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“Three dates in, if you find someone who answers
‘married with children,’ I’d run if I were you,” Jason had warned me with a laugh.

“Why? It’s what I want, so why should I sleep with someone who isn’t going my way?”

“I don’t think you should test them like that, is what I’m saying. Just go with the flow, see where it takes you,” he’d suggested.

We’d had that conversation on a plane, three years ago
, as we traveled to the sales conference. I’d met Jack, and in an effort to “see where it took me” I slept with him the first night.

Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on the present, on Jason, and the incredible warmth coursing through my body.

And I finally fell asleep.

Saturday morning
arrived like a memory from the past. Even after all the years that had passed, Jason’s morning breath smelled exactly the same as it had when we were kids.

Other than the
tequila, of course.

I
tried to untangle myself from his arms, and when I did, his eyes popped open. Those blue orbs smiled before his mouth did, and he leaned forward to kiss me. “For a second, I thought I dreamed that last night happened.”

I blushed, looking down at his chest.

“I guess that’s what I get for drinking too much,” I joked, carefully sliding out of his arms.

His eyes narrowed. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom,” I replied softly, searching for my clothes. “We have to go to the house, right?”

“Yeah,” he sat up, scrubbing his hand over his unshaven face. I caught a glimpse of his muscled chest, his biceps, and the tattoo that began on his shoulder and ended on his back.
At a distance, it appeared to be a swirling design, but I knew what it was.

It was the sand, and he’d gotten the tattoo during the summer of 1998. The summer we spent at the beach with his family, lying in the sun, sharing our dreams.

The sand was for my name, and the memories of that year.

My fingernails had left long, red trails over his skin.

“Um,” I forced a smile, trying to smooth my mess of curls. “I’ll see you there.”

Before he could speak, I left the camper, padding through the dewy grass to the house.

With each step, I felt the panic growing in my chest.

I slept with Jason.

It was amazing.

It was a mistake.

I ruined everything.

How can we talk to each other now?

What will I say?

“
Mornin’, Sandy-curls,” George called, and I nearly shrieked as I realized he was sitting on the front porch with the newspaper. “Coffee’s fresh. Jason right behind you?”

I forced a quick smile. “I think so. Thanks, George.”

If I flushed, I didn’t give him enough time to notice. Nearly taking two steps at a time, I ran to the Brewer’s bathroom upstairs, closing and locking the door behind me.

Leaning against the door, I squeezed my eyes closed as remnants of the night before played through my memory.

His mouth.
There
. Jack would never go down on me, telling me early in our relationship that it was just something that he was uncomfortable with.

And, as naïve as I was, I let it go.

I, however, had to make sure that if
he
wanted a blow job, I was ready and willing. He wanted one before sex almost every time.

Shivering, I remembered the myriad of sens
ations as Jason had kissed me all over my body, especially my wrist.

God, such an innocent place for a kiss, and I had felt him deep inside my stomach.

The three, swift knocks on the door nearly made me yelp.

“Hey. San, can I come in?”

Jason.

“Um… wait, give me a couple minutes.”

“Okay. I’ll be in my old bedroom. Come talk to me when you’re done.”

I used the bathroom quickly, and then sat down
on the edge of the bathtub.

Think
.

I drank too much; so did he. I’m still dealing with everything that happened with Jack, and he’s talking to Carissa.

It shouldn’t have happened.

“
Fuck
,” I whispered, moving to wash my hands and then splash water over my face.

I needed to be calm and collected, and to let him know that he was off the hook. He was taking the hero role way too far, and I wasn’t about to ruin what we had. Squaring my shoulders, I left the bathroom, finding him standing near the window of his bedroom watching Joplin run around the backyard.

“Hey.”

He turned, smiling my way. “Hey. Listen, before you take over and tell me how we just ruined everything and then blow me off, hear me out, okay?”

I pinched my lips together, my hands forming fists at my side.

“
Jason…”

“Move in with me.”

I know that my jaw dropped, and he deflected the sarcastic glare that I shot him.

“Wait.” He held his hand up, taking a deep breath. “Not like that. You need a place to stay.
A transition. Not your parent’s house. I have the extra bedroom and an empty house. It’s just me and Joplin.”

“Brew,” I closed my eyes, sh
aking my head. “Last night was…”

“Amazing.
Perfect. The best fucking night of my life. But there were too many variables. We were drinking, you’re dealing with a lot of shit right now, and I know you’re not sure what’s going to happen to us.”

“Yes. Yes,” I agreed, wrapping my arms around my body.
“All that.”

“So,” he took a step toward me, and I forced myself to remain still. “
Let’s get you better first.”

“I have… I have to go to
court, and the restraining order... and the apartment is in both our names, and…”

“I know.” He reached for me, and I folded, pressing my forehead to his chest. “I know, San. And I want to be there for you.
Supporting you. Not confusing you,” he added quietly, his hand brushing calmingly over my hair. “What happened last night won’t happen again, unless you want it to.”

I kept my eyes down. “Thank you for… what you did to me. I’ve never felt like that, not in my whole life.”

I felt his muscles tighten, and his slow exhale told me he was trying to think before speaking. “I didn’t know. And it’s very hard for me not to pull you over to that bed and completely ruin my He-Man sheets.”

I giggled, and he smiled against my hair.

“Move in with me, and we’ll take things one step at a time, okay?”

I thought about waking up every day and knowing that Jason was just a room away, and going to bed each night with the sound of his favorite music playing softly from down the hall.

Somewhere between sanity and complete lunacy, I agreed to move in with Jason.

He
called Scott, his little brother, to come help move my belongings into his house. Though I refused to take off my oversized sunglasses, Scott knew right away that my eye was black and blue. “Why isn’t this guy in jail?” he demanded, giving me a quick hug. “Jason, let’s go beat the shit out of this fuckwad.”

“Done.”
Jason shifted his weight, loading a box into the back of his pickup. “I broke his nose.”

I hadn’t asked Jason anything about that night, and hearing the extent of Jack’s injuries forced nervous tears to my eyes. “Does he know where I am? He knows I’m at my mom and dad’s, doesn’t he? That’s why you want me to move in,” I realized, my voice raspy from my damaged throat.

“I want you to move in because I am your best friend, I love you, and I’m not leaving your side until I know you’re safe.”

Scott listened to the two of us, balancing another box on the hinged truck gate. “Can you remind me
again why the two of you aren’t together?” he asked, receiving a silencing glare from Jason.

Scott Brewer was the
complete opposite in appearance from Jason; two inches shorter, dark hair instead of blond, and hazel eyes. He and his wife, Emily, had been married for over three years, and their two-year-old twin daughters had him wrapped around their little fingers.

“
Just move the boxes,” Jason snapped. Scott shrugged, sending me a quick smirk before climbing up in the back of the pick              up.

It was almost nine PM by t
he time Jason and I dropped to the couch in his living room, thoroughly exhausted. He’d insisted on leaving my bed in my parent’s garage, assuring me that the bed in the spare bedroom was super comfortable.

I knew the real reason; I knew that he didn’t want any reminders of Jack in his house.

“Thanks. Hey-” I turned to him as he handed me a cold beer. “Did you ever write back to Carissa?”

He stared at me blankly for a moment before taking a long sip of beer. “I didn’t plan… on talking to her again, truthfully.”

“Why?” I demanded, pulling away from him. “Like you said, nothing is going to happen between us. I refuse to be a burden in your life, Jason-”

“You’re never a burden, that’s fucking dumb,” he interrupted, but I pushed on.

“You’d better write to her and apologize. Tell her you lost the signal and it won’t happen again. And then say something sexy.”

“Maybe,” he snapped, taking another long drink before sending me an irritated, sideways glance. “I’m going to bed. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” I replied softly, stiffening at his tone. “Goodnight.”

That night,
I curled in the unfamiliar bed, unable to stop the tears from slipping to the pillow. I must have cried for hours before Jason came in, lifting the blanket and gathering me in his arms.

“I’m just here to hold you. Close your eyes,” he whispered against my ear.

I held his hand, forcing the tears to stop long enough to fall asleep.

CHAPTER
SIX

Jason

Sunday morning, I found Sandy on her knees, gripping the toilet.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, kneeling beside her. She bumped her glasses further up her nose, shaking her head.

“I don’t know. I just got dizzy. I thought I was sick, but… I’m okay.”

I felt her fo
rehead with the back of my hand, and her skin was cool and clammy. “What else? Any other symptoms?”

“My heart won’t stop pounding,” she breathed, and only then did I notice that she was gasping quick half-breaths.

“Hey,” I stood quickly, reaching for the clean washcloths near the sink. Soaking the rag in cold water, I moved back to her side. “Just breathe. Inhale. Slowly, San,” I murmured.

“I’m choking, I can’t breathe,” she cried, the
fear rising in her voice

Her hands were shaking. I had
seen her have a panic attack months ago, at work, and I’d managed to sit her down in my office until she could breathe evenly. That was when she’d told me that Jack had hit her.

Right after he hit her, s
he’d called off work for three days with the flu. I knew something was wrong when she wouldn’t answer my calls. When she’d finally come into work, she’d gone heavy on the makeup, but I noticed the dark circle under her one eye.

I’d met Jack in the parking lot of his office. He’d reached to shake my hand, and I’d grabbed him by the shirt collar and slammed him into the side of his Audi.

“Whoa- whoa Jason, wait-”

“
You hit Sandy?” I’d growled, all the adrenaline pumping through my veins as I reared my fist back. “I hit you.”

“Wait,” he stammered, covering his face. “It wasn’t like that.
We were both arguing, and she-”

“She’s a woman. She’s better than you. You don’t deserve her. I could go on for fucking ever, but instead, I’ll just make you a promise, since we are about to have an audience.” I watched as several people walked out of the insurance office, reaching for their cell phones as soon as they saw me pinning their boss to his car. “I’ll break your fucking neck and have you arrested if you every lay a hand on her again. Are we clear?”

He’d nodded and forced a “yes,” and I made sure to shove him as hard as I could against his car.

Sandy never knew that I’d threatened him, and she’d gone on and on about how sorry he was and how he was going to counseling for anger management.

Pulling my mind from the past, I threaded my hand through her hair.

“Sandy, think about the beach. Th
ink about that summer we spent at the ocean,” I soothed, keeping my tone even as I continued wiping her face with the cold, wet washcloth. “I think we need to go there again. Don’t you? It’s been too long.”

Guilt clawed at my gut.
Is this because of me? Did I do this?

“It’s been… a long winter,” she stammered, closing her eyes and breathing slowly.

“It has. It’s been a long time.”

“Jason,” she opened her teary eyes, scooting forward. I gathered her into my arms, running my hand up and down her arm.