Chasing Midnight (32 page)

But instead I find myself standing there immobile, the words on my lips already evaporating. Speechless as I try to find an answer to that question.

But all I can do is watch him watch me. Lose myself inside those eyes.

In him I see someone who sees me like I’ve always wanted to see myself. Who sees me for who I am, not who I wish I was. And suddenly I know that the reason last night’s choice was the correct one
isn’t
because I’m standing here next to Cale with a budding promise of something between us; but because this—him—me
—this life
and all that’s in it is mine because of
me.
Because of the choices I made, not a bunch of choices made by somebody else on my behalf.
My
choices—some good, some bad, some that don’t even matter at all. Yet I am me, and I am
here right now making a fool of myself for a boy I think I’m in love with because of
my choosing.

I can deal with that.

A burst of sunlight squeezes in through the trees and I step into Cale’s shadow, peering into his grassy green eyes that are still waiting for an answer.

Here goes nothing.

“Because,” I say, “I’d rather make a fool of myself than give up on something I really want.” I know it’s the truth. Finally.

A smile lights up his face and he looks at the sky, squinting in the sun for a second before returning his gaze to me, his head cocked to the side. His eyes are still crinkled up and he seems on the verge of a laugh. “Well, so far I’d say you’re pretty good at getting what you want.”

I can feel heat blooming on my cheeks like roses, and I turn away from him, crouching on my knees to start up the mower again. But he pulls me back up. “How about you take a break for a second, and I’ll make you lunch? Or how about pancakes? You know, as payment for mowing my lawn.”

“I only accept cash,” I say, trying to keep a straight face.

His smile teeters back and forth as he watches me for clarification, like he’s not sure if I’m being serious or not. I love how I’ve flustered him. It’s a rare thing, I’ve learned, to get to Cale Blackburn.

But I’m a weak prankster and give myself up much too soon. “Fine . . . you can pay me in pancakes,” I say, reveling in his smile again. “If you insist.”

As my eyes wander to the lawn mower abandoned in the shade of the magnolia tree, to my new matching blue Flyknits hugging my feet like million dollar bills, back to Cale in his morning hair and inside-out basketball shorts and that goofy smile crawling across his face . . . I think I hear an echo calling to me from some far corner of my mind, asking me all over again if I’ve made my choice.

If I know what I want now.

If I’d make the same choice, knowing what I know now.

And I say (to myself in my head, so as not to chase Cale off so soon),
This isn’t a fairy tale. I choose my own ending.

At that, a blue jay with an inky black tuft and brilliant cobalt blue wings pokes its head out of the magnolia tree and takes flight, sailing past Cale and me, its tail feathers gleaming in the sun. Lost on the horizon.

Disappearing just as the clock strikes twelve.

acknowledgments

I
have so much to be grateful for. That’s what this
page is for, so I’ll do my best in such a small space to say thank you to those who have made me feel like a lucky one. As Mackenzie Love might say at the end of her story, there is always something to be grateful for and happiness to be found, even in the small things. Tender mercies are swimming all around us, even in our otherwise ordinary lives, if only we will open our eyes to find them.

Thank you to my first readers, Ella Olsen, Kristin and Alyson Johns, and Uwe Stender, for taking the time to read and critique and guide me in the right direction. To my always-supportive family—my amazing parents and siblings and inlaws. To Greg, Brett, Elizabeth, Andrew, and Kate for your unconditional love and support and optimism. To inspiring music, from the classics like Tchaikovsky and Pachelbel all the way to Love and Rockets and Vampire Weekend (with their own nod to Canon in D). And last, thank you Emma Parker and Melissa Caldwell for your expert eyes, to the fabulous design team for getting everything so perfect, and to everyone else at Cedar Fort involved with helping
Chasing Midnight
come to life.

about the author

C
ourtney King Walker grew up in the San Francisco
Bay Area building rocket ships and rafts out of cardboard, hoping to make it the moon, or at least Niagara Falls. But a trip across the border to Tijuana was as exciting as it ever got, so she decided writing about adventure was the next best thing. She now lives in the Rocky Mountains with her husband and four children, and still dreams of flying to the moon. She is the author of two other books,
On the Fringe
and
Molly Pepper and the Night Train.
She can be found at
courtneykingwalker.com
.

© 2016 Courtney King Walker

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever, whether by graphic, visual, electrownic, film, microfilm, tape recording, or any other means, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles.

This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, places, and dialogue are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. The opinions and views expressed herein belong solely to the author and do not necessarily represent the opinions or views of Cedar Fort, Inc. Permission for the use of sources, graphics, and photos is also solely the responsibility of the author.

ISBN 13: 978-1-4621-2573-9

Published by Sweetwater Books, an imprint of Cedar Fort, Inc.
2373 W. 700 S., Springville, UT 84663
Distributed by Cedar Fort, Inc.,
www.cedarfort.com

Cover design by Angela Decker

Cover design © 2016 Cedar Fort, Inc.

Edited and typeset by Melissa J. Caldwell