CHASING LIFE (9 page)

After walking around for an hour and losing his sense of direction in this
temple of capitalism, Dave settled for the first café he could find and ordered. He played around with a muffin, cutting it into smaller bits before finally committing to eat it. He literally had to force himself to swallow each bite. His appetite quashed at last, he spread his legs and relaxed in the comfortable seat. An army of people, mostly young Asian women, went about all around him with hands full of shopping bags.

He reco
llected the event that took place the prior night and replayed every detail with a satisfying feeling of accomplishment. ‘I’m trying, Julia, I’m trying hard,’ he spoke to himself. The few hours of socialising on his first night in Hong Kong made him feel like he had been there for days. That was living; no holding back, only enjoying the moment. Dave suddenly remembered that Erin was leaving that day.

He took his phone out
and scrolled through his contact list, hoping fervently that she hadn’t gone yet. He dialled her number and listened as the dial tone counted down, his disappointment becoming more inevitable with each unanswered ring. The beeps eventually stopped and the call ended. He tried a few more times before giving up and slumping in his seat with a sigh. Oh well, time to do the touristy stuff, he sighed to himself, shoving the mobile in his pocket.              

The
new map came out, and he spread it on the table, circling well-known attractions that were already marked as must-see tourist sites. The first on his list was the Tian Tan Buddha or the ‘Big Buddha’, as everyone referred to it. With a water bottle in hand and a wallet full of cash, he set out to catch the MTR Hong Kong subway. It didn’t take him long to figure out what train to hop on. He reached the cable car and ordered a round trip in a the crystal cabin, one with a transparent bottom. It cost him a hundred and fifty-seven Hong Kong dollars, a sum he could not yet calculate in terms of Australian currency.

An expedition to the Big Buddha in the afternoon wasn’t such a good idea
. It was packed with tourists at that time of the day. Nevertheless, he was a tourist himself with plenty of time to spare. He got in a cable car and settled in, taking in the view while they ascended. Soon he realised that the transparent bottom was making him nervous. At first, looking down wasn’t a problem, but the higher they ascended, the squirmier he felt, and his head was spinning. Was it vertigo? It was the first time Dave had been affected by heights in his life, and he put it down to his binge drinking from the night before.

H
e looked around at the excited tourists while he held his stomach with a pained expression. He felt awful. He stood up and avoided looking straight down. This seemed to help, and the strange head-spins slowly dissipated. Just relax, he told himself repeatedly. The views from every angle were great. The clouds had cleared and he could see the international airport, as well as a panoramic view of the hilly city. It was surrounded by a lush rainforest. But with no camera in hand there was nothing to capture the moment. ‘Mental note, buy a camera,’ he told himself. He watched people with envy as they snapped away with their fancy equipment.

Upon seein
g the number of stairs to climb to the Buddha and feeling his appetite return, he decided on lunch first at the restaurant before it too got crowded. He wasn’t sure how the vegetarian meal would taste, but it certainly turned out to be delicious. Reinforced with extra energy and drive he climbed the stairs up to the base of the statute, exhausted and puffing for air. He gave himself a moment to take in the enormous Buddha, perched on the top of the hill. It was such an appropriate spot for the big guy, meditating with a peaceful smile with the world at his feet.              

The serene element to this man
-made object was inspiring. Dave realised that he was craving the peace and fulfilment that the statute represented. His journey had just begun. There was no guessing what he’d come across, and he had no idea if peace would be the outcome. But it certainly was the objective. He looked out into the distant horizon and wondered where to go from there. He took his phone out and sent Erin a well-wishing text message, for when she got off the plane. There wasn’t much else to do up there, all alone. With the Big Buddha ticked off his list, he walked down and got on a cable car for the trip back to Hong Kong Island. Just as he took off, the sky darkened and the rain he was now familiar with resumed. The weather seemed to reflect his state of mind now: dull and moody. Dave rested his head against the side window and felt the slight thuds of droplets bombarding the cable car, letting his thoughts roam. He wished he wasn’t alone on this journey.

Chapter 11

Dave returned
to Hong Kong Island and emerged in front of the ferry terminal. Staring at the circles he’d marked on the map, he looked out into the ever-busy streets with trepidation. Everything he wanted to visit was outdoors, but the relentless rain ruined his plans.

‘Bloody hell! Stop raining,
’ he cursed. Another shopping centre was marked on the map. It was close to his hotel, and he chose to wait out the rain there. He hailed a cab and instructed the driver to head to Times Square Shopping Centre. This time, the cabbie gave him no problems with the meter.

He was dro
pped off near the fish market. Curiosity called, so he strolled through to check it out before going to Times Square. The smell lingering in the air was off-putting, but the assortment of marine life on display was a visual spectacle of wriggling creatures. From crabs to lobsters, stingrays, eels and fish of all types, it seemed like everything the ocean had to offer was on display. Sellers beckoned potential customers by bellowing in Cantonese. He felt like he was at the Queen Victoria Market back in Melbourne.

He
left the market, crossed a traffic-congested street, and entered Times Square, where a flood of subway commuters converged with shopping-centre consumers, forming a river of human movement. It felt like he was surrounded by two million people in that one spot. He went up the escalators to the main floor, where he could see the enormous high-rise shopping tower. Each level was in the form of a curved circle built one on top of another, and each floor was connected with long escalators. Once again, shops of all kinds of brands could be found. While venturing further up, he found an Internet café and ordered a latte. He opted to send an email to Amy and Mike back home.

According to
his watch, it would be just about 5:00 in the afternoon in Melbourne. He might even catch them before they left the office for home. After ten minutes of procrastination, his fingers started moving and soon he was typing away, summarising the events of his trip so far. By the time he was finished, he might as well have written an essay. Nothing was left out, not even his experience on Lockhart Road. He pressed the send button and took a sip of his coffee.

Not even
five minutes went by before Amy replied. ‘Your trip sounds so exciting. I’m really happy you’re having a good time, Dave. Send us pictures and keep writing. Love you and look after yourself. I’m sooo jealous.’ A smiley face followed. Then Mike’s email came through.

‘You’re a machine! Man, wish I was there with you. Let me know when y
ou hear from that chick Erin. It’s a shame she took off. She sounds awesome. You should have gone with her you biatch! Had a happy ending yet? It’s the thinking man’s massage, you know. Don’t shirk away from delightful treats when you travel. Don’t deny yourself your natural urges, man. Give yourself up to your needs and satisfy your cravings.’

Dave
had to chuckle when he read Mike’s email. Dave thought about what his friend wrote. Why didn’t he go with Erin? Wasn’t that the whole idea of the trip? To be open to opportunities? Even though he thought he was up for anything on this lifetime adventure, he realised it wouldn’t be that easy.

The next two hours in Times Square were spent on browsing the
Internet and strolling through the shopping centre. He gawked at every girl that walked past.

Later that evening, he made an effort to plan his time. He wouldn’t go back to The Base tonight—there was more discovering of Hong Kong to be done. With his map in hand and a fresh shirt, a new adventure awaited him. The rain didn’t bother him anymore, even though the high humidity and constant sweating would still take a bit of getting used to.

There w
as no shortage of eateries in Hong Kong, but his appetite for food was stifled. He picked an old Chinese boat restaurant with a big sail anchored just off the harbour. The price-list was beyond his normal spending, but then again, what was normal about this trip? The restaurant was fascinating: colourful Chinese art decorated the wooden interior, traditional music played in the background in a soft tune and the tables moved slightly from the gentle waves rocking it from below.

A jolly waiter made all the guests feel welcome on arrival. The people around him
, mostly couples, were engaged in each other’s company and seemed oblivious to those around them. Eating alone in a restaurant was a new habit to learn, and he realised this one in particular made him feel rather uneasy. He started to think of his plans. Hong Kong was a world away from Melbourne, despite the similarities of shopping centres and technology. He wasn’t sure whether to prolong his stay in the hotel or get a cheap apartment. The happy faces in the restaurant made him feel increasingly uncomfortable. They were all so chatty and worry free. He left the meal half-finished and stood abruptly.

‘Waiter. Waiter! Bill please,’ he called out
, as if he was at the fish markets. Heads turned from every table, and suddenly he was at centre stage. Their faces said it all—here’s an arrogant Westerner devoid of manners or courtesy. Dave stormed out red-faced to the deck of the boat. He sat on an empty bench overlooking the city.

‘Shit. What’s wrong with me?’ he stamped the
floor with his foot. He was never rude to people, even to ones that deserved it. He was angry at what he’d become. Why wasn’t he able to control this tumult of emotions and bad moods? In the distance, everything seemed peaceful. It was one thing seeing the amazing city during the day, and completely another during the night with a warm breeze blowing over. The play of lights reflected off the water and synchronised to form patterns on entire business towers. It was mesmerising, a gigantic Christmas tree of a city. He found it calming.

Dave’s mind wandered to Julia, wishing so much that things had worked out differently for them. He opened his wallet and held her letter. The excitement of a new beginning kept getting sabotaged by the life he couldn’t let go of. He ran his fingers over the paper as if he were touching her.

‘Why did you leave me?
You’re meant to be here, with me,’ he said softly. They should have been starting a family and doing all the things they planned to do. The guilt of feeling sorry for himself delivered a punch to his chest. His headache was coming back, and he hoped he wouldn’t need to take pills again. Memories of his past were not easily packed away in a box. They were deep in the recesses of his brain, along with his still-vivid feelings for his wife. His past self was a man he could no longer relate to: happy, fulfilled, in love with his partner and looking forward to the future. The image of Julia’s face in those last moments of her life still endured in his mind. It was a memory he was yet to say goodbye to.

The p
iece of paper he unfolded looked aged already.

‘W
hy, Julia? Why did it happen to us?’ Dave put the worn letter back into his wallet and began an aimless stroll through the streets of Hong Kong.

Along the way, he entered a few bars
briefly to look around before deciding to continue on. Nothing attracted his attention. It wasn’t much different from the previous night, but he just wasn’t getting in the mood. He felt bored by every place he went by. In the end they all looked the same, every bar and restaurant a replica of the other.

A pub on a corner street was showing
soccer games on a big television screen and sold tap beer. Dave sat down inside and ordered a draught. Perhaps a quiet night was just what he needed. The soccer game on TV was between Australia and Germany. He cringed at the score. They were losing, terribly. Aussie expatriates screamed angrily at the poor refereeing, what they saw as a bias against the underdog.

‘Hello,
’ a voice said. Dave turned to see a slim Asian girl next to him.

‘Hi,
’ Dave smiled politely and felt his mood improve a notch.

‘May I sit here?’ s
he asked.

‘You certainly may.
’ The girl had long straight hair, a sparkle in her eyes and cute round cheeks. Her skirt rode slightly high when she sat down, revealing silky smooth legs.

‘I’m dying for some beer, you want one?’
she offered.

‘No
, I’m fine.’ Dave gestured to his nearly full glass.

The girl
let out a long breath as one does settling down after a hectic day. ‘Are you enjoying the game?’ she asked.

Germany scored another goal and Dave winced.
‘Not anymore. My country is losing,’ he groaned.

‘You are Australian?’ s
he said and laughed.

‘Yes and I’m not happy.’

‘Oh, poor thing. At least your country is playing. Thailand is not good enough.’

‘That’s
true I guess. What’s your name?’ he asked.

‘Riza
. And you?’

‘D
ave. Nice to meet you Riza.’ Dave gladly turned away from the dreadful game and focussed on the little beauty next to him.

His beer was finished
, and he bought a round for both of them. They gave up their stools in exchange for a little privacy in a darker corner of the interior of the pub. Dave moved closer to his new companion and she reciprocated till they literally held each other.

‘Riza
. I like that name.’

‘
Thanks. It used to be something else, but I changed it when I turned eighteen.

‘Really? What was it?’

‘
Pookie.’

‘That’s cute. Why change it?’

‘My parents thought it was cute too. But it won’t be cute when I get older, people won’t take me seriously. And there’s another reason too. I have friend from Philippines and he say it mean something else in his country,’ she said, giggling.

‘What
does it mean?’ Dave asked, leaning in.

‘A girl’
s private body part.’ Her eyes drifted downwards, and Dave burst out laughing.

He
r demure delivery of the joke sealed it: he found her sweet and sexy. ‘You better change your name if you go to the Philippines or you might get people excited.’

‘Yes
, I know.’

‘How old are you?’ he asked curiously.

‘I’m thirty,’ she responded. ‘But you should never ask a woman her age,’ she said with a mock-serious face.

‘Really?
But you look so much younger.’ He was impressed and ran his fingers across her thighs, surprising himself with his brazen confidence. She genuinely looked ten years younger.

‘Thank you,
’ Riza replied and smiled. ‘You’re cute, Dave.’

The alcohol had him tipsy. He drew near her and smelled her hair. It reminded him of flowers.

‘How about we go to my hotel room?’ he said, lips pressed to her ear.

‘Okay
, baby,’ she whispered back, and they went outside to hail a taxi. This is it, Dave thought, it’s what I need. A woman was finally taking an interest in him sexually, and he was taking her back to his hotel.

It took a lot of willpower to s
top himself from pouncing on Riza before they reached the hotel. The drive wasn’t long, but to him it felt like an eternity. He paid for the fare, and they got out in front of Ragan Hotel. Dave froze. Riza held a smile on her face and waited for him. She thought he’d forgotten something by the expression he held.

‘What’s wro
ng Dave?’ she asked.

‘Nothing,’ Dave mumbled and smiled awkwardly. She grabbed his hand and they walked inside the lobby.
Riza was still smiling and gave him a hug. They got inside the elevator and went up to his room. They rushed through the hall to his room at last. Dave was tearing her clothes off the minute they walked in. Riza lay on the bed, her chest heaving in excitement. He leaned over her, kissing her neck and making his way up to her lips.

‘Wait,
’ Riza pulled back.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘You have condom?’

‘Yes. Of course
, a condom.’ He went over to his luggage and rummaged through it. The idea of putting on a condom seemed official. He felt like a virgin and he was scared. How odd, he thought. What’s wrong with me? Dave sighed and looked at the pack, his lips trembling. He put it back and walked into the bathroom.

Riza
called out, ‘Dave, where are you?’ But Dave wasn’t coming out. With a concerned look, she dressed and walked to the bathroom. Dave was sitting on the toilet bowl with his head buried in his hands, crying.

‘Are you okay
?’ She knelt down and brushed his hair. Dave looked up, his eyes bloodshot and streaming with tears.

             
‘Please go. I’m sorry I brought you here.’

             
‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing.’
He got up and splashed his face with water. ‘It’s not going to happen, Riza. I’m really sorry.’ Riza looked confused. Dave quickly led her out before she had time to question further. He closed the door and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the tears from his eyes. ‘You’re a dick, Dave,’ he mumbled to himself. He got what he wanted and yet felt so empty.