Chasing Dreams (Devil's Bend) (26 page)

“Not
this time,” he said, his voice sounding strangled.

As
if washing her body wasn’t difficult enough, Tessa moaned as the sponge slid
over her nipples and then louder when he reached the juncture between her legs.

Pressing
his mouth to her ear, he said, “You keep doing that, and I can’t promise you
I’ll control myself. This is hard enough for me as it is.”

Tessa
nodded her head, but Cooper had no idea what that meant, so he bit the inside
of his cheek and slid down to his haunches, her gorgeous ass directly in front
of him.

He
managed to wash her legs, between them, and then made his way back up,
returning to a standing position. He let the water rinse the sponge, but before
he could use the sprayer to rinse her off, Tessa turned on him, grabbing it
from his hand.

“I
can only take so much,” she warned, her eyes sparkling as she looked up at him.

He
knew exactly what she was talking about. Just the thought of that sprayer
directed between her legs made his dick throb.

When
he thought she would climb out and let him continue by himself, Tessa surprised
him. She took the bottle of body wash, but she didn’t use the sponge. He
watched in awe as she filled her palms and then planted them against his chest,
the soap dripping slowly down his stomach as she started rubbing it in. The
memory of the last time she’d massaged him right there in the very same shower
assaulted him.

“Tessa.”
Cooper closed his eyes. “Darlin’, I’m not a fucking saint.”

Her
chuckle made him groan. This was probably payback. Or even a test. He didn’t
know, but either way, he was about to fail miserably. When her hands went
lower, gripping his cock firmly, Cooper fell back against the shower wall.
“Fuck.”

He
was fucking trembling. An all-out vibration running through his body as she
touched him.

Tessa
didn’t say a word, which was probably a good thing right about then. Only
things took another turn when he opened his eyes and looked down to see her
hands stroking him slowly, one on his cock, the other slipping lower to massage
his balls. She was torturing him on purpose, and he knew he wasn’t going to be
able to hold off much longer.

“Tessa,”
he pleaded. “Baby. Fuck.” Cooper was slowly losing control.

Her
hands disappeared, and a spray of water hit his cock, making him jump. He
figured that was her ultimate punishment, but then she dropped the sprayer,
throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him to her until their bodies
were melded together, lips, teeth and tongues clashing as they sought the
release that the torturous shower had been building toward.

“Tessa,
baby,” he said, trying to pull back as she shifted, aligning his cock against
her entrance. “Tessa, don’t.”

Her
eyes opened, and she jerked back, pain and rejection reflected back at him and
Cooper quickly pulled her closer. “I’d give anything to take you right here. But
I can’t,” he explained. “I don’t have a condom.”

And
wasn’t that just fucked up.

“I’m
on the pill,” she blurted, but Cooper pulled back and looked down at her.

“That’s
nice to know because it will come in handy in the future, definitely,” he
started, “but, Tessa, until you trust me unconditionally, I’m not going to take
you without a condom. And, unfortunately, I know you don’t.”

He
hated saying that out loud, but they both knew it to be the truth. He’d never
once imagined he’d turn Tessa away, but Cooper had bigger plans in mind for
them than just a quickie in the shower. She’d be hurt and confused later, and
he didn’t think he could handle that. Not until she gave him the chance to
explain. If, at that point, she wanted him to fuck her right there on her
kitchen table, he was all for it.

But
right now, he had to settle for holding her in his arms and praying what he
would tell her in just a few minutes wouldn’t send her running for the hills.

Although
the temperature outside was hovering in the eighties, Tessa was tempted to put
on sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. Anything to cover herself. Not that it
would’ve mattered. Whenever Cooper looked her way, she felt like she was naked.
The way his gaze caressed her made her want things she was supposed to be
denying herself.

For
instance,
him
.

So
it was safe to say that the shower was a terrible idea. His hands, on her body,
made her yearn for more, almost willing to beg. And she knew he felt it too,
but the stubborn man had held back.

Something
about talking and nonsense.

At
least one of them was thinking with their brain and not other body parts. Had
she had her choice, they’d have gotten down and dirty in the shower just a few
minutes ago. Anything to drown out the pain that had started as a dull ache in
the center of her chest when she thought about what Marcus told her.

Instead,
he’d washed her, she’d washed him, and now she was going to join him in the
kitchen where she smelled the heavenly aroma of coffee brewing. After wasting
enough time, Tessa finally ventured in that direction.

“Hey,
puppies,” she greeted her huskies when they met her in the hallway that led
from her bedroom to the main living room. They were pouncing around, but neither
of them actually jumped on her – a feat that had taken her months to
accomplish. Considering they both weighed upwards of eighty pounds, Tessa
appreciated them staying on the floor rather than on top of her. “Y’all wanna
go outside?”

Leading
them through the house, she let them slip through the back screen door before
she turned to face Cooper who was standing in front of her stove.

Shirtless.

She
wasn’t sure which was more mouthwatering, the sight of him barefoot or…

“Hey,
where’d you get more jeans?” she asked him as she realized he was partially
dressed, but a few minutes ago he’d gotten in the shower with his jeans on.

“From
my truck. I keep a bag there, just in case.”

The
thought made Tessa’s stomach churn and not in a good way. Did he keep clothes on
hand in the event he spent the night with a woman?

“Don’t
go there, Tessa. That’s not the reason,” he said with a firm tone before
turning back to the food he was preparing on the stove. “Get some coffee, then
sit. I’ll finish up here, and we’ll eat.”

Not
wanting to argue, mainly because she didn’t want to even think about what had
happened the night before, Tessa did as she was told. She prepared two cups of
coffee and left his sitting in front of the coffee pot while she carried hers
to the table. Staring down at the scarred wood, she allowed the events of last
night to play out in her mind.

She
remembered Izzy coming over with just what the doctor ordered. The bottle of
vodka had been just what she needed to muddle her brain enough that she didn’t
have to think about Cooper. Well, that was only partially true. The vodka had
helped, but she never once stopped thinking about Cooper.

The
rest of the night was fuzzy. At some point, she remembered Cooper arriving, and
a strange excitement had filled her. Obviously she was getting too attached to
him that she was glad to see him, hoping like hell he was going to tell her
that Marcus was a liar.

Only
he hadn’t said that.

She
didn’t think he had anyway.

A
plate full of food was pushed in front of her, and Tessa glanced up to see
Cooper watching her. Rather than sitting down, he disappeared down the hall,
returning a minute later with a couple of aspirin in his hand. After handing
those to her, he left again, coming back with a glass of orange juice.

Why
did he have to do that? Why did he have to think of everything? She’d much
prefer him to be the asshole she expected him to be.

Like
Chad.

Couldn’t
he just get defensive and blame everything on her? It would make things so much
easier. More specifically, walking away would be easier.

“Eat,”
he commanded as he dropped into the chair beside her.

Tessa
knew she should. She was famished, and the breakfast actually looked wonderful.
Eggs, bacon, toast. Everything cooked to perfection and sitting in front of her,
beckoning her. Only her stomach wasn’t listening to her mouth.

“Tessa,
look at me.” Cooper’s softly spoken words had her breaking her concentration
and looking up at him. She felt like she was going to cry. The tears were
threatening, and she knew any minute the dam was going to break.

“I
can’t do this,” she choked out.

“Yes,
you can,” he argued. “Give me a chance, Tessa.”

The
statement brought back the memory of Izzy insisting that she do the same thing.
Last night, she’d actually been surprised that Izzy hadn’t jumped onboard the
hate train and rallied against Cooper after what Tessa told her. That’s what
her best friend was supposed to do. But not last night. No, Izzy had been the
voice of reason, begging her to let him explain.

And
here they were, but Tessa wasn’t sure she wanted to know. Hell, if Cooper
wasn’t willing to have sex with her because he didn’t think she trusted him –
which she didn’t – then she knew what he had to say wasn’t going to be good.

“Where’s
Marcus?” she asked, hoping to derail her thoughts for a few minutes. Grabbing
the piece of toast, she nibbled on the edge, staring down at her plate.

“No
idea. I fired him last night,” Cooper answered, his fork clinking against the
glass plate as he went to work on his food.

Tessa’s
eyes flew up to meet his instantly. “You fired him?”

Cooper
nodded, his mouth full of food, but he kept his eyes trained on her.

“Why?”
she asked, her voice unsteady. Did he do that because of what Marcus said? Did
Marcus lie to her and Cooper wasn’t having any of it?

“It
was time.” That was all Cooper said before he dug back into his food.

Tessa
allowed the silence to descend around them as she made a half ass attempt to
eat the food he’d prepared for her. It was good, she’d give him that. Although,
she wasn’t sure her stomach was going to hold it down for long. Her nerves were
suddenly jumping, and her fear of what he was going to say was getting the best
of her.

When
they were finished, Cooper grabbed up her half empty plate and carried it to
the sink with his. Tessa stared at his back – his sexy, muscled back and
smooth, sculpted shoulders. Why did the man have to look so good?

“More
coffee?” he asked a few minutes later when he returned to her side.

She
just nodded her head, her eyes still glued to his body. She’d apparently sat
there watching him the entire time, and now her insides were starting a slow
boil. Damn it. She was supposed to be mad at him.

“Come
on, Tessa. Let’s go sit on the porch, and I’ll explain,” Cooper stated,
sounding defeated. He waited for her as she pushed out of her chair and then
mindlessly headed toward the back porch rather than the front.

She
had several chairs scattered on the porch, two of them the comfy kind that she
loved to sit in and read on a cool evening. Because she could keep farther from
him if she did, Tessa chose one of those chairs and dropped into it, taking the
coffee he offered once she was seated.

Holding
the cup close to her chest, she blew on the top, watching the steam as it
drifted upward. She glanced over to see Cooper sitting in one of the hard back
chairs, his coffee cup resting on the railing as he sat with his elbows on his
knees, his hands wrapped around his downturned head.

He
looked so incredibly vulnerable like that. Invisible strings on her heart
tugged painfully hard, forcing her to swallow. If this was hard for him, she
couldn’t imagine what it was going to do to her.

“Marcus
said you do this often,” Tessa said suddenly, unable to sit there and watch him
any longer. This was getting to be too difficult. He really needed to spill it
and then move on. It was the only way Tessa was going to survive with her heart
intact.

Ok,
part
of her heart intact. A very small fraction.

∞
∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Hanging
his head low, Cooper tried to gather his thoughts. Ever since he woke up that
morning, Tessa’s soft, warm body beside his, he’d been trying to come up with
an easy way to explain himself. He knew no matter how he told the story, she
wasn’t going to be happy with him.

But
he had no choice.

“Marcus
told you about a woman in Arkansas,” Cooper began. It wasn’t a question, and he
wasn’t expecting her to answer him, so he continued, “Her name was Tabitha. She
came to one of my concerts in a neighboring town, and at the end of the night,
I found her in my tour bus. That had been a bad night for me.” He remembered
feeling helpless and alone that night, and he’d had half a mind to disappear at
that time, but he had held tight and just went out to the bus, hoping for some
time to himself.

Cooper
didn’t look up as the memories of that night flooded his brain. “I was
surprised to find anyone on the bus, but she seemed sweet enough, and I had
learned to gently approach the fans who were brave enough to go to those
lengths to meet me. We talked for what seemed like hours.” Cooper looked up at
her. “And no, before you ask, I didn’t have anything to drink. Just three
bottles of water.”

Cooper
turned his gaze to the yard, watching the two dogs as they sniffed through the
flower beds that were just beneath the back porch. “She was the one who brought
me the water and honestly, I didn’t think anything of it. At some point, I
passed out. I didn’t know it at the time, but she’d drugged me.”

Cooper
wasn’t proud of the story. He knew it would sound as though he were making shit
up, but he wasn’t.

“The
next morning, I woke up in my bed on the bus, completely naked with Tabitha
beside me. Just as naked.” He couldn’t bring himself to meet Tessa’s eyes. “We
parted ways after that. I was used to women like that, wanting to have a story
to tell, so I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t remember sleeping with her,
but she told me… She confirmed that we had.” Cooper wasn’t going to go into
details, but Tabitha had been particularly candid about what activities had
occurred through the night.

“Three
months later, I get a phone call from Tabitha. She got a hold of me through
Marcus. Keep in mind, I hadn’t heard from her at all since that night.” Cooper
dropped his head, staring down at the floor while he wrapped his hands behind
his neck. God, he hated this story. “She told me she was pregnant. Told me she
hadn’t been with anyone else before or after me and that the baby was
definitely mine.”

Cooper
remembered the phone call and aside from being utterly shocked, there was
something else. He’d found himself somewhat excited by the idea of being a
father. It hadn’t mattered that he didn’t know the woman, couldn’t even
remember sleeping with her. But the part of him that had been searching for
something more permanent, something that would allow him to settle down, had
wrapped its hands around the idea and jumped up and down with joy.

“I
went to Arkansas,” he explained. “I bought an old house close to where she was,
and we spent the next two months getting to know one another. I knew when the
baby was born, I was going to ask for a paternity test, but until then, I
didn’t see how it could hurt for me to get to know her. If she was the mother
of my child, I wanted to be there for her.”

Looking
up, Cooper met Tessa’s eyes for the first time, and he saw tears there. His
heart constricted. She was going to hate him after this, he could feel it.

“I
never slept with her, Tessa. Not after she told me she was pregnant and as it
turns out, I had never slept with her before then either. She was pregnant when
she came to my tour bus, but her asshole boyfriend had left her, and she wanted
to find someone to help her take care of the child. Don’t ask me why she picked
me, I have no idea.

“One
afternoon, the boyfriend approached me. At the time, I didn’t even know he
existed. He gave me the full scoop right there in a busy restaurant close to
her house. I felt like an idiot. She’d blindsided me and lied to me about the
whole thing.”

“Does
Marcus know the full story?” Tessa asked, the first words she’d said in quite
some time.

Meeting
her eyes, Cooper forced himself to his feet, pacing away from her. “Of course
he knows the fucking story, Tessa.” The anger was bubbling down deep. “He made
sure that I was reminded of the incident for the next six months or so. He used
it to hurt me as often as he could.”

“Why
did it hurt you?” she asked, sounding concerned.

Cooper
stopped pacing and turned to face her. “I’m thirty-one fucking years old,
Tessa. In all my life, I never imagined I’d be over thirty and single. For
years I’d hoped to find the right girl, settle down, have babies,” he
explained, the fury frothing like acid in his gut. “And no, maybe it’s not what
most men my age are actively pursuing, but dammit, I want something of my own.
I’m fucking tired of being alone.”