Chasing the Stars (25 page)

I needed to be on my guard. When it came to Darren, one careless mistake could be my last.

I think Vee was finally beginning to realize just how dangerous Darren really was. He was a big guy with a short fuse and a long memory. And now that Mum had shown her support for Vee rather than him, he’d be even more hostile. It was only now that Darren had left the bridge that I allowed myself to relax. All I wanted was to grab hold of Vee and put her in a bear hug but if I did that in front of everyone on the bridge, she wouldn’t thank me for it. In fact, she was already probably going to kick my arse. Our joining was meant to be a secret.

‘Is it true? Did you go through the joining ceremony with Nathan?’ Aidan’s voice was strangely monotone, his eyes staring a hole straight through Vee.

‘Yes Aidan, it is,’ she replied. Vee’s gaze was equally intense and watchful.

‘It’s not on the ship’s computer,’ said Aidan.

‘It was recorded as part of my personal log,’ Vee replied. ‘That’s why you didn’t know.’

Why would Aidan be following his sister’s activities on the ship’s computer? That was all kinds of weird but Vee not only spoke like it wasn’t a big deal but like it was normal. There was something going on here, some undercurrent between Vee and her brother from which the rest of us were excluded. From the way Mum was looking at them, I knew I wasn’t the only one who thought so. If I didn’t know any better, I’d have said that Aidan wasn’t just peeved but actually incensed. His expression was carefully neutral, but there was something in his artificially even tone, and in the way he held himself, that had me on my guard.

‘You didn’t want me to know?’ Aidan asked his sister.

‘It wasn’t that,’ Vee denied. ‘It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.’

‘Why did you do it?’

Vee looked around the bridge, then at me, embarrassed. ‘Because I wanted to, Aidan.’

Aidan tilted his head slightly as he continued to scrutinize his sister. He hadn’t looked at me once. ‘Do you regret it?’

What the hell?

Vee cast me a swift, intimate smile. ‘Not even a little bit.’

‘You will,’ Aidan replied, before turning back to his control panel.

Two words but they managed to annoy the crap out of me. ‘Now wait just a damned minute . . .’ I took a step forward, only to find Vee’s hand on my arm holding me back.

Vee shook her head. ‘It’s OK,’ she said softly. ‘He just needs to get used to the idea.’

‘He’d better get used to it fast then,’ I replied tersely, before heading back to my workstation next to him. And still he wouldn’t look at me.

Fine! If he wanted to be childish, that was his business. I glanced at Mum. She was looking at me. I smiled, but she immediately turned away. I sighed inwardly. Yes, I got that she was hurt. That was probably Aidan’s problem too. I had promised Vee that I’d respect her wishes to wait a while before telling anyone on board about us, but Darren had provoked me!

He’d actually launched himself at my wife. Well, screw that!

My wife.

I never got tired of thinking that. How many times since our joining ceremony had I looked at Vee and thought,
My wife!
Sometimes I wanted to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t back on Callisto having one of the most intense, vivid, amazing dreams of my life. I still had trouble believing that Vee had gone with her gut instinct and agreed to join with me after such a very short time together. But sometimes, you just knew – at least, that’s the way it’d been for me. Within an hour of our meeting, I knew I wanted to spend more time with her. Within a day of meeting Vee, I knew I wanted to share the rest of my life with her – whether that was an hour, a day or a century. My time on Callisto had taught me that life was short and I should never let fear hold me back. The thing of it was, even though I knew that Vee was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, I still felt responsible for her. And more than that, for the first time in my life, I felt truly vulnerable. That bit I wasn’t so keen on.

If something bad were to happen to her . . .

I understood now why the Authority not only allowed us to have families back on Callisto but actively encouraged it. The love of others made you easier to control and manipulate. If I’d met Vee back on Callisto, I wondered if I would’ve been so quick to ask her to join with me? Back on that moon, I’d always sworn I’d never hook up with anyone on a long term basis for precisely that reason. It was too hard to care about someone knowing that at any moment they could be taken away from you, or to watch them being brutalized in front of you and to be helpless to do anything about it. I decided long ago I couldn’t and wouldn’t live or love that way. Love made you weak. Yet here we were, light years away from Callisto, and Vee was all I cared about.

If anything were to happen to her . . .

Or worse still, maybe she’d wake up one morning and realize she’d made a colossal mistake.

No! I couldn’t think that way. I
wouldn’t
.

She’d chosen me.
Me.
I wasn’t going to spend our time together dreading the day the best living dream of my life came to an end. I had to take each day as it came and make the most of our every moment together. And I wasn’t going to let my mum or Vee’s brother or anyone else for that matter get in my way or make me regret my actions for even a second.

We were on our way to Mendela Prime and we’d survive.

We had to, we just had to.

Our long shift was finally over but Mum had insisted on having a word with Vee as we both made our way off the bridge. The look on Mum’s face said that I needn’t linger so I had no choice but to leave them to it. Thirty minutes later, Vee joined me in her quarters which were now our quarters as we could at last openly share. No more sneaking along the corridor hoping I wouldn’t get caught entering Vee’s room.

‘What did Mum want?’ I asked without preamble.

‘To talk about running more tactical procedures, to discuss the ship’s manoeuvrability,’ said Vee, adding drily, ‘and to question me about the two of us.’

‘Oh, did she?’ I’d suspected as much. Furious, I was practically out the door ready to have it out with Mum, but Vee pulled me back.

‘Nate, calm down. It’s fine,’ she soothed. ‘Your mum and I had a full and frank and cleared the air, that’s all.’

‘What did she say?’

‘Nate, it’s OK. Really.’ Vee let go of my arm and headed for the bed, sinking onto it. Her shoulders were slumped, her head bowed. As she unfastened and pulled off her boots, I noticed for the first time how truly weary she was. It’d been a long day, for all of us.

I headed over to the utility dispenser and ordered a cup of minestrone, one of Vee’s favourites. Sitting beside her, I tried to hand her the soup. Vee waved it away.

‘Nate, I’m not hungry.’

‘Take it. i doubt if you’ve eaten today, so go ahead.’ I insisted.

‘But, Nate—’

‘Drink.’

Vee regarded me, a trace of a smile lighting her dark brown eyes. ‘You’re going to sit there and nag me until I do, aren’t you?’

‘You know it!’

Vee’s smile broadened. She took the cup from me and started to drink, chewing on tiny pieces of pasta and vegetables in each mouthful.

To Vee’s amusement, I sat beside her and watched until the cup was empty.

‘Happy now?’ She handed the empty cup back to me.

‘Happier,’ I corrected as I stood up to dispose of it.

What I was about to say next would probably go down like a cupful of vomit but damn it, I was still going to say it.

‘Vee, you don’t have to handle the running of this ship on your own any more. You’ve got a crew now and we’re not all like Darren. You need to learn to delegate or you’ll burn out.’

Vee sighed. ‘I know. I’ve been telling myself the same thing. It’s just—’

‘What?’ I sat back down beside her on the bed. ‘Talk to me.’

‘It’s just that I’ve spent so long rattling around this ship by myself. I used to examine every panel, every instrument, walk the decks for hours just so I’d have something to do, something to wear me out so I’d be too tired to remember just how alone I was. Old habits die hard, I guess.’

‘You had Aidan.’

Vee lowered her gaze. ‘Yeah, I had Aidan, but he handled the isolation far better than I ever did.’

‘You could step back you know,’ I suggested. ‘You could let my mum worry about the day-to-day running of this ship. Not only is she used to it but she’s good at it.’

‘Give her the executive command code, you mean?’ asked Vee.

We watched each other. The stillness that came over Vee reminded me of her brother.

‘I’m just saying it’s an option,’ I replied.

‘You don’t rate me as any kind of captain then?’

‘That’s not what I said. I’m not even thinking that,’ I denied vehemently.

‘But you wouldn’t object to me handing over this ship to your mum?’ said Vee.

‘Let’s get this straight,’ I said, annoyed. ‘I want to ease some of the burden of being captain of this ship off your shoulders. I want to see you smile more often and be less tired and stressed. I admit it, I’m selfish. I want to see more of you – and not just from across the bridge. I want to spend more time alone with my wife.’

Vee smiled. I loved her smile. It started somewhere down in her toes and by the time it reached her face it shone out like light from a new-born star. Jeez, I’d keep that to myself though.

‘If you want me to give the ship’s executive code to your mum, I will,’ said Vee, her gaze falling away from mine.

I placed a hand under Vee’s chin and raised her head to give her a brief kiss. ‘Don’t do it for me, do it for you, and only if and when you’re one hundred per cent sure. OK?’

‘OK.’ Vee looked around her room. ‘I guess there’s nothing to stop you moving in with me permanently now – if you want to.’

‘Of course I want to. I’ll move the rest of my stuff in tomorrow.’ I checked out the bed pushed and bolted against the bulkhead. Now that I was about to relinquish my old sleeping quarters, I needed to sort out our permanent sleeping arrangements. I said casually, ‘D’you mind sleeping nearest the wall?’

‘No problem.’ Vee shrugged, but then she took a proper look at my face. ‘What’s wrong, Nate?’

Damn it! My poker face was obviously asleep.

‘Nate?’

‘I just don’t want to sleep next to the bulkhead.’ I stated.

Vee looked at me with concern, which made it worse. ‘Why? Nate, what’s going on?’

I hadn’t fooled her for a second. That troubled me.

‘Nate . . .?’

Silence.

‘Nate?’

‘For God’s sake, I don’t like to feel boxed in. All right? Happy now?’ I shouted.

Vee flinched as if I’d struck her.

Double damn it. Vee started to get to her feet. I reached out, taking her hand in mine and gently pulling her back down to sit next to me again.

‘I’m sorry, Vee. I didn’t mean to take your head off. I . . . I just can’t sleep next to the wall. I can’t stand to feel . . . trapped.’

She was probably wondering what kind of man she’d joined with. A man who couldn’t even sleep next to a damned wall without having a panic attack. Yeah, Vee had got herself a real bargain.

‘We complement each other perfectly then,’ Vee said softly. ‘Because if I’m next to the wall and you’re beside me, holding me, I’ll feel truly safe for the first time in three years.’

She smiled at me, not a hint of scorn or disappointment in her eyes, and I fell further. I took Vee’s hand in both of mine and raised it to my lips, kissing her palm. Her smile broadened.

‘My dad once told me that the point to life is to get it right,’ Vee began softly. ‘When I asked him what that meant, he told me that it was different for each person, but that I would know instinctively when I experienced it. I think . . . I think the point of my life is to be with you.’

Simple words that would’ve had me running kilometres in the opposite direction just a short while ago. Now I welcomed them. They bound me closer and tighter to Vee and I wasn’t fighting it. But I couldn’t help feeling that the higher we climbed, the further we had to fall.

‘And if for some reason we don’t work out?’ I asked at last, giving voice to my secret fear.

Vee cupped my cheek with her hand. ‘Then I’ll see you next lifetime.’

‘I don’t want to wait another lifetime. Let’s get it right in this one,’ I replied.

‘Agreed.’

We shared a smile.

‘Now, are we going to talk all night or are you going to make love to me? said Vee.’

‘You’re tired.’

‘I’ll be fine if we take it slow,’ Vee said softly.

‘Ah! A challenge. I’m up for that,’ I agreed.

‘I thought you might be!’ Vee grinned, and we moved together to kiss.