out of reading. The result was
Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Not Reading
. And they read it! (So they say.) The Executive Creative Director at SPOTCO, an entertainment advertising agency in New York City, Tommy lives in Connecticut with his wife, Cathy; his non-reading sons, Charlie, Joe and Jack; and his dogs, Moose and Coco. You can sign up for email updates
here
.

ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR

J. P. Coovert
is the illustrator of the Charlie Joe Jackson books by
Tommy Greenwald
. You can sign up for email updates
here
.

 

By
Tommy Greenwald

Katie Friedman Gives Up Texting!

(And Lives to Tell About It.)

Jack Strong Takes a Stand

The
Charlie Joe Jackson Series

Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Not Reading

Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Extra Credit

Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Summer Vacation

Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Making Money

Charlie Joe Jackson's Guide to Planet Girl

 

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here
.

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here
.

 

Contents

Title Page

Copyright Notice

Dedication

Epigraph

Introductions

Part One The Love Doctor

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

Part Two Personal Heroes

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

Part Three Friendship is the Best Ship

29

30

31

32

33

34

35

36

37

38

39

How to Talk to Girls Like a Normal Person

Acknowledgments

About the Author and Illustrator

By Tommy Greenwald

Copyright

 

Text copyright © 2015 by Tommy Greenwald

Illustrations copyright © 2015 by J.P. Coovert

Published by Roaring Brook Press

Roaring Brook Press is a division of Holtzbrinck Publishing Holdings Limited Partnership

175 Fifth Avenue, New York, New York 10010

mackids.com

All rights reserved

eBooks may be purchased for business or promotional use. For information on bulk purchases, please contact Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department by writing to [email protected].

The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

Greenwald, Tom.

    Charlie Joe Jackson's guide to girls / Tommy Greenwald; illustrated by J. P. Coovert. — First edition.

        pages cm. — ([Charlie Joe Jackson series; 5])

    Summary: “Everyone has a girlfriend except Charlie Joe! But he won't be left in the dust. Look out for make-ups, break-ups, and hilarious romance tips as Charlie Joe figures out this crazy little thing called love”—Provided by publisher.

    ISBN 978-1-59643-841-5 (hardback) — ISBN 978-1-59643-843-9 (e-book) [1. Middle schools—Fiction.  2. Schools—Fiction.  3. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction.  4. Interpersonal relations—Fiction.  5. Humorous stories.]  I. Coovert, J. P., illustrator.  II. Title.

    PZ7.G8523Cgg 2015

    [Fic]—dc23

2014047688

eISBN 9781596438439

First hardcover edition, 2015

eBook edition, May 2015