Chasing Shadows (6 page)

Simon embraced me, stroking my hair soothingly. "Shh, it's okay, baby. It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm trying to believe you. Just give me time, okay? It's a lot to take in."

I nodded against his shirt, taking deep shuddering breaths, trying to calm myself. I was wrong. I wasn't alone. Whatever Simon may believe, I knew he would always be there for me. Right now, that was enough.

"Caitlin," he whispered. I raised my head and he gently wiped away the tears that I hadn't even realized were streaming down my face. I held my breath as he lowered his head, my eyes fluttering closed when I felt the first touch of his lips against mine.

I was surprised that I could still feel desire with everything that was going on, but it swept through me fiercely. I wrapped my arms around Simon's neck, leaning up into him and eagerly returning the kiss. His soft lips gently grazed against mine, the pressure increasing until his mouth was slanting hungrily across mine, his tongue tracing the outline of my lips.

He groaned when I opened my mouth, welcoming the demanding strokes of his tongue, meeting them with my own. All the weight I had been carrying melted away and all I could feel was the surety that this was where I belonged—in Simon's arms.

Simon broke the kiss, breathing heavily. His blue eyes glittered with determination as he gazed at me. "I love you, Caitlin. And I'll do anything to keep you safe."

My heart swelled at his words. Even with everything, Simon still loved me. That, like nothing else, made me believe there was a chance that I could save all of us from the darkness. I had to believe it was possible. Something as beautiful as Simon's love couldn't be destroyed.

"I love you too," I said tremulously. Simon's eyes darkened at my words and he leaned his head back down, kissing me until I was breathless.

We were both panting when we broke apart. Simon smiled at me wryly, gently brushing a thumb across my lower lip. "Somehow, I didn't imagine that we would be standing in your aunt's bedroom the first time you said that to me."

I smiled back at him, feeling happiness for the first time in the past few days. My smile faltered when I thought about my aunt.

"What's wrong?"

"My aunt. I don't know where she is. She sounded so scared and frantic on the phone."

"Have you contacted the police?"

I nodded. "Lenore said they wouldn't do anything until she's been missing for 48 hours. Even then, what could they do? It's a little out of their capacity."

Simon simply nodded and I wondered if he would ever believe me. I broke out of his grasp abruptly when I remembered the floorboard I had been about to investigate before I hid in the closet.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't look up as I kneeled and continued my previous attempt at pulling the floorboard up. "There's a loose board here. I think something may be below it. I've looked everywhere for my aunt's journal but it's nowhere to be found."

"Here, let me try." Simon knelt down beside me, digging his car keys out of his pocket. He used the end of one key to burrow between the floorboards, wiggling it back and forth until there was enough room to slip the tip of the key underneath the floorboard. He pushed it up and the board popped out.

I quickly lifted the board, peering inside the cavity. It wasn't very deep but it was dusty, and I wasn't exactly ecstatic about sticking my hand into a dark hole not knowing what was in there, but I forced myself to plunge my hand in. At first, disappointment struck as I just felt cobwebs and a few other things, whose identity I didn't want to know.

When my hand closed around smooth leather, my heart jumped. I pulled it out and was rewarded with a leather bound book, the edges worn and the cover faded.

"I think this is it!" I exclaimed. I flipped through the book, excitement mounting when I saw that the pages were filled with handwritten entries. I quickly read a couple of sentences and confirmed that it was indeed my aunt's journal.

"I found it!" I was giddy, finally feeling like I was going to get a grasp on how to handle fighting Claudia and the vardogers. I would find the answers that I needed in this book. A wave of relief went through me.

Simon didn't look as impressed, his eyebrows lifting. "Do you really think that journal is going to help you?"

"I told you that while I was under hypnosis, my aunt said I would find the answers I needed in her journal. I was starting to think I'd never find it." I clutched the book tightly. "We should get out of here. Claudia might come back looking for me. We can go back to Lenore's house. I think it's safer there."

Simon nodded, standing with effortless grace and holding out his hand to me. I grasped his hand and he pulled me up fluidly.

"Thanks," I said, brushing off the dust that I had gotten on my sweater while digging underneath the floorboard. That's why I didn't see Simon rushing towards me. All I felt were his hands slamming me roughly against the wall. My head cracked against it with a sickening thud, the impact making my vision go hazy for a few seconds.

"Simon! What are you doing?!"

I whimpered when Simon jammed his arm across my neck, holding me up against the wall. His blue eyes were glinting with madness, his expression a grimace of malice. My thoughts were jumbled, not understanding what was happening. The pressure against my throat was starting to become excruciating, but I just stared at Simon blankly. I wondered if I had passed out and was dreaming now. This couldn't be really happening.

"This time I'm going to succeed in finishing you off," Simon hissed, so close to me that I could feel his spittle against my face as he spoke. "I'm going to enjoy killing you."

Chapter Six

"Simon!" I gasped, barely able to speak with the pressure against my larynx. My mind wasn't willing to accept what was happening, but my body automatically went into survival mode. I kicked out my legs, trying to make contact with his lower body, but Simon smoothly stepped out of the way, his arm continuing to crush my throat.

"You're a stubborn little bitch," Simon spat out, his eyes glowing with enjoyment. He was taking pleasure in this, his expression showing growing excitement. "You have to promise to make this fun for me. I like a little resistance."

My mind shut down as I grabbed at his arm with both hands, digging my nails into his flesh. Simon released the pressure on my throat, grabbing both wrists and slamming them against the wall above my head, pinioning them so I was helpless.

"Do you know how painful I can make this for you?" Simon was seething, the cruelty on his face taking my breath away.

"Simon, what's happening?" I wheezed, my throat burning with each word. Fear and desperation were setting in and I didn't understand what was happening. I had no doubt that Simon had been standing before me moments before, his eyes full of love and concern. The person before me wasn't Simon, but I hadn't seen the vardoger overtake his body. I couldn't believe that had happened, because that would mean Simon was gone. I couldn't accept that. "I know this isn't you! Simon, please! Where are you?!"

Simon smiled widely, the expression a mockery on his sadistic face. "I'm right in front of you, sweetheart." His gaze lowered, traveling down my body at a leisurely pace. I trembled under his scrutiny, my fear reaching heights as never before. "As distasteful as I find you, I can push aside my disgust momentarily, if it means making you scream in pain."

He shoved my wrists, which were still pinioned against the wall above me, together so that he could hold them prisoner with one hand, his other hand lowering to grasp my chin, his fingers digging cruelly into my flesh. I struggled against him frantically, trying to buck him off me, but he was too strong.

"I should fix your mouth first. I'm sick of hearing you talk. I'm sure you'd find it a lot harder to spew your garbage if I pulled out your teeth one by one." The pressure of his hand grasping my chin increased, forcing my mouth open. Fury rose in me and I felt like a crazed animal being prepared for slaughter. I struck out with the only weapon I had, twisting my head sharply and sinking my teeth into the fleshy side of his hand, biting down viciously until I tasted blood.

"Fuck! You bitch!"

Simon immediately let go of me, ripping his hand out of my mouth. He was shaking with rage as he backhanded me so hard I fell to the floor, my vision blurry from the impact. I could taste blood inside my mouth, but all I could think about was finding a weapon. My fingers wrapped around the lamp I had dropped earlier and I held it out in front of me.

"Get away from me!" I screamed. Blood was dripping from Simon's hand where I had bit him, but he didn't seem to notice as he stalked me, backing me into a corner. I tried to concentrate, to imagine Simon's vardoger leaving his body and being sucked into mine, but I was so frazzled that my concentration was shit.

I was preparing to swing the lamp against Simon's head with all my might when he stopped dead in his tracks. He looked confused, blinking like he was trying to shake himself out of a fog. He drew in a sharp breath when he saw me, stepping forward.

"Stop!" I screamed, shaking so badly that I was surprised my lips could form the words. "Don't take another step or I'll bash your head in."

Simon immediately halted, his confusion turning into concern. "Caitlin! You're bleeding! What happened?"

"Is this some kind of fucking trap? You're going to pretend you're Simon and then attack me when I let you get close? Do you think I'm an idiot!?"

"Caitlin, it's me!" Simon cried out, looking desperate. He held out a hand in supplication then froze when he saw the blood dripping from it. He looked up at me and then down at his bloodied hand again.

"I don't understand," he whispered, shaking his head like he was in a bad dream and wanted to wake up. "The last thing I remember is you finding the journal and then...I'm standing in front of you, and you're screaming at me, bleeding." He met my eyes, pleading with me. "Caitlin, please. Tell me what happened."

I heard myself whimpering, feeling disconnected from the scene as if I were a bystander. Simon, the boy I loved, had been overtaken by his vardoger. I hadn't been able to save him. Could I actually believe he was still inside there as well? From what my aunt had told me, only seers were strong enough to not let vardogers push their souls out of their bodies, instead existing side by side in the human form. But here was Simon before me, swearing that it was him. And, by God, I wanted to believe him.

I forced myself to think, to assess the situation rationally. I knew firsthand that the rules were changing, and it was possible that Simon had been able to resist the vardoger pushing his soul out. Hell, anything was possible at this point.

"So you don't remember attacking me?" I asked cautiously, still not convinced that this wasn't a trap.

"What?" Simon choked out in a strangled voice. "
I
did that to you?" He slowly started shaking his head, looking at me in disbelief. "I could never hurt you.
Never!
"

"How do you explain all this then?" I gestured toward his injured hand. "You were holding me against the wall, so I bit you to escape." I didn't add the part about him promising to pull out my teeth one by one. I shuddered just thinking about it. I wanted to pretend that never happened.

Simon looked at me helplessly, a haunted expression on his face. "I can't believe it. I'd kill myself before I hurt you. But..." His voice trailed off as he glanced down at his injured hand, and then back up at me. "I felt something. Right after you found the journal, I felt something inside me. Like something was pushing me. I don't know how to explain it, but it was like an energy was trying to push me out of the way. I felt it earlier too, but I resisted it and the feeling went away. But I was just so happy to find you today that I didn't care about the crazy feelings inside of me. I just figured it was relief at being with you again."

I took a step forward, wanting to believe Simon, but still fearful that this was a trap. I pushed away the fear, the desolate look in Simon's eyes making my reservations disappear.

"This is what I've been telling you. I think your vardoger is inside of you. It's overtaken your body, but somehow you've been able to resist it, to keep your soul intact." I hesitated, and then took his uninjured hand in mine. Simon's hand wrapped around mine gratefully. "It sounds like you were able to stop it from taking control of your body. You must be unbelievably strong."

"So it's true? Everything you told me earlier is true?"

"I wish it wasn't, Simon. I wish I was just crazy and I could take a magic pill that would make everything alright."

"Oh God," Simon groaned, releasing my hand and collapsing onto the edge of the bed, burying his face in his uninjured hand. "How can...how can I accept this? How can I accept that I hurt you?"

I sat next to him, stroking his back to soothe him. "You didn't hurt me, Simon. I know that wasn't you."

Simon looked up, his face looking ravaged with pain and guilt. "It doesn't matter how you put it. It doesn't matter if I was possessed. I'm still the one that put my hands on you and hurt you." He reached up, touching the corner of my mouth. I winced from the pain and his eyes darkened. "How did I do this?" he whispered.

"You didn't do it," I insisted in a low voice. "It wasn't you."

"How?"

"You...it backhanded me." I regretted telling him when his eyes glazed with agony, but at the same time I was tired of lying about everything. All I wanted to do was tell the truth now.

"You need to get away from me," Simon rasped, looking away. "Before I hurt you again."

I cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at me. "Simon, stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. You're a victim in this. And you said yourself that you were able to control it taking over before. Anytime you feel it trying to push you out of the way, push back."

"And you're willing to take that chance? You're willing to risk me hurting you again?"

"I'm willing to risk anything for you," I whispered, my heart tightening with love. Now that Simon's vardoger was inside of him, I could never leave him. His vardoger would have to kill me before I ever gave up on him. "We'll figure this out together. Now that I have my aunt's journal, I'll get some answers on how I can destroy the vardogers."