Chase the Storm (10 page)
Authors: V.m Waitt
“Are you okay?” he asked, lifting his head, concern replacing the bliss inhis eyes.
“Yeah,” I replied, a flush creeping over my cheeks as I realized I’d just lost myvirginityto him.
He lowered his lips to mine. He didn’t bother with the pretense of a light kiss; his tongue swept through my mouth insistently, demanding the same in return. Gradually, his hips came to a stop, and he took his mouth from mine. With a shift of his body, his softening cock slipped from me, and after a kiss to mytemple, he lifted himselfoffme.
“I’llbe right back,”he said as he got offthe bed.
Not sure what to do, I lay there, my legs spread with his come dripping from me, and awaited his return. A moment later, he walked in with a damp cloth in his hand. Bending over, he affectionately wiped off my stomach, and then put the towel into his basket before climbing back onto the bed. Lyingonhis side, he pulled me to him, tuckingmybodyinto his. Behind him, the moonlight streamed through the window, giving him anangelic glow. Liftingmychin, he forced myeyes to his.
“So,”he said witha nervous chuckle, “how was it?”
“Amazing,”I sighed.
“I’msorryifit hur—”
“It didn’t,”I reassured him.
There had been a little pain at first, but nothing like what I’d imagined and feared for so long. He released mychinand moved his hand to myhip, where his thumb beganto circle myhipbone.
“CanI stayhere?”I asked worriedly.
Even in the dim light, I saw a flash of emotion in his eyes at my questionbefore he nodded. Closinghis eyes, he tightened his arms around me, our bodies flush as we both fell into a sated sleep. My last thoughts were ofhim, how he had felt inside me, how he felt inmyarms.
How I was certain I never wanted to leave his embrace for as long as I lived.
felt heavy as I attempted to pry them open against their will. After a few unsuccessful tries, I finally gave in, left them closed, and snuggled further into the soft pillow. I’d never felt more tired than I did then, not even after the fourteen-hour days I’d put in on the farm. Nothing would ever exhaust me as much as Chase had in just a few hours. Smiling lazily against the pillow, I remembered the way he’d gazed down at me as he moved over me and in me while we’d made love. I would never forget the way his hair had fallen in front of his eyes, the way his lips swelled fromour frenzied kisses, or the wayhe’d looked whenhe came.
I had never been more satisfied, but I still wanted him to touch me, kiss me, take me, and shoot his hot seed inside me again. I’d hoped to wake to the feeling of his arm slung possessively over my waist, or his erection rutting eagerly against my ass, maybe even his breath on the nape of my neck. Disappointed when I felt none of those, I reasoned it was because Chase wasn’t a cuddly person. Slowly lifting my head, I turned it to the other side, expecting to find him lying next to me, maybe even sleeping with his hand reaching for me. Or perhaps he would be awake, having never slept because he was too enthralled with watching me sleep. He’d called me beautiful.
Still smiling, I forced my eyes open, ready to take in Chase’s sexiness. Only I wasn’t greeted by his moonlit blue eyes or his sleeping formnext to me. The sheets were twisted, evidence the lovemakinghadn’t been a dream, but there was no imprint of his head on the pillow, and when I ran a hand over the mattress, the spot was cold. Not only was Chase not there, he never had been, or at least he’d been gone for a while. Fisting the sheet, I closed my eyes and sighed. I knew exactly where he was. He wasn’t in the kitchen getting a drink or using the bathroom, or eveninhis office doingwork because he couldn’t sleep.
I didn’t have to wander down to the barn to find Admiral’s stall empty or his tack missing. I just knew where Chase had gone. I wasn’t naïve enough to think that just because the night had been perfect and magical to me, it had been anything more than a physical release Chase had denied himself since Owen’s death. Even without knowing him very well, I knew how he felt about his dead husband. I’d seen the love for a ghost and the mourningfor a soulmate everyday. Alove like theirs didn’t die because a body did. Owen would forever live in Chase’s heart, and that was something anyone in Chase’s life would have to accept, including me.
It hurt that he’d left me in his bed to sleep alone, that he couldn’t even remain in the house after fucking me. I’d given him my virginity, shared a part of me no other man would ever have, and I’d probably barely been asleep before he had bolted out ofbed. When I began to feel guilty, I forced myselfto remember he’d come to me on the porch, kissed me, and led me to his bedroom, to their bed. After laying me down and getting me to feel things I’d never thought possible, he’d entered me, taking his time and coaxing me through the pain with a caring voice. How could someone who had spoken to me that way just leave? I was confused. Everything I’d always imagined happening after giving myself to someone was missing, and yet, I felt foolish for ever having thought I would have anyofthose things witha manclearlystillinlove withanother.
Myheart, whichonlya few hours before had beenbeatingwithhope and love, emptied of everything but dread. The crush I’d developed for Chase had turned into something more long ago, and as I lay in his bed, his blanket still tangled around my legs, I felt the heartbreak that often followed your first love. Burying my face in his pillow, I inhaled his scent, one I now wore. It was masculine, earthy, and slightlymusky.
Moving onto my back, I clenched my eyes shut again, refusing to let the burgeoning tears fall. I would not allow myself to cry in his bed. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had to get out of his room. He obviously didn’t want me there, and I couldn’t have himreturn to see the emotionalmess he’d reduced me to. Sittingup, I dangled mylegs over the edge ofthe bed and stood. As soon as I took the first step, I felt soreness in my ass and stiffness in my muscles. Even if he wanted to forget what had happened, my body hadn’t. The aches were a reminder; they made it real. Moving around the dark room, I gathered up my clothes and paused in his doorway before leaving. Glancing around one last time, I took in everything from the gauzy curtains blowing in the open windows to the dark four-poster bed with messed linens and his scattered clothing on the floor. I wanted to commit it to memory, the place that would always mean so muchto me. At anypoint inmylife, I wanted to be able look back and remember everydetail.
Before the tears threatened again, I turned and left, walking naked and shamefully to my room. Inside, I closed my door and dropped my clothes on the floor before going to my bed and falling on it. Lying on my side, I saw the time and realized I had less than two hours to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Beyond my will, my lids closed and sleep once againclaimed mydrained body.
I woke only minutes before the alarmwent off, and for a few blissful seconds thought I was still in his bed, in his arms. Reality came crashing back when my sleepy vision cleared and I saw I was alone in my room. I had no choice but to get up and face him. I wasn’t going to run and hide. That was something I’d been doing my entire life and I refused to do it anymore. Getting out of bed, I pulled on underwear and used the bathroombefore dressinginjeans and a T-shirt. After stuffing my feet into my sneakers, I made my way down the stairs, not surprised when the familiar scent of coffee didn’t greet me. Instead, I walked out the front door and crossed the driveway in the light of dawn. As I suspected, the barn door was open, and I could hear movement inside. Pausing just outside, I took a few deep breaths. I was sure he’d heard my footsteps on the gravel and wouldn’t be shocked if he was already leaving to avoid seeing me. Lifting my chin defiantly, I entered. Keno nudged me with his nose when I stopped in front of his stall, but my eyes went to the man at the other end.
Admiral’s head was poking out his open stall and Chase was facing him, his forehead pressed to the horse’s as he ran a hand up and down the black coat of Admiral’s neck. The horse’s large, honest eyes were halfclosed as Chase spoke to himin a voice so low I couldn’t understand the words. I imagined whispered words of apology, of regret and penitence, to the ghost who clearly still possessed Chase’s heart. His anguish was obvious. It was in the tracks of dried tears on his cheeks, the way his shoulders slumped in defeat, the way he leaned on Owen’s horse for support. Even with his hand fiercely weaved into the mane, the glint of gold onhis finger was unmistakable.
All the anger that had built in me over being left in bed alone rushed out as I watched the man I was falling in love with come to terms with betraying his husband’s memory by taking another to their bed. Silently, I chastised myself. I’d been selfish to think it’d been about me, that it’d been easy for him to make love to another man. I wanted to run to him, embrace him, and tell himit was okay to move on. If Owen was the man I’d heard he was, he would surely want Chase happy. He wouldn’t want Chase to remain alone for the rest of his life. But I knew if I approached him, he would only push me away. After all, what could a nineteen-yearold kid know about lifelonglove?
Unnoticed byeither Admiralor Chase, I watched themcomfort each other. I yearned to be there for Chase in the same way, if he would only let me. I would gladly hold himall night, whispering it was going to be all right, but it wasn’t myforgiveness he wanted or needed. It was Owen’s.
One of the other horses pawed at the ground, and Admiral’s ears flickered at the sound. Finally, Chase lifted his head, and, after one last pat and a few soft words to Admiral, turned and saw me. Eyes that had beenclear and filled withso muchwant for me the night before had turned cold and hard.
Before I could continue, he listed my orders for the day as he closed Admiral’s stall. “The grain needs to be moved over, stalls mucked, horses fed, watered, and turned out. I need you to gather the bales in the north field and stack them. I need to make a delivery, and then I’ve got someone coming out to look at Keno, so bathe him and make sure his tack is spotless.”
Any words I was going to say were lost when he turned and walked out of the barn. Keno nuzzled my shoulder with his velvet nose, and I patted his face.
Following my morning schedule, I grained and hayed the horses before leading them one by one to the pasture. When I arrived at Admiral’s stall, his ears perked as he watched his herd already grazing in the field. I debated whether or not to turn him out. The night before, I’d brought Admiral inside and Chase had let me, showing his faith in me. Glancing down the aisle and not seeing Chase anywhere, I grabbed Admiral’s thick leather halter. Just as I touched the latch on his door, I was jerked awayfromthe horse and thrownto the ground, myfallbroken by a bale of hay. I kept my eyes averted from his, instead staring at the bruises and cuts on his swollen knuckles, and I wondered which wall had suffered fromhis remorse.
“I told you to never fucking touch him. Can’t you follow simple orders?” Holding Admiral’s halter, Chase slid the door open and led the horse outside.
Stunned, and hurt more emotionally than physically, I stood up and brushed the hay off my ass. I knew his anger stemmed fromhis grief, that his heart was breaking, but it didn’t ease my pain. If anything, it made it worse.
I waited until I heard his truck rumbling down the driveway before I began mucking the stalls and watering the horses. The barn was bleak without his presence and his voice humming along with the radio, which remained off. No matter what I did or where I was, my mind drifted back to his bedroomand what had happened there.
Finishing the barn chores just as Chase returned from his delivery, I sprinted upstairs to clean Keno’s tack. In the hot tack room, I took off my dirty shirt and pitched it on a trunk before setting the saddle on the rack. When I retrieved the soap and rag on the windowsill, I saw Chase workingKeno inthe ring.
Sitting on him bareback, he put Keno through his paces. With only the slightest flick ofChase’s hand, Keno would turnor change gait. ThenI noticed Keno wasn’t wearing a bridle. Chase was controlling him with nothing except the subtle squeezing ofhis legs and a lead rope attached to his halter. In awe, I admired the way he performed the movements with ease and remembered how his body had felt pressed against me the night before. I watched the pair moving effortlessly together for a few minutes before reminding myself to get my work done. Returning to the saddle, I beganto rub the glycerinsoap over it.
I was almost done when I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I stiffened, not sure what to expect. Before I could reach for my T-shirt to cover up, he stopped inthe doorway. I could feelthe heat ofa brutalgaze on my back and I shivered. Two short strides later, he was ripping the cloth from my hand and shoving me away. I stumbled back, but caught myselfbefore endingup onmyass again.