Chasing Rhodes (Rock Falls #1) (19 page)

“Even if he didn’t mean them, he still said them, Beth. I can’t slide down that slope again. I’ll hate myself for it. I can’t make him change. He has to want to do that on his own. He has to want to do that for himself. If I learned anything being with Jackson, it’s that.”

“What are you going to do then?” Lennon asks.

I stiffen because I know they won’t like this. It’s not permanent, but they still won’t like it. “I’m going to go visit Kai for a couple of weeks.”

“But—” Beth starts to say before I cut her off.

“I know you guys are here for me, and I love you for that, but I need to get away. Kai’s on break for a few more weeks before the fall semester starts, and I already called him. He’s booked me on the flight out this afternoon.” I reach out and grab both their hands. “I promise I’m not running away. You know that’s not like me. I just need to clear my head and I can’t do that in a place that’s filled with memories of him.” They nod and I smile. “I love you guys.”

“We love you too,” they say in unison.

They help me pack my bag, and we all sit to each lunch together before they drive me to the airport. I’m checked in and about to go through security when I see the troublesome look on both their faces.

“I’m coming back, you guys,” I try to say lightheartedly. “You know I didn’t bring enough clothes to move there. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“What do we tell him, Hannah?” Beth says, chewing on her nails. “If he asks where you are. What do you want us to tell him?”

I think about it for a second before I answer. “Tell him the truth, Beth. You don’t need to lie for me.”

She reaches out and pulls me into a hug that’s so tight I have trouble breathing.

As Lennon hugs me goodbye, she whispers in my ear, “Don’t give up on him just yet, Han.” With that, she kisses my cheek and I wave goodbye to them before making my way through security.

The flight to Ontario isn’t far, only a couple of hours, but it feels like it takes forever. I’m restless and the guy beside me smells like onions. I put on my headphones, turning my iPhone music library on shuffle. I might as well try to get some rest before I see Kai. He didn’t ask a lot of questions on the phone, but he will have questions when I arrive looking like a bag of ass. I’m almost drifting off to sleep when the track changes and a familiar tune guts the remainder of my heart right from my body. City and Colour’s “Coming Home” starts to play and I sit here just starting at my phone. My eyes are burning and I’m trying not to cry again.
The last thing I want is for onion breath to see me cry.

I should change the song instead of wallowing in self-pity, but because I’m a glutton for punishment, I simply turn up the volume and lay my head back on the seat. I close my eyes, doing my best to keep the tears at bay, and let the lyrics rip a path through me. I guess I feel like I need to turn the knife a little more because I search through my library until I find this entire album and switch it to repeat. If you ask me why I did it, I won’t be able to tell you. Your guess is as good as mine. I suppose in some way it makes me feel close to him—a weird and twisted way, no doubt, but I am willing to take what I can get.

By the time the plane lands and I have my luggage, I am exhausted. My eyes are still heavy from so much crying and my heart seems to permanently reside in the pit of my stomach. I imagine that this is what a living hell would feel like if there were one. I turn on my phone long enough to send Kai at text.

Me
: Landed and got my bags. Should be out soon.

Before I turn my phone off again, his response comes through.

Kai
: See you soon sis!

I told the girls ahead of time that I’d be keeping my phone off while I am gone. This is my time to figure out what I want but also what I am willing to put up with.

As I walk through the sliding, frosted-glass doors, I see my brother and smile my first real smile in almost an entire day. He waves and hops over the partition, walking straight towards me. It has been so long since I’ve seen him, and he looks great. He has jet-black hair, just like our dad, and brown eyes like mom. He got his height from our dad too, standing at roughly six foot four, and he is built like a brick shithouse. He is an up-and-comer in the minors and everyone figures he’ll be drafted into the NHL when he finishes college. The demanding schedule has made him even more fit. Looking at him, I have to think that even his muscles have muscles.

He reaches me and picks me up in a massive bear hug. “Hannah Banana! It’s so good to see you!” he says.

“Missed you, K!” I respond, hugging him back.

He sets me back down on the ground and picks up my bags. “How was your flight?”

I’m about to tell him when onion breath walks past us. I give him the eyes, telling him to wait a second, and once the man in question is out of hearing distance, I respond. “It was fine, but I had an onion breath mouth breather beside me.” I’m trying to convey my annoyance, and he laughs.

“Easy, killer.” He shoves me. “I miss you too!”

We head out to his truck, and although it’s night, it’s still crazy hot out. The temperature in Ontario gets way hotter than it does in British Columbia in the summer. He tosses my bags into the backseat of his grey Silverado and hops in. He pulls out of the parking lot, and the second we hit the highway, he asks what I knew would be coming.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, Banana, but are you going to tell me what’s up with the sudden vacation plans? And the fact that you look like a cast member of
The Walking Dead
?” He did this when we were younger too. He’d always wait to ask me about something until we were in the car and I had nowhere to go.
Especially on the highway.

I look out at the landscape whipping past us.
Nope, there’s no way I can tuck and roll at this speed.
I sigh and fill him in on the details. Unlike when I told the girls, I don’t tell him everything. I edit out a few things and gloss over a couple of the ugly parts. I love my little brother, but he has a serious temper and I would not put it past him to fly across the country to kick Greyson’s ass.

By the time I finish telling him what happened, we’re pulling up to his house. Kai has lived in the same rancher with the same roommates since he moved out here. All three of the guys grew up together in Rock Falls and now play hockey on the same minor league farm team as well as attend school together.

As he puts the truck in park, he looks over at me. “I’m sorry, Banana. That sucks. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

Kai is the best little brother in the world. Sure, there were a few times when we almost killed each other over silly things like the remote control when we were little. But at the end of the day, he always has my back, and I’d always have his.

“Thanks, K.”

He gets my bags out of the backseat and we head towards the front door. As soon as we walk inside, I can tell that his roommates are home. Tegan and Emmitt are trash-talking each other as they duke it out on some kind of video game.
Assassin’s Creed maybe?

As soon as they see me, they pause their game and hop over the back of the couch. “Oooo, Hannah Banana free zone!” they yell.
They’ve been saying that ever since we were kids.

“Hey, dweebs. Did you miss me?” I say, laughing, and they squish me in a hug. I do mean squish. These two are just as massive as Kai, if not bigger.

Kai takes my bags down the hall while I reminisce with the guys. Tegan gets me a beer from the fridge and I flop myself down on the old armchair to watch them play.

“You’re in my room, Banana,” Kai says.

“Where are you sleeping?” I ask.

“I’ll just crash on the couch. No big deal,” he responds, shrugging his shoulders.

It doesn’t take long before my eyelids get heavy and I’m saying goodnight to the guys. I hope I get some sleep tonight. I sleep long but dream of pale eyes. It’s bittersweet.

“
W
HAT THE FUCK
do you mean she’s gone, Beth?” I’m trying not to shout, but it’s hard in my panicked state.

“She needed to clear her head, Greyson. She left on Tuesday afternoon.” Beth is glaring at me, and I have no doubt she’s mentally stabbing me like a pincushion.

“When is she coming back?” I sound fucking pathetic, but I don’t care.

“In a few weeks.”

Jesus Christ. Getting information from Beth is like pulling teeth.

“Her phone is off! Why is her phone off? Do you even know if she’s okay?” I’m desperate for almost any information at all. I should have come here the second I realized what a colossal fucking mistake I’d made. But instead, I’ve been a coward and waited almost four days.

“She called when she arrived. She’s safe, but she’s not going to turn her phone on. You need to give her some space, Greyson. You royally fucked up.”

I sag onto the doorframe at her words. She doesn’t have to tell me that. I’ve been replaying the entire thing in my mind nonstop since it happened. I can’t believe I actually said those things to her. No wonder she fucking left.

I rub my hands over my face, which is too scruffy from not shaving. I’ve been a depressed son of a bitch without my girl. “Please believe me when I say I know I screwed up, Beth. I didn’t mean any of the shit I said to her. I was so fucked in the head after seeing my dad and listening to him spout off all that crap about being like him. I panicked. I got scared and I pulled away, but I’ll never do it again. I can’t live without her, Beth.” I’m biting back tears like a complete pussy.

“Those are just words, Greyson. I might believe them, but this is the second time you’ve shut her out when something scared you. She can’t be constantly wondering if you’re going to show up or if she’s going to have to call Jami to pick her up because you’ve got your head shoved so far up your ass you don’t know which way is up.”

I wince and mentally kick myself at the reminder that Jami had to pick up my girl and take care of her. My dad was right. I am a sorry sack of shit. Jami made sure I knew that though. He showed up at my house Wednesday morning, and as soon as I opened the door, he punched me right in the face. I am still sporting the shiner.

“Will you help me?”

She stares at me for a long time ,and I’m almost about to start begging her when she finally answers. “Do you love her? And I mean really love her, Greyson? Tell me the truth right now and I’ll never ask you again.” She’s dead serious.

I lock my eyes on hers. They look so much like Hannah’s that it hurts my fucking heart just to look at them. “I love that girl more than life itself and I’ll chase her to the ends of the Earth before I’ll let her go again.”

She smiles at me, and for the first time in four days, I feel a new emotion—hope.

“Okay, Hunnam. I’ll help you.”