Chasing Rainbows (9 page)

The love that was obsession could destroy the purity of what was and lead into disturbing behaviours and the person wanting to own the other, strangling their right to personal space. Infatuation does not last but obsession can go on forever if not dealt with.

In his musings Doug came to understand why he never loved Mary and why for a time he thought he loved Gerry before it began to fade.

It was about the needs met by the other person.

Mary mothered him, therefore she was a mother figure.

Gerry never said much at all unless it was to moan, so she was more of a habit and a 'non' figure, no longer meeting any of his needs.

Defining love is difficult and a very personal experience. Falling in love might be easy but staying in love was hard.

On many an occasion Doug felt that he was in love but it began to fade after the woman said something or did something that changed his feelings so quickly.

He found that love did not conquer all. It disappeared as a rainbow fades in the sky until the next one appears. It was the rainbow that he was continually chasing but never catching.

Love did not make allowances for flaws, or did it? Did a person have to tick all the boxes of perfection or was it reasonable to make compromises just for the sake of having someone in your life?

People searched for love, yearned for it, compromised to get it, put up with things in order to have what they thought was love.

You cannot have love , you cannot own it. Love comes and goes as it pleases, it is free.

Doug knew that Olivia ticked all his boxes, his question was for how long?

As Doug finished off the polishing he spoke aloud, “How do I know that I love you, brown eyes?”

Not because he said it in the Italian restaurant; not because they had the best sex, ever; not because he felt a stirring in his loins every time he thought of her and not because she said she loved him.

Doug's feelings were fluid, they ebbed and flowed like some tidal river.

He felt that love was marked by happenings and occasions of great feeling, leaving footprints and memories on the heart, with sighs and smiles and longing for more. Love at its best is unconditional, it comes as a gift.

It is that 'in the moment' feeling people hope will stay forever.

During the summer months Doug would meet Olivia every Wednesday evening.

He would leave his car parked behind the George and Dragon and Olivia would drive them to his boat on the river.

They spent quality time there, doing what lovers do.

One particular Wednesday, Doug played truant from work and they spent the whole afternoon and evening together.

Olivia picked him up in her new car a white ford, the little blue love machine was no more.

There was more room in the back of this one and the back seat had been christened on more than one occasion, as physical need for each other would overwhelm them and get the better of them.

That day was one of the hottest days of the summer.

Olivia had her hair clipped back off her face, the blond curls hanging down her back just waiting for Doug to run his fingers through them.

Her blue cropped vest complimented the magnificent cleavage of her breasts, that were straining to burst out of a perfectly fitting bra.

Olivia always wore beautiful undergarments, they were always coordinated and complimented her delightful body. She wore boxer knickers that contradicted the phrase, less is more. In this case it was reversed to 'more is less'.

Doug thought about Mary and the way she let herself go after having the children. Now she wore 'Bridget Jones' knickers for comfort and was in her element playing mother to them all.

Mary had no further use for Doug apart from his role as provider and taxi driver. Mary was very different to Gerry in the underwear department.

Gerry wore thongs. Little straps of colour that left little to the imagination and were stupid. Gerry thought she looked sexy in them. Doug didn't.

A lot of men loved those little pieces of material stuck up the bottom. Maybe that was why he was going off Gerry; the thongs?

He loved the knickers Olivia wore, he also loved it when she took them off and even more if he took them off for her.

As he got into the car Doug noticed the hamper on the back seat. He asked Olivia about it.

“
It's a late lunch, not sure what to call a meal between lunch and tea, the other” side of twelve, it's brunch”, she laughed, “I know, it is called tunch, we will have tunch!”.

They rolled the windows down. The tape in the car was playing old 60's songs and they sang along to them, lost in the happiness of each other and summer.

Olivia's brown legs were barely covered by the white shorts and Doug rested his hand on her thigh as she drove, moving his hand ever closer to her mystery; teasing her.

Doug already knew what would happen that afternoon, good food, good music, good woman and good loving.

CHAPTER SIX

The boat looked inviting as it bobbed up and down in the river.

Doug carried the hamper down into the cabin while Olivia tied the bottle of Moet to a rope and slowly lowered it into the cool water.

As Doug went about his business, unlocking, sorting, readying the boat for 'off', Olivia chose some music to put on the player.

She decided on something demure as she sensed that this would be an afternoon to remember.

Being a 'forever' drama queen, Olivia thought everything out, right down to the smallest detail.

Doug entered the cabin to see a table of splendour.

It was covered in food to nibble on. Pate, salmon, strawberries, cheese, salad and sliced tiger bread with fresh butter.

Olivia poured the champagne and they sat together at the back of the boat, the sun warming them, smiling down on them.

A perfect picture. As the piano of Gershwin began to play, Doug asked Olivia what it was.

“
Rhapsody in Blue, one of my favourite pieces,” she said with a faraway look on her face, as she remembered when her husband bought her the record for their second wedding anniversary.

A lot had happened since then and it seemed like a different life then, when she was filled with hope for a good marriage and a family. She was a very different person now.

Olivia did not like what she was doing but she knew she must not feel the guilt as it would ruin the pleasure of the moment.

Sometimes she felt like Scarlett O'Hara from 'Gone with the Wind', who also didn't give a thought to the consequences of her actions and only lived in the moment. Olivia liked all kinds of music and Doug found he was learning from her and not just about music.

He was being taught the meaning of feelings and emotions.

Olivia was a very industrious person. She was always scribbling into a note book that she kept in her bag. Doug knew that if he were to remember anything about Olivia in the future it would her writing, that would remain with him throughout his life.

It would be a fond memory. For now it was a reality, his reality.

Now and again Olivia would read some of her poetry to him and some of her stories.

Doug liked what he heard but was no judge, as he was not much of a reader and had nothing to compare it to.

His eyes never left that expressive face as she read to him, it was so beautiful.

He sighed as he thought what a good actress Olivia would make.

During 'tunch' Doug and Olivia exchanged words about nothing, they laughed and joked as they quickly cleared the table, washed up in order to clear space to work off the food in the exercise of love.

It was very hot in the small cabin as they lay in each other's arms, stuck together by a layer of sweat, the result of their love exertions.

Doug stroked Olivia's hair thinking that if there ever was a perfect moment then this was it.  He wanted it to never end, to go on and on and on.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Doug heard a voice, “Sir, would you like another drink? Or anything from duty free, we will be coming around again before we land”.

Doug opened his eyes and looked around, disappointed that he wasn't in the nightclub or on his boat.

He was on a plane miles away from Leeds and yet the memory was so strong, as he lived in his past for just one moment.

He politely declined and stared at the photograph on the page before him. Yes, he remembered Olivia.

She did not look much older, age had treated her well. She had the same twinkle in her eyes that topped the cynical smile that would turn into a cheeky grin.

Something was different though and he studied the face that he kissed a thousand times in another life.

Then he saw it behind the smile, in the eyes, there was as a sadness that startled him as her face now took on another look.

He wondered if he was part of the sadness.

He felt a yearning, if only things could have been different. He washed the thought away with a drink of the cool liquid before him.

Doug looked out at the clouds, a bed of fluffy cotton wool beneath the giant metal bird winging its way across the skies.

His thoughts began to wander back to his time with Olivia.

Doug and Olivia spent many happy hours on the little boat on the river.

Driving down the A64 towards York was always a pleasure as he was free to watch those beautiful brown legs as they moved up and down controlling the clutch and gas.

Doug would gently stroke Olivia's inner thigh and she would concentrate on the road, trying to ignore his hand working its way up into her knickers as they were waiting at the traffic lights.

His fingers would probe and poke as a small gasp broke through the rhythm of her breathing and a feeling of warmth would flood his hand.

He would fantasise about taking her at the side of the road, abandoning himself to his primal desires for her, to feel her wet responses to his touch.

When in Olivia's company he saw no one but the 'she'. She with the amazing body, the beautiful brown eyes and the long blonde hair. She was all to him and he lived for the moments that they could be together, however long or short the time might be.

They would escape into their own world, be it on the boat, at Susan's cottage or the ten minutes after work behind his office.

Being able to use the cottage and the boat removed the smuttiness from their relationship. It was a shame but a lot of affairs carried a seedy unfaithfulness with them.

Gone were the days of climbing into the back seat of the little love machine, and contorting in a steamy, enclosed space of love juice and sweat.

Having a bed to lie on and some private space brought some seriousness to what they were doing together.

They fooled each other into thinking that they were not hurting anyone.

It would only hurt others if their secret became public. How could two adults be so naïve?

Doug was hurting two people, his wife and his mistress with his constant lies and he was lying to Olivia too.

She was the spirit of love that brightened his day when they spoke on the phone. They would talk for hours, dreams of what their children would have been like, where they would have lived and how happy they would always be.

Doug wanted Olivia so much and as his thoughts wandered further into the past he felt a rush of blood to the part of him that longed for her most; which was not his heart.

A pulse began to throb between his legs and he hoped it was not visible.

He had never ever been with a woman, so positive, so passionate. She taught him the meaning of joy and love.

As Doug navigated the boat up river he held Olivia close, she always smelled so nice, the same perfume, the heady scent of 'Opium' and one he knew he would never forget, as it played with his senses and made him want her again and again. Once more Olivia put some music on the tape that he did not know.

“
Out of Africa”, she chirped, “have you not seen the film?”

“
No” he replied and she went on to tell him the love story of Karen Blixen and her life in British East Africa and her love affair with Denys Finch Hatton.

Olivia said that Meryl Streep and Robert Redford were well cast and the film won seven Oscars out of 11 nominations.

Her favourite song was 'The Music of Goodbye' sung by Al Jarreau and Melissa Manchester which was not actually sung in the film. Only the tune was played.